1938 December 25th
"Do you think he'll ask you anytime soon?" My mother asked for the third time today whilst handing me another dish to dry. It was Christmas day and I spent the better part of it trying to avoid this conversation.
"I don't know." I reply honestly. "Y'know, you really out did yourself this year with the food, mom." I eagerly try to change the subject but knowing how suborn my mother could be, I knew immediately it wouldn't work.
"Do you want him to ask?"
"I guess so."
"If you don't want him to ask you to marry him then what do you want?" She huffs dunking another dish into the soapy water.
"I just want to be happy." I can feel myself getting upset I force myself to look straight down at the dish that's already being thoroughly dried.
"Aren't you happy now, Jane?" I shrug trying to think about how to get myself out of the hole I just dug.
"Of course I am, mom. Charles is wonderful." I say trying to think about all the positive qualities my boyfriend has. He's charming and attractive. He's got a great future set out with him studying to be a doctor. We understood each other, with me wanting to go into the science field he knows just how must work was needed of me. But somewhere in the back of my mind he was missing something and no matter how hard I tried, I could never pinpoint what was missing in our relationship. An image of a familiar face entered my mind suddenly. I shuddered and tried to push it from my thoughts which was proving impossible over the last few months. I didn't let myself think of him too much because I'd only get myself upset thinking about that cheeky grin and those icy blue eyes.
"Jane?" My mother's voice drew me back from my thoughts.
"Sorry?"
"I was talking to you and you seemed miles away." She dried her hands on the cloth I was holding and turned to face me. "Is there anything you want to talk about?"
"What? Of course not, I'm perfectly fine. Looking forward to reading some of those books I got for Christmas." I try smile convincingly.
"Okay." She pauses at my answer. "I'll finish these if you wanna go and read."
"Actually I was gonna run Rebecca's Christmas present next door if that's okay. I forgot to give it to her last time I saw her." Rebecca was my best friend. We shared everything together and were pretty much inseparable. Rebecca was the most caring person I had ever made she would never judge a person without knowing their full story and gave almost everyone the benefit of the doubt.
"Okay just don't be long, it's late." I smile and lean in to kiss her gently on the cheek before going into the living room to get Rebecca's present. My father sat in his chair with a newspaper in his lap too absorbed to hear me come in.
It was nice seeing him take a break every now and then. My father is a scientist and it is his passion that drives me to become one in the future. He worked for the government doing research that even his family wasn't allowed to know about. But sometimes if I was really lucky he would let me come into his lab and use the equipment. But those treats were getting few and far nowadays ever since he started with a new German scientist whose name I can never remember. He says if I can get my degree he'll try and get me a small job in the lab.
I take time to put of my new winter coat that Rebecca helped me pick out before heading outside. The street is empty and all the windows of the brownstones that flank my house are warm with light. Christmas had to be my favourite time of the year, it was a time I could forget all my worries of school and just stop and take in what was going on around me. Even if stopping and thinking weren't something I wanted to be doing recently.
My mother had struck something when she asked about Charles proposing because the truth is we're old enough now and have been seeing each other for long enough for him to ask the question. A part of me doesn't know what I'd say if he did. I've always wanted to get married, grow up and have children one day .But now that the opportunity has come for me to actually start thinking about these things ,I find myself uncomfortable with the thought and nervous.
Walking up the steps to Rebecca's house I'm reminded one more of her older brother and my first boyfriend James Buchanan Barnes. A name that, like his face, I could never forget. Neighbours since I was sixteen, James and I had started out pretty friendly and eventually friendly lead to something more. Our relationship lasted all of about two years until we both decided that after high school we'd go our separate ways. He joined the army as soon as he turned eighteen and after that I never saw him again or if I did he didn't see me. But it was better that way, easier. That way there was no awkward glances or encounters, no petty small talk about things we both knew didn't matter.
Staring awkward at Rebecca front door I pause for a few seconds to collect my thoughts knowing that she would know something was wrong the moment she saw my face and today wasn't about me or my irrational worries about Charles.
I raise my hand to door knocker when suddenly the door flies over and a person collides with me. A hand shoots out to grab my waist before I can fall backwards down the porch steps.
"I'm sorry, I didn't even see-"A voice starts. My head whips up to meet two very familiar piercing blue eyes.
"Bucky?" I whisper looking at the face that's been floating around my head for months.
"Janey?" He whispers back. James had always preferred being called by his nickname rather than his full name ever since his best friend Steve started calling him that. He stares down at me with shock and an uncomfortable silence falls over us. I can't remember the last time I saw him properly but he looks somewhat older now. His brown hair cropped shorter for army purposes and although he was always much taller than me he seemed to have grown a little more. His piercing eyes are exactly the same and I suddenly feel myself blush under his intense stare.
"What are you doing here?" I ask dumbly, removing myself from his arm which was still around my waist. It seems to take a moment for him to process what I'm saying before he starts chuckling in a very Bucky-like manner.
"Jane, I live here. Remember?" I feel myself blush a shade deeper and hope that the lighting out here prevented him from seeing it.
"But the army?"
"It's Christmas I requested leave to come home and see my family." He responds leaning down to try and catch my eyes.
"Oh, Rebecca didn't say anything." I mumble knowing that if she did say something I wouldn't have come over at all.
"Yeah, it was a surprise." I sigh and stare up at him and allow myself to get lost in his gaze. Memories flood my mind the longer I look at him and I can't seem to form coherent words. Three years is an awful long time not to talk to someone. And as much as I tried not to think of him, I've missed him.
A scream from inside the house causes us both to jump. I look past his shoulder to see Rebecca barrelling down the hall towards us.
She looks a lot like her older brother with dark hair and blue eyes, they had different chins and cheekbones. And although Rebecca was slightly younger then I was she was a couple of inches taller than me. I'd always been rather short.
"James!" She shouts. "Oh perfect, you're here too." She beams when she sees me.
"What's wrong?" Bucky asks frowning. I take the time to look at what he's wearing, a crisp white shirt and a pair of elegant dress trousers held up by pair of black suspenders. Its only then I realise he's holding a bag trash bag in his hand.
"Robert proposed." She says completely ignoring Bucky, eyes boring straight into mine. My breath catches awkwardly in my throat and I have to almost force myself to smile.
Robert and Rebecca met around the same time that Charles and I met and now they were engaged.
"Rebecca that's amazing. When did he do it?" I ask avoiding the look I know Bucky is shooting me.
"Not ten minutes ago. He's inside with everyone. He came over to ask my father's permission and then he just asked." Her words came rushed as she tried to tell me all on the breath.
"Whoa." I respond intelligently.
"Well come on inside and celebrate with us." She says as she tugs on my hand.
"I can't stay very long I only came over to give you your Christmas present." I explain as she drags me further into the house, I glance over my shoulder to see Bucky placing the bag on the porch and follow us inside.
Bucky's family sit crowded around the dining room table and Robert sits awkwardly beside Mr. Barnes as he opens up a bottle of wine to celebrate.
"Mary-Jane, what are you doing here?" Their mother her voice thick with emotion. I internally cringe as she uses my full name.
"Sorry to intrude on your Christmas, Mrs. Barnes. I was just dropping off Rebecca's Christmas present. I'll just be on my way now." I respond automatically fully intending to turn on my heel and go back the way I came.
"Nonsense you must have a sip of something. Our Rebecca here is getting married." Mr. Barnes proudly announced. I smile and begin undoing the buttons on my coat.
"Let me." Bucky says quietly in my ear before slipping my coat off and hangs it on a peg behind the door.
Bucky placed his hand on the small of my back and leads my over the table pulling out my chair and seating me before seating himself promptly beside me draping him arm over the back of my chair likes it's the most natural thing in the world.
"We must start planning immediately. Oh, Jane you'll help me of course?" She smiles at me from her place beside Robert who was tenderly holding her hand.
"In all the ways I can." I say.
"Oh Jane it can't be long now until Charles asks you. That would be so exciting we could plan both of our weddings together." I swallow hard and merely nod in response. I pick up my glass and gulp down a large sip of wine. Rebecca promptly falls into conversation with Robert and her father and it's only then do I realise that Mrs. Barnes is looking intently at me and Bucky.
"My goodness, I can't think of the last time I saw you two together." She says. I feel myself blush again and curse silently because I know in this light there's no hiding it. Bucky clears his throat.
"I think it was just before I enlisted." He recalls and I mentally cringe as I recall the day the three years ago.
"Yes I think so…" His mother trails off. "It's so funny that you two should be here on the same day that Rebecca and Robert got engaged. I always thought that you two would be long married to each other by now." I feel myself tense up and fully aware that Bucky's arm drops off the back of my chair.
"Well I thought at you would be at least married to somebody at this stage, James." His mother continues. I dare a side wards glance towards Bucky only to find him fiddling with a spoon that's been left on the table.
"Well I don't want to pick the wrong girl, now do I?" He says solemnly before turning to smile at his mother. "Besides all the best girls in my life are right here in this room."
My breathe catches as I stare up at his profile wondering his that statement meant more then what he intended to mean.
I glance over to see Rebecca looking at me with a confused expression on her face. I look behind her and catch the time on the clock hanging on the wall above her head.
"Is that the time? It really is getting rather late I should be getting back." I smile faintly before abruptly standing up before anyone can convince me to stay and get in more discussion about me and Charlie. "Here's your present Rebecca, I hope you like it."
Wishing everyone a happy Christmas and taking another small sip of the wine that was poured for me, I grab my coat from the hook and make for the door.
"Jane." Bucky voice stops me before I reach it. I turn to see him pulling his coat on over his shoulders.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm walking you home, like always." I feel a smile creep up on to my face.
"Bucky, I live next door."
"That never stopped me before." He brushes me off opening the door for me. Before we started going out and I would be in his house with Rebecca he would always walk me the few short steps it took to get back to my house just so we could talk alone.
"So how long are you here for?" I ask following him outside.
"Just until the day after tomorrow." He shoves his hands into his pockets.
"Oh, right." He shoots me a look and smiles. "Bucky it was really nice seeing you again."
"Jane, come out with me."
"What?" I say flustered. "Bucky, I'm in a relationship."
He laughs loudly. "Not like that, just come get some food with me tomorrow night. We haven't seen each other in nearly three years. I just wanna catch up with you."
"Oh, right." I sigh both relived and extremely embarrassed.
"It won't be weird or anything because you have a boyfriend and we're just friends, right?" I stop in front of my door and stare up into his eyes trying to understand what he means.
"Well, I guess that would be okay." I say finally.
"Okay, good." He smirks in a way that he used to when we were dating. "I'll pick you tomorrow around six." I merely nod.
Unsure of how to say goodbye I merely wave. He chuckles and pulls me in for a brief hug and I try not to shudder as I pick up the familiar scent that was Bucky.
"Merry Christmas Janey." He whispers before disappearing down the steps leaving me staring after.
You're just going out for some food. I stare at my reflection in the small mirror in my bedroom as I try and simultaneously hold two different dresses up to my body, a deep red one and a soft blue one.
For all I knew Bucky could be taking me anywhere to eat. The red dress is the fancier of the two dresses but not too dressed up, it was used for any outing, or at least that's what the woman in the shop said when I bought the dress a couple of years ago.
I gauge myself again the mirror before placing the blue dress of the bed and deciding on the red one.
You're just friends now, I tell myself as I take in my full appearance with the dress on. I curled my hair the usual way and use some bobby pins to pin some curls up beside my temples. I apply some red lipstick and decide I've put enough effort into the way I look for tonight.
"Jane!" My mother's voice carried softly up the stairs. "James is here."
I glance at the clock and silently berate myself for spending so much time getting ready for something that was supposed to be casual.
"I think it's lovely that you two are doing this. You've known each other since you were kids, it's nice your still friends." My mother whispered putting extra emphasis on the friends part as I meet her at the bottom of the stairs.
I roll my eyes discreetly. "Where is he?"
"Talking to your father in the front room." I hear my father questioning Bucky from the hallway.
"No sir, not for one second." Bucky answers as I wander into the living room. "I love serving my country in any way that I can."
"That's very noble of you to say, James." My father retorts from his spot on his chair.
"Bucky?" I say, not wanting to stand under the view of my parents any longer. He stands up immediately when he hears my voice.
"I'll have her home early we're just going to Betty's Diner." Bucky says smiling charmingly at my mother. My eyes light up at that comment, Betty's was one of my favourite spots to eat in the city. Good fast food and great atmosphere.
"I haven't been to Bettys in weeks, Rebecca and I go sometimes when we have time." I say when we're outside and safely out of my parents hearing range.
"I actually can't remember the last time I was there, to be entirely honestly with you." He smiles. Betty's diner was great because it was only a couple streets over from where we lived so it was in walking distance.
"So what have you been doing since you've back." I ask.
"Ah nothing much, catching up with people really." He chuckles and I glance sideways at him wondering who he could mean.
"What kind of people?" I try and ask as casually as I could.
"Well yesterday I spent most of the day with Steve before you called over. I actually saw him today too, you remember him right?"
"Bucky, how could I not remember Steve. You two were practically attached at the hip, if you weren't with me you were with him…" I trail off unsure of what to follow that sentence with.
"Hey, you always said you didn't mind." He shoots back not leaving room for it to become awkward.
"What is he up to now?" I ask genuinely curious about Bucky's scrawny little friend. Steve was extremely friendly and he never had a problem with me tagging along to some of their outings. We lost touch after Bucky and I broke up.
"Well he still wants to join the army."
"Still?"
"Jane, he's tiny. You gotta flick him and you'd brake him in two." He answers laughing. "He's passionate though I'll give him that."
"Hey I know someone like that." I say playful knocking his shoulder with mine.
"Yeah only difference is I'm about twenty pounds heavier."
"Yeah and three-time YMCA welterweight boxing champion." I say earnestly.
"God, I can't believe you remember that." He says as we turn the final corner to Bettys.
"How could I not remember, you tried to teach Steve how to defend himself and then you tried to show me some moves." I find myself blushing as I think back on the memory. "I wasn't really cut out for combat." Bucky lets out a bark of a laugh and nods his head.
I look up at Betty's diner, classic white and red colour palette and neon signs decorating the windows and doors. Bucky's hold the open for me as I step into the warmth.
"Sit anywhere you want." The waitress calls from behind the counter. I look around and find that the diner is pretty much empty save a couple of booths. I find myself drawn to a cosy little booth in the corner beside a jukebox.
"This place looks exactly the same." He says taking it in. I simply nod letting him look around and get his bearing. "I don't think I've been here since before I enlisted." He says hesitantly. I stare at him for a moment knowing that means that he hasn't been here since we finished dating. This is where he used to bring me on dates because it was the only thing he could afford at the time, not that that mattered.
"What can I do you for, Jane?" My eyes snapped from Bucky when the waitress appeared. I looked up at Barbara, a middle age woman who wears way too much make up and has worked here for as long as I can remember.
"Usual please?" I smile and she turns her attention to Bucky.
"Oh my, is that James Barnes? I haven't seen you in years. How's the army treating you?" Barbara asks full of chat. Bucky seemed almost startled to have been remembered.
"Good, it's hard but I wouldn't have it any other way." He says honestly.
"Good. That's good to hear." She says taking the two of us in again with eager eyes. "Does this mean that you two are back together?"
"What?" I ask.
"No, no we're just catching up actually. I haven't seen Jane here in a long time." Bucky says smoothly.
"Ah I see." She says finally. "What can I get you so?"
"I actually haven't even looked at the menu yet." He says grabbing a menu off the table and raking his eyes over the front. "What are you having?"
I smile at him knowingly.
"Wait, you're gonna have a hotdog with extra cheese and mustard, fries and root beer." He says shaking his head. I simply smile and nod. "God, Jane you haven't changed at all. I'll have the same, please." He finishes flashing Barbara a smile and she disappears.
"I'm sorry, I like what I like." I say holding my hands up.
"It's good to know you're still the same." He says staring deeply at me.
"So, the army. What's it like?" I ask after a few seconds and he takes a deep breath
"It's tough. I mean when I first started I was training so much I discovered muscles I didn't knew existed." He starts. "It's not glamorous, I get up at the crack of dawn train and do drills until I feel like I'm going to collapse and then repeat it all the following day."
"Really? Sounds delightful."
"Y'know funnily enough I don't think I could imagine my life any other way."
"Well you sound awfully committed. I bet your parents are really proud." I say as Barbara places to cold root beers in front of us.
"Yeah they are. Well my father is, my mother wishes I had a normal job and would settle down. She's dying for some grandkids."
"God I can't imagine having a child now, I still am one. I'm a 21 year old child." I say looking down into drink.
"Jane, I feel the same way and I'm in the army." I smile up at him. I forgot just how well Bucky was at making everything seem like it was alright.
"So what are you now, anyway? Private, captain?" I ask having always been confused by how ranking worked in the army.
"I'm a first corporal, hoping to be a Sergeant soon." He says taking a giant sip of his root beer downing nearly half.
"So what, am I gonna have to start calling you Sergeant Barnes soon?" I giggle and he starts spluttering.
"What? No. You'll always call me Bucky. Hell, you can call me whatever you like and I'll answer." I don't know exactly why but I find myself blushing at that.
Barbara chooses this as the perfect time to place the food in front of me and Bucky and I find the smile I give her is more relieved than thankful.
"Whoa, it smells exactly the same as I remember it." Bucky says not waiting a second before tucking in. We eat in silence for all of about two minutes before Bucky snaps me back to reality.
"So my sister is getting married." He says casually. Not knowing what to response I simply nod. "She tells me you might be getting engaged soon too." I choke on a fry.
"Well nothing is set in stone, you never know what could happen." I say quickly.
"Well do you wanna get married?" He presses.
"You know I do."
"Is he a nice guy?"
"Yes of course he is. He's charming and kind and he's wants to be a doctor."
"Then what's the problem?" He fires back.
"Why do you suddenly care so much?" I snap unintentionally.
"Because yesterday when it was brought up you looked as though you'd been winded."
"I was fine, probably stuffed from dinner." I say quietly looking down at my plate.
"Jane. We've dated for two years I've known you for six or seven years now. Do you really think I wouldn't notice when you're upset." He says softly reaching over and tilting my head up to face him.
"I don't know."
"What?"
"I don't know what's wrong. I've been seeing him for just over a year now, he should be perfect for me." Bucky retracts his hand as if it'd been burnt. "Bucky I didn't mean you weren't perfect. We both wanted different things." I say desperately trying to undo the blunder I just made.
"Yeah, I didn't want to be a doctor." I flinch at his words and he notices.
"Bucky that's not it and you know it."
"Yeah I do. I'm sorry." He says finally and a silence falls over us yet again. I was just about to break when he leans over slightly and says. "You know Jane, if he doesn't make you happy you don't have to be with him. You deserve to be happy, Jane."
After all this time I'd forgotten how easy it was just to be around Bucky. He always knew how to make me feel better even when I felt as though I was going to combust with stress.
"Bucky, is that you over here?" A high pitch voice from across the diner forces me to look away from Bucky. He slumps slightly on his seat before forcing a smile on to his face. I turn to see a woman about our age approach us towing a younger girl behind her.
"Dolores." Bucky greets when she arrives at our table. She beams at him with her wide brown eyes. It's not until she's up close that I realise how beautiful she is. Her dark hair pinned into an elegant up do and she wears a dark navy dress which hugs her curves. She's amazingly tall even without heels. I suddenly feel very inadequate beside her.
"When did you get back? I don't think I've seen you in about a year or so." She asks completely ignoring me.
"I got in just before Christmas, I'm just back to see family I head back to New Jersey tomorrow." He says politely.
"So who's this? Sister?" She asks glancing at me from the corner of his eye. I bite back a smile at her jealously.
"No, this is Mary-Jane. She a good friend of mine." Bucky chuckles amused.
"Oh, I see." She takes a moment to work out what to say next." If I'd have known you were coming home, we could have organised a date or something. I thought you'd write."
I over at Bucky who clearly trying to think up an excuse to tell this girl.
"Well you know how it is Dolores. I've just been so busy with training and what not, I just had no time to write." He lies and I can tell because he always scrunches his eyebrows when he lies.
"Oh. Not to worry, next time you're in town we'll meet up." She says finally.
"Well it was nice seeing you and your sister?" Bucky says referring to the younger girl who stood silently beside Dolores.
"Yes, it was. Don't forget to write to me this time." She says sternly before turning on her heel and walking to an empty booth at the other end of the diner with her sister. I finally let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.
"Sorry about that." Bucky says tucking back into his food.
"So a girlfriend of yours?" I pry.
"I wouldn't necessarily call her a girlfriend."
"Does she know that?" I couldn't help but ask.
"I met her last time I was home I took her out dancing we had fun but I didn't think I'd see her again." I look down at my plate to hide the shocked expression on my face. Did have fun mean what I thought it meant. I didn't think Bucky was into that sort of thing. At least, he wasn't when we were together. A shiver unintentionally runs down my spine.
"Oh. Well she's very pretty." I reply dumbly having no clue how to response to his last comment.
"Yeah I guess." He shoots me an unsure look and a pang of jealousy shoots through me. "This is strange isn't it?"
"What is?"
"Me and you talking about our other relationships." I nod.
"I don't know, a part of me thought we'd always be together." I say finally looking up at him.
"Me too." He smiles slightly at me before reaching over and brushing his finger along the corner of my mouth and I feel myself flush.
"You have mustard on your cheek." He whispered washing away any awkwardness that might have built up over the last few minutes. I smile gratefully at him and return to my food.
"You finished?" He asks a couple of minutes later.
"Yes, normally I'd go for a milkshake after but honestly I'm so full." I say leaning back against the seat. "Thank you for tonight Bucky it was great."
"Hey the nights not over yet. I thought we'd go on a walk and see where we end up." He says cheekily and I know he already has somewhere in mind.
"Where are you going to take me?" I ask.
"I'll pay, you get ready to leave." He says leaving the booth. I roll my eyes and pull my coat on, as I walk to the door I allow myself a smug glance at Dolores who was gawking at Bucky at the counter. Part of me takes pride in knowing I'm the girl he's going to be walking home tonight.
"Ready?" Bucky slips his arm casually through mine and leading me off into the city.
"I'll never get tired of this." I say looking up at the city around me.
"What?"
"The city, the people, the business." I look around and see people darting in different directions, couples walking aimlessly looking for something to do. Beautiful and enticing signs that try and urge people into their establishment.
"God, Jane. You really haven't changed a bit have you?" He asks grinning down at me.
"Nope." I beam back. "Do you miss being home?"
"Everyday. But I love what I'm doing, it makes me feel important, y'know?"
"You are important Bucky. I guarantee your name will be written in history books one day."
"You think so?"
"I know so." We ramble on for a couple more blocks before stopping in front a beautiful building with music so loud I can hear it from outside.
"We're going dancing?" I gasp.
"Yep, we weren't old enough back then and I always promised I'd take you." He says pulling me towards the door. I stare up at him dumbfounded as he pulls me along. We used to dance in my living room when we were dating, practicing as Bucky called it. But it wasn't the fact we were going dancing that had me speechless because Charles takes me often, it's the fact he remembered.
After handing in my coat Bucky is quick to pull me to the dance floor. The place was full of people couples of all ages dancing and swinging together. Tables seemed empty because there was so much people of the dance floor.
"I love this song!" I say loudly leaning up to Bucky's ear so he can hear me.
He grasps my hands firmly and twirls me towards the centre of the floor. I'd forgotten how well we danced together, it wasn't awkward like it sometimes was with Charles. Bucky knew exactly what he was doing and I didn't have to worry about bumping into somebody or lose my footing because I knew Bucky would catch me.
Songs blended from one song into another and no matter how tired I got I couldn't bring myself to tell Bucky because I didn't want to stop being close to him even for a second. I couldn't remember the last time I felt truly happy and I didn't want to stop and break the illusion.
Bucky pulls my hand a little harder during one of the songs and I spin little too fast and crash into his chest. His arms snake around my torso and the two of us burst of laughing. I can feel the vibrations his laugh through me which only makes me laugh more.
"You've gotten better." I shout above the music.
"You think?"
"You dance much in the army." I say and he merely chuckles.
The music suddenly changes tempo and a familiar song starts to play. I feel Bucky tense up.
"I haven't heard this song since…" He starts.
"We broke up." I finish recognising the slow song. He nods and the two of us stand frozen until he slips his hands around my waist and starts dancing again. I reach my arms up and cup them gently around his neck.
A flood of emotions coarse through me all at once as I think back to the night of our break up. I lean my head against Buckys chest trying to ground myself. Towards the end of the song I break away and look up into his eyes only to be met by an expression of pure sadness. My heart clinches to see him like that, looking exactly the same as he had three years ago. The song comes to an end and I huddle into his chest and give him a bone crushing hug.
"Jane I should probably get you home now." He says rather abruptly, his voice thick. I simply nod not trusting my voice.
The walk home is a lot quieter than the walk at the beginning of the night. We walk apart not touching or looking at each other. It's only when we were at my porch did he break the silence.
"It was great seeing you, Jane."
"Yeah, I'm glad we went out." I say sincerely.
"Who knew you could dance so well."
"What? I was always an amazing dancer." I smile up at him. He reaches down and pulls me into a long hug and I allow myself to relax fully into it. Not wanting to think that I might never see him again or this might be the last time I'll be able to hug him because if I do see him again I could be married. I shudder unintentionally and he pulls away slightly to look down at me.
Silently he leans down and presses him lips against mine softly. The feeling is so familiar and normal, it's almost as though the three years that separated us never happened.
Almost.
An image of Charles suddenly appears in my head quickly followed by Dolores and who know how many other girls he could have seen since we broke up. Charles doesn't deserve this he's been nothing but nice to me and what's more Bucky and I still want different things.
I pull away and take a step back.
"Bucky…" I say quietly.
"I'm sorry." He says simply rubbing the back of his neck.
I stare up at his eyes trying to make sense of what just happened.
"Don't marry him."
"Bucky…"
"You deserve more, Jane. You deserve to be happy. Just…" His voice is rough and his eyes are full of emotion. "Find someone that makes you happy." Its not until a tear is half way down my cheek I realise I'm crying. He reaches to brush the tear off my cheek and gently presses his lips to my forehead. Without another word he turns on his heel and makes for the porch steps.
"Is this goodbye?" I call after him.
"No, of course not. It's an 'I'll see you soon'." He reply's and disappears up into his own house.
"I'll see you soon, Bucky." I whisper into the night.
IMPORTANT
Hi,
So I've been playing around with this idea for a little while now and would love some feedback. Please note that this is a PAST and PRESENT story meaning some chapters will be like flashbacks while others will be from the present so please NOTICE the DATE before reading each chapter!
Thanks for reading this far,
-M