A little something from the Deranged Author:
Hi! First off, I'd like to say that I do not own... and I repeat DO NOT own Final Fantasy VIII or anything else for that matter.
Btw, this is my first one shot attempt and its a single POV.
I would like to thank my ever beloved Byakko's Recon and the equally cute Ragnar-Pendon. Hey guys! Good luck with the fics!
R&R!!! Onegai?
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The Day I Said Goodbye
I saw him cry again. Like the previous days. Alone, he sat looking up to the heavens fro mercy. I can hear his silent sobs, his longing. My heart bleeds for him. How I want to wipe his tears away, heal the wounds of his heart. I want to hold his hand and hold it close to my heart so that he could feel its wild throbbing, and hear that it whispers his name. I want to reach him, but I can't. I want to feel him, but I don't have the right. I want to love him, make him feel the intense passion I have for him. A passion that no one knew I had. But he is not mine... He will never be...
So many years ago, a time I can barely remember, I was but a child. Confused, bothered by almost everything. I didn't know what to do, how to live my life. How to save it from completely falling apart. Amidst the confusion, captive in a maelstrom of emotion, torn between hatred and acceptance, I met him. I never expected, nor have I known love before. To me, love is a myth and as of that moment, my heart has no room for love. Only hate... anguish... rage...
But there he was, in front of me, like an angel that descended from the blue skies. I don't know what has gotten into me. Was it love at first sight? I didn't know until now, I never believed in that bullshit anyway. What happened I think, was that when I first saw him, it was like he just opened a closed book where memories were already written. Like a story being retold. Like I have already known him all my life, like he was the one I wanted to spend forever with. Can you believe it? I never knew I had it in me. But there I was a child of six, believing he had found his destiny.
No. It was not foolish. I thought so in the beginning, but not anymore. It was love, a love that has been there in the depths of my heart, and like a phoenix, it just surfaced again from the ashes, and when it did, it was magnificent. Until now, if anybody would tell me I was just crazy and that it couldn't be love, I would answer, "How would you know? Have you ever loved anybody that much before?" But then again, I think no one would dare.
Yes. I love him. Much more that I love myself. I would even give my life if he so desired. Why? I don't know. To me, reasons are immaterial. From then on, I found my path, I knew what I wanted. Him. Only him. But if things really weren't meant to be, then, it really is not. I knew from the start. Still, I plunged myself into the illusion I created. Into the pit of false hopes and deceptions, hurting myself. I though I could still change the way he felt, that someday, he could learn to love me in return. But I found myself suffering in an unrequited love. Foolish maybe, but still I dreamt the impossible, for I believed that there was Someone up there and that He will not disappoint me. But He did.
He let me be controlled. He let become a puppet. He let me become the Sorceress' Knight. He let me fight with the man I admired the most. He looked away, as I was begging for that boy's love. He wasn't listening to my prayers, asking for a chance to be happy.
Right there, I realized, it was only me that loved and believed in the magic of love. And I cried, but even how bitter were my tears, how my sobs pierce the serene night, nobody cared, for they think I'd get over him easily.
He is just a memory now. And people think, I am already over him because they see me in the company of another. But the truth lies in my heart. Beneath the smiles, beneath the laughter, even beneath that arrogant smirk, is a wounded heart. A wound not even time can heal, for it still bleeds for him. And when in the darkness I saw him cry, not for me but for the man who broke his heart, I can feel mine being shattered into pieces. I love him with all my heart, my soul. If only that I can tell him how I feel, that I love him still, even after all those years. It is still he.
Before, I long to say I love him, but for now, it is better to leave it unspoken. To leave my emotions unexpressed. I know I can't go on loving him. I have my own life to live. I have to forget my unforgettable first. But the question is, can I ever? Maybe not now, in the future, who knows? After long years of living in the void inside my being, I opened the door.
When I saw him cry over a man, it was the day I said goodbye, though I never meant the word. For saying goodbye is like closing the door, but opening a window. I never opened the door of my heart. He will always be there, to be cherished, for as long as I shall live.
The lone figure watched as the usually boisterous boy he knew cried all his anguish and pain to the world. His handsome face looked cold and calculating, the person everyone thought he was. But in his cat-green eyes were longing...Hope... Hope that someday, this boy with baby-blue eyes would finally look his way and notice him.
But these were just fantasies... And he knew that...
He slowly turned, walking away from the frail, sobbing creature he loved dearly. His step were heavy... His heart...aching as he took each step.
Then, with a final look, he smiled. A sad smile that dulled the radiant color of his eyes.
"Goodbye, chicken wuss... How I wish you could have loved me."
With that, he disappeared into the night