HOWARD LINK User's Guide and Owner's Manual

by WhimsicalHeart

You are now the proud owner of a HOWARD LINK unit. To unlock his full potential and to stop him from becoming an utter and complete disciplinarian please read the manual carefully.

Disclaimer: were we the owners of -man we would have left Shounen Jump and found another company so that -man could continue on a weekly basis. Che (yeah, we may be a little idealistic but we write fiction, how many of you were under the impression that we didn't like to imagine). Theresa Green owns the layout of the User's Guide and Owner's Manual. On Saya-sama has other -man User Guide's and Owner Manuals that are really good.

A/N: 10 days left at school, 10 days left at school, 10 days left at school (WH: can I butt in here?) no, I'm reminding myself why I can't kill certain people, including a few teachers. Than it's finals and I don't have to look at them/ talk to them ever again. Anyway, I enjoyed writing this. Couldn't believe that Two Pimple would be so much fun ^_^

A/N: this was lotsa fun to write. It took a while to get hold of Link's details but all credit for that goes to -man and I think the user is aorin who I think we'll use a lot in the future. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and/or favourited these stories. I'm quickly laying out the immediate future for the manuals. We have a CLOUD NINE that is nearly done and she will be followed by an ALLEN WALKER though he may take slightly longer (D: yeah he is loooooooooong, hence I dictated and typed sweet nothing for him) yeah, my wrist thanks you. I feel better when I think about you typing it out in mandarin (D: evil person)

Congratulations!

You are now the proud owner of a HOWARD LINK unit. To unlock his full potential and to stop him from becoming an utter and complete disciplinarian (WH: is that possible?) please read the manual carefully. Management accepts full responsibility for all perfectly executed tasks (D: we do?) but not for mistakes in the orders (D: ah).

Unit Specifications:

Name: HOWARD LINK

AKA: Two Pimple, Inspector, Crow

Place of Manufacture: Germany

Age: 19

Height: 172cm

Weight: 62kg

Blood Type: AB

Your HOWARD LINK comes with the following accessories:

1 Set Spell Cards

15 Hair bands

2 neat, high collared white shirt

1 pin striped blazer with gold decorations

2 pair black pants

1 red ribbon

1 full face mask

1 trench coat

1 tent-like Crow Robes

Removing your HOWARD LINK from the box:

Your HOWARD LINK unit is highly disciplined and in all likelihood he will come from the box when ordered. You will, however, have to prove that you actually merit listening too. We advise proof of purchase papers and/or a MALCOM C. LEVERIER unit. If he does not come out of the box when ordered to, employ one of the following methods:

Tell him an ALLEN WALKER unit is sneaking off without him, seeing that he usually monitors ALLEN WALKER units he will probably be out of the box in a flash. You will then need to stop him going to find said ALLEN WALKER unit, but that's your baby.

Get a MALCOM C. LEVERRIER unit and tell the LEVERRIER unit to tell your HOWARD LINK unit to get out of the box. He always listens to MALCOM C. LEVERRIER units so we advise that you make sure that the LEVERRIER unit knows who is boss, i.e. you.

If these methods fail to extract your HOWARD LINK unit from his box you can safely conclude that he is not coming out of there and something has malfunctioned. Send him back and you'll be refunded or sent a new unit. (D: I'm sorry we're refunding something?! This has got to be a first)

Programming:

Once you have successfully removed your HOWARD LINK from his box, you will encounter his programming. You may find that he is anti-social, stoic and seemingly hell bent on guarding an ALLEN WALKER unit. This is not an error in his programming, it is, in fact, an integral part of his programming. As such, he is unsuitable for anyone who is annoying, does not own/ live near an ALLEN WALKER unit or has a delicate constitution. It is written on the box, in fine print, we expect you to pay attention (D: why, pray tell, does this unit have the warnings written in fine print? WH: well…he kinda does obey all those annoying legal type rules and when have you ever heard of a legal document where the things you actually wanted to know where written in the normal document?)

Guard: do you have something you would rather wasn't stolen? Don't trust solid walls, thick heavy chains, 6 meters of cement to protect it and the most sophisticated anti-theft technology in the world? Why would you then trust a HOWARD LINK unit to protect your stuff? We're not sure either but he will keep your stuff safe. As a member of Crow your HOWARD LINK is extremely competent in defensive arts and not only the physical type, he is also a proficient magic user. So, when in doubt hope LINK is about and give him those valuables to guard.

Bodyguard: tired of feeling scared for your life or of those bullies down the road? Trust HOWARD LINK to keep you safe and sound. With an impressive range of fighting skills and battle know-how your HOWARD LINK will lay to rest all your fears, and all those who caused them.

Spy: are you worried about something? Think someone in your organisation plans on over throwing you. Send in your HOWARD LINK. Whether you want him to be discrete or would rather people knew they were being watched he will perform to perfection. He is a talented watcher and the only thing capable of impeding him in his job is a LENALEE LEE unit (WH: and presumably other girls) who fall asleep in a room he is supposed to be working in. (D: he gets embarrassed, aw cute)

Recorder: (no not the instrument) this unit is very capable at recording exactly what goes on. He will observe the goings on in where ever you tell him to and will produce a detailed report of his findings. If there is a problem, he will name the culprit and will even be kind enough as to suggest possible solutions. We do advise that you ensure that the target has not purchased a KOMURIN X unit, as these units will attempt to eat his report, thereby destroying the evidence.

Homework Helper: do you ever get told to do those annoying questionnaires for class? Never know what to put in them or how to get people to full them in? Your HOWARD LINK unit will save you from all that so that you can do whatever you want. He will construct comprehensive, detailed questionnaires (D: is that a nice way of saying that it will probably be about a thousand pages long?) and will personally see to it that they get filled out. He will even provide a summary at the end of it, which highlights the main points of the questionnaire and general responses. (D: well you will get better marks than if you let a TYKI MIKK unit do it…)

Researcher: he is also a very capable researcher and can check up all the stuff you need for a project or because you want to stalk someone (D: O_o) but be warned, nothing remains hidden from HOWARD LINK units. Don't get him te research a person unless you really want to know.

Referee: looking for someone totally impartial to referee your games? HOWARD LINK is the answer to all your prayers. Provide him with the rulebook and point him in the right direction. He won't miss a thing, we mean this literally and he will judge things based on the rulebook. He won't, as a rule, ever forget the rules, which means you can use him time and time again.

Your HOWARD LINK comes with the following modes:

Disciplined (default)

Mission

Fight

Worried

Crow (encrypted)

Embarrassed (encrypted)

This unit's modes are not mutually exclusive i.e. he can be in fight and mission mode at the same time (D: gee, that's such an achievement)

Your unit is a very disciplined individual and will always follow all the rules, and enforce them too. In disciplined mode, he is cold, stoic and a perfect example of how to do as you are told. Don't be fooled by his façade though, he is perfectly capable of thinking for himself and highly intelligent.

Your HOWARD LINK usually exists in Mission mode as most of the time he is carrying out orders. In this mode, he will execute all instructions to perfection and be utterly and completely unstoppable. Unlike other units, your HOWARD LINK unit's Mission mode is not linked to his fight mode. He will do anything from playing chess to monitoring people to collecting pieces of AKUMA EGG™ models. HOWARD LINK units are perfectly capable of completely missions without resorting to violence. His missions also do not always entail violence. There are times when they will and on those rare occasions, he will enter Fight mode.

In Fight mode, your unit will utilise everything he has been taught about close combat. Just because he isn't an exorcist unit doesn't mean he can't fight. Your unit can hold off a KANDA YUU and ALLEN WALKER unit for a period of time but is unlikely to try this unless he is possessed by a TIMOTHY HEARST unit. The moral of the story of is this; the title of inspector is exactly that, a title. It means nothing and he is not the paper work type.

He will enter worried mode should he ever be unable to contact an ALLEN WALKER unit on a mission or, when he believes he can no longer protect a TIMOTHY HEARST unit from an akuma. He will also enter worried mode when he meets his fellow Crow members after their transformation to half akumas. He will realise that the AKUMA EGG™ pieces he previously collected were used in the transformation.

He will only enter Crow mode when he is guarding an ALLEN WALKER unit when the WALKER unit finds out that he is the host for the FOURTEENTH's memories. He will don his Crow robes and mask and as such, the ALLEN WALKER unit will be completely unaware of him.

Embarrassed mode is extraordinarily rare and he will only enter it should he walk into a room with sleeping LENALEE LEE unit. (D: awww, cuuute!!! WH: CAN YOU GET OVER IT NOW!!! pauseD: you didn't have any sugar this morning did you? WH: noooo…D: ah, I see…) He will then stand outside the room until she wakes, should an ALLEN WALKER unit be in the same room.

Feeding:

We are sure this unit requires food to function. You can, however, leave this up to him, he is a proficient cook. In fact, he will cook pumpkin pies when he has been assigned to supervise ALLEN WALKER units in order to improve the relationship between them. (WH: BRIBERY AND CORRUPTION, BRIBERY AND CORRUPTION! THIS IS THE DOWNFALL OF ALL ORGANISED SYSTEMS!! D: breathe)

Cleaning:

Your unit will keep himself above impeachment. He will always do his utmost to appear neat and tidy. The only time you may find him deviating from that rule is in the midst of a battle. He tends to get a little scruffy but we advise you treasure this trait, it is one of the few that makes him seem human. We advise you don't waste your money on face washes that remove pimples. His are more resilient than the usual variety and nothing in the world can remove them.

Interaction with other Black Order units:

ALLEN WALKER: he will watch this unit like a hawk (D: don't we mean crow WH: the expression is hawk but you may be right) never leaving his side unless it is utterly and completely necessary. He will bake a very nice pumpkin pie for ALLEN WALKER units before he monitors them. You can't stop him monitoring these units so you might as well enjoy the pie along with the ALLEN WALKER, if you can get any. Your LINK will always be in Mission mode round ALLEN WALKER units. He will also defend this unit from attacks and is liable to get very annoyed if a GOSHI unit attacks and ALLEN WALKER unit by accident or if a LENALEE LEE falls asleep in a room when he is supposed to be watching an ALLEN WALKER.

MALCOM C. LEVERRIER: he listens to this unit's every order. He does exactly as this unit says and feels the need to report back to him.

LENALEE LEE: he is impartial to this unit but will become highly agitated, embarrassed and annoyed should a LENALEE LEE unit fall asleep in the room he was supposed to be watching an ALLEN WALKER in. He will refuse point blank to work in a room with a lady in such an indecent state. (D: cu- WH: if the next word out of your mouth is cute I'm going to do something very unladylike D: thinks about it KAWAII! WH: waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!) When she wakes, he will threaten to lay a formal charge against her and should she remain in the room with the ALLEN WALKER he will threaten to tell a KOMUI LEE unit.

KOMUI LEE: he respects this unit's position as supervisor of the BLACK ORDER but that's about as good as it gets. After an incident with KOMUVITAND™ he will attempt to write a report that blames the entire happening on whichever KOMUI LEE happened to cause the problem but will probably fail in doing so after getting bitten by a FROI TIEDOLL and having his notes eaten by a KOMURIN-X unit (WH: poor guy, he doesn't get a break does he?)

KANDA YUU: this unit will work with you unit if he has to but KANDA YUU units don't like LINK units anymore than they like other units.

LAVI: this unit hates your HOWARD LINK's guts, well he doesn't trust him and he doesn't like the way that he insists on monitoring ALLEN WALKER units. He will mistrust your HOWARD LINK from the second he tells an ALLEN WALKER unit he is monitoring and the LAVI unit will try to put the ALLEN WALKER unit against the idea. Later on LAVI units will begin referring to LINK units by the name "Two Pimple" (WH: and unfortunately certain people like the name so much that the forget his real name D: who me?)

MARIAN CROSS: your HOWARD LINK will ensure that no ALLEN WALKER units come near this unit. He will also research this unit after he disappears and stops returning to headquarters.

TIMOTHY HEARST: these units will initially possess your unit and use his body to attack KANDA YUU and ALLEN WALKER units. however after your HOWARD LINK protects him and the other orphanage children from AKUMA he will become highly attached to you HOWARD LINK unit

MADARA: this unit will show up in time to save your HOWARD LINK unit's life when protecting TIMOTHY HEARST units he may also enter worried mode when he finds out about this unit's transformation.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ):

Question: I have put my HOWARD LINK on a strict skin care regimen for weeks, and do you know what? THOSE PIMPLES ARE STILL THERE!!!!! I have tried so many different creams and washes, and I have forced litres of water down his throat on a daily basis! What do I do?

Answer: ah~~ give up. We actually don't know why you even tried. We do recall warning you in the cleaning section of the manual. (WH: seeing as manual just seems to be to broad a concept for certain people we've decide to try and narrow it down D: at times). No matter what type of makeover you give him, no matter how successful it has been in other places, the one thing (WH: actually two things) that remains constant and very much visible, are the two pimples.

Question: My HOWARD LINK has disappeared! I bought him YESTERDAY!

Answer: Assumably you didn't buy a MALCOLM C. LEVERRIER or an ALLEN WALKER unit yesterday too, or a few days before that. Seeing as you didn't buy one of the aforementioned units he has now gone to find one. He is either on a mission with an ALLEN WALKER or has received a different mission from a LEVERRIER. When will he be back? No idea, answer negative, good luck 

Question: help! I asked my HOWARD LINK unit to help me with my homework and I had to complete one of my questionnaires for comparison purposes. He hasn't let me out of my room since yesterday and I'm only half way done! What have I unleashed?

Answer: mwahahahahahahahahhaha, splutter, choke. Sorry we don't know where that came from, be nice he is just being thorough. Hold on to the thought that you will definitely receive an A and if you don't you can send your HOWARD LINK in to appeal the decision (D: and then you will definitely get your A)

Troubleshooting:

Problem: I was under the impression that the unit I was buying was supposed to be life like, is that just an advertising ploy? I have had him for, like a month and he suddenly turned into a DOLL! You know, like a mannequin. What the hell.

Solution: oh dear. It seems your LINK unit has been unfortunate enough as to run into an AKUMA unit with the ability to turn things into dolls by focussing his eye on them for six seconds. Your HOWARD LINK was probably rescuing a TIMOTHY HEARST unit at the time. Rest assured that it is not permanent it will only last until the AKUMA unit is destroyed and the TIMOTHY HEARST unit probably won't leave it too long. Until then, be careful with him, he is very breakable and if he gets broken he can't be fixed.

Problem: he is stuck in Discipline mode!

Solution: no, that's the default

Problem: how do I get him out of Mission mode. He keeps on slipping into it!!!!!!

Solution: well what did you expect? And by the way you can't. He was introduced as a discipline, mission, order following person.