The First Time
By: Miss Phyllis Baxter (knockedoveralamp)
Ship: Peggy Carter x Steve Rogers
Word Count: 1308
Summary: Peggy's thoughts about Steve throughout their relationship. Specifically looks at the first time she felt a certain way for Steve. (Oh Captain, My Captain)
When she first laid eyes on him, she thought it must be a joke. He was half the size of the other men and almost certainly, she knew that he would not make it through. Yet once she stopped thinking about how small he was, she began to see the determination and the kindness in him. He wasn't mean to her like several of the other recruits were. Hodge was one that came to mind when she thought of cruelty from recruits. Even though she had punched him in the face, he continued to be rude to her. She admired how Steve Rogers managed to just brush off rude remarks from the bullies, which was something she sometimes wished she could do better. She was a hothead sometimes and it wasn't a very good thing.
That was the first time Peggy Carter aspired to be like Steve Rogers.
On the day of the run that the recruits had to participate in, Peggy wanted to laugh at all the men who were jumping and climbing the mass to retrieve the pennant that would give them a free pass for the rest of the run. Honestly, she didn't want any of them sitting in the same vehicle as her, but if she had to choose one, it would be Steve Rogers. They all looked so stupid climbing the mast, but Peggy did have to admit that it's how she would try and get the pennant. While the rest of the recruits were falling in, all of them having failed, Steve Rogers remained out of the division, looking at the mast before approaching it. Peggy was wondering what he was planning, before realizing how intelligent he truly was. Steve Rogers wouldn't climb a mast for a pennant, he would make the pennant come to him. When he picked it up and headed for the vehicle, Peggy had to do everything she could to contain her laugh. She turned to look at him with a small smile, she was proud of him. He was a handsome young man and his kindness towards others only made him better in her eyes. Now he had proved his intelligence. She was beginning to hope that he would be chosen for Project Rebirth. She didn't know much about it, but she did know that if it turned good into great, Steve Rogers would be the perfect choice to become America's super-soldier. He would have more physical strength than he did now, but that wouldn't really matter to him, because he would be a truly great person. They hadn't really been able to speak to each other, but Peggy knew that he was a good person by his treatment of her. He would have respect for any strength he was given. Those that have been made weak respect strength when they have it.
That was the first time Peggy Carter realized that she had fallen for Steve Rogers.
When Peggy received the news that she would be escorting the chosen candidate to the site where Project Rebirth would take place, she internally groaned. Once she was informed that it was Steve Rogers would be the one going for the procedure, her mood changed instantly as a smile spread across her features. The kind young man would prove America proud and she knew that he deserved this opportunity more than anyone. Her faith in Steve Rogers would not fail and she knew that he would not fail her and make her regret the faith she had in him. She knew that most young men of Steve's size would be pleased that they would not have to risk their lives on the front lines, but not Steve. There was nothing he wanted more than to fight for his country and everything he believed in.
On the day of the procedure, sitting in the back of the automobile with him, Peggy learned quite a lot about the young man she admired so much and also about the man that she had fallen for. He had ben facing bullies all his life, and in her eyes is made him stronger. Yet, she couldn't help but feel bad for him. He was a decent young man who stood up for what he believed in, and as luck would have it, she knew he only believed in what was right.
After Steve's procedure was complete, Peggy could barely take her eyes off of him. He had been handsome before, but now people would understand why she felt so deeply about him. Some people didn't understand that a person could fall in love with someone else because of their heart and their kindness instead of just their looks. They lived in such a superficial world and it made Peggy so angry. She loved Steve Rogers and now the rest of the world would love him too.
That was the first time Peggy Carter was truly sad and worried about her love for Steve Rogers.
After the German spy blew up the lab where Project Rebirth had taken place, Peggy Carter chased after him, thinking that Steve would want to stay for a moment to check that Dr Erskine was alright. He wouldn't be, but Steve's heart would keep him behind. She shot at the spy even as he drove right at her, fear not forming in her mind. She would not let Steve down, but right as the car was getting close enough to hit her, Steve slammed into her, knocking her to the ground and saving her life. And yet, he had apologized for his actions. Yes, she had raised her voice at him, but it was only because he had risked his own life to save her when she could have gotten out of the way on her own. She didn't like having to be saved by men, it made her feel like all those other girls that rely on men to save them from danger. She would never be that, she had promised her father who had taught her how to defend herself. Yet, even though Steve had just made her feel like a damsel in distress, she was happy that he had cared enough for her to save her like that.
That was the first time Peggy Carter was truly grateful for Steve Rogers.
On the day that Steve died, Peggy had gone from the happiest she'd ever been to her lowest point.
When Steve kissed Steve, her heart had soared. She had wanted to kiss him for so very long and yet, it had never seemed like a good enough time. The feel of Steve's lips on her's and the feeling of him returning her kiss was enough to make any girl swoon, and Peggy certainly did. His lips were more amazing than she could ever have imagined, and it thrilled her.
That all changed when Peggy spoke to Steve over the radio that day. She realized her greatest fear was that she would lose Steve, the love of her life. She had wanted so badly to keep him safe and now she had failed in that self-assigned mission of her's. His last words to her would forever be remembered. I'd hate to step on your... She had cried for the rest of the day, even though she had tried to hide it from everyone else. Several others understood her pain; Colonel Phillips, Howard and the Howling Commandos. They knew that she had loved Steve and they had all been close to Steve as well. They didn't love him like she did, but they did love Steve. She cried herself until she was sick and then she resumed crying. For once, she didn't feel weak for crying. Steve was worth her tears.
That was the first time of many that Peggy Carter cried herself to sleep over Steve Rogers.