Never have I ever...
Tamaki discovers a commoner game which the club must absolutely take part in! Secrets are revealed and chaos ensues! No pairing.
It was just one of those days. Business in the Host Club was slow. Non-existent to be more precise. The sky was grey and rain fell slowly and monotonously against the window pane. Boredom was thick in the air and the sound of sighing was the only break in the heavy silence. Kyoya typed away in his corner and Honey ate his cake. The twins looked bored out of their minds and Haruhi looked irritated to be wasting her time. She was silently trying to make up a plausible excuse so that she could leave when the door to the Third Music Room was nearly thrown off it's hinges as Tamaki came racing in. Kyoya jumped in his seat at the sudden noise but the uncool moment went unnoticed as Tamaki screamed at the top of his lungs.
"EVERYONE! EVERYONE LISTEN UP!"
"Tamaki-sempai, calm down!"
"You don't have to shout Boss! Geez, we're not deaf you know. "
"I don't know Kaoru, I think I might be now."
The objections fell on deaf ears as Tamaki twirled into the centre of the room and struck a dramatic pose.
"Listen up! Now everyone, I have an exciting new game for us to play! It's called "Never have I ever". It is a cheap commoner game played by poor commoner students during class to pass time which might otherwise be spent expanding their minds with useful information. We must all deepen the bonds of our friendship and discover new facts about each other through this wonderful commoner invention!"
Hikaru and Kaoru's attention was instantly Tamaki's at the mere mention of the word 'game'. Haruhi however was familiar with the game and entirely uninterested it.
"I have to go now guys. I'm sorry but I have to study to keep this scholarship you know."
"WHAT?!" cried Tamaki. Haruhi rolled her eyes.
"Stop shouting."
"Haruhi you can't leave! This is a club bonding experience. How can you bond with Daddy if you aren't even here?!"
Kyoya's glasses glinted as he scribbled frantically in his notebook which he had pulled out of thin air.
"Haruhi, surely you aren't trying to skip out on club activities early? You do have a rather large debt to us. It wouldn't be proper to leave, would it?"
"But... no one's here anyway... it won't matter just this once, will it?"
"Skipping out on club activities will cost you another one-hundred designations. It is a small price to pay, quite generous really." Haruhi nearly choked with indignation.
"G-generous?"
"Indeed. Of course if you're worried, you could just stay, couldn't you?"
"Fine. But we all have to play, even you Kyoya-sempai."
Kyoya contemplated for a moment the merit of agreeing to her request.
"Very well."
"Yay! Does this mean we get to play a game with Haru-chan?!"
"Yes indeed, my dear Honey-sempai!"
Kyoya cleared his throat and glared at the group, or rather at Tamaki, for silence.
"Perhaps someone would like to enlighten the group as to the rules of this particular game? Haruhi?"
Haruhi sighed and explained as best she could.
"Well I never really played it before but basically, everyone holds up their fingers. Then each person takes turns to say something that they've never done. If anyone else has done it, they put down a finger. You have to be completely honest or else you'll ruin the fun. The person who lasts the longest wins."
Tamaki, who had remained unusually silent during the explanation, struck another dramatic pose.
"Yes, yes, the common folk have indeed found a splendid way to pass time for the lowest amount of money possible. I considered bringing in some lie detecting equipment but I decided that it ruined the feeling of being 'strapped for cash'. So we shall simply sit on the floor like commoners! Haruhi! Come and sit by your Daddy!"
"No way Boss, Haruhi's sitting with us."
"Yeah Boss, stop trying to monopolise her."
"I can choose for myself!"
But somehow Haruhi still managed to end up sitting next to Tamaki. As Tamaki babbled away on one side, Mori sat silently and stoically on the other.
"I'll start seeing as I'm the President of this club. Let me see... hmm... well... Oh! I know! I've never been to Brazil!"
Kyoya huffed under his breath as he put down a finger. Honey and Mori also lowered a finger.
"Takashi and I went to study Capoeira in Brazil, right Takashi?"
"Hnn." was Mori's only response.
"We've never been to Brazil, only Argentina and Chile." the twins shrugged in perfect unison.
"Rich bastards."
"What? Oh Haruhi, sorry. It's your turn."
"I've never left Japan."
The group stared at her silently for a moment before Tamaki clutched his heart.
"Haruhi, oh how we've neglected you. Tell us everywhere you wish to go and you shall see the world! No destination is too remote for our beautiful daughter-"
"Shut up, I don't want to leave Japan, okay? Just put down your finger!"
Everyone put down a finger. Mori finally spoke up.
"I've never passed myself off as the opposite gender."
The Twins huffed as they remembered the challenge from the Zuka club.
"Well you just couldn't wear the dress could you? Never mind that we made it especially for you..."
"And our mother was really looking forward to seeing you in it too."
"Enough. Fingers."
Once again, everyone lowered a finger.
"I've never gone a week without cake!"
Everyone face-palmed at Honey's declaration but lowered a finger nonetheless.
"Well, I have never relied on a scholarship to achieve my goals."
Haruhi huffed and put down another finger.
"You say that like it's a bad thing." Kyoya shot her a dark smirk.
"Isn't it?"
Before Haruhi could make a retort, Hikaru distracted her.
"My turn! I've never asked anyone to call me 'King'."
Tamaki lowered his finger looking slightly abashed. Kaoru laughed.
"And I've never wet myself with excitement."
Tamaki retreated to his corner of woe, crying that the twins picking on him.
"Really sempai?"
"No! Don't listen to them Haruhi!"
"But... you lowered your finger..."
"B-back to the matter at hand! I believe it is now my turn again. Very well, I have never... owned a cat."
Mori and Honey both lowered fingers again which was unsurprising to Haruhi seeing as Mori seemed to be an animal magnet. Everyone turned to Haruhi.
"Oh, it's me again."
She pondered for a moment before raising a finger as an idea came to her.
"I've never tried Ootoro."
Everyone's faces instantly fell into varying degrees of sympathy, from Kyoya's slight frown to Honey's tears.
"Oh Haruhi! How we've failed you!"
"Hey! We got Haruhi Ootoro and you ate it all to spite her, you glutton!"
"Yeah! Don't try and pin this on all of us boss, it's your fault!"
"Guys it's just a statement. Put down a finger."
And they all lowered a finger. Kyoya sighed.
"I just don't see the point in this game. Clearly Haruhi is at a huge advantage simply because of her poor, deprived, commoner upbringing. She's never done anything noteworthy... aside from Ouran of course."
Tamaki tutted, wagging his finger at Kyoya in disapproval.
"You've forgotten the point! Remember, this way of prying secrets and embarrassing each other is a valuable bonding experience. Winning is simply a bonus. Now, Mori-sempai. What's the next thing that you've never done?"
Mori stared at Tamaki for a moment before replying.
"I've never told a girl that I love her."
Tamaki lowered yet another finger and gasped in horror.
"I'm losing! Everyone is ganging up on me!"
"But Tama-chan, you just said winning was a bonus. Now, let me see. I've never kissed a girl."
The group all put down a finger as Haruhi blushed, remembering her first accidental kiss at the ball.
"I've never attended a commoner's school."
Haruhi's blush turned to a flush.
"I see Tamaki isn't the only one being picked on."
Kyoya simply raised an eyebrow at her challengingly.
"Mother! You mustn't pick on your daughter! The one's that must be set straight are those devilish doppelgangers."
"Be quiet Boss, it's my turn."
But Hikaru was silent for over a minute.
"Come on Hikaru, just say something."
"It's harder for us Haruhi! We've actually done stuff!"
"If you don't say something then we'll just have to skip you."
"I... uh... oh! I've never worn girls' underpants!"
Everyone raised an eyebrow.
"Uh... we haven't either Hika-chan."
Hikaru shot a nervous glance at Kaoru, who's face was turning beat red.
"Well, Kaoru?"
"Sh-shut up Hikaru! We were only little! You- you're so mean to me, embarrassing me in front of everyone!"
Crocodile tears began forming in Kaoru's eyes. Hikaru gasped and took his brother in his arms.
"Kaoru! Don't cry! I only though it was cute! I'm sorry, I just can't resist teasing you."
"Hi-Hikaru."
"Do you really need to do that now? It's not like there are any customers here."
The twins grinned and Kaoru and Haruhi both lowered a finger.
"You're such a spoil-sport Haruhi."
"Well, it's Kaoru's turn now."
Kaoru smirked.
"I've got a good one. Remember that you have to be honest. I've never had sex."
The atmosphere in the room instantly shifted, becoming decidedly uncomfortable. Ever the oblivious one, Haruhi failed to notice this.
"Well?"
Two boys blushed at the thought of revealing such a thing to Haruhi while another simply pushed his glasses up his face in irritation. Finally Kyoya, Tamaki and Mori each lowered a finger. Honey's jaw practically hit the floor. Haruhi was mildly surprised.
"You too Mori-sempai?"
Mori blushed bright red looking half-mortified and half-indignant but said nothing.
"Uh... anyway, me again! And I've got the perfect idea. I've never made my grandmother smile."
Everyone else put down another finger except Kyoya.
"My grandmother passed away long before I was born."
Haruhi was now deep in thought trying to come up with another question but found herself distracted by Kaoru's previous question and the answers everyone had given. The twins were constantly distracting her, even in class, like that time with the fake fight and... Haruhi slammed her fist into her palm.
"I've got it. I've never dyed my hair another colour."
Hikaru and Kaoru both pouted before glaring at one another darkly and saying simultaneously "It was your stupid idea to do the fake fight. No, it was your idea! Was not! Was not! Was not!"
"Enough." came Mori's steady voice."I have never been skinny dipping."
Tamaki sighed with happiness as he and the twins lowered yet another finger in admission to the question. "Why Mori-sempai, you haven't felt the liberation of swimming in the ocean as god intended? The gentle breeze swirling through the air to caress your skin, the -"
"- The sand giving you a rash between your ass cheeks as your manhood shrivels to the size of a -"
"Hikaru! How dare you! There is a lady present!" Hikaru snorted.
"Yeah but it's just Haruhi!"
"What do you mean 'just Haruhi'? Stop trying to corrupt your sister!" Kaoru interrupted with an impish grin.
"But Boss, I believe only Mori-sempai, Kyoya-sempai and yourself are the corrupt ones here."
Tamaki blushed a bright pink and began crying as he turned to Haruhi. "Don't listen to those evil twins Haruhi! It wasn't debaucherous like they make it sound! It was before Daddy had even met Mommy. It was an expression of love between friends!"
"Honestly Sempai, I really don't want to know. Keep your lecherous seduction stories to yourself."
"LECHEROUS?!"
"Also you've lost the game."
Fortunately for everyone involved, Honey jumped in with his question before Tamaki completely lost it.
"I have never pretended to be my brother."
Hikaru and Kaoru both rolled their eyes and lowered a finger each, for Kaoru his last one, and surprisingly Kyoya followed suit. Everyone was curious but Kyoya would not be drawn on when the impersonation had happened, or indeed which of his brothers he had imitated, opting to ignore them all and ask his next question.
"I have never broken an 80,000 yen vase."
A grumbling Haruhi lowered her finger, mumbling darkly under her breath about poor product placement and a lack of safety precautions.
"I've never beaten up fifty people at once." Haruhi mused that Hikaru's statement would have sounded completely absurd in normal circumstances, but the members of the host club were far from being normal. Mori was now also out of the game.
"I have never purchased anything worth more than 30,000 yen." The boys all gave her varying looks of pity at that remark as Hikaru also lost his last life.
"I've never cut my own hair. Chicka-chan and I always have ours cut professionally. Although neither of us has ever had chewing gum stuck in our hair before either."
The twins looked like they might be physically ill at the idea of cutting their own hair, while Tamaki weeped silently for the loss Haruhi's long locks.
A look of concentration came over Kyoya's face as he contemplated his next statement. Only Haruhi, Honey-sempai and himself were remaining and they all had one life remaining. What did commoner Haruhi share in common with elite upper class man Honey-sempai. Slowly a small smirk made its was onto his lips.
"I have never been picked up and carried by Mori-sempai."
Haruhi and Honey both lowered their final fingers and conceded defeat. Haruhi was quite relieved that the game was now at an end.
"Well that was pointless, can I go home now?"
Of course the Shadow King won, did you really think he could possibly lose? Cliché I know, but it would have been too easy to have Haruhi win.
I hope you've enjoyed this and it's not too out of character. Honestly when I wrote this I was imagining the voices and mannerisms of the characters as they are in the anime, particularly Tamaki, but I wasn't entirely sure if I managed to convey that in my writing. I wrote most of this story about three or four years ago and forgot about it until yesterday when I decided to finish it. Sorry for the horrendous gap in writing anything and thanks for reading.