a/n: I think that Mister Monster is getting a real workout. This is part of my oneshot anniversary celebration! I've spent four years on fanfiction, whoo!
dedication: To the evil in our hearts.
disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
summary: Sakura's worst fear isn't a Chidori through her back. It isn't the sight of Sasuke, laughing manically over the bodies of her loved ones. It isn't the spinning whorl of the Mangekyo Sharingan. Sakura's worst fear has nothing do to with Sasuke at all.
phobia
Sakura lives a mostly normal life. For a shinobi, of course.
She oversees the hospital, takes on a few missions, drops in on Kakashi every once in a while to tease her old teacher. The Hokage hat suits him. Team Seven changed all of them, but Sakura thinks it changed Kakashi most of all.
It's always there, though, lurking in the back of her mind. From the moment she broke Sasuke's Tsukiyomi, it's been there. Sakura buries it deep under responsibility and obligation and the immediate adrenaline of hunt and kill, but it's still there.
There's a reason Sasuke's Tsukiyomi didn't affect her as much as it should have. She knows this – she's seen its effects on Sasuke, on Kakashi, on Orochimaru. She knows that she doesn't have the mental strength to beat them – it isn't her will that broke it, despite what Kakashi thought.
And it isn't the skill of a caster – Itachi was a master of the Mangekyo, but Sasuke isn't that far off. The only difference is in the casting. Itachi knew the best way to scar his brother. He knew the psychology of a Konoha shinobi. He knew how to use the Tsukiyomi to devastating effect.
Others might have argued with her there. Sasuke, they would claim, didn't want to hurt her. He purposefully made the Mangekyo weak.
Sakura knows better. She knows that Sasuke wouldn't give a damn if the Tsukiyomi had scarred her for life, as long as she was out of the fight. Much as he denies it, she knows her teammates. It's a pity he didn't know her.
Because Sasuke putting a Chidori in her back isn't her worst nightmare. It scares her and saddens her, but deep down, she knows that Sasuke could do it. It can't be her worst fear when it can come true any minute. He's changed now, but still Sakura remembers the cold eyes of the boy who left her on a stone bench.
It isn't Sasuke leaving. Sakura reconciled that with herself ages ago. Sasuke was never meant to be in Konoha – he had too many demons here. He couldn't live with the sight of the city that Itachi had chosen over his family. The Uchiha may have been traitors, but they had been Sasuke's family first.
Itachi died for Konoha and that is something Sasuke will never forgive.
Her worst fear has nothing to do with Sasuke. It's surprising, she knows, and if she told Kakashi or Naruto, they'd try to argue with her. But Sakura knows her own mind. She knows Sasuke. And she knows that he isn't the one that haunts her darkest nightmares.
Because, for all his strengths, Sasuke succumbed to darkness once. She's seen the evil in him and she knows that it can arise again.
But she doesn't tell anyone. A busy life has separated her from most of her friends. She barely talks to Naruto and Kakashi, though she makes time for a team dinner every time Sasuke wanders back home.
Kakashi might understand her. He was on a similar team once, and he has plenty of demons of his own. But Sakura can't take that risk. What if he doesn't understand? What if he gives her that look – one eye crinkled in disappointment?
Sakura can't tell him.
She can't tell Sasuke either. Sasuke is full of himself and hates himself at the same time. She can't tell him that he's not the center of her universe. Of all the things, he'd counted on her unconditional love the most. It was unconscious, she knew, but she still remembers the betrayal in his eyes when she clenched a poisoned kunai in her fists.
It'll destroy him.
Naruto is the last remaining member of her team – Naruto the endlessly energetic shinobi, who manages to defy death with a smile. If it were anything else, she'd be able to tell him, she knows. Naruto would never judge her – he still loves her, even if he's not in love with her anymore.
But she can't.
Because if it will destroy Sasuke, how much more will it destroy Naruto? So she can't tell him, she can't even voice it aloud. It's hidden in the depths of her heart and it's poisoning her from the inside.
Sakura's greatest fear is Naruto himself.
It wasn't always. As a child, she feared the normal things – rogue shinobi, dying, something happening to her parents, her friends, her village.
But from the moment she realized that the Kyuubi was trapped inside Naruto, she was afraid.
It's not a rational fear.
She knows Naruto, she loves him like the brother she never had. He's her closest family and will always be her favorite teammate. She's never let go of her love for Sasuke, but Naruto grew on her, bit by bit, until she woke up one day and realized she was quite against him dying.
It's not this Naruto she fears. It isn't the one who laughs and smiles, who helps out old ladies and children. It isn't the powerful shinobi who decimates armies with a twitch of his hand, Konoha's greatest protector. It isn't the silly clown who purposely deprecates himself so she can have a better day.
And this is why no one will understand. How can you fear Naruto if you don't fear who he is?
Sakura doesn't know how to answer that question.
It isn't the Kyuubi she fears, either. She feels sorry for the bijuu, for the wanton destruction that centuries of hatred and revenge has caused. She knows that the Kyuubi will do anything to keep Naruto alive.
Her fear is irrational, but it's grounded in an image.
Naruto is turning his face towards her, and there's a smile on his face. It's not a normal smile – it's sharper and darker than his usual smiles and Sakura can see the tips of razor-sharp teeth. His fingers are curling into claws and the red aura is just beginning to glow around him. But it's his eyes that mesmerize Sakura – she can't look away from them. They're red with yellow sits, narrowed to complete his smirk.
This is the image that terrifies Sakura. The image of a Naruto beyond all reason and hope, a Naruto with darkness in his heart.
She's knows it can never happen. But that's what horrifies her.
Because it could have.
She's seen Gaara and the others. She knows what happens to a jinchuuriki when they have no one to hold onto. And it scares her beyond belief that Naruto could have been one of those jinchuuriki.
He was an outcast to most of the village, save a precious few. A few that got bigger and bigger as Naruto become a shinobi and started saving people's lives. A few that became absolute when Naruto defeated Pein.
Naruto isn't evil. He was never evil. Sakura has never seen his face set in that cruel smirk and she never will. It's stupid and petty and illogical.
But Sakura still fears. She knows that Naruto could have so easily slipped the other way. He was hanging on a cliff with all the hope he had. And she knows she did everything she could to make him fall.
And that is what truly frightens Sakura. If Naruto became the monster she sees in her nightmares then it would've been her fault.
And so she doesn't tell anyone. She keeps it to herself. She smiles after waking up from a nightmare. Because it's her burden to live with. It's her price.
Sakura's worst fear is that the evil in her heart would have managed to overcome the good in Naruto's.
fin
a/n: Following the nightmare plots of these little ficlets. I had the little idea that Sakura was always more afraid of Naruto than Sasuke.