He didn't know what to say. He heard him speak as if he were behind a wall, or an echo. It didn't sound like he was really there. After what happened, maybe he wasn't. Maybe he was dreaming. Maybe this was all a dream. Yea, this was just one big nightmare, and if he pinched himself, maybe he'd wake up.
He loved Will more than anything else in the world, even his own life he cherished less that Wills. He'd die for Will, but.. He didn't want to see him die in front of him. He thought it was a dream, of course.
He made it look nonchalant, as if he were scratching his shoulder, but he managed to pinch himself. He blinked for a second, keeping his eyes closed to see if reality would change in the split second it took him to open his eyes again.
He opened them. When he did, nothing changed.
He was still looking at Will. His eyes still alight, hair ever so blonde, freckles itching to be touched. Realization hit him.
No. No, this had to be a dream. He wasn't even sure who said the 'I love you' anymore. He looked at Will, trying to keep his emotions hidden, but he was pretty sure curiosity and frustration managed to slip past his mental defenses, because Will gave him a strange, worried yet sad look.
"Death boy, is something wrong? You look upset."
Okay, maybe he had dreamt the 'I love you'. Or maybe he didn't. Maybe Will had said it. Oh Hades, what if he did, what was Nico supposed to say? Should he tell him what he saw? No, he wouldn't understand, he would think he was just trying to get away from him. Okay, maybe he was, but that was besides the point. But he had to say something! Come on, Nico, think!
"No, just a lot on my mind is all"
Wonderful, now he thinks you're hurt. He's going to wonder why you didn't say 'I love you' back, or why you won't tell him what's going on. Oh Gods, he's going to pry.
Will just nodded, "I understand. I heard you had a bad dream?"
Oh come on, now how did he know about that? He didn't tell anyone.. Damn he was good.
"Yea, it was nothing."
And of course, Nico looked away when he said it.
Wonderful idea, dumbass.. Now he's gonna-
Will used a finger to tip Nico's head up, towards his beautiful blue eyes.
"You know you can tell me anything, Nico."
He blinked, not being able to look away from those eyes.
He wanted to hold him close and tell him it was okay, even though he knew it wasn't going to be, not if he could do this.
It wasn't because he wanted to, it was because he needed to. He had to save Will. He had to.
"William.."
His voice broke a bit, and Will knew what was coming. He took a step away from Nico, keeping distance between them. His eyes were guarded, as if he already knew. Nico was pretty sure he did.
"Nico, what's going on..? You never use my full name.. Unless..."
He just looked at him, wanting to say something, anything, but he lost his voice when he saw Will's face. He already knew.
"Why?", Will's voice was barely a cracked whisper, "there's always a reason.."
Nico put a hand through his hair in frustration, mostly with himself and lack of words, lack of honesty.
"You were in my dream, and... "
Nico broke off, not wanting to finish, he didn't want Will to think he was crazy or stupid just for breaking the closest thing he's ever had to life and love.
Will looked at him, a mix of curiosity and hurt darkened his eyes.
"I understand perfectly.." He turned to leave, but for some reason beyond his knowledge and all of his senses, Nico reached out and grabbed his arm.
"Wait"
He turned to look at him, more in irritation and surprise.
Nico sighed, "You.. died.. In my arms.. And I don't want to see you die.." He sighed, hoping he understood.
At first, Will didn't say anything, then he knelt in front of Nico, looking up at his face.
"You're doing this to protect me? Because of your dream?"
His eyes were curious, yet sad.
Nico slowly nodded, staying quiet.
Will sighed and nodded as well.
"Oh Nico, I'm so sorry... But.." He bit his lip, "If your dreams are correct, then-"
Nico hugged him, kneeling down to his height, "I'm so sorry, Will, I'm so sorry.."
"I'm so sorry Will, I'm so sorry.."
He sobbed, kneeling in front of Will's headstone, over the month's worth of black and white roses scattered across the gravesite. He visited him every day, trying not to remember what happened that day. It wasn't because of Nico, it was because OF Nico. He was there, and it was all his fault.
- (Then)
Will was walking back from training, completely oblivious to the breech in the camp's borders. A bronze bull had hit him from the side, having caught him off guard enough to knock him to the ground. Nico ran over in time to confuse the bull, but it wasn't enough.
Nico ducked from the bull's horns. Which was a mistake.
He heard a cough behind him, and turned around. Will was pinned to the tree with the bull's horn in his side.
- (Now)
It was his fault, and no amount of healing or praying to his father to keep him alive did any good. If Nico wasn't there to drive the bull away, Will might have been able to fight back, protect himself, call for help. But he didn't, because of him. He knew he couldn't blame himself, because nobody could have seen the attack coming, or been able to defend themselves from it. After all, you can't prepare for something you don't expect.
~~~