For the 5, 10, 20, 50, 75, 100 Fandoms challenge by Shermione. A short drabble in two parts. Enjoy and review!
John,
You'll probably never find this letter. In fact, I don't think I really want you to find this letter. I've mostly written it for myself, I think. I just needed to see these words down on paper. But if I'm writing this and hiding it somewhere you might find it, doesn't that mean that some part of me really does want you to find it so you'll know and understand? Never mind, that's besides the point.
This letter is an apology, John. I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you, I never wanted any of this to happen. I fell for Moriarty's mind games, he was able to get to me. He promised he would burn me, he said that eventually he would kill me. He was right. He did burn me and even though he is dead now, I have no doubt that my death will be caused by him. But I'm not saying it is his fault. It's mine. When you thought I had died, I should have told you. I should have been open with you and told you I was alive but more time passed and the longer it went the more I told myself that it would be better to do it the next day, that you just needed one more day before my apparently coming back from the dead wouldn't give you a heart attack. I was really just trying to protect you, but I feel like I might have done the opposite. So I'm sorry, truly very sorry. For everything.
If you ever find this John, I'm still at 221B Baker St. I won't come out into the open until you've put this letter down, though. I'll let you see me once I know you've finished it. Because trust me, if your reading this, I know and I'm watching and waiting.
Sherlock
Sherlock reread his words, and knew they didn't sound like him. God, they sounded nothing like how he would say them to his face, but maybe that was just it. He would never be able to tell John the whole truth right to his face. He couldn't even explain why he tricked him, why he tried to convince him he was a fraud before he "died" in his letter. But every word of it was true. He folded the letter and stuck it in an envelope. He wrote John's name on the outside and propped it up on his chair. He stared at it for a long time before making his way up the stairs and going to sit on John's old bed, wondering if he would ever get to see him again.