ScrewedBob SquarePanties Episode 3:
"Something Shells..."
This story is based on the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Something Smells" and was written upon request, but, sadly, I do not own this episode of SpongeBob, or any episodes, characters, or scenarios. Nick does. If you want actual SpongeBob stuff not written by a nobody high-school kid, go to and their surrounding companies. This is pure fiction, and is for enjoyment and humour purposes. It is rated M+ for Mature+ for harsh sexual description, intence depictions of blood and gore, and repeted foul language. Basically put, it's not anywhere close to kids stuff. If you are at risk of throwing up and going suisuidal if you read such descriptive media, avoid this please. Don't let your 4-year-old children read this and send me angry letters. I won't care. I'll laugh at your unfortunate circumstance. Review this, it better be good, or I'll go to your house and put your cat in a bag of microwavable popcorn... so don't flame this if you use the microwaveable popcorn bags any day soon without getting a "Free Surprize" in every bag...
SpongeBob's foghorn alarm rings. "VRROOOM-PA!" it shoots him against a ripped off calender on the date. It had something written in red on it, but the words peeled of against his skin. He ripped it off and howled in pain. "Crap, I never remember anything important if I keep ripping it off on myself... what did I have to do today... be a dumbshit with Patrick is on Tuesdays... being a dumbshit with Larry and acting like I'm strong because I can pick up stuffed animals is Wednesday... being a dumbshit with Gary is on Friday... being a dumbshit with Mrs. Puff is on Saturday... and being a dumbshit with Squidward is Sunday... uhh... what is Thursday." Brrring. The phone rang. Brrring. The caller display said "SANDY CHEEKS, 555-SEXY" he let it ring and called he back. "Hello, Sandy Ass Cheeks here. How do you do and who are y'all." "Hey Sandy... I never knew your middle name was Ass! So, why'd you call?" "Do you remember what today is?" she said hornily. "Uhh... the 20th." "You forgot again, didn't you, dumbshit." she hung up, disappointed. He thought hard. Sexy...Sex... Ass... Screwing... Anal... Orgy... "Oh my Neptune!" he yelled. "It's be a dumbshit with Mr. Krabs day!"
"Time For a Sundae... on Thursday. "Gary where's the ketchup. It's mealy-mealy melee time" 'Holy Shit. Not Again. He's gonna make that nasty-ass shit that kills my liver and fights inside of me. No.' Gary thought as he threw out the ketchup as fast as he could... which, for a snail, isn't terribly fast. "I'm coming... and cum-ing" SpongeBob's annoying voice echoed as he masturbated so he could use it as mayonnaise. 'Shit shit shit shit shir shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit - Haha! Made it!' Gary thought. Oh, damn, guess I'll go without." Spongebob said. "Where's the sunflowers" Gary ran to the garbage holding it. Shit shit shit shit shir shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit - Haha! Made it!' Gary thought. Oh, damn, guess I'll go without." Spongebob said. "Where's the rat poison?" SpongeBob asked, annoyed. Gary ran to the garbage holding it. Shit shit shit shit shir shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit - Haha! Made it!' Gary thought. "Augh! Gary!" SpongeBob caught him dumping it out. "You naughty boy... you must be punished... but I don't feel like butt-sex... I know!" SpongeBob yelled angrily, throwing Gary in the blender. He pushed "on". SPLAT! Gary's blood drenched SpongeBob's house. He watched Gary's eyeballs pop off in the blender, swirl around until one flew out the top and the other transformed to nothing but blood. He drank his former cat-snail all up.
Now, let's check out that "to do" list. He pulled out a gigantic list, that read:
Go To Work
Go To Work
Go To Work
Go To Work
Go To Work
Go To Work
Go To Work
Go To Work
Go To Work
Go To Work
Go To Work
Go To Work
...and it went on and on. "Oh, today was "Painful Anal Sex with that Bitch Sandy day" Whoops" SpongeBob realized.
Patrick came to the door. "SpongeBob, there an Arial parade." he said excitedly. "Huh? There's an anal orgy?" SpongeBob asked. "No, ARIAL. It's when planes fly and flip and stuff."Patrick replied "Aww,"SpongeBob said, but reluctantly agreed to go. When he got there, he said "Hi planes", but the stench of his dead cat-snail was so horrid the plane flyer lost control and rammed into a pack of seagulls flying overhead, which spun the plane into Pearl, who was so fat she jammed it and the impact killed the guy inside. The seagull's blood and guts flew all over. Patrick. "One more time," he giggled happily, and the next fighter jet did the same thing. The blood made Patrick smell like shit. "Yay!" he said. "Now I can put my yearly bath off till next year." They then went to see a moive but everyone in the theater went insane and killed each other. As they walked out, they passed Pearl. "You smell like shit," Peal observed. "Wanhhhh!!" SpongeBob cried and went "wee wee" all the way home. "Just like the tenth little piggy that was about to be slaughtered" Patrick said.
Patrick went to SpongeBob's house to make him feel better. "I've got a TRUE story for you." Patrick comforted SpongeBob on a park bench the next day. "Once there was a smelly sack of shit named SpongeBob" "Is that what you call it?", Squidward chuckled as he walked by "SHUT THE HELL UP" Patrick shot Squidward with a machine gun. "His awesome ultra-cool best friend grew so sick of his stench he came to slaughter him with a machine gun." Patrick added. "That didn't help, dumbass!" SpongeBob said. Patrick pulled out his machine gun, cocked it, a put his finger on the trigger. "The..." he continued...
"...End"