Abby marched towards Camp Jaha, determined to follow through with her plan. She'd stood by on the Ark, stood by and watched as they'd floated her husband, locked up her daughter, killed hundreds of innocent people all in the name of the 'greater good'.
But what did the greater good matter if it tarnished the souls of all those who survived? Were monstrous acts committed in the quest to save their people really worth it if the people left standing were so broken, so twisted in their morals, that they no longer deserved saving?
She had to set it right. She had to come clean. Her soul was too far gone, she knew that…but her daughter's…oh god, her daughter's…there was still a chance.
Abby strode through the gates and headed to medical. She'd clean up, check on the patients she'd left behind, make sure those who had survived the missile were comfortable, then she'd call a meeting. She'd tell her people just what lengths the truce meant they'd have to go to and then she'd let them decide for themselves.
She didn't want to condemn those 47 children to death but she reasoned that they had been living on borrowed time for a while now anyway. It pained her, but one last sacrifice couldn't blacken her heart anymore than it already was. Better it blacken hers than further destroy Clarke's.
As she entered the medical tent she faltered slightly. Kane was propped up on one of the beds, conscious to her relief, but still dazed and weak. Her heartbeat picked up slightly as she made her way towards him.
"Marcus..," words seemed to fail her as his eyes met hers. She was so thankful that he had made it, there was no way she could do this without him.
"Abby." He smiled slightly, wincing at the effort, before frowning as he took in her expression. "What's wrong?."
"What? Nothing. Nothing's wrong, I'm just glad you're okay." She tried to school her features into indifference but the mask she'd perfected on the Ark was not as easy to slip into as it once had been.
"I know you, Abby." Marcus sighed. "I know when you're gearing up for one of your speeches, I've been on the receiving end of them for far too long not to recognize when one's coming. So what is it? Is it about Clarke?" He tilted his head slightly, studying her. She hated when he did that, he always was far too good at figuring her out.
"It doesn't matter, you should rest." She made to turn around but Marcus' hand grasped hers and tugged her back gently.
"Clarke did what she had to do. She did it for our people. She did it to save her friends." He stared at her, his eyes pleading with her to understand, to let this one go.
"That's not the point!" Abby exploded, shaking slightly from the effort to calm down and keep her emotions in check. People around her glanced curiously over at them as she leaned down closer to try to mask the conversation.
"She murdered those people. Innocent people, Marcus. She let them die! She could have saved them and instead she left them like they were expendable. Collateral damage. She's just a child. She shouldn't be making those decisions. Lexa has twisted her into someone I don't even recognize anymore." Her voice broke on the last word and she took a deep breath to force down the lump in her throat that had been lodged there ever since Clarke had told her the truth.
"She did what we've done countless times before." Kane sighed wearily. "It had to be done. You know this."
"People deserve to know what they're sacrificing. We don't have the right anymore to make those kinds of decisions. People deserve the truth." She stopped herself then for fear she'd tipped her hand to early. Marcus would try to stop her, she knew he would.
He stilled as he caught her gaze then his eyes widened and his grip turned more forceful.
"Abby, no. No. Have you lost your damn mind? If this alliance breaks we will all die. We don't have a choice. The grounders won't let us live if we back out now. It doesn't matter how fair Lexa is, she can't be seen as weak and letting us back out after we've come this far will be seen as failure by her people. If she can't work with us, if she can't trust our word, then she has no reason to keep us alive. Everything Clarke did, sacrificing Collins, letting TonDC be destroyed, all of it, every death, will be for nothing if we turn away now." Marcus hissed, imploring her to think about this.
She knew he had a point, she got it, but she was so tired. Tired of death, tired of this endless cycle of violence and bad choices. She just wanted to be done with it. She wanted to take her daughter and leave all of the past behind her.
"I can't do it anymore. I look at Clarke and I see my past reflected in her future. I can't let her make my mistakes. She shouldn't have to do this, it shouldn't be her burden." Abby dropped her face into her hands, fighting back the agony threatening to burst out of her.
She felt warm hands grasp her shoulders and squeeze gently.
"Clarke is a woman, Abby. She hasn't been a child for a long time now. We need to trust her judgement. We're not the leaders anymore, not really. Clarke and Lexa will fight this war no matter what and we need to support them, not just for our people or the 47, but for our future." Marcus smiled gently as Abby looked up through tear filled eyes.
"She's led her people well. She's done a great job. We have to believe that she'll continue to do that, and yes, more lives will probably be lost, but we will get through it and our people will have a future because of her."
"So I'm supposed to just sit back and let her do whatever the hell she wants?" Abby asked exasperated.
"No." Marcus smiled. "You're supposed to let her make her own choices, her own mistakes, and be there when she needs you the most. Just be her mother. Not her leader or her friend or her superior. Just her mom. Just Abby. She's your daughter, she has your strength, she'll do what's right." He squeezed her hand and sat back against the makeshift blankets, closing his eyes and giving into exhaustion.
Abby squeezed back and closed her own eyes.
Abby feared that her strength was not the only thing Clarke had inherited and prayed to whatever God was left that Clarke didn't make the same choices she had made so many times before.