By: Nymbis
Summary: Two people, both rejected and discarded by the ones they admire, contemplate the bitterness that accompanies unrequited love. Tymmie and Cassandra fluff.
AN: For some reason, I was feeling festive and decided to write a Tymmie/ Cassandra story. So er, enjoy. I apologize in advance for Cassandra's somewhat cluelessness. Little less…angsty…than my other one-shots
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Cassandra tried to resist the hot stinging sensation that was going to give way to tears in the corners of her eyes. She. Would. Not. Cry. Not for something as trivial as guy problems. Not for some jerk who would without a second thought discard her as a piece of trash and leave her there to rot.
Not for Stanton.
She was a warrior, she reminded herself for the umpteenth time since that ill-fated discussion she had earlier with everyone's favorite Prince of the Night. Warriors don't cry. Certainly people without hope or feelings didn't cry.
Crying was horribly weak.
And she would definitely not be seen as weak.
Yet, she couldn't resist as a single hot tear streamed down her now frozen continence. After that momentary display of weakness, it was like a dam bursting, and before she knew it, Cassandra was quietly sobbing.
She pulled her head between her knees, almost sitting in the fetal position on the grassy hillside she had run to after the confrontation with Stanton. Her water streaked face looked up, and her chin rested on her knees as she gazed at the busy Los Angeles streets below her.
Stupid Stanton. Stupid jerk Stanton. She thought irritably to herself, as she took the heel of her hand and absently wiped the tears and mascara muck away.
She was never good enough, she bitterly swore to herself. She would never be anything next to his precious Serena.
"I hate her," She ground out between her sorrow-clenched teeth, "I hope she dies. I hope the Atrox consumes her, takes her goddamn heart like it took mine." She hissed, her fists tightening and yanking out her hair.
"Hm, and here I thought that Followers weren't allowed to hope?" Came the slightly morose and somehow cocky voice that could only belong to one person from behind her.
Cassandra flushed red, it was bad enough that she was in such a state, but to have him of all people to witness her breakdown was just plain humiliating, "What do you want Tymmie?" She bit out waspishly.
Tymmie shrugged his shoulders and walked over quietly to her side, where he sat down beside her. His hands absently toyed with the blades of grass, "I was feeling lonely, thought you might like some company."
Cassandra glared at him, and Tymmie almost laughed. Despite the black lines running down her face, and the red puffyness of her eyes, she still looked pretty damn intimidating, "Well I don't. Get lost." She snapped.
Tymmie gave another nonchalant shrug, "That's too bad, I'm not planning on leaving anytime soon." He stretched his arms behind his back and lay down on the hillside, propped up on one elbow lazily.
"You are so irritating," She groaned, cradling her head in her hands, her heart-crushing sorrow forgotten for a moment, replaced by annoyance directed at Tymmie.
A period of comfortable stillness between the two friends passed, as they both stared unwavering down the hillside at the busy city below them. The sun was shining, and in that time of simple quiet Cassandra felt a little bit of her grief subside, happy to be able to still experience the tranquility of a nice day.
The moment was ruined eventually, when Tymmie asked gently, "Want to talk about it?"
Cassandra heaved a sigh, her brief relaxation from reality broken, "Not with you," She muttered darkly. She turned her gaze away from the scenery to him, a little surprised to see him staring intently at her. His cold gray eyes seemed momentarily warmed by the sun, and there were now tiny bristles of dark hair starting to sprout from his once-bald head, where the word Infidi displayed proudly.
He turned away from her, "Well do you mind if I talk to you about my problem?" He looked at her earnestly, "I really need to get some stuff off of my chest."
"What is it now? Karyl took your cash again?" Cassandra stated, knowing full well that Karyl had recently taken up the rather nasty habit of cocaine, and was constantly going through the other Follower's drawers, searching for cash.
Tymmie shook his head, "No, this one's more personal." His stare had returned to the scenery.
Cassandra narrowed her eyes, evaluating him, but eventually nodded after a second of hesitation. Tymmie and her used to have these types of talks years ago, before Karyl had ever joined Stanton's apprentices. Back then, it had just been her and Tymmie, and
Cassandra felt a sudden bout of nostalgia. That had been before she had become enamored with Stanton, and before Tymmie had replaced her for Karyl as a best friend. She missed the days when it had just been the two of them.
"Go ahead," She said.
Tymmie took a deep sigh, "You know what day it is right?"
She let out a harsh laugh devoid of any humor, "Of course. February 14, Valentine's Day."
Tymmie let out a slightly condescending sigh, "What a stupid holiday."
"The worst," Agreed Cassandra, her voice tinged with malice.
There was another pregnant pause, and Cassandra's fingers absently played with the hem of her skirt, waiting patiently for Tymmie to continue. Tymmie was currently running a hand over his shaved head, grimacing slightly.
"I like someone," Blurted out Tymmie, voice emotionless.
Cassandra stared wide-eyed at him in amazement. Tymmie, heartless scum of the Followers, had a crush? He currently held her full attention. "Wow." She said in awe.
He snorted, "I know, I know. Out of character, isn't it?"
She nodded dumbly.
He gnawed on his lip piercing, "And I was going to tell her today…" His voice trailed off.
"But?" She prodded.
He exhaled a breath he'd been holding, "But she is unfortunately in love with someone else."
"Sorry," Cassandra murmured, oh she knew that feeling all too well.
Another interlude of quiet followed, as Tymmie waited patiently for advice, and Cassandra tried to figure out a response more adequate than 'sorry'.
"I know how that goes," She started, "There's that kind of stinging feeling in your chest, and that empty hollowness in the pit of your stomach," She trailed off, going on a tangent of her innermost emotions regarding her own object of desire, "And every time you see the two of them together, there's that painful reminder that whoever they are, they're always going to be infinitely better than you, because they were chosen, and you weren't." She could feel tears welling up again, and she ignored them, letting them fall freely, "But still, you can't help that burning contempt, that unquenchable jealousy. You want to hate them, put your heart and soul into that contempt, but you just can't. You can't because you know that there is something about them that made him fall in love with them instead of you." Her voice hitched, due to her crying, but she ignored that too.
She was finally letting all of her guarded thoughts free, and there was no stopping them, "You want to protect that person, be there throughout the good times and the bad, be a shoulder to cry on, a rock in the middle of a storm. You feel that the other girl can't do as good of a job as you, that they don't deserve to be that person. They couldn't possibly, not when you have so much love for that person that it's impossible for anyone else to surpass it. And it's just…it's just not fair." She hiccupped, looking at Tymmie with her once again tear-streaked face, "You know?"
She was shocked to see the pain in Tymmie's eyes mirrored her own, "Yeah, it's like that." He whispered, his coarse thumb tenderly wiping away Cassandra's tears. "It's exactly like that."
Cassandra took a few deep breaths, immediately calming herself, "Why does it hurt so much?"
Tymmie gave a sad smile, "Don't know."
Cassandra looked at him again, "This girl, do you love her?"
There was a slight pause, "Yes."
"Do anything for her?" She asked.
"Without question." He replied quickly.
"Then why don't you fight for her?" She snapped.
"Because I'm a big fucking coward!" He yelled.
Cassandra jerked back slightly, surprised at his angered reaction. She looked at him, his shoulders were slumped and his head was down against his chest. He held the appearance of someone who was…heartbroken. "Tymmie," She stated gently.
He didn't look up at her, suddenly fascinated with his hands.
"Tymmie, if you love her that much, you can't just let her go," She continued.
Tymmie looked up at her, and Cassandra was taken aback by the fierce determination in his eyes, "I've tried to give her up, really I have. Most nights, I hate myself for falling for her; I hate myself because I know I have no chance. The type of guy she goes for…well, I'm a long ways from that." His face gained a wistful expression, "Yet it's not that simple. I'm at the point of no return."
Cassandra put a comforting arm around his shoulders, and he leaned against her, his head on top of hers. "Does she know?"
He pulled away slightly to look at her, "I've tried to tell her, I really have. But every time I attempt to, I either loose my head and chicken out, or she's depressed because the man she loves doesn't love her back."
She gave a small, genuine smile, "Maybe if you told her, she would reconsider her feelings about the other guy?"
"I don't think she cares about me the same way I do her. But I wish it would take her mind off of him, that bastard treats her like shit. He's not worthy of her affections."
"Then just grow a pair and tell her!" Cassandra said, matter-of-factly.
Tymmie gained a slightly mischievous air, "You think I should?"
Cassandra nodded, not noticing the shift in emotions, "Definitely."
"You don't think she'd hate me?"
"How could someone hate you for loving them?" She retorted.
"Promise?" He questioned hopefully.
"Promise what?" Cassandra asked, confused.
"Promise that they won't hate me?"
She gave an irritated huff, "I promise that if you tell her, she won't hate you."
Tymmie smiled, "Thanks Cassy."
"For what-?" Her inquiry was cut off, as she suddenly found a pair of lips pressed against hers. Her body responded automatically, kissing him back. It tasted salty, due to the tears Cassandra had shed, but there was this odd…sweetness to it, and she found her self lost for a moment, as he pressed against her harder. But in one quick instance, reality came crashing down on her, although it took her a few seconds to process that she was actually kissing Tymmie.
She pulled away quickly, flabbergasted, "W-Wh-What!" She demanded, viciously trying to quell the blush that had crawled its way up to her, making her feel like a giggly schoolgirl for a second. A highly confused and embarrassed giggly schoolgirl, that is.
Tymmie let out a contented sigh, but he grew serious, taking one of her hands in his own, "I, well, I uh…" His voice trailed off, uncertain, and his eyes were closed, obviously expecting something. "Surprise?" He muttered weakly, wincing with his eyes closed.
Cassandra looked at him, down to their hands, and then again at his scared face. She suddenly found profound interest in the hem of her skirt yet again, trying to get passed the feeling of overwhelming shock. The time passed unbearably slow, Tymmie still had his eyes clamped and was patiently awaiting something.
Cautiously, he let one eye crack open, "Well?" He demanded.
Cassandra tilted her head at him, "Well what?" She returned, still trying to get a grip on what had just occurred.
"Aren't you…aren't you going to hit me or something?"
Her mind snapped together in an instant, of all the words she had expected from his mouth, those certainly hadn't been it, "H-h-hit you!" She gawked, incredulous, "Why in the seven Hells would I hit you?"
Tymmie's eyes cracked open, and he rubbed the back of his neck, obviously uncomfortable, "I just figured that you didn't want to hear it, and judging your reaction…"
Cassandra slowly shook her head, "It's not that I don't want to hear it it's just," She looked at him again, and at the sight of his incredibly goofy smile, and the way his hands were twisting together in nervousness, she couldn't find it in her heart-shaped hole to give him a negative reaction. "How long? How long were you going to wait until you told me?"
"Heh. Never actually," He let his calloused hand cup her cheek, "Its just, I heard you and him," He said 'him' as if it were a curse, for they both knew who he was referring to, "today, and I thought, I thought…" He trailed off again, "Well I just thought that maybe my small confession would make you feel like you weren't some discarded thing. I felt that maybe if you knew someone cared for you as deeply as I do, that it would take the sting away." He laughed, but it was full of sorrow, "I didn't want you to feel like I felt when I saw you two together."
Cassandra opened her mouth to speak, but Tymmie placed a finger gently on her lips, "I need to talk right now." He stated.
She immediately silenced.
"I've loved you from the second you were crossed over," He gave a wry grin, "Remember? You were on the floor, screaming your throat raw and raking your arms with your nails… I don't know why, but I felt compelled to help you. I felt a need to protect you." He swallowed hard, "So I did as best as I could. I picked you up after you lost a fight, I made sure you were never alone, I even helped you bandage your arms after you had your fun with the razor blade."
Cassandra lowered her gaze, biting her lower lip. He had always been there for her, even at her lowest point, when her plan of revenge against Stanton had failed and she'd been Outcasted, he was there, offering her a place at Infidi, which she had refused. It had never occurred to her that he liked, maybe even loved her; she had been too preoccupied with Stanton. She felt her cheeks glowing red from shame.
"Yet the funny thing is, I never protected you against what you needed to be protected from the most." His eyes darkened, full of malice, "I never protected you from Stanton." He gave an intake of air, his voice trembling from fury, "I watched that rat bastard chew you up and spit you out, and I could do nothing. All I could do is stay on the sidelines, because you couldn't be convinced. All I could do was feel that horrible, burning jealousy at him, for being able to make you love him, and hatred for him, for not realizing what that love was worth."
"I should have listened to you," Cassandra whispered, "I deserve what I feel right now."
Tymmie gripped her chin fiercely, forcing her to look at him, "Don't you ever say that." He said, his mouth pressed in a grim line, "Ever."
Cassandra shirked away slightly at the intensity of his gaze, feeling horribly uncomfortable.
Yet another moment of silence. The next time Tymmie spoke, his voice was gentle again, he softly kissed the tears on her cheeks, "I know that you don't think the same about me as you do Stanton, I know-" He sighed, "I know you don't love me." He gripped her hands, tightly, "But I would spend the rest of my damned immortal days trying to get you to smile like you used to. I'd do it gladly, no complaints. I would spend the rest of days trying to get you to love me, because I think it'd be worth it." He kissed her knuckles. "But right now is not the time to start, right now I know you need to be alone." He gave a shaky smirk, "Don't even have to be a mind-reader to know that. Just…I'm always here for you Cassy, and if you ever need a shoulder to cry on or a friend, you know where I am." He got up slowly and stood, trying to stand as if his entire world wasn't crumbling around him, "I'll always love you." He muttered.
Cassandra looked at him, trying to muster a watery smile. "Tymmie," Her voice was a croak, "I'd smile for you any day." It was all she could come up with. The only response that was true. She couldn't reciprocate his statements of love, because she didn't know if she did love him or not. She didn't know if she could ever rebuild her heart that had been broken by Stanton, she didn't know if she could rebuild it. "I'll always smile for you."
The beam he gave her was so heart-wrenchingly genuine that she gave a slight gasp.
"That's good enough for me," He answered, getting up and slowly walking away, Cassandra watched him go, watched as he shriveled into the shadows.
After he had left, Cassandra was once again by herself, staring at the horizon. The pain of rejection didn't seem so heavy, the city below her didn't seem so lonely, and the fear of being alone forever wasn't so present in her mind. She absent-mindedly touched her lips, mulling over Tymmie's words. She hugged herself, smelling the air and feeling the sun on her face.
Tomorrow she would think, long and hard, on her relationship with Stanton; she would determine once and for all her position on him. Tomorrow she would sit and have a lengthy talk with Tymmie, once she had figured out what to say. And tomorrow she would hopefully have the nerve to kiss him back.
But for right now, she was content to simply sit on the grassy hilltop.
For the first time in her thirty odd years of life, things were finally looking up.
-fini-