Chapter 1 : Snowed In
Damn, how I hate clinic duty. I believe that if there really is a God he would just kill, sorry smite, all of the hypochondriacs in the world and leave me all the dumbasses who can't figure out when it is time to come to the doctor. The most interesting this that happened to me this afternoon was that I got yelled at by some idiot mother who was worried because her son's nose wouldn't stop bleeding. Turns out the cure was the little runt keeping his finger out of there. If someone hadn't invented the GameBoy, the PSP, or the iPod, i think I would have to take my stethescope and hang myself. It's bad enough I have to spend 6 hours a week in here, without people forgetting key words in their vocabulary. Tylenol. Asprin. Friggin, Pepto-Bismol. All of these things can be obtained by getting to your local Wallgreens and asking the kid with raspy voice and about 20 dollars worth of grease on his face what's wrong with you. Then in between treating Joe Im-Dying-I-Have-A-Splinter and Sally Whats-This-Rash-Doctor Cuddy walks in and starts berating me on the fact that I made someone upset. As if it's my fault the moron- sorry patient- tried to mix Neo-Citran and cough cyrup together to cure her cold. It also doesn't help that everytime Cuddy walks into a room I feel as if all the air has been sucked out of it.
"House!" Speak of the she-devil.
"Is it that time already," I said checking my watch. I thought you said to come by at five. I haven't even gotten the handcuffs yet."
"Very funny. You have been in here for two hours doing God knows what! It's time to see a patient," She tapped her foot and bit her lip Oh-So-Sexily...Oh crap. Oh crap. Damn these thoughts!
"Ralphie come in here," A short kid with glasses and red hair walk bashfully into the room.
"Whats your poison," I asked.
"Huh," he said rather stupidly.
I sighed, "What. Is. Wrong. With. You"
"Crayon," he said pointing to his nose. I must have been looking at him with shock because then he said,
"I. Shoved. Two. Crayons. Up. My. Nose"
"Why the bloody hell would you do that," I gave Cuddy a confused looked but she just shrugged and walked away.
"I wanted attention"
"From who, The Crayola company? Show them that electric blue really brings out the tones in your face?"
"From my parents, I really want an official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle, with a compass in the stock and this thing, which tells time. I wanted to show them what I would do if I didn't get one."
"First of all you'll shoot your eye out with that thing. And secondly, crayons? Why not try something big like blowing up your kitchen?"
"Because my mom is a kindregarten teacher, so once I had the crayon up my nose all the students followed suite. One mom passed out when her little angel showed her what he could do with an infra-red marker"
I raised my eyebrow. The kid knew what he was doing. "Okay tilt your head back, this won't be fun"
"Holy. Crap," I could utter nothing but profanities as I saw the three feet of snow surrounding the wheels of my bike. "How the hell am I supposed to get home?"
"You could get the assistance of some friendly neighborhood dogs," I raised an eyebrow at Wilson.
He continued, "No really! You could tie them to your bike and get them to tow you home. Like Santa Claus!"
I gave him a cold look, "Why am I friends with you"
"Because no one else will have you"
Aint that the truth. Stacy wouldn't have me, Cuddy wouldn't have me, hell even my own father wouldn't have me. The sudenness in Wilson's voice snapped me out of my daze.
"So do you want a ride or are you going to get home the Nanuk way?"
"I was thinking about the Nanuk way but none of the dogs will look at me after that Lady and the Tramp incident. Don't ask."
"I wasn't going to. Get in."
It took us two hours to make a trip that usually took twenty minutes. When Wilson finally pulled up in fron of my door by leg felt like it was eating itself and getting out of the car caused alot of difficulty.
"You okay," he said with concern in his voice.
"Yeah, im fine. Go home to your wife- oops"
"Nice. That is why you have no friends," with that he sped off. Well as much as anyone could speed with three feet of snow on the ground.
I limped into the chaotic paradise that is my apartment and flopped down onto thw couch. Not smart. Pain shot up my leg faster than a heroin addict shoots up... well heroin. Heh heh. See what I did there? I made a funny.
I looked around my empty apartment. Now I know what you're thinking. ' I've seen your apartment and it is anything but empty.' Which is completely true. My home is filled with books, CDs, guitars, useless crap, Baby, of course, but it was empty of human company. Before i go on let me explain Baby. That is what I call my baby grand piano. I call it that because I imagine if I had a baby i would treat it as well as I treat Baby.
People think I enjoy being alone all the time. Sure I enjoy having time to run things through my head without people annoying me, but I don't enjoy being lonely. Wilson said that I sent Stacy away because I enjoy being miserable. Have you ever heard a bigger load of crap? Who the hell enjoys being miserable. It's kind of an oxymoron. Every once and a while even I, Gregory House resident jack-ass, would like someone to talk to. I sighed. Oh well, no point dwelling on the impossible.
I got up and poured myself some scotch. I downed the whole glass, and poured another. I wonder if that moron Scofield and his band of merry idiots have ended up back in prison yet. I flicked the TV on and took a Vicodin. I closed my eyes and waited five minutes for the pill to work. Ahh sweet relief. Just as I felt myself starting to does a little, there was a sharp knock at the door. Damn them. Damn their hides. Damn with a side order of hell blast! Maybe if I just ignore it it will go away. The knocking intensified. I rolled my eyes heavenward. Why? Why must you always take out your frustrations on me?
"House, I know you're in there. I can hear your misery"
Oh bloody, hell. There's that voice. It haunts my dreams, and my reality. Now the damn woman was haunting my home, my private dwelling, my Batcave, my fortress of solitude, my- well you get the picture.
"Go away, whatever you're selling I don't want any!"
"Come on House! Open up!"
I made my way, very slowly mind you, to the door. When I opened the door Cuddy was standing in the hall looking flustered and- no no no. As far as you know I stopped speaking at flustered.
"Can I use your phone?"
"Why?"
"Because my car is stuck?"
"Why?"
"Because the snow is friggin three feet high"
"Why?"
"Okay, if you don't want me to come in you could just say so," tired of my game I tried to make my face serious.
"What happened to your phone?"
"It's dead. Can I come in or not?"
I shrugged, "What the hell"
She stepped into my space and before the words were out of her mouth I said, "Phone's over there"
As soon as she disappeared into the kitchen I went in to my bedroom, slammed the door and put a pillow on top of my face. Why did I have to have these feelings for her? She's the frigging enemy. She's the Darth Vader to my Luke Skywalker. When did I first start having these feelings? I think it was the day when she was wearing all black and had a very risque slit up the front of her skirt. Sigh. Why do these things always happen to me?
"Are you okay?," her face looked worried but there was a flash humour in her voice.
"Just...peachy"
"Well the tow truck can't get my car untill tomorrow night"
"What are you telling me for? Do you want me to pitch your tent for you?"
"I was wondering if I could stay here?"
Christ. Of course she was wondering that. People are always wondering things that will make me miserable in the long run.
"Well?"
The sound of her voice snapped me back to the cruel reality that is my life, "Well what?"
"Can I stay here?"
"Fine, but no loud music and I get the bed"
"Whatever," I watched her retreat out of my bedroom. Actually, I watched her ass retreat and then put the pillow over my head.
Oh simple thing where have you gone.
Okay now I know I'm losing my mind. I'm quoting lines from songs I don't even like. It's so sad that this line fits my feelings for Cuddy perfectly. I wish liking her could be simple but it can't be because a)she's my boss and although I don't give a flying toss about reputation, she does and b)she makes me do clinic duty and therefore is evil. I need Dr.Phil. But I do have the next best thing and all I need is a phone.
Ring.Ring.Ring. "Hello?"
"Jimmy, old pal, how's it shaking?"
"What do you want House?"
"So, I can't call a friend unless I want something from him"
"Nope," Wilson said flatly. "So spill what is it?"
How do you tell someone that you have a thing for the one person that you've had to constantly tell people you dont have a thing for.
"I have a thing for Cuddy," That works.
Wilson sounded like he was gagging on the other end, "Excuse me?"
"I'm not saying it again"
"Did you just say that you have a thing for Cuddy?"
"Yes"
"Well all I have to say is... no freaking duh. I couldn't be more obvious that you have a thing for her if you walked into the hopital wearing a shirt that said 'I Like Cuddy' in bright red letters."
"Gee buddy, thanks for being so supportive," I hung up.
About thirty seconds the phone rang. "What," I snarled.
"Whoa, down boy."
"What do you want?"
"I want to know why you called about your...predicament with Cuddy"
"Because she's in my living room right now"
"House, just because you like a girl doesn't mean you have to kidnap her to get her to like you"
I ignored his idiotic comment. Boy I gotta get me some better friends, "Her car broke down a block away from me and she has to spend the night"
"Can't you just handle it like a responsible adult"
"Avoid her at all costs?"
"Yep"
"I'll try but it is an apartment, anyway I call you later if things don't go too disasterously"
"Okay. And House?"
"Yeah"
"Try not to make Cuddy cry," he hung up.
Why did he have to bring that up? I felt like crap for saying it to her.
It's a good thing you failed to become a mom, 'cause you suck at it!!
God. The words echoed in my brain, and the image of the shock and pain in her face was permanently etched into my memory. Suddenly, I got an idea. It was a longshot but I had to try it.
Hey, might as well face your demons sometime.
I decided to ignore Wilson's advice and see what my house guest was up to. Heh-heh. Get it? HOUSE guest? I know, I'm lame.
I plopped down on the sofa beside Cuddy who was inspecting my TiVo list.
She looked at me with a raised eyebrow, "SpongeBob?"
"That little cube is awsome"
"Aren't you a little old to think that?"
I shrugged, "Never to old to be cool"
She put on Little People, Big World and I sighed heavily. She took no notice so I did it again.
"Do you have a problem House?"
"How can you watch this exploitation?"
"It's not exploitation! I love this family"
"Of course it's exploitation. If they weren't little there would be no show"
She gave me a death look that cause me to shut my trap. For the moment anyway."Imsorryforsayingyoureabadmom"
"What did you just say," her eyes were focusing on me intently
"I'm sorry," my voice dropped to barely above a whisper. "For saying that you suck at being a mom. I was in pain and taking it out on you. Sorry," I decided that instead of face her judging glare I would look at my shoes. God, Shox are gorgeous.
"I forgive you"
"What? Why?"
"Honestly, I don't know. I guess it hurts alot less just not to care what you say to me, that way if you do say something as cruel and insensitive as that it will just roll of me like water off a duck"
"I don't think it rolled, I think it stuck"
"Why?"
"James Wilson has a big mouth"
"I should have guessed as much"
"You shouldn't take what I say seriously, I'm emotionally stunted. But to tell the truth if you do ever have a kind it would be lucky to have you for a mom"
Why the hell had I just said that? I slipped! I let my guard down for a second and managed to blurt out...THAT. If i let it down again I might let out the L word.
"Thanks House"
I refused to give in to my urge to look her in the face. If i did I would have to kiss her and have my way with her right there. And the only way she would kiss me back is if she lost her mind.
"House?"
"Yeah," I said still not looking at her.
"You're not looking at me"
"I'm aware"
"Look at me," I obeyed.
"That was a nice thing to say"
"I'm going to bed," I said abruptly.
"It's only 8:30"
"You know what they say about the early bird," I went into my bedroom and returned the pillow to my face. 10 minutes later I heard the door open and felt the bed sink where she sat down.
"House are you okay?"
"No," I sat up and looked her her straight in the eyes. Then I Lost my mind and kissed her. But I quickly pulled away.
"House...""I know, I shouldn't have done that"
"No that's not it," she roughly grabbed the back of my head and kissed me. It was a great kiss.
That night we both lost our minds. Several times.