She hadn't talked to him properly in months. Not since….
They sat together now, opposite each other, looking at each other.
She knew she'd have to be the first to speak.
"How are you?"
His eyes seemed to dull at that question. But then they'd both been asked it about a million times in the last few months, and the answers were always the same. Sure enough, Ron answered as was expected, "Okay, you?"
"I'm good." Good was an exaggeration. Coping was more apt, but the word coping made people anxious. Because it was a present continuous thing, whereas "okay" was more definite, exact, a complete state. But a lie.
They all knew. You don't just lose someone you're close to and a few months down the line be okay. But people can be awfully selfish, sometimes they need for you to lie to them just so they can get on with it.
You can never really understand another person's grief until you've lost someone yourself. And even then it's hard. Grief's one of those things you can't really imagine…Hermione had once never known she could feel or endure so much continuous sadness and pain.
"What have you been up to?" Hermione tried again.
"Nothing much. Couldn't believe it when I passed all my NEWTs. Looking for a job now…somewhere…."
Ron had probably only looked half-heartedly for a job. Although Hermione had done quite well in her NEWTs as well, her heart had only been half in it. Even when she'd read her results, she couldn't stir up enough excitement. I wonder how Harry would have gotten on…
She seemed to only really be going through the motions these days. Everything still seemed oddly blurry and surreal. Sometimes it still hit her hard – Harry's really dead. And life's just supposed to go on.
Ron and Hermione stared at each other. And both couldn't really find anything to say.
They were united in the same grief and yet…so far away from each other….
They had tried so hard to be there for each other. But it was too hard. It was too hard to try and take care of other people, when you felt so much in pain yourself.
It was just too hard.
Harry had no idea the pain he'd left behind him.
When the lunch they ordered was eaten, the two departed, and she felt a guilty twinge of relief. No more thick and heavy silences for another while. It just seemed to make things harder.
The trio was gone now. Harry was dead. And Hermione really felt that she'd lost Ron as well that day.
She had never felt quite so lonely before in her life.
I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh
but I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry.
You have no idea the damage you've left behind you x