He was running, he didn't care about the rain, or the lightning, or the fact that it was late, he had to know if it was true. As soon as Daniel had told him he had run out the door. He had to know, it was as if the fate of the world hung in the balance. And it did, his world did.
Sam was in her room when she heard the angry knocks at the door. She got up from her bed where she had been watching TV. She heard the thunder as it shook her house and checked the clock, it was nearly midnight. Who would possibly come to visit in the middle of a thunderstorm at midnight, she wondered as she walked through her house to her front door, her long pj pants dragging on the floor, her oversized t-shirt hanging loosely on her thin frame. Sleepily, she looked through the peep hole and saw who it was she froze, now completely awake. No, it can't be him. She slowly opened the door and looked over him once. There he was, Jack O'Neill, standing with his arm against the door frame panting as if he had run there and dripping wet from the rain outside. She met his eyes which looked slightly red-rimmed and saw… nothing. She was always so good at reading him through his eyes, his emotions always played freely there, if nowhere else, but tonight he was completely unreadable, and that scared her more than anything.
"Sir, what are you doing here? Get inside before you freeze to death," she ordered, standing aside so he could come in. He stepped inside dripping onto the rug placed in front of the door. "Let me get you some warm clothes and then…" He cut her off by grabbing her hands in his, holding them until she looked back at him.
"Please tell me it's not true," he said, his voice was pleading and sounded so sad, so hurt. More than anything she just wanted his pain to go away, but she couldn't, not if he was asking what she thought he was asking.
She decided to play dumb instead of admitting defeat, "What's not true?" she asked, but her voice was cracking.
"You know what," he said with a note of slight bitterness in his voice. She hated that bitterness, hated his sadness, but most of all hated that she was the one causing all this pain.
She ducked her head, refusing to meet his eyes, "I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry, but yes it's true," she said, her voice shaking slightly, she looked up, watching him looking for his reaction.
His eyes flashed with pain but then it was gone, while his face remained a mask, "Say it," he said quietly.
"What?" she said, she didn't want to say it, she wasn't sure she liked it any more than he did.
"Say it," he demanded, "I'm not going to believe it until I hear you say the words."
She sighed sadly and closed her eyes, she would say it, she had to, "I'm engaged to Pete." There, she had said it. She opened her eyes and looked into his. She watched his mask fade away, watched the pain and sorrow flood through his eyes, across his face. His hands still holding hers trembled, and then released her. He pressed his palms against his eyes and she heard him release a shaky breath. He leaned back against the now closed door and sank to the ground.
He pulled his knees up to his chest and hugged him there, looking like a small child. His eyes looked slightly glassy and unfocused as he stared at his knees. It was killing her to see him like this, so… defeated. She had watched him walk straight into battle with a hundred jaffa and come out standing tall. Yet with those four words she had him beaten down. She kneeled in front of him and said, "Sir," but he didn't respond. Her voice became more sad and vulnerable as she said, "Jack," and laid a now shaking hand on his knee. He responded to this, looking up into her eyes. Then he said the one thing she was afraid he'd ask.
"Do you love him?"
His voice rang through the silence now deeper than she had ever heard. She began to look away but he grabbed her chin and forced her to look at him. "Do you love him?" he said, his voice shaking uncontrollably.
Her lip trembled, she couldn't lie to him, not about this. Slowly she began to shake her head as she whispered, "No."
The sat like that for a minute neither saying anything, both absorbing the truth in that one word.
"Then why?" he demanded, the need was gone from his voice, now there was anger and frustration. How could he not understand, she tired of waiting, she couldn't wait forever for him, she'd have to move on. They could never be together no matter how much they wanted to be. She could feel the anger and frustration rising in her. Was it wrong to want to be able to be with someone who can love you? Who can touch you and say silly, romantic things?
"I was tired of waiting," she said, a slight bitter tone to her voice. He rose up against the wall and began pacing, leaving her on the floor, staring at an empty space.
"But you don't love him," he shouted. She spun around and stood up, she was really angry now.
"What was I supposed to do Jack? Wait forever!" She was shouting too.
"I would have." He said bitterness seeping through his voice.
"Well I'm sorry, but I'm not you," she said. He continued pacing, letting silence descend, suddenly he stopped and looked right at her.
"Do you love me?" He asked. They were standing about a foot apart shouting loudly at each other.
"Does it matter anymore?" she answered. He grabbed her oversized t-shirt with his wet hands and pulled her in, his lips crashing down on hers. She froze shocked, they weren't supposed to be doing this but oh, how she wanted to. She grabbed his wet t-shirt and pulled him closer, committing his smell, his taste, his feel to memory as their lips moved together.
She felt her back hit the wall hard though she didn't care, her lips kept moving against his, her hands releasing his shirt and locking his hair. His hands traveled down her sides until he was at her thighs, gently he lifted her and legs swung around and locked behind his back. When they pulled away both breathing heavily he hugged her tight and putting his lips to her ear he whispered, "It's just about all that matters Sam,"
She shivered as his lips touched her ear; she pulled back a bit and looked into his eyes. She really loved this man holding her, yet she was engaged to another man. She realized her situation and what she had just done. She unlocked her legs from behind her back and her feet hit the ground. He moved his arms to her back still holding her, not wanting to have to let her go. She felt tears spring to her eyes and she tried not to release them closing them tight, "I think you should go," she whispered her voice shaking.
He closed his eyes and swallowed hard, refusing to look at her. He released her slowly, but once he did he grabbed the door handle that was next to them and yanked it open to a thunder storm. Without thinking he ran out, slamming the door behind him. He couldn't have her, he knew that now and it killed him. He ran all the way home with rain pouring down on him, not caring enough to try to hail a taxi.
Sam closed her eyes after he left and slid down the wall, not sure what to do now.
Jack walked into the commissary for breakfast looking like he had hardly slept. As soon as he did, he saw a blonde get up from her table and leave immediately. He sighed and went and sat down next to Daniel.
"You okay Jack?" Daniel asked, worried about his friend.
"Yeah, fine," he said bitterly.
"Right," Daniel said figuring it best to let it drop for now and come back to it later. "So did you hear?" he asked trying to change the subject to distract his friend.
"Hear what?" he asked sounding thoroughly uncaring.
"Sam broke it off with Pete," he said.
"What?" Jack said now completely interested.
"Yep," he replied, glad his distraction worked, "said it didn't feel right, that she didn't love him, and was muttering something like, it's all that matters."
Jack smiled like he never thought he would again, "She's right you know," he said thinking about what she had done, she had chosen him even though it meant having to wait and it made him happier than he ever thought he could be, "it's all that matters."