When Ian had first decided that he was gonna run off to join the army he would have never realized that he would be where he was now. When he'd first run off he'd been grief stricken, angry and god knows what else. Mainly with Mickey but there was probably other reasons too. So he just decided he'd be better off somewhere else. He stole Lip's identity and caught the next bus out. And he'd never quite adjusted to being away from home. In the last few months he'd gotten used to waking up in places that he didn't recognize. And that started with the barracks where he had been training. When he finally realized he didn't actually want to join the army it was a little too late to just back out. So he figured something else out. He did it the Gallagher way, he fucked some shit up. And then he bolted. He hadn't adjusted to life on his own either. Not quite. He had to get a job, and the one he got wouldn't have pleased a lot of people. Part of him reckons that he got it out of spite. He never really thought he'd see anyone again anyway.
After getting his job at the club he started using. It was mainly just ecstasy which he thought was fine. It was fine until quite recently, when it started getting out of control. It wasn't really his fault. He hadn't realized that Lip would track him down. And if he did try he didn't realize that he'd succeed. Seeing his brother and little sister in the club must have pushed him over the edge, because he started using more. A lot more. He'd find himself going home with some guy twice his age after his shift because for some reason his brain didn't process that he should probably have been protesting. He never remembered if they actually fucked or not. Not that he really wanted to. He'd wake up the next morning in a place that he didn't know. And it usually took him about anytime between two and ten minutes for him to realize what had happened. He'd somehow get out of there, give the guy some excuse or another and just get out. After a while he would've sobered enough to start hating himself, and so he found something else to use that would make it go away. The he'd go back to the club and work another shift. It was a vicious cycle. So yeah, Ian Gallagher had woken up in his share of unknown places lately, but this definitely wasn't one of them. Because he recognized this room. He knew this room. Because for some reason that he couldn't even remember, he was in Mickey Milkovich's bedroom.
Ian's eyes roamed the room and the more he looked around, he more he knew that he was right. This was Mickey's bedroom and he was somehow in it. He sat up, cringing and immediately steading himself on the bed, one hand to his forehead, because fuck his head really hurt. He blinked a few times and tried to piece together what the hell had happened. He looked up suddenly when he heard someone stop in the doorway. The movement hurt but some part of him thought "Mickey". But it wasn't Mickey, it was that cock sucking bitch that Terry had forced him to marry. She just stared at him for a minute and he realized that she was pregnant. That must have sucked. She shook her head and said something to him in Russian before walking off, cursing under her breath. Ian looked around again before trying to stand up, he had to steady himself for a minute, holding onto the edge of the bed before following in the direction she'd walked off.
"Hey" he called after her, realizing that there was seemingly no one else around.
She turned and just stared at him.
"Do you know how I got here?" he asked, rubbing at his head absently again because it's started to hurt.
"Mickey" she shrugged.
"Why?".
She just shrugged again as response.
"Is he here?".
"No. Out" she muttered, turning around and walking away again.
"Fuck" Ian muttered, this was going to be a puzzle.
He made his way back to Mickey's room and figured that he'd be home soon again anyway. In the meantime he'd try to piece together what happened. It was pretty foggy but somehow his brain started to figure it out. He could remember seeing Mickey at the club. He could remember that there was a lot of mixed emotions involved. He'd given him a lap dance and Ian felt the flush of embarrassment come over him. He must have been really out of it. Mickey had told him to call his family, said he didn't care if Ian didn't really wanna hang out with him anymore. And then he got kicked out of the club. And that's all Ian could remember. He ran his hands through his hair and pulled at the ends. His head was still killing him and he didn't fancy trying to piece together anymore of the night before. At least, he thought it was the night before. How long had he been out?
Ian looked up again at the sound of people shouting at each other. He recognized one of the voices as Mandy's, the other of Mickey's wife, he couldn't even remember her name. He'd probably never asked.
"Hey, you're awake" Mandy appeared in the doorway. She made her way over to him and sat down next to him on the bed.
"Yeah. How long was I out?" he looked at her. Damn, he'd missed Mandy.
She shrugged and smiled, "a week, maybe a month".
"What?".
"I'm just joking, it's been like a day. Running away made you gullible" she laughed.
Ian rolled his eyes and shoved her playfully. "So what's been going on with you?".
Mandy shrugged again absently. "Just the usual" she said, "I started dating this guy but I… um kicked him out. Mickey went all social justice and decided he was the voice of all the Russian whores and so they were here for a while, I was gone for ten minutes and I found one of them sucking his dick. So I kicked him out".
"Damn. That's intense".
"Yeah. I mean, I guess I'm used to it. Guys are… shit. So, where the hell did you run off to?" she sat up a little straighter. "Lip came around and said that you were at some club, said something about you being in the army".
"Yeah, I was. For a bit at least. I kinda… fucked some shit up and split".
"And started working in a gay club?".
"Gotta make a living" Ian smirked.
"The guys there hot?".
"Nah, it's mainly old dudes, it's… a living".
…
Ian spent the better half of the next hour talking to Mandy before they heard the front door open and Mickey's voice coming from the hallway. Ian hadn't realized that his whole body had stiffened up until Mandy put a gentle hand on his shoulder, staring hard at him.
"I gave him a lap dance last night" Ian laughed slightly.
Mandy's eyebrows rose and she smirked a little. "I'm gonna leave" she said.
"Yeah" he muttered.
Ian heard Mickey arguing with his wife. It must have been only a few minutes but it felt like hours until they stopped. And then Mickey was standing in the doorway and Ian's heart was in his throat.
"You're awake" Mickey avoided looking at him, fiddling instead with the bags in his hands, moving to put them somewhere on the opposite side of the room to Ian.
"Why'd you bring me back?" Ian managed, he didn't mean to sound angry, or slightly desperate, it just kind of… came out that way.
Mickey froze suddenly, his shoulders stiffening. And he didn't talk for a long moment, trying to organize the mess of thoughts in his head. "You were drugged up, Gallagher" he said finally. "Some old punk was trying drag you out of that club, you passed out and I… wasn't going to leave you there in the snow".
"So you dragged me back here. I'm not some damsel in distress…".
"Didn't you hear me?" Mickey turned suddenly. "You were drugged up, Gallagher. You weren't even you. And some old guy had his hands all over you".
"And what? You were jealous or some shit?" Ian retorted.
Mickey stopped suddenly again. He hadn't realized how that would've sounded, and of course Ian would take it as jealousy. "Fuck" he muttered.
Ian was aware that his heart was beating a mile a minute. And his brain was slowly realizing just how different Mickey looked. He looked more… human that Ian had ever seen him. Open, even. He was across the room before he noticed he'd moved at all. "Mickey" he muttered. "Thank you".
Mickey avoided his eyes and muttered something that he didn't quite catch.
"What?".
"You need to call your family".
"Why?".
"Because they're fucking worried about you, that's why" Mickey brushed passed him, placing himself on the other side of the room again. He needed to be as far away from Ian as he possibly could.
"Are you worried about me?" Ian asked.
"Lip's been fucking hassling me and Mandy to go and find you, said he knew where you were but it didn't seem like you were coming back" Mickey avoided the question.
"You wouldn't have come to get me if you weren't worried" Ian tried.
"I said I wasn't going but Mandy can be a consistent little bitch when she wants to".
Ian moved towards Mickey again, reaching out slightly. "Mickey?.".
"Don't fucking touch me!" Mickey moved away again. "Just… go and talk to you fucking family ok?".
Ian stared at him for a while but Mickey avoided his eyes at all costs. He finally gave up and walked off. He popped his head into Mandy's room and told her he was going home. She didn't ask any questions. Just told him to tell her if Lip was still around. He knew that she probably already knew that he was.
….
Walking up the footpath to his house was something Ian never thought he would do again. He walked up the stairs and considered knocking. He hadn't really been home in a while, and he didn't know if they would just want him waltzing back into their lives like nothing happened. He figured they'd ask questions. He wasn't sure if he'd even bother answering them or not. When he finally pushed the door open the first thing he saw was Debbie sitting on the couch. She was watching some stupid reality show but she looked up anyway when he walked in. And her eyes widened.
"Ian?" she half-whispered.
"Hey Debs" he tried to smile.
"Ian!" and then she was hugging him. And he was laughing and she was crying a little.
"It's ok Debs" he smiled, hugging her back.
He noticed Liam looking up at him, smiling.
"Hey buddy" he smiled, letting go of Debbie and picked him up quickly, hugging him tightly.
"Fiona! Fiona! Ian's home!" Debbie called into the house.
Ian put Liam back down again and looked up as his sister entered the room.
She stared at him for a moment before muttering "oh my god" to herself and crossing the room, pulling him into her.
Ian tried not to notice that she was crying a little too. He'd thought that maybe she would have been mad at him. And maybe she will be, a bit later after she gets over the shock of seeing him again. He noticed Lip standing on the other side of the room. His hands were deep in his pockets and he was just staring at him. Ian made his way over, hugging him.
"I'm sorry about the club" he muttered.
"As long as you're ok, man".
"Ian!".
"Carl!" Ian laughed, turning around and finding himself enveloped in a hug once again. "I missed you, buddy". He let go of Carl and looked around at them all. "I missed all of you".
Fiona came and hugged him again and for a while it was all happy chattering. Then Ian noticed that there was something wrong. There was obvious tension between Lip and Fiona and he could tell that Debbie had been crying recently. His face fell suddenly. "What's wrong?" he asked.
Everyone stopped talking, looking around at each other as if deciding whether to tell him or not.
"Fiona started dating this douche bag who left some coke here and somehow Liam got a hold of it and he… um… he was in the hospital for a bit. He probably has brain damage" Carl shrugged. "Oh and Frank's kinda dying" he added.
"Liam has brain damage?" Ian asked.
"Oh and we have a new sister, and a nephew".
"It's not final. He might not have brain damage but with the amount of coke he took he probably does" Debbie supplied.
"Shit. How did he…?".
"We didn't see him ok? No one saw him" Fiona stormed out.
"Um…".
"Fiona kinda went to jail" Carl shrugged.
"Ok".
Lip walked over to Liam, picking him up and taking him upstairs. Carl followed shortly after. Leaving Ian with Debbie.
"Ok Debs" Ian sat down on the couch, patting the spot next to him. "Tell me what's wrong".
"Nothing's wrong" she pulled on a stray strand of her jacket, avoiding his eyes.
"Don't try that with me. I know you better than that".
Debbie sat down next to him and sighed. "My boyfriend broke up with me" she muttered.
"Boyfriend?".
"Yeah. His name's Matt. He's um… he broke up with me".
"Why?".
"He said I was too young or something".
"How old is he?".
"Twenty".
"Debs!".
Debbie looked up at her brother, tears welling in her eyes. "He said we could still be friends" she almost laughed.
"Boys are such jerks" Ian smiled faintly, hugging his little sister tightly.
….
Mandy hovered in the doorway of her brother's bedroom, waiting for him to realize she was there.
"What?" he looked up at her.
"You dragged Ian Gallagher all the back here because you were jealous?" she raised her eyebrows at him, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Some old dude had his hands all over him and he was totally out of it. You think I was just gonna leave him like that?" Mickey looked away.
"You spent the whole day looking for him".
"Yeah, cause you told me too" he stiffened slightly.
"No, because it's Ian. Mickey, you care about him".
"Fuck off".
Mandy sighed and went and sat next to her brother, ignoring how he tried to move away from her.
"Talk to him, Mickey. Don't push him away" she said simply before getting up and leaving the room.
…
Ian spent the next few days dealing with his family. He found himself swept up in all of their problems again. Fiona had received a plea bargain but she had to plead guilty. He could frequently hear her arguing over it with Lip. He'd usually hear the words "Liam almost died!" yelled at the top of his brother's lungs and then it would be silence again. Looking over at his baby brother, he hoped Liam didn't realize what was actually going on. Carl seemed to be obsessed with taking retarded tests, or getting Liam to do so. Most of them told him that Liam was fine. Ian hoped that some stupid idiot on the internet was right. Debbie spent most of her time wallowing in completely justified self-pity. Ian tried to talk her out of it and sometimes it worked. He didn't see Mickey but Mandy dropped by the day after he returned, and two days after that. Ian was happy to just be hanging out with her again. She was a good escape from all the shit going on within his family.
"Have you heard from Mickey?" she asked him on the fifth day since his return. They were sitting under the rail bridge having a smoke and generally hanging around.
"Why? He run off or something?" Ian asked.
"Nah. I told him to talk to you, just wondered if he actually had or not" Mandy shrugged.
"Maybe I should go see him".
"You probably should. He didn't spend the whole day looking for you for nothing".
"He spent the whole day looking for me?" Ian turned a little so he was facing her more.
"Yeah, you didn't know? He went to another club first, kinda assaulted the manager until he told him where you were, then he went to your club and brought you home with him I guess".
"Shit" Ian muttered.
"He's changed a lot" Mandy took a drag. "He's almost like a different person. He missed you".
"Yeah?".
"Yeah".
They sat there for a minute in a companionable silence. Ian realized that he couldn't avoid Mickey any longer.
…..
He spent another day and a half fighting with himself before he finally found himself outside the Milkovich house. He stood there in front of the door for about five minutes before he actually had the courage to knock. When the door was thrust open Mickey's wife was standing there. She stared at him without saying anything and Ian found himself incredibly uncomfortable. A part of him almost felt bad for this girl. None of it had really been her fault.
"Is Mickey here?" he managed.
She nodded mutely and moved aside to let him in.
"I'm really about all of this" he said to her. "I guess it's not really you fault".
She gave him what he thought was the ghost of a smile before pointing him the direction of Mickey's room.
He nodded and walked away, stopping in front of Mickey's door and momentarily regretting all of his life decisions. He thought of just walking past and going to see if Mandy was in but he knew he couldn't avoid this any longer. He actually knocked before entering.
When Mickey looked up Ian couldn't even catch one of the array of emotions that played through his eyes.
"What do you want?" he asked.
"We need to talk" Ian replied.
Mickey didn't say anything, just looked at him before finally telling him to close the door.
Ian stood awkwardly in the doorway and tried to remember the last time he felt awkward in front of Mickey. He didn't even remember if he ever had.
"Well" Mickey started, "talk if you're gonna talk".
"I know that you spent the whole day looking for me" Ian replied.
"Mandy forced me to go out and find you" Mickey shrugged non-committedly.
"You were wearing cologne".
Mickey's eyes widened slightly, "how do you know that?".
"It's been coming back to me in pieces. You're right, I was completely out of it but you've never worn cologne before. I know you".
"Mandy forced me into it".
"No she didn't, I asked her".
"Fuck".
Ian took a step closer, mentally weighing all his options in front of him. Could he really afford to push his luck? "Why can't you just admit that you missed me?" he asked.
"Cause I didn't" Mickey avoided his eyes.
"Mandy said you've been different lately. That you changed".
"Yeah? And when does she ever tell the truth" Mickey scoffed.
"I gave you a lap dance" Ian muttered.
"Yeah and it wasn't even a good one".
They were quiet for a minute, each one waiting for the other to say something and break the silence.
"Why did you have to go and marry that whore?" Ian asked finally.
"I never wanted to fucking marry her" Mickey sighed. "I guess I didn't make that clear enough".
"Why didn't you stop me from leaving?".
"I tried. I thought… I didn't try hard enough ok? I didn't fucking know how to stop you" Mickey ran his hands through his hair absently, pulling at the ends and continuing to avoid Ian's eyes.
"I don't even know if I wanted you to stop me" Ian muttered.
"Your family went crazy after you left".
"Yeah. Fiona's probably going to jail. Her and Lip are always screaming at each other. They can't even be in the same room together. Liam probably has brain damage and Debbie dated a fucking twenty year old" Ian rubbed at his eyes, he was not going to cry. Not now.
"I'm sorry" Mickey said so quietly that Ian didn't think he'd even heard him correctly.
"What?".
"I fucking missed you ok?" Mickey stood up, walking over to Ian. "Ian, I fucking missed you when you were gone and maybe I wouldn't have gone out to find you if Mandy hadn't have forced me to but you have to know that I wanted to… Fuck" he turned away again, unable to meet Ian's eyes.
"I missed you too" Ian said. "Everything is so fucked up right now but I missed you too".
…..