Alice POV
I took a seat on the cold grass, placing the flowers at my feet as I tucked my chin on my knees and wrapped my arms around my legs. I took a deep breath and talked to my husband.
"I miss you, Jazz. I really, really miss you. I'm not sure how to keep going without you. I keep thinking you'll walk through the door, but you never do. ''
I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes already.
''It's been 2 months today. I still cry myself to sleep every night. I wake in the morning, expecting you to be there beside me, but your side of the bed is empty. 60 days of waking alone, and I'm still not used to it yet. I suppose I'm not completely alone now.''
The tears began to spill over, creating a puddle on my already large stomach.
''Sometimes I make two cups of coffee, waiting for you to join me in the kitchen. But you never do.
''The house is too quite now. I miss your country music that used to play in the living room, and the nights when Edward and Emmett would come round and you'd all yell at the television. Nothing like that happens anymore.
''I miss our talks in the kitchen over breakfast. I miss listening to what you were going to do during the day, and telling you about any dreams I'd had the night before.
''It's not fair Jazz. You should still be here with us. This wasn't the way our lives were supposed to go.''
My chest began to heave with uncontrollable sobs.
''Sometimes, at night, when I'm all alone, the numbness returns. And I can't feel anything. It makes me feel so guilty even though I know you're telling me that it wasn't my fault. How can I feel anything else when you're gone, and I'm still here. Alone. Without you.
''But the five years we had together, the five years we spent loving each other, I am so thankful for that. I thank God everyday what time he gave us, even if he took you away from me way too soon. Even though you aren't here anymore, I still love you with every piece of my heart, and I know for certain that there will never be anyone else. You were it for me, Jazz.''
Hot tears continued to fall down my face
''And even though it's so hard to go on without you, I know that I have to. I know that you would have wanted me to live my life. Our love lives on, Jazz. I love you. I love you so much it hurts.''
A tight pain in my chest was twisting my heart, but I continued.
''Your mom and I talk every Sunday. Hearing her voice reminds me that you were real, but it also reminds me that you're not here anymore and that breaks my heart.
''You know that shirt I always threatened to throw out? The blue and red plaid one that I hated. I love that shirt now. I sleep in it every night, it reminds me you were real. It's funny how things change, my most hated top of yours is now my most treasured item of clothing, I can't imagine throwing it away now.''
I looked down at my own shirt, drenched in tears shed for my husband. I began to rub my expanded stomach, already so large compared to my small frame.
''I have something else to tell you, Jazz. You're going to be a dad!
''You know the weekend when all of us flew out to Vegas for Em's birthday, and I was really sick? Turns out I'm pregnant. With twins. Not surprising considering you and Rose are second generation Hale twins, now there will be a third generation of them.
''I'm so nervous. How will I cope? In five months, I will be a solo mother, of two babies. If only you were here to help me, Jazz. You would have been an amazing dad, I know you would have. I'm gonna bring them to see you when I come down every week.
''I know one day they're gonna ask me why they don't have a daddy and everyone else at school does. And I want them to know their father. I promise to tell them everything about you.
''I'll tell them how sweet and kind and loving you were to me. I'll tell them about how you took me out to the beach for our first date, and how you proposed to me through post-it notes around the house telling me why you loved me and how it poured down with rain on our wedding day but it was the best day of our lives.
''I'll remind them constantly of how much they are loved by the both of us, and that you're watching down on them.''
I took a few deep breaths to calm myself, but the tears continued to fall like rain from my eyes.
''I'm trying to learn how to live without you, Jazz. It's just so hard. I know that I have to for our children. I want to see them grow up, and I want to be proud of the strong people we created. I want them to be proud of us and know a love as strong as ours was.
'' I love you, Jazz. Don't ever forget that. I will see you again, Jazz, save me a place beside you for when I come home. I love you.''
I rolled over onto my knees and stroked the black marble head stone, tracing the words I had been too distraught to choose two months ago. It was Jasper's mother that chose them, they were beautiful and I couldn't have said it better myself;
In loving memory of Jasper Hale
24 June 1989 - 9 February 2012
Beloved Son
Cherished husband
Together forever, never apart;
Maybe in distance but not in the heart
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