Wow! Look, it's Random Bits 12! I've been working on this one for weeks. It's not finished yet, but I just couldn't wait to start posting, so here's chapter1!
Title: Random Bits 12 - Chapter 1
Setting: Yuna's Guardians are escorting her back from a visit to Macalania Temple (in Macalania if you couldn't guess). Weary from all that hard praying, they stop at the campsite in Macalania Woods, but a stay at a Travel Agency would be nice…
Macalania Woods - Campsite- Our heroes are just arriving, short tempered from a long walk through bitter cold with full bladders (which no one had been willing to risk emptying in sub-zero temperatures for fear of what might happen).
After leaving the privacy of their respective concealing bushes, the companions gathered around the clearing, leaving several liters of ammonia to burn the surrounding vegetation and seriously upset the soil pH levels.
As they huddled around a small cooking fire, Auron wondered about Tidus' sudden bout of angelic behavior during their visit to the temple. He had been the epitome of courtly behavior, and the model teenager, doing a sterling job of ignoring the odd comments about full moons and the storm of giggles that hit whenever he passed young nuns. It had been an amazing feat considering that practically the whole temple still remembered the Day of the Public Pantsing(which had become a sort of unofficial holy day for the nuns).Tidus had obviously remembered because events like that tend to stick in the mind. He would have gladly traded having a Ronso hit him in the nadgers with a sledge hammer if it would insure that no one would mention the Temple Pantsing ever again.
Auron 'harrumphed' as he glanced at the path to the Spring, remembering when he had been ambushed by the Vengeful Pantsed Fiend. He turned a mild frown on the blond blitz ball star and wasn't surprised by the wicked grin that was returned. Tidus remembered too.
As night fell and the various nocturnal insects came out to keep everyone awake, Kimahri pulled three tents out of his hairy posterior. Yes, that is were he keeps all of his Items. (Watch him, he really does.) It was the safest place to keep them he maintained, theorizing that no one would ever think to look for them there. If he happened to fall in battle, looters would also hesitate. Hence all items in there were safe from thieves, highwaymen, bandits, and pirates, unless they were a special kind of pirate.
Once the tents were up and sufficiently aired out everyone said their goodnights and hit the bedroll. All except one. There is always one. Tidus tossed and turned in his lonely tent, shifting around restlessly. No one had wanted to share a tent with him since he tended to play blitz ball in his sleep. Giving up on sleep, the blond decided to afflict his companions with his presence. Why suffer alone when you can make others suffer with you? With those comforting thoughts Tidus crawled out of his tent.
Auron heard someone approaching the tent he shared with Wakka(dead to the world asleep) and Kimahri(tense and ready to spring).
Please don't let it be…
"Auron?" Tidus called in a loud whisper.
…Tidus. "What do you want?" the Legendary Guardian hissed, casting sleep on the Ronso to keep him from spreading the boy evenly over the campsite.
"I can't sleep." Tidus replied, poking his head into the tent. "The background music is keeping me awake."
Auron sighed explosively, wheezed, and glared at Wakka and Kimahri's sleeping forms. One of them had floated a serious air biscuit.
"Just be glad its not battle music and go to sleep." he replied.
"But its too…" Tidus began in tone of voice that told the older man that he wasn't going to shut up until he was sure he'd made his point. In order to save his sanity and get a word in edgewise, Auron cast Silence on the chattering teen. For the life of him, the Warrior Monk could not figure our what the Sin spawn found so disturbing about this particular area's background music. It was such a calm and soothing melody, perfect for sleeping. After a few moments consideration, he came to the conclusion that Tidus had a natural aversion to anything calm and soothing.
"Sounds nice and quiet to me," Auron replied cheerfully, fluffing up his pillow and laying back down, "Well, goodnight."
"…" Tidus replied.
"Close the flap tight when you leave. I don't want any bugs getting in." Auron mumbled, not looking forward to waking up with a giant bug on his back.
"…" Tidus said angrily, and stomped back to his tent.
Rikku crawled out of the tent she shared with Yuna and Lulu. The morning sunshine created a dappled pattern in the grass that made Rikku think of chocolate chip cookies. Her stomach growled, demanding to be fed. Moments later, it was whimpering in fear that it would be fed. "Eeww!" Rikku moaned quietly when she saw what was for breakfast. Her stomach tried to hide behind her spine. "Yunie, Auron's making Whatever Stew, again."
Whatever Stew was Auron's own invention, and consisted of whatever was laying around that may or may not be edible. He held to the philosophy that anything was edible if it was boiled, roasted, or simmered long enough.
Yuna glanced at the furiously boiling pot. "Well, maybe it will be edible this time?" Her hopes were hit over their metaphorical heads, trussed, stuffed in a car trunk, and then driven off a cliff, when Wakka returned from his foraging expedition. In his hands he held a stingy mass of green stuff covered in small yellow bladders( air bladders, not urinary bladders). "Here, brudda," he said, holding the detestable mass out to Auron. " I found this green stuff floating on the surface of the Spring." Auron took it, dropping the mess into the pot with a grunt of " What, no grubs?"
"Maybe Tidus or Kimahri found some, ya?" the red-haired man replied.
"Hmph."
Moments later, the broken horned Ronso returned with a pulpy mass of what was left of an Iguon, recognizable only by the few scraps of hide still clinging to it. Yuna barely managed to disguise a gag behind a lady-like cough as the carcass splashed into the roiling broth, followed by the handful of questionable fruit Tidus brought. Chunky, odiferous, and greasy, the horrid brew was the foulest looking suspension Auron had ever concocted. I could have been eaten without gagging if one tried to think about it no farther than 'that's the meat, those are the vegetables, and these are the spuds, but there was just no ignoring the unidentifiable 'floaties' bobbing on the surface. It was the Unsent Monk's crowning achievement.
A welcome distraction in the form of a Rainbow Butterfly, fluttered on to the scene (of what might turn out to resemble "Jones Town" after eating the stew). It drifted around the three women, circling the only tidy part of the camp. It is always cleaner when women are around. And you can always tell when women are accompanying the men on a trip. The campsite, tent, or rented room always seems to have that invisible line down the middle. One side is cluttered and dirty, and the other side is nice and tidy. It is on this side that the women will be found.
Dancing and twirling on the breeze, the butterfly drew the classic 'oooh's' and 'ahhh's' from the girls before fluttering away. It's random flight pattern brought it to where the men (three men, and one adolescent if you want to be precise about it) were cooking (arguing, ranting, and getting in each other's way, which is the only way to do it properly. Oh, and it was on the messy side of camp).
Tidus suddenly gasped in awe as the multihued butterfly glided up and alighted (that means 'landed' ) on a piece of Iguon floating on the unsteady surface of the soup. Wakka and the Ronso studied it for a minute or two, then wandered off. They had more masculine things to do, like poking things with sticks, and watching Yuna, respectively. The butterfly sat unbothered by the roiling heaving of its perch, beating its wings in a gentle rhythm as if drawing breath.
"A Rainbow Butterfly!" Tidus breathed in wonder, leaning in for a closer look, and possibly to touch it (since he was one of those people who were never taught to look with their eyes and not with their hands). Auron looked down at the butterfly, then unceremoniously stirred it into the stew.
"What?" he demanded as the three 'X's and one 'Y' gasped in disbelieving horror. "It's protein." Aruon snapped defensively "Very good for you, protein."
Raise your hand if you want some Whatever Stew!