Summary : I have always thought that there was so much more than just a "See you soon" in that card Lindsay left for Danny. You have a to agree with me, that must be some kind of code in it. Right?

Disclaimer : I own a turtle the size of the NYPD badge but I do not own anything of CSI NY.

Author's Note : You all have to know that this is the first time that I'm posting here and I have unlikelyRLshipper to thank for being behind me on this. *Pssst, you're still there right?* Hope you all will enjoy my version of Lindsay's little message.

From Which Episode? : Silent Night. The part after Stella asked her to go home.

Lindsay had just stepped into her shared office with Danny Messer, when the man himself looked up from his computer screen and turned to her.

She gave him a small smile before glancing down at her desk.

"You al'right?" he whispered.

She took a peek at him and nodded, whispering "Yeah" and sighed.

He nodded and returned his attention to his screen. Out of the corner of his eyes he saw her fidgeting and biting her lower lip. He had heard what happened earlier down in the morgue. His partner. His Montana. His country girl had broken down and cried. Knowing better than to ask out loud, he told himself to respect her privacy and just continued working. His intention dissolved when he felt her sad eyes on him. He can take her look of challenge or anger. Even when she storm out in rage. But her sad eyes, that's his downfall. Clearing his throat and keeping his eyes on the screen, "You heading home?"

Keeping her head down, she just nodded. Then in a small voice, "Stella said.." she took a deep breath and continued, "to come back early tomorrow"

He nodded. He swallowed upon hearing her whisper.

"You?" he heard her ask.

"In two hours" he shrugged.

"Danny?"

At her pleading tone, he turned to look at her.

"Can we talk?"

It broke his heart to hear her ask that. "Yeah. Sure. I'll just..." he was interrupted when Stella and Hawkes came to the door.

"Lindsay?" Stella placed her hand on the younger CSi's shoulder and turned her around. "I thought you're heading home?"

"I am. Just.." glancing at Danny "checking before I leave" she smiled.

"Right Kiddo. Go get some rest. Danny? We need to go back to the rink."

At his nod, both Stella and Hawkes waved goodbye to Lindsay and left. Lindsay turned and found herself staring at Danny's chest. He had moved close to her without her noticing. Danny tilted his head to attract her eyes. When she finally look at him, he smiled, "I'll call you"

"Danny..."

"I'll call and we'll talk a'right?"

She just nodded.

"Now go home Monroe"

*******

Lindsay has been watching the tv with its volume off. Since she got home she had changed into an oversize shirt with the New York City skyline on its front, something Danny bought her after the mermaid case. Her hair was ruffled after tossing and turning on the couch trying to get comfortable and trying to keep her mind at ease. Dried tears streaked her cheeks and new ones were threatening to fall – and one name would start the flow. Her phone rang and she answered after glancing at the ID caller.

"Monroe" she choked.

"Lindsay?" there was a pause before he said her name.

"Danny" she whispered before her tears fell and she started sobbing.

"Lindsay. Listen to me. I'm right outside your door.... Lindsay?" he heard the phone drop and the door unlock. The tear-stained face of his country girl stood before him. He closed his phone and took her in arms. "Hey, hey... what's wrong?". He kicked the door with his foot and leaned against it still holding her. Ignoring her speech of "it's not you, it's me" given months ago in that hallway, he gently pushed her hair behind her ear and whispered "What is it baby? What's wrong?" holding her close. His fingers gently stoking her soft hair just as he always wanted to.

She gave a heavy sigh before lifting her head off his chest and still not ready to look into his eyes, she rested her forehead against his chin and uttered "I need to tell you things"

"Okay" he replied, still holding her to him and only releasing her when she made a move to the couch. She pulled his hand leading him there. She sat him down and left him to retrieve two letters from a drawer. She then went to the kitchen to get him a drink before she finally sat cross legged on the couch a foot away from him.

"I don't know where to start." she sighed and put her head in her hands.

"Don't matter, just say what's on your mind. I'm here for you" he coaxed gently.

She played with the letter that was on her lap and closed her eyes tight before looking straight at him.

"I'm sorry" he was about to question when she continued in a stronger voice, "I'm sorry that I stood you up. I'm sorry that I didn't explain to you why. I was afraid that if you know, I'll lose you.

"I was on the way out to meet you when I received this letter" she passed him an envelope which he opened and questioned her with his eyes after reading its contents.

"10 years ago I was in a diner with my girlfriends. We were talking about boys and the coming summer. I left to wash my hands. Then I heard gunshots and my friends screaming." her breathing labored but she controlled her tears when she continued "They were all killed Danny. There was so much blood. Everywhere. My friends died for no reason."

Danny reached out to hold her but she shook her head and grabbed his hand. Her grip was strong.

"I survived. But I might as well have died. My friends' mothers hated me for surviving. Their looks and accusations still haunt my nightmares to this day" she shook his hand "Remember when I said I can't handle mothers during the Suicide Girls' case?" he nodded. "And when I asked if you think I ever seen so much blood?" He nodded

"That's why" she smiled tight before releasing his hand. "As you have read, they apprehended the suspect and want me to testify. I was too... I ...I'm sorry Danny but I just blanked out. I'm sorry Danny, I just forgot about our....."

"Shhh.... It's ok. I understand now."

"I hurt you bad the next day, didn't I?"

"Linds..."

"I wanted to be what you wanted but I was afraid. Most of the time I don't even know how to handle myself. I didn't want to drag you down with my case. I couldn't handle losing a friend I just made" she added shyly, "A friend that I care about"

"I was ready to wait for you Montana," he smirked at her raised eyebrow upon hearing her nickname. "Look we all have a past. You know I do. I was ready to wait for you. Know why?"

She shook she head.

"Coz you said, and I quote 'Danny, I like you... A LOT!' A lot Montana," he winked and continued, 'But right now I can't.' 'Right now', being the key word here. "It's not you really." Shaking his finger and pointing to himself, " 'I just, I need to be by myself so I can work some stuff out that I thought were behind me.' So I figured I'd wait"

"Who knew Danny Messer is such a sweetheart." she sniffed.

"Hey! Shhh. Don't let Flack hear you say that, or I'll never live it down." he was happy that he managed to get a giggle out of her.

"What if you have to wait till the cows come home?" she teased.

"Wh..excuse me? What? What have cows gotta do with this?" he asked, clearly confused and simply adorable to Lindsay.

"Its an old expression Cowboy. It means a long indefinite time."

"Uh-huh. But what's that got to do with cows? They on the clock or something?" That earned him another giggle.

"Cows by nature are languid creatures and they take their own sweet, unhurried time coming home. So unless there is someone or something that's pushing them, you just have to wait." She tilted her head at the double meaning knowing the Staten Island born, intelligent, tough, bespectacled and sexy detective would understand the phrase. And she was not disappointed.

He took her hand again."I won't rush you a'right?"

"Thank you Danny" and she squeezed his fingers.

"Can I ask what happened today?"

"Teenage girls. They reminded me too much of my friends. And when I was at the morgue, it was just like everything came back again. Suddenly I felt like I was surrounded by them."

"Stella? You in trouble with her?"

"At first. But I realize that I can't push everyone away"

"So you told her?"

"Not everything. Not like what I told you."

"Mac?"

"Not yet. But I have to tell him soon"

"Why?"

She gave him the other letter. He read it before murmuring, "Next week. You'll be leaving for Montana next week."

"She's calling me Danny. I need to put my past to rest. But I don't know if I can do it." Her tears brimmed.

"Hey, Listen. There is a reason why you survived."

"What do you mean?"

"As a CSI, you know that we do everything that we can to bring the killer to justice. We are the voice of the victims. As a survivor, you are the only one that have the chance to bring the killer to justice. You are the only one that has the power to avenge your friends by making him pay for they lives. You are the only one that can speak for them and lay them to rest. You are the only one that can leave your past behind and get on with your life."

"What if I can't Danny?"

He scooted closer to her on the couch and captured her jaw to gently tilt her face up to meet his gaze. His thumb brushed the sudden tear that spilled down her cheek.

"You are the only one I know that is strong and willful enough to pull through this." He gave her his classic smirk. "Al'right?"

She nodded.

"Do you want me to be there with you?"

"I....I .." She sighed. "I'm going to try to this on my own. As you've said. I'm the only one"

"That's my girl." He pulled her forward and held her to him. "Promise to call if you need me?" He felt her nod."I'll send you off okay?"

She hugged him tight and whispered, "No. I don't want to have to turn back and wave you goodbye. I don't think I can do that. Please?"

"Okay" he whispered back. "Remember, if you need anything.."

"I'll leave you a sign"

He held her shoulders and put her a foot away from him but still captured her eyes. "What? You gonna leave me some cow tracks for me to follow Montana?"

She smiled and gave him a cheeky, "Moo-be Cowboy."

****

She hugged Stella and Mac. She said goodbye to Hawkes, Flack, Adam, Sid and Angell. She left him a card.

Dear Danny

I'm not good at long
goodbyes. Or short ones
for that matter. But
Montana calls and the
cows are heading home.

MOO.

See you soon.

Montana

Hallucinations and a message made him forgo sleep and fly to Montana, and was richly rewarded for following his instinct.

Please tell me if that was ok.