DISCLAIMER: If you don't recognize it, I made it up. (With a little help from my friends) Everything else belongs to Andrew W. Marlowe and ABC. And no, I won't be making money from this now, or ever.
A white dress.
Pretty white shoes.
Lots of hair pins. A veil lying on the dresser.
Wildflowers and butterflies.
Exclamations of "You look so beautiful today!"
Laughter and lots of giggles.
Zoning out.
Thinking.
Fear.
(Necessary or silly?)
Pressure.
A touch on my shoulder made me jump out of my skin. I saw my older sister standing in front of me with her hair done up and dressed up in a light blue silk bridesmaid dress, and she was looking at me with kind eyes. My younger sister, Lily—who is also my triplet—and our lifelong friends Katie Esposito and Elliana Ryan had paused in their laughter and conversations and doing each other's hair to look over. All three of them were my bridesmaids, and they were dressed just like my older sister, who had the duty as my maid of honor. Lily, Katie and Elliana realized the sensitivity of the situation and stayed quiet as Alexis placed both of her hands on my shoulders in reassurance to calm my trembling.
My big sister spoke gently to me. "What's wrong, Johanna?"
"I-I guess I'm just nervous, Alexis." I confessed.
"I can't say I blame you."
"That's easy for you to say!" I shrugged out of her hold on me and backed away slightly. "You've been married to Ashley for eighteen years now, and you have four ridiculously cute children! I'm getting married before the rest of my siblings and my friends, and I just never thought I'd be first!"
Alexis tried to comfort me. "It's okay to have pre-wedding jitters."
"Yeah." Katie joined the conversation. "It's perfectly okay."
My best friend, named after my mother, came over and wiped my tears away. She didn't say a word about how my makeup was running.
"You can say that, too. It isn't your day." I huffed. "You're engaged to Alex!" Alex, full name Alexander Jamison Castle, is my older triplet brother. "You were named after my mother and my brother was named because of a prophecy that brought my parents closer together than they had been before they heard it all those years ago. You and Alex have an extraordinary amount of honor to live up to!"
Lily came to stand next to Katie.
She had only opened her mouth before I cut her off, nerves taking over. "You're not allowed to talk, either, Barbie Doll." I called her that because she and I are identical, and we're both spitting images of our gorgeous mother. "You are engaged to Gabe, and he's the son of one of Dad's best friends!" I turned to Elliana, the one who has always added the soft spoken element to our group. She backed up and stayed silent. Elliana always chooses the exact time at which to add her insight or something of the like, but other than that, she's always been pretty quiet. "And you are engaged to Tobias, the son of my mom's best friend from high school!"
I sat down on the couch and began to cry more. I tuned the others out and delved deep inside myself.
I love my fiancée, Samuel Richard Shaw, more than I've ever loved anybody! We've been friends for our whole twenty-three years of life, and we've gone through more trials than the rest of our friends and family members because of our occupations. Our friends have even told us that Sam and I are the glue that keeps everybody together. That means a lot because the trials we endured together made us incredibly strong as friends at first, and then later on, they mad us strong as a couple. So…why am I having these thoughts?
Another touch on my shoulder made me jump out of my skin for the second time in a half hour. When I looked up, I saw that Alexis, Lily, Katie and Elliana were gone. Instead of them, I found that my parents, Rick and Kate Castle, both dressed for a summer wedding on the beach, were sitting on either side of me.
I was slightly confused. "What are you two doing in here? Where are Alexis, Lily, Katie, and Elliana?"
Mom's voice was gentle. "We came to check on you and to talk to you, my little butterfly." In spite of myself, I smiled at my mother's nickname for me.
"They're getting ready somewhere else. When Lily opened the door to let us in, she said that you weren't doing so hot." Dad added. "So here we are."
"Come on, Johanna." Mom stood up and pulled me up with her. Guiding me over to my vanity table, she sat me down and began to wipe of my makeup. "You're going to sit here and talk to us about what's going on in that brilliant mind of yours while I fix you up, okay?"
There was no arguing with my mom, especially when my stubbornness has been known to be equally matched with hers, so I had no choice but to agree.
"All right, mom."
I took a deep breath and slowly let it out before telling my parents everything on my mind. My siblings and I have always been very close with them, so that made it very easy to talk to my parents. As I spoke, mom listened intently as she redid all of my makeup, and Dad listened from a chair next to my table. He spoke first when I was done.
"Well, angel," he started. "Let me tell you something."
I turned to look at him. "What is it?"
"Sam loves you." He stated simply. "He loves you so much, and if the things he's done for you in the past, even when you were kids, doesn't show that—or his loyalty and devotion to you—then I don't know what does."
I tried to think back over the years of all the adventures Sam and I had had together, but there were so many…
"What do you mean?" I arched my back in reaction to mom untangling a particularly nasty knot.
"I mean, Sam has literally been following you around since you two could crawl." Dad explained. "Kind of like how I followed your mother…" his voice trailed off, and he was no doubt going down memory lane.
Mom and I looked at him and then exchanged glances with each other in the mirror. She rolled her eyes and chuckled to herself and began to style my hair into a French bun twist as she spoke.
"I think what your father is trying to say is that Sam is devoted to you, and has been since day one. The first time that you two met was when you were less than a month old. Jordan and I laid you two down on a blanket together for a picture while Alex and Lily were sleeping, but you were fussing." Mom put a few hair pins in my hair to secure it.
"Guess what happened after that?"
"Hm?" I was very intrigued because this was a story that I'd never heard before. "Do tell."
"Even though you two were teeny tiny, Sam somehow turned his attention to you, and you looked right back at him." I raised an eyebrow at that. "I remember it like yesterday because you stopped crying in less than fifteen seconds."
"I did?" Well…this certainly explains why I've always loved Sam's eyes… "Sam calmed me down?"
"He did." Mom nodded, tucked the last pin into my hair and stepped back so she could admire her handiwork. "I swear that it was the beginning of your friendship right then and there, especially since there were many more stories to come in the years afterward."
"Please tell me another."
I turned around to look at my parents who were both sitting on my bed now. I was well aware of the fact I was going to get married in a very short amount of time, but I was caught up in the moment because nobody in our family could ever pass up the chance to hear or tell a good story.
Mom looked thoughtful for a minute.
"Remember when you broke your arm?"
"I was four years old, mom." I laughed.
"I know." She paused briefly to collect her thoughts. "We were all in the park around Christmastime—our family, Gram, the Espositos, mama Abby, the Ryans, and the Shaws. I don't remember what the adults were doing, but I do remember that you kids were playing a few feet away."
"How did I break my arm?"
"You slipped on ice when we weren't looking. Sam loaded you up on his sled and made Alex and Lily ride with you to make sure you weren't in too much pain. Gabe, Katie, Tobias and Elliana pushed the sled because it was so heavy for one little four-year-old to pull by himself."
"That must've been a sight." I remarked.
"It was." She agreed. "Sam found me first and was practically in tears because he was so sick with worry about you."
"Did anything happen at the hospital?"
"You had a concussion, so you had to stay the night." Mom answered. "When Jordan and Lanie brought Sam and the others in to see you, you were sound asleep and your arm was in a cast. Sam asked to lay down next you, and when he was next to you, he kissed you on your right temple, right there." She came over and held my hand to the spot. "Two seconds later, you snuggled up to him in your sleep and he fell asleep next to you, holding your hand."
I was rendered speechless by the end of that story, so I didn't object when Dad began to speak.
"And then there was the brief captivity that you two endured three years ago. That was nothing small."
I shuddered at the memory.
Sam and I have been investigative journalists since we were twenty, so we accepted the fact that running into trouble is part of the job. It's a good thing that we accepted it because trouble came a-calling a few days after we officially became a couple.
Following a tip from an anonymous source, we infiltrated the Westies, the mob responsible for the murder of my late grandmother, Johanna Beckett. (I just so happen to be named after her) Sam and I followed the lead and gained valuable information that later helped us shut the Westies down and solve my grandmother's murder, but it came at a price because we lost someone close to us…
We were discovered and held captive for three months. Thanks to a kind twist of fate, we were able to escape even though I was badly injured. Once we were clear of the mob hideout, Sam scooped me up in his arms and carried me through four miles of snow to make sure we got to the hospital. I passed out somewhere along the way, but when I woke up, Sam was right next to me in bed, sound asleep.
"No kidding." I finally answered, trying to get myself back on topic. "It was hell."
Dad just nodded, a look of complete seriousness etched on his face.
"When you were still in the hospital, Sam came to me at one point and we had a long discussion."
"What did you talk about?"
"It doesn't matter right now." Dad waved his hand dismissively. "At the end of the conversation, Sam told me that if it had really come down to it, he was ready to die if it meant you having a proper shot at freedom. He said he came to that conclusion because it was in that moment that he knew he loved you, and your hearts are—and always have been—bound together. Sam asked me a few minutes later for permission to marry you, but he warned me that it might take some time before he proposed because of all that you two had just gone through."
My mouth dropped open in shock. I'd had absolutely no idea about that part of the story.
Before I could say anything in response, there was a knock on the door. When dad opened the door, we saw mom's four dear friends, Lanie, Madison, Jordan and Jenny standing in the doorway; all dressed in splendid dresses fit for wearing to a wedding, and waiting for permission to enter. I wasn't one to deny any of them because all four have played different roles in my upbringing over the years. Lanie, Madison, Jordan and Jenny are closest that my brother, sisters and I have to aunts.
"Is it all right if we come in, Johanna?" Jordan asked.
I finally found my voice. "Of course it is."
They entered the room as dad exited quietly. I looked at the ladies curiously.
"You look so beautiful today, Johanna." Jordan mused. "I'm sure you've heard that a lot today, but it's true."
"Very, very true." Madison agreed. Lanie and Jenny nodded.
They looked like they wanted to say something else, but they fell silent, as if unsure of what to say. As I waited for them to speak, my eyes fell on their hands, and that was when I noticed they were each holding a little package of some sort, and my curiosity was piqued. However, since all four of them had fallen silent at the same time, I felt a little disconcerted, especially given all of the different personality types between the four of them.
Mom, who can read me like a book, spoke to her friends for me.
"What's going on with all of you?" Her hands were on her hips.
Jordan, Madison and Jenny all looked over at Lanie, obviously wanting her to speak.
She stepped forward. "Oh, cariño…It's just that you're all grown up now, and seeing as your mom, Jenny, Madison, Jordan and I raised our children together, this moment right here, your wedding day, is a huge milestone for all of us. You are loved more than you could ever know, and we're just as excited as your mom to be standing here."
All I could do was smile because this was all getting too much to handle emotionally and I didn't want to ruin my makeup again. Jordan saw my momentary silence as a chance to speak, so she seized it.
"We have some gifts for you, sweetheart."
She stepped forward and handed me a slender velvet box she had been holding. I opened it to find an old, but polished silver metal cross necklace. As I looked at its intricate design, it suddenly dawned on me that this was the necklace that Jordan wore everyday.
I looked back up at her and spoke softly.
"Jordan, this is your necklace."
She shook her head.
"Tirzah should be wearing this necklace. Not me." I mumbled. "Your only daughter is dead because Sam and I asked her to come with us when we investigated one of the most dangerous mobs in New York."
I hung my head as I thought of mine and Sam's ill-fated investigation of the Westies. We had asked his older (and only) sister, Tirzah to join us because we needed someone to film us, and she had an advanced degree in film. I always loved her (we all did) but there was a special connection between us because she was the first one to voice the fact that there was chemistry between her little brother and I.
Everything was going well with our infiltration. Until we were discovered.
It was actually Tirzah who was discovered first. She had earned her way into the boss' inner circle, but he had gotten suspicious of her and killed her after she revealed her mission and who she was with.
Sam and I were found shortly thereafter, and we tried to run, but we didn't get very far because we were captured and turned into hostages. On the day that Sam and I finally escaped, there was a point at which we were in the woods and I tripped and twisted my ankle pretty badly. That was when Sam carried me the rest of the way to the hospital.
Neither Sam nor I have been the same since that time, especially since we had to lead the SWAT teams back to the hideout and retrieve Tirzah's body later. Telling Jordan about what happened to her daughter was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Her grief was unbearable to watch, and I thought she wouldn't want to talk to me ever again, but that was not the case. If anything, it made us even closer than ever.
Jordan held my face in her hands and made me look at her.
"Hey, now, Johanna." her voice was stern. "None of that. You need to stop blaming yourself for what happened. Tirzah knew what the risks were."
"But it's my fault she's never going to fall in love, get married, and have babies." I whimpered. "I feel selfish."
My soon-to-be mother-in-law was silent for a second, probably biting her tongue. Next to my own mother, she's the only other person whose stubbornness is an even match for mine. After a minute, she shook her head, ridding herself of a certain memory.
"Tirzah wanted you to have the necklace."
I blinked in surprise. "She did?"
"Yes." Jordan took the necklace out of the box and looked at it thoughtfully. "Right before she left with you and Sam, she pulled me aside and said: 'Mom, I want you to make sure that Johanna has your necklace when she marries Sam. I know it's supposed to be mine, but I don't think that I'll be needing it.' She gave me hug and kiss, told me that she loved me and headed out the door with you two."
All though Jordan didn't say it, we all knew that that was the last time she'd seen Tirzah alive.
"Tirzah said those things?" I struggled to get back on topic as Jordan nodded. "You make it sound like she knew she was going to die... and that I was going to marry her brother."
"But she didn't, sweetie."
"Then why...?" I couldn't finish the question as memories came back.
Jordan shrugged with a sad smile. "Some things are just better left unsaid."
I nodded in agreement as she fastened the necklace around my neck.
"You're about to officially become my daughter by marrying Sam," she ran a hand down the side of my face affectionately. "But you've always been like a daughter to me, and not just because I helped raise you, but because you and Sam have been so close for your whole lives, with your hearts bound to each other, and also because Tirzah loved you like a little sister. Wearing this necklace," she touched it briefly. "Will be a way to honor Tirzah's memory. You have no idea how much joy it gives me to be standing here with you and see you wear that necklace." Jordan smiled again and kissed me on the forehead before backing off.
I was at such a loss for words that it was a second before I noticed that Madison, Lanie and Jenny came forward, also bearing gifts.
"The gifts we have," began Madison. "Are on loan from us because we plan to use them in the future weddings of our children. All of you—Tobias, Gabe, Elliana, Alex, Lily, Katie and you and Sam, especially—have been close knit since you were all very little and formed your own little family over the years. You were all more or less raised on the practice of the whole "it takes a village to raise a child" concept, so we," she meant herself, my mother, Lanie and Jordan. "Have decided to start a family tradition in which the gifts you're presented with for the "something borrowed" rule will be used in the rest of the family weddings after this one so all of the brides will be connected forever." She looked at me to make sure I had caught all of that, which I did and conveyed by nodding. "What do you think?"
"I think it's a beautiful idea, Madison."
At that, she presented me with the first gift: her favorite pearl earrings. As little girls, Lily, Katie, Elliana and I had never been allowed to touch them, but we had each hoped that we'd be able to wear them in our weddings. When Madison helped me put them on, I was very happy that the earrings went so well with the style of my wedding dress. Being the only one of the three Castle daughters who inherited a love of fashion from my other late grandmother, Martha, I had chosen a dress of classy elegance, a trait that my grandmother had embodied. Hearing the others sigh over how well the earrings looked on me, I realized that my childhood wish had finally come true.
The second gift was from Lanie, and it was a jade ring that had once belonged to her mother, Abigail Parish, who had treated all of her granddaughter's friends as her own grandchildren, playing with us, remembering our birthdays and giving us presents on Christmas. We called her 'Mama Abby.' She loved us the way she did up until the day she passed away, and all eight of us were among the people at her bedside. Her ring was a perfect fit.
Jenny's gift was a new pair of white lace up ballet flats. She'd had boys and girls, but none of them inherited her love of dance. Helping me do up the long ribbon laces, she informed me that new shoes were mine and mine alone, in honor to all the times from years past to now when I danced with her for an audience during a performance, or at a dinner gathering, just because.
When Jenny was done with me, she told me to go look at myself in the full length mirror next to my closet. I obeyed, but only looked at my reflection for a few seconds before it dawned on me that Jordan had given me my "something old," while Madison and Lanie had lent me the jewelry as my "something borrowed," and Jenny had presented me with the ballet flats for the "something new." That just left…something blue, and by process of elimination, I concluded that the last gift would come from my mother.
Almost as if she was reading my thoughts, mom appeared at my shoulder. Facing her, I opened my mouth to speak, but she put a hand up to silence me. I fell silent immediately.
"I have the last gift for you, Johanna."
Mom turned to Jenny and took one last box from her, which she gave to me to open. I was greeted by the sight of the prettiest hair pin I had ever seen. On top of the long black obsidian prongs was a jeweled butterfly, about the size of a fifty cent piece. What made the butterfly so beautiful was that it was made entirely of blue sapphire, and the sunlight streaming in from the open window hit the jewels and made them shine, giving the object an almost magical feel.
She took the pin from the box and tucked it into my hair, near the front. Casting a peek at my reflection, I saw that the butterfly looked perfectly settled in my chocolate brown colored hair, as if it had always belonged there.
Mom got my attention by wrapping her arms around me in an embrace that only a mother could give, and the whole world melted away for a minute.
It was just the two of us.
"This hair pin," she touched it briefly before resuming her hold on me. "Was my mother's and she wore it when she married my dad. It was worn by Alexis when she married Ashley, and Lily will wear it when she marries Gabe, but you're the only one of your sisters who will truly appreciate that it's a butterfly." She had a point there. Some of my best memories are of running through Central Park chasing after butterflies. "You've always been my butterfly, Johanna Nicole. And like a butterfly, you were once a caterpillar who had to hide in a cocoon while the storms of life raged all around you." She let go of me and took my tiara wedding veil from my dresser and secured it in my hair. Taking my bouquet of wildflowers from Lanie, she put them in my hands. "And now," she placed a kiss on my forehead and lifted the veil over my face. "You've emerged from the cocoon, and after everything you and Sam have been through, you've finally become the extraordinary butterfly that I know you've always been, and you can finally spread your wings and soar. You're free, my little butterfly."
Under the watch of my parents and siblings, my new parents-in-law, and the rest of mine and Sam's loved ones, we had our first dance together as husband and wife. The song, entitled How in the World, was just perfect because it was, well… us.
Stepping out on my own
The world was too big to face alone
The mission was clear
To find something sincere, a love unknown
I searched through all the universe
My heart crash-landed on the earth
I gave up on my love pursuit
Until I discovered you
How in the world did I find someone like you?
Why in the world after all that we've been through?
If you weren't here with me right now, then I don't know what I'd do
In all of the world, I found my heart in you
Getting ready for take-off
We're gonna break-off, get out of here
We'll be walking on air
We're gonna tear through the atmosphere
Faster than the speed of sound
Gravity can't hold us down
When we, touch we elevate
Let's just float away
This is the end of the life we once knew
How in the world did I live without you?
This is the birth of a love so true
How in the world did I live without you?
How in the world did I find someone like you?
Why in the world after all that we've been through?
If you weren't here with me right now, then I don't know what I'd do
In all of the world I found my heart in you
How in the world did I find someone like you?
Why in the world after all that we've been through?
If you weren't here with me right now, then I don't know what I'd do
In all of the world I found my heart in you
A fancy white dress.
Pretty white shoes.
Wildflowers and butterflies.
Lots of hairpins. A veil lying on the dresser.
Exclamations of "You look so beautiful today!"
Laughter and lots of giggles.
Zoning out.
Thinking.
Love.
(Quite necessary.)
Happiness.
Done
Author's note: The song that Johanna and Sam danced to is called How in the World by Family Force Five. I don't own it, just like I don't own Castle, and never ever will. Perchance to dream...
Happy birthday to my dearest Celeste.. I love you, girl :)
