In The Midst of Chaos…

By Anna Yolei

Summary: Following the worst attack in the ship's history, both Jon and Hoshi need some reassurance that everything will turn out okay. Rated PG-13 to be safe.

There aren't enough A/S fics in the world. I plan to change that. Actually, I started this fic before "Damage" aired and upon seeing that episode (It rocks, but the way), I thought the scenario would work better with those events. In other words, it takes place in the time span of that episode.

I don't own anything but the fic.

------

Morning came.

His alarm didn't go off as usual; it had not worked in several days. Enterprise had undergone a severe attack from the Xindi; and being in the middle of space they had no way of defending themselves against another one. Most of the ship was in shambles and about a fourth of Jonathon's crew had been killed or lost. On top of that, he had gone against his morals and stolen a warp coil to replace the one that had been destroyed in Engineering. That ship's crew had done nothing to deserve such an action, and because of him, they'd be away from their own home for three years.

How do I survive with that? Jonathon wondered.

He felt something stir against his bare chest. As he opened his eyes more, he turned to see a woman's backside.

How the hell…oh…I remember now.

Last night's events came back to him. Ensign Sato—Hoshi had come to see him.

-----

The door chimed. "Um, Captain, it's me. Hoshi Sato."

With an exhausted sigh he responded, "Come in, Hoshi."

He wasn't much in the mood for company. Hell, Archer couldn't even face himself in the mirror right now. He knew he looked like hell, and he felt like it too. But he knew he should be there for his crew for moral support; after all, he was the captain. Jonathon turned around from his nearly ruined desk to face the young woman.

The sight of Captain Archer –being in his presence-- used to make Sato nervous for the first few months she was on Enterprise. Then again, there wasn't much that didn't scare her out in space. As she got to know him better, Hoshi came to learn that Archer wasn't so intimidating. Tonight, Archer even looked a little bit sad. Hoshi knew something was wrong when Porthos came to his leg for a pet and he didn't extend an arm to the beagle's head.

"Hoshi. Anything I can do for you?" he asked her in a stricter than usual tone.

She bravely took two steps towards him. "I came to see how you were doing, sir."

"I'll live to see tomorrow." There was no trace of a joke in his husky voice. Jonathon's eyes fell to the floor.

It pained her to see her captain like that. Hoshi was scared to death that the Enterprise wouldn't get home in one piece. Everything was falling apart around her…the ship, the plating and the crew as well. T'Pol spent most of her time locked up in the ready room when Archer had been gone. Hoshi knew T'Pol well enough to know that she was hiding from the crew, unable to cope with the stress but not wanting to seem incapable of her duties.

"I guess I shouldn't ask how you are feeling."

"You have no idea," Jonathon said quietly.

Hoshi took a seat; or rather she squatted down on the floor next to Jonathon's chair. The worry she felt was apparent on her young face, making her look a lot older than twenty-six. Hoshi wished she could be like a Vulcan and repress her emotions. Jonathon looked at her briefly when she placed one hand over his.

"Try me," she demanded softly.

He sighed. "The people on that ship did nothing to deserve what I did to them. Taking their warp coil like that? I never thought…" His voice trailed off as a tear started to form on his unshaven face. "I can't help but feel guilty, Hoshi." The hurt that he was experiencing was more than apparent to her.

Sato was more than a little surprised as Jonathon wrapped his free arm around her back, puling her in a little. It was obvious that he was seeking some comfort from anyone. Jonathon needed that and she was more than willing to give that to him.

"There's things we're all ashamed of. We all have regrets. But there's a world to be saved… it's our world."

The thought of the strong man she knew to be her captain crying, almost in sobs, made her think of all her family at home. He father and mother, that put her into the most advanced classes to nurture her ear for languages; to give her an opportunity for the best jobs out there. Sometimes she had thought her mother was much too strict and traditional for her liking as a child.

Her childhood. She had been alone for much of that time in her life. She thought every child had a private tutor, but how could she know any better? She didn't have any peers to relate to or with. Hoshi still felt alone sometimes on Enterprise, too. Perhaps Jonathon felt alone as well… the thoughts were beginning to make her cry.

Jonathon rubbed her back a little to soothe her. "You okay? What's wrong?"

You know exactly what's wrong, Jonathon, he thought to himself bitterly.

"I wish I could see my family, to connect with others…there's lots of things I want to do, and I don't know if I'll be able to do any of them." Hoshi continued to cry into his shoulder.

Jonathon felt upset that he could do nothing to fix this. Much like there was nothing he could do to fix the ship any faster or fix the warp coil and return the one he stole to those explorers.

He didn't have anyone to talk to about this. Ever since they left for the Expanse, he rarely spoke with Trip or T'Pol except for giving orders. He hadn't even paid attention to the fact that T'Pol had been feeling the stress of the situation until their heated argument a few hours ago than ended with her slamming a PADD on his desk and yelling. He could do nothing for her either, or for the fact that Trip was trying his best to keep the ship going and deal with the death of his sister. He had cut himself off from them both.

He looked down and Hoshi and placed a hand on her shoulder. "I wish there was something I could do for you, I really do."

Hoshi pulled away to looked into his green eyes. They were normally very clear, but tonight they were a little puffy. But they were still very handsome and pleasing to look into.

In fact she, Hoshi Sato, thought Jonathon to be very handsome. Many nights she had passionate dreams about him, and some were so real that she'd be completely disoriented for several seconds after waking up. When she was on the bridge with Jonathon, however, Hoshi never gave her dreams another thought. Why was that? Did she love him? Oh, he was so handsome…

After a thought she told him, "There is something you can do for me."

He nodded. "Okay, sure."

Jonathon barely got that last word out before he found her lips pressed upon his with her arms around his very tense shoulders and her hands in his hair. To say this action shocked him would be a huge understatement, especially from someone as reserved as Hoshi. As the senior officer, he knew this was wrong but yet...he couldn't push her away. He actually found himself enjoying himself. He wanted that little bit of comfort…he even needed it.

Hoshi pulled away after several moments, looking a bit scared. That was something she had wanted to do for so long, but yet she knew she couldn't. Hoshi hadn't really thought that one out and immediately felt a little embarrassed.

"Um…I'm sorry, sir. I shouldn't have…" she adverted her eyes elsewhere.

"I can't be mad, Hoshi," Jonathon told her. "I did say I would help you. I just didn't expect…to enjoy it."

The both of them shared a smile. Then they were silent for about two seconds before Jonathon found himself moving closer to her.

"What are you…" she tried to say before he kissed her again. This time Hoshi felt him pulling the rubber band out of her hair and running his rather large hands through it. Her hands found their way to the zipper of his uniform, and he didn't do anything to stop her. Nor did she stop Jonathon from placing her on his bed.

------

Hoshi woke up to find herself in someone else's quarters. It was odd, because the quarters looked rather large for anyone under the rank of Commander…

Then she remembered she hadn't left Captain Archer's quarter last night, and she was wearing absolutely nothing but the blanket that covered her. When she turned to face Jonathon, she found him topless as well. He was awake, too, and looked very nervous.

"Um…morning," he told her. She nodded silently. "I…um, didn't expect to go that far…to, er…you know." Jonathon could feel his cheeks turning red.

"Neither did I." There was a moment of silence as they both took in last night's events. Jonathon spoke first.

"So...um…why did we do that? You know…last night."

Hoshi sighed. "I don't know. I hold you in the utmost respect. We shouldn't have been…fraternizing like that."

"I think I'm the one to telling you I respect you."

She let out a slight laugh, but her smile soon faded. "Well, I should thank you."

His eyes grew big and he smiled. "Well…that's not really necessary…"

"Last night…before…you know…I was able to open up to you a little bit. I keep most everything to myself. I don't take risks, and doing what we did…well, that's a big risk."

He nodded. "Well, I should thank you, too. I've been isolating myself from everyone lately, because I can't stand the thought of some of the actions I've taken over these last nine months."

She placed a hand on his bare shoulder. "You have seven million reasons to do what you've done."

He closed his eyes for a few seconds. "I know, Hoshi."

At that moment, Jonathon realized exactly why the two of them had been intimate with one another.

"I think our…closeness last night was because we wanted to know that someone was there for us. To soothe one another." She nodded in agreement. "I assume this isn't going to get around to anyone?"

"No," Hoshi said. "I'm a private person anyway. We should probably head out of here."

"Agreed." Jonathon and Hoshi both got out of bed and began to get dressed, as the showers were still off-line.

"By the way," Hoshi added before stepping out the room, "You were wonderful. A complete gentle man." She didn't notice the grin that came across his face when she left.

Okay, Jonathon. You can get though this day. You're still alive, and so is she. It feels good to know someone still appreciates me…in more than one way. He didn't even know where to begin to repay her for the hope her compassion had given him. Well, there was one way he knew of.

Get the crew home. He'd do it for her.

Jonathon slipped on his shoes and headed out for the bridge.

The End

From Anna Yolei:

Weird pairing, I know. But we all know where T'Pol's going to get her comfort these days :) Doesn't make the A/Ter in me happy. Honestly, Archer's the only captain other than Janeway that I could see being with his crew. I really have no notes about the fic, except that I changed it to fit around the "Damage" timeline instead of a random attack. I hoped you enjoyed it, please R&R.