Her hands seemed to be in perpetual fists ever since she'd witnessed it. It was going to be an innocent sleepover between friends, or at least that's what she'd been told by her girlfriend. Chloe had told her that it was important to her that she and Beca get along and this entire event was meant to bring them together. But everything Chloe said had apparently been a lie.
Aubrey had left the couch to go to the bathroom and when she was getting ready to walk into their shared living room, she saw them. Chloe's lips meeting Beca's and the younger girl kissing her back with a passion that startled her. Immediately hot tears sprung to her eyes and she turned around, scurrying back to the bathroom. After closing the door behind her, she fell to the floor, her head in her hands as she let her tears flow.
She wasn't sure why she didn't confront them upon seeing their treachery. After all, that's what the old Aubrey would've done. But Chloe had softened her heart and in that moment she found it shattering in a way she'd never experienced. If she interrupted their kiss, it would make the moment too real, too harsh. So instead she'd released all her tears in the bathroom, vomited a few times and then wiped off her face, returning to the living room and pretending like she hadn't seen what had happened between them.
They had acted unusual when she got back to the living room, sitting on opposite ends of the couch. When Beca saw Aubrey, she bent down and started gathering up her things, explaining that "something had come up" and she had to leave. Aubrey had found herself watching Chloe, knowing by the look on her face that she wanted to go after the other girl.
"Well, that's a relief. I'm not really up to entertaining tonight." Aubrey murmured as Beca said goodbye and hurriedly walked out of their apartment. "I've got a headache."
Chloe nodded, chewing her bottom lip thoughtfully. It had been obvious her mind was still on Beca. Aubrey sighed loudly, putting her head in her hands again. She hadn't been lying when she said she had a headache, but the source of the pain was the disgusting display of affection she'd witnessed between her girlfriend and another girl.
"I'm going to lie down. Are you coming to bed?" Aubrey had asked her girlfriend.
Chloe said something about doing some housework so Aubrey told her goodnight, giving her a kiss on the top of the head before going back to their bedroom. Once in their room, she fell onto the bed, her fists clenched tightly. It took every ounce of her self-restraint to keep from stomping back into the living room to confront her girlfriend. Instead she opted to bury her face in a pillow and screamed as loudly as she could.
She fell asleep before Chloe came to bed and the next morning, her girlfriend left for work before she'd even woken up. When her eyes snapped open, Aubrey saw the empty spot beside of her and let out a shriek. There was no way she could go about today as if nothing had happened last night. She couldn't just ignore the fact that Chloe had blatantly kiss-cheated and began to wonder if that had been the first time. Her mind got carried away with her to the point that she imagined the two of them were having a secret relationship behind her back.
Chloe had admitted before that she'd had a "small crush" on Beca during their last year at Barden, but she assured Aubrey that it had completely gone away once the two of them had started dating. But now she wasn't so sure, and the stakes were much higher now than they had been in university. After all, she and Chloe had been dating for three and a half years, all throughout Beca's continued time at Barden. She figured their friendship would just fizzle out but it still hadn't and now here she was, sitting in her and Chloe's apartment, trying to figure out how extensive their affair really was. The whole ordeal made her sick to her stomach.
Great, now she was on the verge of vomiting again. Closing her eyes she placed her head between her legs, concentrating on her breath and trying to get her nerves to calm down. She really didn't want to blow chunks again, although it had become a staple in Aubrey's life at a very young age. She'd always had a problem with her nerves and ever since she was about ten years old, she would get sick whenever she was nervous, upset or afraid. That meant no haunted houses as well as throwing up before, and sometimes during, performances all throughout her life.
Once she'd calmed herself down enough, Aubrey got dressed and grabbed her iPod, heading out to her hybrid before she changed her mind about her plan. She called in sick to work (which was partly true; she was more heartsick than anything). Then she made a call to Fat Amy before she dialed Beca, wanting to get her opinion on the matter before she did anything.
"Hello?" Fat Amy's distinctive Australian accent questioned from the other end of the phone.
"Hey, Amy." Aubrey replied dully.
"Well you sound like someone ran over your puppy."
Aubrey managed a bitter laugh. "Something like that. I wanted to ask your advice on my complicated…situation."
"Ooh, lay it on me! I'm like, super good at advice."
With a sigh, she began explaining what was going on. Amy knew that she and Chloe had been dating for years; her initial reaction had been pretty comical actually. But when she told Amy about how she'd seen Chloe and Beca kiss, the other girl audibly gasped.
"WHAT, really?" Fat Amy seemed genuinely surprised and Aubrey didn't blame her, Chloe always made a show about being so innocent and sweet, it was probably jarring to find out otherwise. "Wait, did Chloe kiss her or was it the other way around?"
"Chloe kissed her."
"What did Beca do?" She asked, because clarification of the moment would help her better understand whether Beca had been in the wrong.
"She kissed her back." Aubrey hissed, slamming her fist down on the dashboard.
"OH MY –did she really? And they have no idea you saw them?"
"No idea at all. Beca left really hurriedly when I came back and I went to bed with a headache while Chloe did whatever it was she did, probably texted her all night or something." Aubrey sighed again, putting her head on the steering wheel. "So the thing is, if I confront Chloe about it I think I might break down or vomit or say something stupid because you know what she does to me, Amy, and so I thought I'd call Beca and ask her to meet me for lunch. I deal much better with anger anyway."
"Ooooooooh, are you gonna punch her?" She sounded excited at the prospect.
Aubrey hesitated. "I haven't decided yet. I might."
"Can I come?" Amy asked gleefully, wanting to witness any violence she could.
She had a penchant for watching girl fights and sometimes initiating her own. Aubrey wasn't surprised by this reaction; she was used to it by now. Just because Beca was her friend too didn't discount her from being interested in her possibly getting punched.
"I don't think so. But do you think it's a good idea?" Aubrey hated uncertainty.
"Well you've gotta do something, Aubrey. Don't take it lying down! Girl power! Don't let that bitch get away with it!" Fat Amy was practically screaming in her ear and Aubrey had to move the phone about a foot away, wincing. "You're like a fine piece of ass, I don't get why she'd cheat on you like that."
"Do you think that was their first kiss or do you think they've been secretly—"
"Don't overthink it. Does it really matter? You're mad either way right?" She actually had a point. Amy was surprisingly good at this.
"Well, yeah."
"Good. It's settled. Call Beca. Punch her really hard." Amy paused. "In the ovaries."
"Thanks, Amy."
Hanging up the phone, Aubrey let out a deep breath, her hand shaking as she scrolled down to Beca's name. As she imagined how awkward the phone call would be, she lost her nerve to call her. Texting would be just as appropriate, right? All she had to do was ask her to meet somewhere for lunch. Then she could publicly unload on her for being a horrible cheater.
Hey do you have plans for lunch today?
It was vague enough. It didn't show that she had bad intentions at all and so maybe Beca would actually agree. It didn't take long for her to get a response.
No….why?
Of course Beca was surprised by her message. They didn't necessarily have the best track record as friends. They were more acquaintances than anything but before last night, Aubrey had actually liked her. Now her feelings were more homicidal than anything.
I just thought we should talk. Tim Horton's at 11:15 okay with you?
When she'd received an affirmative response, she grinned to herself, plugging her iPod into the car and selecting her Adele playlist. She had a feeling these songs would be more than appropriate for her drive to the mall for retail therapy. She found herself getting choked up over Someone Like You, her hands gripping hard on the steering wheel as she pulled into the JcPenney parking lot.
Aubrey shoved her phone and iPod into her purse before leaving the car, walking quickly inside of the store. She loved shopping here even more so now that they had their new redesign. It was set up like a boutique, which gave an air of classiness she particularly enjoyed. She started at one end of the store, looking through all the clothing options during the hours she had until time to meet with Beca.
She was in the checkout line paying for her purchases when her phone went off. It was the alarm she'd set for 11 o'clock. With a smile, Aubrey thanked the cashier and toted her bags with her back to her car, throwing them in the back seat before getting in the front.
"You can do this, Aubrey. She's terrified of you. Make her wish she'd never even thought about kissing Chloe." She gave herself a pep talk as she put the car in reverse, the sounds of Adele's wailing in the background while she attempted to pump herself up for her confrontation.
On the way to Tim Horton's she only had to pull over to throw up once, which she thought was fairly impressive considering how long and badly her stomach had been churning. Once the car was in park, she began reminding herself of her father's advice for various situations, knowing his words would strengthen her as always. When she finally felt ready to give Beca a piece of her mind, Aubrey stomped purposefully into the café, her eyes searching the place for the offending person.
It only figured that Beca was late. That only fueled her hate fire more, as Amy would say. She ordered herself a latte and sat down in the corner, in perfect view of the entrance. She waited impatiently for the brunette, trying to steady her shaking hands. At least her hands were shaking with anger and not nerves now. Replaying the kiss in her mind over and over had propelled her from the place of nervousness to spite and she felt absolutely confident in her ability to eviscerate Beca in front of what was a disappointingly small lunch crowd.
When she heard the bell on the door, Aubrey looked up instantly. It was Beca, wearing awful clothes as usual paired with heavy eyeliner and those horrid black spikes in her ears. How on earth could Chloe find her even remotely attractive? She forced a smile as the younger girl approached her.
"Hey." Beca seemed hesitant to sit down but Aubrey raised her eyebrows expectantly, causing her to immediately drop her bag and take a seat. "So, are we going to actually be eating lunch or was that merely pretense to get me here to yell at me?"
"Mm. I have to hand it to you, you're good." Aubrey put down her latte. "I have no intention of having lunch with you, Beca. Or should I call you by something else? Harlot maybe? Slut? Cheater? Dirt ball? Tramp?"
"Beca's…fine." She murmured, resting her head on her hand. "Listen, I'm really sorry for what happened. I'm guessing you must have saw us or something and it wasn't what it looked—well okay, it was, depending on what you think you saw. Chloe kissed me and I kissed her back but then I pushed her off because I didn't want to do that to you. I'm not that kind of person."
Aubrey laughed, crossing her arms as she regarded the other girl. She didn't believe that statement one bit.
"You're not that kind of person? You've done a really shitty job of showing me that. Are you saying that was the first time you guys have ever kissed?" She prompted, giving a glare of warning that she better not lie.
Beca bit her lip. "Well, no, it wasn't the first time, but when we kissed before, you guys weren't dating, so I don't think it should count." Aubrey was shooting her eye daggers and she sighed exasperatedly. "What do you want me to say? I already apologized. I can't change that it happened. Maybe you should re-evaluate your relationship. There has to be a reason why Chloe would be seeking affection elsewhere."
"HOW DARE you!" Aubrey's voice reached a decibel it never had before. "You have absolutely no right to comment on my relationship!"
"You're right. I don't. But you're jumping the wrong person here. Chloe kissed me, not the other way around. If you want to get pissed at someone, get pissed at her. I have no intentions of taking what happened any further. You're together, and that means something to me. I'm not a total douche, alright? You might think so right now because you're hurt and angry and bitter, but I wasn't the one who initiated the whole deal." She groaned at the expectant look that Aubrey was giving her. "I assure you it's never going to happen again. But you should really talk to Chloe about it."
Aubrey knew she had a point. But talking to Beca was the easy part. Actually discussing it with Chloe sounded too difficult for her. It would be real, then. She'd have to make a decision. And she'd have to see that guilty look on Chloe's face.
"I know." She gasped, placing her hand on her forehead. "I just, it's…Beca, I really love her. What if you're right? What if I'm not enough for her anymore?"
"Oh, geez. That's not what I meant. Aubrey, you're great. Really. She's lucky to have you and I'm a disgusting lump. She has to be crazy for kissing me when she has someone like you in her life." Aubrey knew Beca was just trying to make her feel better, but it was working.
The corners of her mouth turned upward. "Can I hit you?"
"I—no! I apologized and I even made you smile, I think that gives me a pass to not get hit today!" Beca argued, her face reddening as she got flustered. Aubrey chuckled.
"It's okay, I'm out of the mood to anyway. I can see why she likes you. You're different from most people." Aubrey hated to admit this. "Anyway, thanks for this, and for apologizing. I'm going to drop by the music studio and have a talk with Chloe." She stood up with her latte in hand, awkwardly looking down at Beca.
Beca stood up as well. "Good luck." She told her quietly and they offered each other a mild smile before going off in separate directions.
Chloe was at work right now. She owned her own music studio and she taught voice lessons, which was something she enjoyed very much. Aubrey thought about calling her to let her know she was dropping by, but decided not to. She had a coffee and a bag of donuts for her, despite the fact that they were going to be having a serious talk about their relationship. After all, she could do with a donut as well. Walking into the studio, her heels clicked loudly against the linoleum. Chloe was just finishing up a lesson and so she leaned against the wall, listening in on the tail end of the lesson.
The redhead was so talented and passionate about music. That was what had attracted her to the girl initially; that and their completely opposite personalities. She had a tendency to be a bit harsh and tightly wound, whereas Chloe was sweet and free-spirited. It was a nice balance.
As Chloe approached her with curious eyes, she was reminded of the first time they met freshman year. How her blue eyes had shone with the same curiosity upon walking into their shared dorm room for the first time. Aubrey had been singing a Sheryl Crow song when she came in and she immediately stopped, a bit embarrassed having been caught singing by someone she hadn't even met yet. But then Chloe sang the next line and moments later they were singing together. The memory warmed her body.
"Bree? What are you doing here?" She asked, her eyes searching for an explanation in her partner's. Aubrey held out the coffee, which she graciously accepted.
"We really need to talk."
That phrase never meant anything good. Chloe swallowed hard and nodded, gesturing for Aubrey to sit down with her at her desk. They both sat down and Chloe placed the coffee on the desk, reserving it for later.
"So what do we need to talk about?" She wondered with a gentle, innocent tone that bothered Aubrey more than it should.
The blond crossed her legs and looked over at her girlfriend. Could they really get back on track? If Chloe had wanted to kiss Beca last night, what was stopping her from kissing her again? Or from kissing someone else next time, or god forbid, sleeping with someone else. Aubrey wasn't sure she could ever trust her again.
"We need to talk about your feelings for Beca."
Chloe's eyes widened and her mouth formed an O shape. She hadn't been expecting this, and her face immediately pinkened.
"Oh."
The silence was deafening. Aubrey leaned forward, her elbows on Chloe's desk.
"Are you in love with her?" The words were barely audible.
Chloe hesitated, blinking and looking away. God, that was a dead giveaway. If she hadn't been, she would've jumped right in and said so, but this meant very bad things. She was in love with Beca now and not her anymore. Aubrey found herself getting hysterical.
"You are, aren't you?"
Chloe buried her head in her hands, letting out an upset sigh. She gripped her face hard before whispering an apology.
"I didn't mean to be. She doesn't know. Aubrey, I…"
"You don't love me anymore."
"Don't put words in my mouth. I love you, Aubrey, you know I love you. But we've been drifting apart for such a long time and don't tell me you haven't noticed. We're more like roommates than lovers anymore. Beca's been a really great friend to me and I've had a thing for her since the day we met. I can't help that. I shouldn't have kissed her last night. It was wrong to do that to you, and I'm sorry. But I just don't think—"
"We should be together anymore. I know. You're right." Aubrey whisked away the tears that had begun to fall down her face. "I guess we were kidding ourselves, thinking you and I were right for each other. We're too different to ever have a functional relationship. And how could anyone want someone like me around all the time? I'm such a fun suck. I suck!"
"You don't suck." Chloe's hand grabbed hers and the gesture was almost too much for her. "Please don't think badly of yourself because of me. Just because we didn't work out doesn't mean you won't find someone even better than me. And we can be friends, Aubrey. We're better off that way anyway, don't you think?"
"I don't know. It won't be easy to stay friends, I mean, who still hangs out after they break up? Isn't that just a comforting thing most people say to make the breakup seem less harsh even though they have no intention of actually staying friends?" Aubrey made her point to a guilty looking Chloe.
"You know better than anyone that I'm not most people, Bree. When I say I want to be friends, I mean I want to be friends. You and I have known each other for so long, it would be weird not to talk or see each other anymore. I can't imagine my life without you in it."
The blond took a donut out of the bag and began to eat it before she managed a response to her girlfriend's honest and heartfelt words.
"You better mean it. But-" She swallowed, meeting Chloe's eyes carefully. "Are you sure it's beyond fixing? I can change. I want to change. I'll be whatever you need."
The words hit her hard. "You can't be. We've been at this for years now. It's not getting any better and I wouldn't ask you to change who you are. We're just not meant to be. And that's okay."
"It's not okay. I don't have anyone else in my life like you do. What am I supposed to do? Live alone? Spend all my time alone? I'm used to life like it is. I don't want it to change. You know I hate change."
Chloe could hear Aubrey's voice wavering, another pang of guilt coming over her. This wasn't going to be easy. She should've known that. With Aubrey nothing was ever easy.
"Change isn't always a bad thing. Remember when we met the new Bellas and won the championship? That was a change. This can be good for you. For us."
"I don't want to break up. We're partners, Chloe. We're on the lease together. I...was going to ask you to marry me."
Chloe's eyes widened a bit at the unexpected admission from the woman across from her. She shook her head.
"I don't know what to say, Aubrey."
"Say you love me."
"I love you."
"I love you, too. Which is why I think we can make this work. I'll be better for you. And you will stop talking to Beca. And we'll be okay."
Chloe's face reddened and she shrugged at Aubrey, who was still desperately trying to keep her from breaking it off. Her heart dropped because of what she had to say. She didn't want to hurt her. But it was best that they separate and maybe this was the only way.
"No, we can't be okay. I don't want to be with you anymore. That's what I'm trying to say. I don't want to stop talking to Beca. I feel more alive when I'm with Beca. With you, it's like...I'm settling. I know you don't want to hear this, but you deserve to. Because you deserve better than someone who isn't happy with you." She paused, her voice breaking. As hard as she was trying to break up with her, it didn't make it any easier to see the woman she did still love in pain. "I just want you to be happy."
"So you're breaking up with me for her?" Aubrey asked accusingly.
"No."
"You are."
"I'm not."
"Are you going to tell her how you feel?" She probed, thinking back to how Beca had been during their earlier conversation.
She didn't seem to return the feelings, but she could have been holding back. It was difficult to determine. Once Chloe was single, Beca probably would take no issue with picking up where they'd left off.
"Yes. But I don't want you to be angry at me. I'm not breaking up with you to date her. I didn't cheat on you with her. I kissed her, once. It was a lapse of judgment. I never should've done it while I was-"
"Still dating me?" Aubrey thought that Chloe had a skewed way of looking at things.
"Yes, you should've waited to break up with me before you kissed her. That's not breaking up with me for her at all. You know what? You're so afraid for someone to be angry with you. You're so afraid to hurt someone. Well guess what? I'm angry with you. You hurt me. Nothing you say is going to change that. But you've lost me. If you want out, you're out. I'm not going to sit here and keep begging you. I have pride too. I just hope you're happier with her. You two deserve each other."
Although the phrase itself was meant to be spiteful, it was true. Beca and Chloe did deserve each other. It wasn't until years later, when she wasn't so bitter anymore, that Aubrey realized exactly how.
Aubrey left the studio feeling more upset than she had been the night before. Chloe wasn't even willing to try to make things work between them. The fact that she'd given up so easily made her feel even more terrible about herself. That night, Chloe didn't come home.
Aubrey knew where she'd end up staying, which made bile come up in her throat. Thinking about Beca and Chloe together gave her a stabbing sensation in her chest. Like they'd been planning this all along. At least she knew that Beca had no inkling as to Chloe's plans, which invalidated the crazy theory that this thing was set up by them from the beginning.
Despite how angry Aubrey had been with both of them, she eventually managed to make peace with the situation. She'd gone from having a roommate to living alone, which was not without its benefits, and she even hung out with the girls on occasion. It would take time for the sting to go away completely.
Chloe had been right about one thing, though. Aubrey did deserve better than her, and interestingly, it didn't take her long to find it.
