Hee hee, story number 76... Wow. Anyways, this is a songfic about Bobby confronting, what I think, is one of his deepest and worst fears: the possibility of losing Alex. The song is the great Alan Jackson song Between The Devil And Me, and I really think that it fits Bobby beautifully, with all his insecurites and abandonment issues. So enjoy, and please remember that reviews make all our worlds go round!
Disclaimer: They ain't mine... I just got the dolls and a cookie. (bites cookie)
This chapter is for Confused and JusticeIsBlind13, cause they are wonderful little reviewers and great friends who can always make me laugh!. Thanks!
Alex watched as Bobby questioned Nicole Wallace, and although he maintained a cool demeanor, she could see that he was fighting to control his emotions. It was almost like watching a chess game between the two. She would move forward, he would move back. He would move to the side, and she would move in front of him.
Nicole leaned across the table and whispered into Bobby's ear, and Alex could see his face turn bright red before he jumped to his feet and stormed out of the room. Alex watched him go, then turned her attention back to Wallace. But as she did, Wallace raised the gun, and the last thing Alex heard was someone calling her name before the darkness consumed her.
BABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABA
Bobby sighed tiredly as he ran his hand over his face, his vision slightly blurred by tears he refused to let fall. He raised his head and looked at her prone body again, and a fresh wave of grief and guilt swept over him. The cool room was silent, save for the sounds of the machines working to keep her alive, and the sound of his own heart pounding in his ears.
He tentatively reached out one hand and slipped it around her small hand, rubbing it with his fingertips to warm it. He sighed softly and bit his lip as he examined her slender fingers, the fingers that were capable of pulling the trigger of a gun, yet also capable of bandaging a scraped up knee or mending a broken heart. He gently returned her hand to her side, then, after some hesitation, brushed his thumb over her jaw.
"I'm so sorry, Alex," he murmured softly, gently pressing his palm to her cheek and marveling at how small she seemed compared to him. He wondered if she was always that delicate, that small. Or maybe he was just that big. But it didn't matter, not now, and not ever.
He glanced down at his watch, frowning when he realized that it was nearly two in the morning. Stretching, he flinched as his spine and neck popped loudly, and he closed his eyes briefly before making his decision. As quietly as he could, he dragged his chair up to Alex's bed, then, after only a few moment's hesitation, he rested his elbows on the mattress and laid his head on Alex's stomach.
The contact was foreign, yet strangely comforting at the same time as he rested his cheek on her stomach and gazed at her passive features. As the minutes passed, he found himself slowly relaxing, and his exhaustion overwhelming him. The steady rising and falling of her chest soothed him, and he slowly slipped into the welcoming embrace of sleep.
BABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABA
Mike and Carolyn quietly walked into Alex's hospital room, and the sight that greeted their eyes put smiles on both of their faces. Bobby was slumped over in his chair, his head resting on Alex's stomach and both of his hands wrapped around her right hand. A kind nurse had draped a blanket over his shoulders, but he still shivered a little.
Mike watched in mild amusement as Carolyn reached into her purse and produced her cell phone, then started snapping pictures of the sleeping partners.
Once she was finished, she dropped her phone back into her purse and took Mike's hand, lacing her fingers through his. He grinned and squeezed her hand, and they both walked out together.
BABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABABA
Her chest and head throbbed as she reluctantly returned to consciousness, and she swallowed weakly before opening her eyes. She blinked a few times before her eyes finally focused, and she looked around, quickly realizing that she was in the hospital.
She turned her head on the pillow, hoping to see Bobby sitting there with that sweet, shy smile of his. Her heart quickly sank when she realized he wasn't, but a movement on her stomach drew her attention to the dark head of hair that was resting there, and she smiled.
Swallowing again, she winced as she reached down and buried her hand in his soft curls, then quietly called his name. "Bobby?" Her voice was little more than a whisper, but he immediately stirred and looked up at her with wide eyes. The dark circles under his eyes and longer than usual scruff suggested that he had been there for at least a day or two, and she sighed and gently touched his cheek.
They stared at each other for a minute or two before they both yawned and grinned apologetically. "Come here, Bobby," she murmured, scooting over on the bed and motioning for him to join her up there.
He froze as every rule and regulation about partner fraternization marched into his mind and took over. At the same time, he wanted nothing more than to crawl up onto the bed, wrap her up in his arms, and never let her go.
Alex saw his inner conflict, and with a pained grunt, she leaned forward and grabbed his arm. Then as she leaned back, she pulled him along with her until he was laying beside her on the small bed. He thought to protest, but he realized it would get him nowhere, and truth be told, he had no intentions or desire to leave her side.
Her chest was on fire, but for some odd reason, it didn't seem so bad as she felt his warm body pressed against hers. He carefully rolled onto his side and looked at his partner with worried eyes. "Are you okay, Eam- Alex? Do you need me to get a nurse?" he asked, and she shook her head and closed her eyes, laying her hand on his shoulder. He smiled at her implicit trust in him, and he gently eased his arm under her neck, making her sigh contently.
He watched her fight sleep for a few minutes, until he leaned down and brushed his lips against her ear, whispering, "It's okay, Alex. Go to sleep. You're safe now." She looked up at him, her normally bright eyes clouded with pain and exhaustion, and he winced a little.
"Stay. Please," she pleaded sleepily, and before he realized what he was doing, he pressed his lips against her forehead and murmured, "I'm not going anywhere, Alex. I promise." She paused before deciding that he was, in fact, not going to leave her, and she closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, ignoring the dull ache in her chest that still accompanied her breathing.
She fell asleep with her head on his arm, and he watched her sleep peacefully before drifting off himself.
This world can take you by the hand
And tempt the soul of any man
But you can choose your path
There's two roads you can take
One way is right and one is wrong
The flesh is weak but love is strong
And she's all I see Between the devil and me
After getting off of work, Deakins headed down to the hospital where Bobby was staying with Alex. He checked with the nurse, then quietly slipped into the room, where he was treated to a sad but touching sight. Bobby was laying on his side on the bed with Alex's head resting on his arm, and his arm draped protectively over her stomach.
He hated to do this, but he knew that Bobby needed a good night's rest, and her doctor didn't seem to think that she'd wake up until tomorrow. So he stepped across the floor with his hand outstretched, intent on waking Bobby up to send him home. But as he reached out to shake his detective's shoulder, Alex shot her hand out and grabbed his wrist, making Deakins gasp and stumble backwards a few steps.
"Don't even think about it, sir," Alex growled sleepily as she released his wrist. He recovered quickly and walked around the foot of the bed to Alex's side, resting his hand on her shoulder.
Formalities and ranks forgotten, he whispered, "How are you feeling, Alex?" She rubbed her chest gently, then looked at Bobby's sleeping form and said, "I've been better."
He laughed and shuddered at the same time. That had to be one of the biggest understatements he had ever heard her utter. Motioning to her partner's prone form, he said, "Is he okay there? Do you want me to wake him up?" As soon as the words left his mouth, she glared up at him, and he wanted to laugh at the blatant stupidity in his question.
"Of course he's fine right here," she snapped a little, and Deakins smiled. "And no, don't even think about waking him up. He's staying right where he is." Knowing that there was no arguing with the headstrong woman, he pulled up a chair and sat down beside her, smiling at her with fatherly affection.
Alex closed her eyes for a moment, then reopened them and looked at her captain, her hand moving to rest on Bobby's shoulder. "How long has he been here?" she asked softly, and Deakins thought for a moment.
"The past two days," he answered. "And he hasn't left you once. I'm pretty sure that he hasn't slept, either." She turned her head to gaze at her sleeping partner, then she returned her attention to Deakins.
He mulled over his words as he thought about the past two days. He had made the mistake of trying to urge Bobby to go home and get some proper rest and something to eat, but in hindsight, he should have known better. Bobby had fought it with tooth and nail, pointing out that if the situations were reversed, and he was the one lying in the hospital bed, they would need a baseball bat and a strong pair of handcuffs to drag his partner away. After that, he left it alone. He knew that what Bobby said was true, and that there would be no arguing with him.
Alex could tell that Deakins was in serious thought, and after some idle chitchat, he kissed her forehead in a fatherly gesture, then left the room. Once he was gone, she ran her hand along Bobby's arm where it rested under her neck, until she found his large hand. Then she gently slipped her hand into his, smiling when his hand automatically tightened around hers and held it firmly.
Ignoring the flash of pain that accompanied the action, Alex leaned over and brushed her lips against Bobby's forehead, smiling when he smiled in his sleep. Frustrated that she couldn't wrap her arms around him like she wanted to, she groaned and settled for scooting as close to him as she could, while keeping her hand in his. His body was warm against her cool skin, and she sighed softly and closed her eyes, taking comfort in the fact that he was there, and he would always be there, no matter what.
The gates of hell swing open wide
Invitin' me to step inside
"I'll be your friend," he calls again
I know it's him
The flames are spreadin' everywhere
But through the smoke I see her there
She's all I see
Between the devil and me
Alex startled awake in the dark room, and for one terrifying moment, she couldn't remember where she was, or how she had gotten there. But as her breathing slowed and her eyes adjusted, she looked around the dark room and realized that she was safe in Bobby's bed. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, inhaling the familiar scent of Bobby and taking comfort in it.
But just as she began to drift off again, she heard a strange noise, and she slowly climbed out of the warm haven of Bobby's bed and slipped into the living room. The living room was dark, but she could make out the faint outline of her partner's sleeping form, but what she saw sent chills up and down her spine.
When he brought her to his apartment, he had insisted that she sleep in his bed, and that he took the pull out bed in the couch. Now he was twisted in the blankets, caught in the throes of what looked to her to be a bad nightmare. As she came closer, she could hear him cry out in his tormented sleep, and the sounds broke her heart.
"Alex… God, no! Stop! Don't, Nicole!" He's having a nightmare about me being shot, she thought in amazement as she looked at his agonized face. "Alex!" he cried out, and she bit her lip and sat on the edge of the bed, ignoring the pain that flared in her chest.
Laying one hand on his shoulder, Alex gently massaged his skin and murmured, "It's okay, Bobby. Shh, it's okay now. You're okay." He shuddered beneath her touch, and she extended her other hand to his cheek, gently caressing his feverish brow. "Come on, Bobby. Wake up," she called softly, running her hand through his curly hair. He moaned again and opened his bloodshot eyes, letting out a sharp gasp as he was pulled out of his nightmare.
"Alex," he muttered as he ran a shaky hand over his face.
"I'm right here, Bobby," she said softly, and his eyes went wide as he looked up at her.
"Oh God, I thought you were dead," he whispered hoarsely, and she shook her head and lifted herself onto the bed, slowly easing her arms around him. He melted willingly into her embrace, and she held him tighter as she felt the tremors that shook his entire body.
"Shh, it's okay, Bobby. Just calm down," she murmured softly, rubbing circles over his chest as he continued to shake in her arms. She carefully moved her arm around his waist and drew him closer against him, so that he was cocooned in the warmth of her protective embrace. Slowly his tremors subsided, and he turned over in her arms, so that they were face to face.
"You're okay," he whispered hoarsely, and she nodded and rested her forehead against his, running her hand up and down his shoulder again. Letting out a shaky breath, he leaned forward and buried his face in the crook of her neck, wrapping his arm around her. She held him closer and rubbed his back tenderly, whispering soothingly into his ear.
"It's okay, Bobby," she repeated over and over. "I'm okay. You're okay. We're okay. We're okay." She felt his hot tears on her neck, and she shuddered and drew him even closer to her, until there was no space left between them. After a few more minutes, his tears eased, and he inhaled deeply and relaxed in her loving arms.
Opening his eyes, he smiled softly at her, then gently urged her onto her side, so that as he pulled her against him, her back was against his front, and he buried his face in her hair. He fell asleep first, with his face nuzzled against her neck, and she drifted off soon after.
I hold her in my arms tonight
So safe and warm I close my eyes
And a cool breeze blows
'Cross our bodies in the dark
Outside her reach is my concern
Somewhere I know the fire burns
And she's all I see
Between the devil and me
He could see Nicole standing in front of him, her Cheshire Cat like grin plastered on her lips, and he looked down at the gun in his hand.
"Come on, Bobby," she taunted. "I'm right here. Just shoot me. You know you want to. I shot your partner, and nearly took her away from you forever. Come on."
He paused before raising the gun, but before he could pull the trigger, Alex appeared beside him, her hand gentle on his arm as she pushed his arm back down. She smiled up at him and tenderly touched his cheek. Suddenly the smell of smoke invaded his senses, and all around him, he could see flames licking at him. He tried to let out a scream, to warn Alex, but no sound passed his lips.
He watched in pure terror as the flames engulfed his partner, then reached out to destroy him…
Bobby let out an agonized cry, unaware of the arms that were wrapped around him, and the soft hand that gently caressed his cheek and forehead. Gradually he became aware of his surroundings, but mostly of the soft kisses that were being pressed to his cheek and the gentle words that were being whispered into his ear. He slowly opened his eyes, then wrapped his arms around Alex and pulled her into his lap, crying softly into her hair.
Her arms went around his neck, and she laid her head on his shoulder and murmured, "It's okay, Bobby. It was just a nightmare. Just a nightmare." He shuddered, and she gently kissed his neck, breathing reassurances against his skin.
She wasn't sure how much time had passed, but his grip eventually loosened on her, and she managed to coax him back down onto the bed, smiling as his arms went around her slender frame automatically.
The gates of hell swing open wide
Invitin' me to step inside
"I'll be your friend," he calls again
I know it's him
The flames are spreadin' everywhere
But through the smoke I see her there
She's all I see
Between the devil and me
Bobby looked down at the petite woman cradled protectively in his arms, and he shuddered and closed his eyes, sending up a fervent prayer of thanks to a deity he thought he could never believe in again. She shivered a little, and he held her closer and pulled a blanket over both of them, then kissed her forehead.
She wanted to ask about his nightmares, but as he held her, she accepted that it was not the time to do so, and that he would tell her in time, when he felt that he could tell her. And she would be there when he was. Nothing could stop her from being there.
She thought he had returned to sleep, and she murmured very softly, "I'll always be here, Bobby. I love you."
She was somewhat surprised when she felt his lips on her neck, and even more surprised when he whispered, "I love you, too, Alex. And I know you'll be here. I won't ever lose you like that again."
Nothing's ever going to happen to you again, not as long as I can help it, he swore silently as he watched her drift off to sleep again. He kissed her hair again, and she sighed softly and snuggled closer into his warm embrace, the movement both welcomed and wanted as tears pricked at his eyes. Once again, he was in the hospital with her, holding her and protecting her from the demons of both of their subconscious minds.
Eventually he was able to sleep, but only after making sure several times that she was still, in fact, in his arms and sleeping peacefully. And even as he slept, his dreams were all about her, the only thing keeping him from skidding off of the edge of the precipice he always seemed to be standing on.
The gates of hell swing open wide
Invitin' me to step inside
She's all I see
Between the devil and me
The End...
A/N: So, whaddya bunnies think? Good? Okay? Lemme know... Now I'm off to write story number 77! Later, bunnies!