Why couldn't he just tell her?
Why couldn't he just tell her? He was after all Rafael Barba, El Tiburón, the man with the Big Brass Ego! He was all confidence, until she was staring at him with those big beautiful brown eyes. The moment he saw her he felt the Earth tremble, but he held tight to his snarky wit and sarcastic charm. "Captain, bring your daughters to work day?" The moment they shook hands he felt a spark of undeniable attraction, he knew she felt it too, the look in her eyes betrayed her for a moment, but he kept his heart behind the walls he built for protection.
Why couldn't he just tell her? She was always on his mind, by his side, and slowly tearing down the walls his heart. She kept him sane, even when she drove him crazy. She has opened his eyes to see the people, not just the cases. She helped find the compassion .that he had once lost. They both could recognized the abused and neglected child from their past hidden deep inside themselves. They both had friends and coworkers that they spent time with, but never really let them get close. Olivia Benson is his equal in every way.
Why couldn't he just tell her? Barba had to stay focused, they were colleagues, and friends, nothing more. He needed to bury his growing feelings for her, especially since she is with that idiot, Brian Cassidy. He preserve their professional relationship and stay neutral, even if a blind man could see that he had feelings for her. He would stay patient and maybe one day he could tell her.
Until she would torn away from him by that animal William Lewis. He needed to say strong and fight for her. He was losing his sanity not knowing where she was or even if she was alive. He was consumed by guilt and felt like her had failed her in every way. He knew in that moment that she was his world. He would tell that he loved her. He harassed Captain Cragen daily for news on her case. He volunteered to investigate leads in hopes of finding her. Those days felt like an eternity to his heart. They day she was found relief wash through him.
Why couldn't he just tell her? He knew she would need time to heal, physically and mentally. She was too strong to be treated like she was broken, normalcy was the key to healing. He knew she was seeing a therapist, and he was glad that it seemed to be helping her. There was still a long road to go with the trial looming over them. He was even more determined to make Lewis pay for what he had done to Olivia, even if she hasn't told him everything that happened in that beach house.
She had been there for him when his world was crumbling. First, with his childhood friendships falling apart. He confided in her about his childhood in el barrio, growing up in the projects, being bullied, and even the abuse he endured. Then, with the loss of his Abuelita. "What are you gonna be doing when you're 85? " "Squabbling with you?" "Wouldn't that be nice?" He thought about that moment often, and how he could have easily told her. She was his shelter in the storm.
Why couldn't he just tell her? He began to want to be a better man for her. They were closer than ever. He would be her shelter from the storm. He would be there for her through everything, and always be in her corner. He began to prep for the upcoming trial against William Lewis. His eyes stung with tears as he sifted through the photos of Olivia's injures, just seeing the photos and reading the medical report sickened hi, Lewis was a monster, and Barba would fight with all his might to ensure that William Lewis was put away forever.
Why couldn't he just tell her?