This is my new story, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things. This is inspired my my destructive cat. This story is based on actual events that my cat has done.
Enjoy!
How could she do this to me? McGee thought with horror as he stared at the body in his home. His HOME. HIS HOME.
McGee knelt by the body. And judging by the stuff around it, this was the result of a robbery gone wrong. Seeing the body, he felt sick. How was he going to tell the family?
He got up angrily and whirled around to face the culprit.
"BAD DOG!" He yelled. Jerthro, the German shepherd sank away, whining. McGee groaned and picked up the dead hamster. "Jethro, what did you do?" He cried. "This is the Madson's pet hamster!"
Jethro licked his chops and looked quite pleased with himself.
It had only been two weeks since Abby, somehow, had convinced McGee to take the dog. And in that two weeks, it became very, VERY clear that Jethro was no ordinary dog. No, Jethro was the German shepherd from Hell. Of course this didn't become clear until day three of having the dog. Day three, a Tuesday.
AGENT LASTWISH: AND THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS
Day 3:
McGee yawned, stepping out of his car and into the Silver Spring's parking lot. He cracked his neck, and fought to keep his eyes open. It had been a grueling day at work. And Tony had NOT made that day easier. Especially when he forgot to fill the car with gas when they went to go collect evidence for a murder case. On the way home, they ran out of gas and had to push the car four miles to the nearest gas station.
He yawned again and opened the trunk, taking out the bag of dog food, a dog bed and a bag of toys. Abby had lent him a leash to walk him, but it was clear that the high energy dog was going to need something to do while his owner was at work.
Tim dragged the stuff into his apartment. Upon entering, he discovered the apartment to be unusually cold, and there was a distinct, odd odor but he took no concern; he was far too tired.
He put the large bag of food by Jethro's food and water bowl. The freezer door was open. How odd…McGee thought as he closed the door. Must be why it's so cold in here. He set the bag of toys on the counter and went to set up dog bed on the floor next to his own when
Squish!
The noise came from below Tim's feet. The young agent groaned and looked down, expecting to see his shoe covered in dog doo. But what he saw instead was far more disturbing: a raw hamburger. In fact, there was not one, but five raw hamburgers scattered about the floor.
"Wait a…" McGee trailed off and ran to his freezer. Just as he thought, the box of frozen raw patties he had in the freezer was ripped open. There were five wrappers scattered near the patties on the floor. But how had they gotten there? McGee immediately whipped out his gun, assuming this was the work of a burglar. He searched the apartment through and through, but the only thing he found was Jethro, sleeping on the bed.
McGee had no idea what had happened, but he was far to tired to care. He cleaned up the hamburgers and set up Jethro's new bed, and crawled into his own, not even bothering to change his clothes.
Scratch, scratch, scratch.
McGee awoke with a start, suddenly hearing the scratching noise. He flipped over onto his side and looked at the clock: 2 a.m.
scratch, scratch, scratch.
There it was again! McGee threw himself out of bed, and grabbed his gun. Ever so carefully, he slipped out into the hall, and what he saw astounded him.
There was Jethro, on the counter. He scratched at the freezer door and nuzzled it with his long snout, until finally, he managed to pry the freezer door open. The dog stuck his nose into the box of hamburger. He grabbed three of the patties in his mouth and jumped down. But Jethro was smart! He knew he had to thaw the patties before he could eat them, so he scattered the about on the floor to thaw, and curled up in the middle of them, napping until he could eat.
McGee was shocked. So it was Jethro who had turned his apartment floor into a dinner plate. He put away his gun and shut the freezer door. He wasn't sure whether he should praise his dog or scold him.
Day 4:
McGee awoke, beyond exhausted. He found two new, semi-frozen patties on the floor, and decided just to microwave them and let Jethro have them. After he and his dog had breakfast (Jethro having hamburger, McGee having dinosaur shaped cereal), he took the dog for a walk. When the two returned, Tim took out all of the toys from their packaging and gave them to Jethro, before leaving for the day.
Tim returned to a horror show. The toys he'd given to Jethro had been completely obliterated, along with the bed and the couch.
"Oh Jethro… Why?"
AGENT LASTWISH: AND THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS
Over the next few days, Jethro learned how to open widows and doors. He discovered it was fairly easy. Just turn the knob with your paws or push up on the window to open. And every day, McGee would come home to discover that Jethro had gotten out of his apartment and into someone else's. Then Jethro would steal what ever toy he thought fit. He had a collection under the bed.
And that's why it was no surprise when Jethro brought to him, the Madson's hamster. He was horrified, of course, but not surprised.
"Jethro, why did you do that? And today of all days?" McGee cried.
Jethro cocked his head in a questioning expression.
McGee held up his hands in exasperation. "Abby's coming today!" He cried. "She's coming over in half an hour to update my hard drive!" He cried.
Jethro heard Abby's name and got so excited, he nearly peed.
He really missed Abby.
"Not now Jethro! Now I have to go tell the Madson's that you killed- ACK!" McGee screamed and dropped the, suddenly, now living hamster. "Fine, you stunned, you STUNNED the Madson's hamster!" He cried.
And then he walked down, with the hamster to the Madson's appartment and had to deal with a very angry family who threatened to sue if he didn't get the dog trained. Half and hour later he was up in his apartment when Abby arrived.
"Timmy!" she squealed and hugged him. "And Jethro!" She dropped to her knees and petted the excited dog. She stood up and looked around looking at the mess. "McGee… what happened here?"
"It's nothing," he said simply.
"Oh! I almost forgot! I brought Jethro a new toy!" She grinned and gave the dog a squeaky fox.
The dog took it in his mouth and destroyed it within fifteen minutes.
McGee groaned. "And this is why we can't have nice things,"
Week 3:
It turns out, Jethro was destroying things because he was stressed out from being shot at and relocated. Once he was settled, he relaxed and became much less destructive.