I think I love you.
Screw that - I know I love you.
I watch you as you sit down in the seat in front of mine, but I try not to let you see I'm watching you. You're perfect - your broad shoulders and messy hair and deep brown eyes that I'd swear have stared directly into my soul on many different occasions.
You don't know about my crush - about my love. You remain clueless to my admiration of you, about my obsession with you.
"Wait! It's from the Mark Jacobs collection!" I squeal as your fellow football players begin to throw me into the dumpster.
You tap your friend on the shoulder and he pauses. You extend your hand to take my jacket and bag, and I'm relieved. I shove them into your hands.
"You'll all work for me someday." I say curtly (how ironic) as your friend and three others throw me into the dumpster.
How fitting. They think I'm trash so they throw me in the dumpster.
Maybe I am trash?
But now isn't a time to think about that. Now we're in the glee club together. Now I get to sing with you. Maybe we'll get closer. Maybe you'll like me.
Maybe not.
Maybe not? Of course not.
After all, you're not gay right? Well, neither am I. At least I never told anyone (Mercedes doesn't count, she'd carry the secret to the grave if I asked - which I did). Not that I don't have an inkling of a suspicion that you already know - but now isn't the time to think about that.
What if it's no secret?
Don't go there. Not now.
And as I watch you now, having noticed my staring and nicely giving me a brief nervous smile (to which I felt the heat rise to my face and quickly looked away) I know that you're clueless. I know that you're just plain, dumb, cluess Finn Hudson -
Not that I was ever interested in your mind anyway. It didn't matter if you were smart or not, at least to me.
What took the breath away from me that you were shockingly adorable.
- But, as I watch you I know I'll never say this outloud. As I watch you now, I know that I can't and won't tell you, and I know that even if you did have an idea of how deeply I loved you you'd probably run far away and never, ever look back. That's just the way you are.
You're not gay, and neither am I.
I'm Kurt Hummel, you're Finn Hudston.
And thinking it over carefully, I wouldn't have it any other way.