Castiel Novak (that was the name he had given himself -his vessel's last name- since becoming human) carefully slid his clothing back on while his photographers came forth after their shooting to schedule another date to film their advertisement. He'd become a Calvin Klein underwear model. One in high demand, it seemed, as there were commercials on TV starring him as well as a billboard down town. Normally the ex-angel would have been concerned to see his own face and body publicized like so, but since the fall and since being cut off from the Winchester's… It ceased to matter any more. Castiel no longer cared what happened to him. "I…y-yes, I will return Wednesday for the next appointment" he told one of his camera crew, signing a form where he was being told to, while pulling up his pants and starting to head out on the street. At least this job kept him fed. And also provided a roof over his head. A cheap apartment. It'd been months since he'd last seen Sam or Dean … And he was beginning to miss them. Perhaps one day the hunter would forgive him for what he'd done….
Dean drove in silence for the trillionth time with Sam in the passenger side. It had been quiet like this too often, ever since the angels fell, he'd been attempting to track them to get more information. Though he didn't like to admit it, Cas still came to his mind a little too often, but he tried not to dwell on it and do whatever jobs they found on their travels. Sam, thankfully hadn't been asking many questions, no chick-flick, touchy-feely moments. They rolled up into a motel in the late evening and Dean almost immediately plopped on the hard mattress, he wanted to be in his bunker. He heard Sam open his laptop and turn on the old TV. About an hour or two later of half-discussing fallen angels and local cases, Dean was about ready to pass out until Sam almost yelped at him, "Dude, what?" He lifted his head with one eye open. He followed Sam's pointing finger and saw a black and white commercial for what looked like Calvin Klein. "Into tight men's underwear, Sammy?" He laid his head back down. "No, Dean, /look/" Sam said tensely. Dean sat up quickly and watched the ….. Watched his ex-angel model on the screen. "CAS?" He stared in awe, jaw slack and eyes glued open. Dean stared at the screen even after the commercial was over. What the hell? Cas? On TV? In /underwear/? Dean couldnt tell why his pants got mildly uncomfortable for a minute there, but either those underwear made cas look good or Cas made them look good, damn it.
Castiel trudged slowly back to his apartment, trench coat hugging his body to keep the cool air off of his skin. It had rained recently, and it was cooler than normal this evening. These were things he didn't have to worry about as an angel… Walking, and cold. He missed his wings; his /everything/… But he'd get by. On his own was much harder than he'd originally imagined… While thinking of this, and his boys, Castiel shouldered his backpack up a little higher, before turning his head to glance at a motel he was walking past. It was the same one he wandered by every day to and from work, but this time, something had really caught his eye. Halting in his tracks, a lump swelled in Castiel's throat. Could it be…? The shiny black Impala was unmistakable even at this distance. He now found himself torn between two instincts; keep walking, leave them be, and pretend he hadn't seen them, which he assumed Dean would want… Or try to fix things, despite his awful way with words. Try and earn his place back in Dean's life again… Before he'd even finished that train of thought, he was already headed toward the one motel room that had a light still on.
Dean sat at the edge of the bed, still consumed by knowing Cas was alive,let alone the image of Cas in nothing but underwear. He felt uncomfortable and confused and he didn't know if he wanted to see Cas or not right now. His ear almost twitched when he heard shuffling feet out side the door. No knock no yell but he knew they stopped right in front of it and he waited.
Castiel stood outside the door, fist hovering over the wood. He was motionless, brows furrowed as if deep in thought… Dean had made it more than clear that he didn't care to see the ex-angel anymore, so how would he react to him just showing up at his doorstep? Closing his eyes and lowering his head to his chest, he sighed. He was about to take his hand away and keep on walking home, before his heart gave a little tug in protest. It'd been doing that a lot recently, when he thought about his boys. Being human made him feel so many different emotions; most he couldn't even name… Giving in, he finally made a soft rap at the door, hearing movement and then silence on the other side of the door. He would have said something, but his jaw locked, voice seizing in his throat. He couldn't force anything out except a cough.
Dean froze - what if it was him? What would he do? He restedhis hand on the door knob an slowly cracked it open… When he saw Castiel, the first thing wanted to do was hug him. But wait arent i mad at him? He questioned himself. And then the image of him in underpants clouded his judgement again and his pants were all of a sudden uncomfortable." C-cas..?l
As the door swung open, Castiel's hand was still hovered in place before he seen Dean's face. Lifting his chin, and dropping his hand back by his side, he gave him a tender sorrowful look. "… Hello Dean," He croaked. What else could he say…?
Dean was still stunned, he could barely say, "I…we just… Saw you on tv, man" suddenly he had the urge to both check Cas out and punch him in the face.
Cas blinked up at Dean confused for a moment, before suddenly remembering his modeling. "I… Erm…" He lifted a hand behind his neck, tipping his head a little awkwardly to the side. A touch of color came to his cheeks, as he realized that yes, Sam and Dean would most certainly see his advertisements in some form or another. "I can explain. Everything. But I… I seen your vehicle. And I thought to come apologize for all that has happened… I ran away and did not tell you, Dean, I am sorry…"
Dean cocked his head back slightly. " you ran away? You made the concious choice /not to come find us? Where have you been man? I mean, obviously selling your looks to people but what happened to the angels? Why? You never came when i called you" dean let it all out at once like a shaken soda pop. He was mad and lonely and ….. Well he just missed his angel. Who was there to watch over him?
Letting out a heavy sigh, Cas knew he'd have a lot of explaining to do… It was very unfair of him to completely leave, but he'd been so ashamed… Every day of his life was hard enough living knowing that everything that happened — it was all his fault. He'd thought he was doing the right thing again, and disaster struck. "I couldn't face you… Not after—" He shivered, and leaned his shoulder against the frame of the door. Remembering the night all of those angels fell from grace… "They all fell because of me. Metatron cut my grace out of me, Dean… I was powerless. I am /human/… I am ashamed, and I could not face you like this… But somehow I did tonight."
Dean took a moment to let that sink in. He couldnt face him because he was /human/? Thats why? " Cas…. I….. You're still part of us, man….. Part of me." He admitted, even with Sam dropping his jaw behind him about all the info and his brother talking about feelings! Dean opened the door wider to suggest that Cas could come in.
A look of relief and adoration crossed his features, brows pulling up slightly as he heard those few words come from Dean… /Still a part of them… A part of /him/ … That was all he needed to hear, to lean away from the doorframe and step inside as he was invited. "Thank you… You cannot possibly imagine how much that… Means to me…" Looking to his right, he gave Sam a sympathetic smile. He was looking a little better now, at least. "Hello Sam… I must apologize to you too… I'm sorry, both of you… I'm glad to see you again, well and whole."
Sam gave him a polite nod, " good to have you back " he said and sat back at his laptop. "So how did you get into modeling underwear of all things?" Dean said to revert the attention back to himself. He was trying his best to have a bit of light conversation, and trying to not see cas half-naked in his mind
Castiel couldn't help but smile awkwardly again as the question about his modeling was asked. They certainly deserved an answer for that one. "A man found me, not long after the fall… I wasn't in the greatest of shape. He brought me into his home - what a pleasant man he was. He offered me food and a place to rest, and shower for the night… When I'd gotten out of the shower, he offered me a job. I was in no position to decline. Modeling is a simple occupation anyway… And it has kept a roof over my head all this time. It - it is not going to be a problem, is it?"
Dean smiled, "well as long as the girls know you / technically/ belong to me" he said jokingly, only… To Dean it didnt feel like much of a joke. Strange….
"/Belong/ to you?" He questioned with a slight tilt of his head. He'd never… 'Belonged' to anyone. Or anything. He took this as a sign of Dean's forgiveness - perhaps not in full, but it was more than what Cas thought he deserved. (Of course, he's oblivious to the whole meaning behind belonging to someone… Nor does he know what he's getting into.) "… Yes, we can inform the females of this." Naturally, Castiel always took things way too seriously.
Dean might have protested but he couldnt do anything but laugh. He didnt know where his resentment went, but he was glad that Cas was alive regardless of conflicting feelings going on in him. He just watched his ex-angel speak and he responded when he needed to.
Dean's laugh was what melted any unsure feelings he held before, allowing him to relax. Though they'd spent so much time apart, just this few minutes with him just made him feel… So much healthier. And happier too, if only for the moment. After they'd chatted briefly and got caught up on a few of the essentials, Cas sat on the edge of the bed with his hands folded over his lap, looking up at Dean once more. "Thank you, Dean… For… Listening to me. You nearly make me forget that I am human, now."
"Hey being human aint all that bad" he defended his species. "but uh Cas I think i need to talk to you alone for a moment…. Come for a ride?" Dean had listened to Cas talk about him but this little thing going on in his mind wouldnt stop bothering him. It was Cas's turn to hear anout him…
"No, of course not, that isn't what I meant. I just… Miss my wings. My strength. I don't know how you do it, as you are," He nearly smiled, but nodded at the offer for a ride. He missed that cramped and slow metal machine too. And he also knew that leaving Sam behind must mean something serious that dean needed to speak with him about. "Yes, of course, Dean."
Dean contently sat in silence for just a moment till he got his thoughts together, " so Cas, how long you been modeling?" He used small talk to get him where he wanted to go. They did so for about ten minutes, but it was time to talk and do what Dean intended this drive to entail. He pulled over the side of the dark road and shut the engine off. " Cas…. You know, you rock those tight underwear " he joked a little with some obvious nerves making their way through his vocal chords.