Oh. It's a new story. Should I give the deets or let you guys figure it out on your own? ;)
"Hey, Shinichi. Wake up." I called out, shaking his slumped shoulder on one of the agency's sofa. He seems to be always doing this lately, crashing down at the agency at least three times a week, "We're gonna be late." I said softly as he mumbled incoherent things under his breath.
"I'm up, I'm up." he said, groaning as he sat up, rolling his shoulders, removing the kinks that settled on his muscles from sleeping on the sofa. He looked up at me, eyes blank, missing the glint of confidence that used to shine even with the murder cases he's been around from the past. He smiled, soft and languid, as he stood up and grabbed his bag from the other sofa and headed for the agency's bathroom, "I'll be up in a few." he called out, disappearing behind the bathroom door.
I sighed, heading up to the third floor apartment to wake my Dad up and finally get breakfast started. Ever since his confession to me about cute little Conan-kun, he's had the tendency to always stick by me, randomly grab my hand when we're walking to school, and... calling me Ran-neechan. I wasn't mad, I didn't even know how I felt that night, sitting down on Shinichi's bed watching him explain, not listening. I guess that's what made the confession seem light to me.
He looked so hurt and guilty... and sorry.
I knew he was sorry for lying to me, but I felt like he was more sorry for himself, as if he shouldn't even deserve the praise that he had gotten for bringing down such an extensive syndicate that ruined his life and the lives of other innocent people. As if he deserves the suffering that he went through... as if every single thing that becomes a failure is his fault.
I frowned, staring at the saucepan but not actually looking as I flipped pancakes. What kills me most though...
Is the fact the he's changed.
He's changed so much that he's not the Shinichi I once knew; not the arrogant, handsome young man I fell in love with. I'm still in love with. Though Shinichi's change did result in better aspects (like the deflation of his ego) but he became so world-weary that it's taking a toll on him.
I chuckled, bitter. "Love, huh?"
The scraping of a chair woke me from my thoughts as I whirled to find him slumped on the chair, face buried in his arms, "Where's Occhan?" he muttered, voice muffled by the sleeve of his new uniform jacket. He grew, once around a few centimeters taller than me... to become some man that started dwarfing me. He told me it was some side effect to the antidote Ai-chan created.
I shook my head as I saw him looking at me with a frown, trying to decipher what was in my head, "He's in the bathroom," I smiled before turning back to the pancakes, "Can you set up the table?" I asked.
He complied without a word. Back then, he would at least mutter curses at me or outright refuse to do what I said.. not this.
A few minutes later Dad came in with his usual suit, though still with his disheveled hair, "You're here again, tantei-bozu?" he asked, without the usual venom he held towards Shinichi. If I actually think about it, Shinichi has become such a large part of our small family.. Well, Conan-kun was, but you get where I come from.
Shinichi grumbled from something my Dad had said, "Yeah, the same nightmare." he said. I had to strain backwards to hear his bare whisper.
"Well, you better start seeing a shrink." my Dad said, grunting as he propped a newspaper, ending their short conversation.
I frowned, ready to bash at my Dad for his rudeness when Shinichi raised his hand to stop me, "I guess you're right." he mumbled softly enough for us to hear. He then looked at me, or past me, as he motioned with his elbow the burning pancake.
I squawked, turning around and quickly flipping the burning pancake to the full plate of steaming ones.
Suddenly, I smiled, a thought crossing my mind as I turned around, the plate of pancakes in my hands, staring at the small display of the men of the Mouri household(though technically one isn't); one setting the maple syrup on the table and holding a pitcher of juice in the other hand, and one glancing from time to time above his newspaper, "Only Mom's missing." I mumbled, enough for Shinichi to hear as he looked up at me, a small tentative smile directed at me.
It's too bad he only thinks of me as a sister.
Breakfast flashed by, Dad heading towards the agency with Shinichi following his steps as I cleaned the dishes and got ready for school, grabbing my satchel and gi and heading downstairs to fetch Shinichi, "Let's go!" I shouted as I stood at the door, watching him laze around on the sofa.
He stood, walking slowly towards me, eyes downcast. Did something happen? I wondered to myself.
Dad stood abruptly, as if acting on a decision he's been mulling for a while, "Wait," he called out, reaching his hand out towards Shinichi, "Take this." he muttered, a blush on his cheeks.
Shinichi reached out, taking hold of two keys.. specifically the agency's and the apartment's. His eyes widened, looking at my Dad with something akin to admiration and praise, "Are you sure..?"
My Dad grumbled, "Yeah, now go before I change my mind." he walked back to his desk, "At least let some of us sleep properly instead of you knocking on the door in the middle of the night because you had some silly nightmare." he added, plopping down to the desk chair to resume watching TV.
We turned to go, saying our goodbyes as we headed out.
We met Sonoko halfway to school. We were fighting.
Because once again, he held my hand.
I knew it was out if habit, but he doesn't have the same feelings as I do for him (At least not anymore) and it hurts because I want him to hold my hand because he wants to, not because habit forced him to.
"So, the married couple is fighting again, huh?" Sonoko commented lightly, watching us with the usual mischievous glimmer in her eyes. She never knew about Shinichi's feelings, no one ever did, except for me. And it adds to the pain that everyone still expects us to end up together, making crude remarks, never knowing that the final chapter of Kudo Shinichi and Mouri Ran had ended long ago.
Beside me, Shinichi bristled, obviously pissed. He was quite good hiding his emotions, but right now it was like looking at an open book. Again I thought to the defeated look he had on when I entered the agency. "Shut up, Sonoko." he glared at her, making her blink stupidly as she glanced at me for some kind of explanation for his mood.
I shrugged at her, looking at the looming building of Teitan High over us. Our final year together, I thought to myself. Another thing Shinichi had told me, during nights where we'd lie down on the sofa in the agency and just appreciate each other's presence, was that he was planning on leaving for America after graduation. When I asked him why, he looked at me with such a sad smile I had to look away to keep myself from crying and told me...
I want to forget.
Forget what?
-dsf-
First period went by quickly. Second went by without a hitch considering it was Math. Then came third, fourth... and lunch, where I found myself and Shinichi sitting under the old oak tree behind the school's main building. Shinichi munching on the sandwich I made for him and myself eating the rice he refused to eat, "Say, Ran," he said, looking up to the sky as he leaned his back on the oak tree, "if you had the chance to change the past, would you?"
Yes, back to the time before Tropical Land. I immediately thought, but I didn't tell him that, opting instead for what I knew he wanted to hear, "No, because in each dark cloud is a silver lining." I smiled at him as he turned his head sideways to stare at me with a blank look, "No matter how many failures you achieve in life, you should always remember the lessons it taught you and the good things that happened in between, because you can't say that nothing good came out of Conan-kun." I said calmly, watching him flinch lightly as I said his alter ego's name.
He kept staring at me, and I tried hard ignoring him, eating from my bento and looking anywhere but at him. When I finally had enough and was about to scream at him for personal space, he interrupted me, "You're lying." Face passive, eyes blank and lips in a thin line.
"What?" I asked, incredulous to his sudden accusation, "What exactly am I lying about?" I already knew what he was talking about.
"What you said just now."
"And what exactly do you want me to say?" I rounded on him, placing my bento to the side as I clenched my fists in my lap, challenging him to point out my weakness.
"The truth." he said simply.
I inhaled sharply, a dozen thoughts through my mind in the second it took to lash out on him, "What do you know about the truth, Shinichi!?" I screamed, almost kneeling and leaning over him, "You lied to me! You played me for a fool! It was okay, because I thought at least I had you back but then you changed! You weren't-aren't-the same Shinichi I once knew... You told me so many things in one night, and up until now, over a month later, it still haunts me in my dreams..." my voice pitched on the last word, making me hiccup as I pounded on his chest with my curled fists, "You rubbed it right in my face that you don't love me like you used to!" I poured my heart out, tears streaming down my face while his remained as blank and stoic as ever, "I wanted you to love me back. I wanted to turn back time to when it was still me and you." I said in a whisper, my clenched fists on his chest, the crown of my head leaning on it as well, "You changed so much I don't even know you anymore." I finally confessed my fear, feeling him shift and wrap his arms around me, burying his face in my hair as he whispered things I couldn't hear but sounded vaguely like, "I'm sorry." over and over again.
When I calmed down into hiccups, he tightened his hold on me, kissing the top of my head and whispered, "Thank you."
I started, leaning away from his hold as I thought of his sanity... and for a moment I thought he was crazy, his mouth upturned in one if those sad smiles that tugged at my heart, "Why?" I asked, thankful for the slight steel in my voice that kept it from wavering.
He sighed, face once again passive as he leaned back on the tree and gazed once more to the sky, "Not once," he murmured, voice taking on an edge as if he couldn't find the right words to say, "Not once have you screamed at me or beaten me into a pulp ever since I told you ev-my secrets," he quickly corrected himself.
I frowned, missing his explanation as I focused on his slip.
So he didn't tell me everything.
Again, he was looking at me with consternation, knowing I was prominent to his small slip, but he continued his explanation for agitating me anyway, "I felt like you never really accepted me after all of that, because not once have you told me how you felt about it. You just smiled as if it was something so easily forgiven and forgotten... even when I.. when I told.."
"When you told me you didn't love me the way I love you."
He gulped, visibly anxious. But also with the same determination in his eyes when he faced a case... He's gonna go through with what he wants me to know.
"Your point is?" I asked, the bell finally ringing signalling the end of lunch. I wrapped the bento back in it's cloth, "We're gonna be late. Let's go." I said as I stood up.
"We have study period, Ran."
I grumbled, sitting back down. "I don't want to have this conversation right now. Because I'm trying to forget, okay?"
"How can you forget if I'm always around you? When I can't even stay away from your house?" he asked eyes boring a hole into the ground as he glared, most likely blaming himself for all of this.
That was when I realized something, I sat straight, looking Shinichi in the eye, "What are you hiding from?" I asked, ignoring the way my eyes itched from the tears recently shed.
His eyes widened for a fraction of a second before taking on the passive look that seemed to be ingrained in his face, "What are you talking about?" he asked. But he knew I was onto him as he stood up, "C'mon, we're gonna be late." and left.
"We have study period." I muttered as the thought of what was bothering Shinichi remained stuck in my mind.
Shinichi had taken on the habit of ignoring me for the rest of the day, during study period he had headed towards the guys' huddled group and I noticed Aizawa-kun slap him lightly in the back which earned him Shinichi's death glare. I would've laughed at the normalcy of it, if it weren't for what I'd discovered... or have yet to discover.
Something's been bothering Shinichi.
Maybe that's the reason for his staying in the agency? I shook my head. Shinichi's been bothered by nightmares for the past few months involving that Organization. I frowned, burying my face in the crook of my arms on top of my desk. He's been having it for months now, way before the Fall Down, and he's only been coming and going to my place for two weeks... It doesn't take a genius to put two and two together to get that conclusion.
I was shaken from my thoughts from the tap on my head. I looked up to find Sonoko leaning over me, a gentle frown on her face, "You okay, Ran?" she asked, worry etched on her face, "Do you want me to give Shinichi-kun a piece of my mind?" she confided, looking behind her to glare at Shinichi. She probably noticed how red my eyes were from crying.
"It's okay, Sonoko." I said simply, burrowing my face once more in my arms, "It's not his fault." Maybe it is, maybe it isn't.
"Then why the heck are you crying?" she exclaimed, not loud enough for the people around us to hear. I vaguely heard the scraping of a chair as Sonoko sat down in front of me, "I swear to God, Ran, I'm gonna knock some sense into that deduction freak." she hissed and I can tell she really is pissed off.
I might as well just tell her, "I got rejected." I muttered lamely.
There was a moment of silence before she exploded, "WHAT?!" she screamed as I lifted my head up in a vain attempt to get her to quiet down. She had startled our dozing teacher in front of the room and all eyes turned to us as she glared daggers in Shinichi's direction. I heard Aizawa-kun ask Shinichi, "What did you do now?" in which he replied a "None of your business" before getting up and taking a hall pass to get out of the class.
And for a moment I thought only of him, wondering if what I did was right or wrong, before I remembered the infuriated person in front of me, "I'M GOING TO KILL HIM!" Sonoko roared in front of me as she stalked towards the door before I got to stop her, following Shinichi to wherever it was he went. I had half the mind to go after them, but at the moment, I didn't really care whatever's gonna happen between my two best friends. I'm quite sure Shinichi will find a way to sate Sonoko's anger... besides, I can't help but think he had it coming. I chuckled darkly, burrowing my face back to my arms. Sometimes, I wonder about my sanity... maybe Shinichi's gotten to me.
-dsf-
A few minutes before the bell for fifth period was over, a defeated Sonoko came back with a passive Shinichi, the former sighing as she looked across the room to me. I raised a brow, silently asking her what had happened as she headed towards me, Shinichi doing the same and both plopping down on their chairs in front of me and diagonal to me, respectively.
Sonoko turned around, looking at me as if I took her favorite doll, "Sorry, Ran." she mumbled, fiddling with the hem of her skirt... Sonoko rarely fiddled, let alone act like some shy child. I turned to look at Shinichi who was silently slumped in his chair, a look of dread on his face as he stared at his phone. I was about to ask when the teacher came in... Philosophy. Furikato-sensei doesn't tolerate drama-filled high school kids. Why now? I thought. Sonoko had turned back to the front muttering an "I'll talk to you later." and Shinichi regaining that passive look. The only thing betraying his calmness is his bouncing leg. He glanced at me, a look of guilt flashing before fading away quickly. I frowned at that... What else is he hiding?
"Mouri-san, would you mind telling me what it was we were discussing last Friday?" Furikato-sensei droned in front, he did have a knack of hating me for a reason beyond me. I sighed and stood up, reciting the concept of Murphy's Law and how everything that can go wrong, will go wrong...
Just as a Shinichi look-alike with unruly hair burst into the room.
"Kudo!"
And from there... I connected the dots.
Oh. Bet you didn't see that coming? This is a Kaishin fic. I'm gonna try and see if I can get Kaito 'on top'. xD