AUTHOR'S NOTE:
wrote this super quick for the kink meme
this is dumb and kindof unedited sorry omfg
The first time Eren realizes he isn't normal, is when he's showering his first night as a trainee. There has never been any show and tell between him and Armin, and he's had no reason to believe he's any different than anyone else, but when he's standing there in the shower next to him, of course he has to steal a glance.
They're childhood friends, he reasons, it's okay to do weird things sometimes. But then he notices that Armin's privates look different than his, and one glance turns into two, three, four, and he doesn't know he's staring until Armin nudges him with his foot, his face an unholy shade of beet red.
He doesn't ask what's wrong; Eren is grateful for that. But he can read it on Armin's face when they walk to the bunks, the worry of his lip and the way he stares at his feet. It's the look he always has when he wants to question something, though Eren isn't sure he could take it.
Laying in the bunk that first night, Eren slips a hand down to palm himself, not out of arousal, but out of anxiety. Armin's was much longer, prettier than his, and his slit was at the tip rather than the underside. Eren slid his finger downward, prodding at the fleshy membrane that rested underneath his length and sighing.
For a while, he kept quiet. He showered with Armin, who was glad to help keep any prying eyes off of him, and used the bathroom whenever he was sure no one else was there. No one noticed as his trainee days passed, as Trost and getting the living shit beaten out of him and Annie all merged as days gone by into the quiet lull of his current life.
There was an expedition coming up, he needed to be doing something vaguely productive, he reminds himself again as he hunches over the toilet, mentally preparing for a retch that never comes. It's better than staying in bed, though, and he's supposed to be cleaning the bathroom anyways. He stares into the toilet bowl and tries not to cry, the dull, pulsing ache in his abdomen only spurring him further. He isn't sure how long he sits there, shaking and drenched in sweat. Someone's going to find him and the captain is going to be pissed when he sees the bathroom is still dirty and there it comes.
He vomits, emptying his stomach of his lunch and slumping against the toilet. He rests his cheek against the bowl and cries, the taste of bile thick in his throat.
He passes out there, slumbering semi-peacefully until someone calls for him, shakes him awake and he jumps, nearly knocking his head against the wall. He's still tired, his head hurts, the ache in his stomach has decided to turn to a sharp thrum as well, and he almost tries to lay his head down until his ears finally tune in.
"...Eren, come on, what the fuck did you do? Oh my god, the captain is going to kill you, what the fuck?"
Everything is still semi-blurry, but he turns around anyways, eyes lidded. It's Jean, of course, because the universe has always hated him. He opens his mouth to speak, still feeling a little disembodied, but the disgusted look on Kirschtein's face finally gets through and he realizes that something is wrong.
His leg is wet. At first, he thinks he's pissed himself and a wave of shame courses through him, but he looks down and it's red and he almost screams.
"I'm bleeding." Is he dying? He's dying, isn't he. Oh god, he's dying in front of Kirschtein on the bathroom floor what the fuck this is not how he wanted to die.
"No shit, dude," the ashy blonde exhales, kneeling down beside him. For once, he seems genuinely worried, but that does little to ease the brunette's nerves. He's still bleeding from his crotch, and he's kind of hyperventilating. "What the hell did you do?"
Eren swallows, and his knuckles are white as he grips the toilet bowl for leverage, turning to face him. There's no puddle of blood or anything, but his pants are stained red, and there's an uncomfortable slickness in his snatch.
"I don't know." His gaze flickers up to Jean's horrified expression, back down to his pants, and he thinks he might be crying but he might just be sweating still.
"I- I'm going to get Squad Leader Hanji," he stutters, and panic bells ring more than once. He doesn't want anyone to find out how fucked up he is, but he's kind of dying here and he values his life over his genitalia, so he just nods.
Eren feels like he's on display when he has to remove his 3DMG straps, his pants, his boxers, the whole shebang, and Hanji's eyes damn well light up the moment they see.
Not the reaction he was expecting, but he'll take it. Maybe he isn't dying.
"It's called a menstrual cycle," they explain, but it isn't a reassuring explanation when Eren has his legs spread like this. "All women go through them once they hit puberty!"
"Are you calling me a fucking girl?" Eren half-heartedly tries to kick Hanji in the face, but it's a little hard to maneuver with their hands probing around his crotch like this.
"No, not at all. Well, I've just never seen anyone like this before! I'm not sure if all shifters have these, or if this is just a you thing, but it's really amazing!" Hanji has a gloved finger in his snatch, which is distracting and not at all arousing. He wants to gag when the finger comes out with a clot on it. "It looks like you have a mixture of male and female genitalia! I didn't feel a cervix up there, but I guess you must have ovaries to be producing this heavy of a flow... Oh, but you should be producing some amount of testosterone as well, right? Testes too, maybe? One of each? Two sets? Hm.."
Eren has no idea what half of that means, but he vaguely remembers the terms 'ovaries' and 'cervix' from when his dad was treating female patients. (In the back of his mind, he wonders if Annie is the same way as well. He decides not to think about it.)
"You don't mind if I give you another checkup in a few days, right?" Yes, he does, but he shrugs anyways.
"I'll let Levi know that I'm going to need you every once in a while. Oh, and take the day off, you're probably going to need it." They toss a bloodied rag at him while he gingerly changes his pants, and suddenly he really wants to punch someone in the face. He didn't fucking sign up for this shit.
Eren waits for Jean to finish cleaning, and together they sit alone to eat. Mikasa and Armin seem to take the hint, at least, and they relish a few moments of silence together.
"You never told me what happened," he begins, chewing on a slice of bread. "I was really fuckin' freaked out, you know."
Eren shrugs, knowing he isn't going to get out of this without telling the truth. He doesn't really want to admit to this, but since Jean was the one who dragged him to Hanji anyways, he's kind of obligated to.
"Period."
Jean chokes on his bread, and half the mess hall turns to look at the two of them. He swallows, wipes his mouth on the back of his hand like a savage, and leans forward to whisper, "that's a damn shitty joke, Jaeger." Eren knows he only believed it for a minute.
"If you don't believe me, ask the fuckin' period rag Hanji threw at me."
"On second thought, I don't care."