Skyworld Shift
(Based on the SpongeBob episode Graveyard Shift)
Nighttime was falling in Skyworld. The time when Palutena's two angel bodyguards would be retiring for the night would be right about...
"Now! 8:00!" Dark Pit said in a surprisingly cheerful tone. He was more than ready to leave Skyworld so that he wouldn't have to deal with Palutena and his annoying light twin. "So long, suckers! I've got a hot date with a little lady, and her name is: Dark Pit Staff."
"Where do you think you're going?" Palutena asked, stopping Dark Pit before he could go any further.
"I'm leaving so that I won't have to deal with you and that idiotic Pit-stain anymore today."
"I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Pittoo. You're part of the Skyworld army now, so you're going to stay here in Skyworld."
"No, I won't! I can't hang out here all night! I've got a life."
"Pittoo, welcome to the night shift. From now on, you and Pit will be on guard for 24 hours a day."
"What?!"
"Wow! Now we never have to stop working!" Pit exclaimed.
"Lady Palutena..."
"See you in the morning, boys! I can't hang out here all night! I've got a life." Palutena called out as she left.
"Lady Palutena?"
"Isn't this great, Pittoo?! Just you and me together for hours and hours and hours and then the sun'll come up and it'll be tomorrow and we'll still be working! It'll be just like a sleepover! Only we'll be sweaty and covered in dirt! Are you ready to rock, Pittoo?!" Pit asked.
"No."
"Good! 'Cause we've got work to do!"
A centurion then walked by to turn in for the night, and Dark Pit handed him a bat. "Here. Please hit me as hard as you can."
"Psst, Pittoo. I'm working in the practice room...at night!" Pit giggled.
"Don't hold back." Dark Pit sighed.
"Hey Pittoo. Guess what? I'm training the troops...at night. Look at me, I'm sweeping the hallways...at night. Ow! I burned my hand on the stove! At night." Pit started walking in circles around Dark Pit. "Night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, na-na-na-na-na-night! Night!"
"Will you please?! Here, give me a moment's peace and take out the trash!"
"Alright!" Pit took the bag of trash from Dark Pit and headed towards the door. "Taking out the trash. Taking out the trash...at night." He then stopped at the door. "You mean outside?"
"That's where the dumpster is, yes."
"I don't know, Pittoo. It's kinda dark out there."
"But I thought you liked the night shift."
"You're right! For Lady Palutena!" Pit shouted. He then ran outside screaming and panicking on his way to the dumpster and back. Pit quickly went back inside and panted heavily, and then snapped his fingers in confidence. "Piece of cake!"
"So you're not afraid?"
"Pfft, nah."
"Well I am. Especially after..." Dark Pit looked around and gulped. "Well, you know."
"What? What do I know?"
"Didn't Palutena tell you? It was all over the news."
"Tell me! Tell me!"
"No, no, no, I probably shouldn't. It would ruin the night shift for you."
"What happened, what happened, what happened?!" Pit asked excitedly.
"You mean you've never heard the story of the...Hash-Slinging Slasher?"
"The Slash-Bringing Hasher?"
"The Hash-Slinging Slasher!" Dark Pit repeated.
"The Sash-Ringing, the Trash-Singing, Mash-Flinging, the Flash-Springing, Ringing, the Cr-Crash-Dinging..."
"Yes. The Hash-Slinging Slasher. But, most people just call him the Ha-" Dark Pit suddenly broke into a scream. "Because that's all they have time to say before he gets them!"
"Tell me the story!" Pit begged.
"Many years ago at Skyworld, the Hash-Slinging Slasher used to be a servant just like you, only clumsier. And then, one night, when he was out training...it happened."
"He forgot to say the code of conduct?"
"No."
"He didn't have his weapon?"
"No!"
"No rallying cry?"
"NO! He cut off his own hand by mistake."
Pit screamed. "Oh, no!"
"And he replaced his hand with a rusty blade. And then, he got killed by a demon! And then...at his funeral, the gods refused to resurrect him! So now, every...what day is it?"
"Tuesday."
"Tuesday night, his ghost returns to Skyworld to wreck his horrible vengeance."
Pit gasped. "But tonight's Tuesday night!"
"Then he'll be coming."
"How will we know?"
"There are three signs that signal the approach of the Hash-Slinging Slasher. First, the lights will flicker on and off. Next, the phone will ring, and there will be nobody there. And finally, the Hash-Slinging Slasher will arrive as the ghost of the demon that killed him. He exits out of his grave and ascends to Skyworld because he's already dead! Then he taps on the door with his grizzly bladed hand..."
"No."
"He opens the door..." Dark Pit moved a hand towards Pit's face, imitating the creaking sound of a door opening. "He slowly approaches the temple...and you know what he does next?"
"What?"
"You really want to know?"
"What?"
"Are you sure you want to know?"
"What, what, what does he do?!"
Dark Pit snuck up on Pit and tapped his shoulder. "He gets ya!" He laughed as he started to scream. "Pit-stain..." Pit continued to scream. "Pit-stain, I was just..." Dark Pit began, but Pit kept on screaming for several more seconds. "Pit-stain, I was joking!"
"What?"
"It's not true! None of it's true!"
"It's not?"
"Of course not. Nobody has a blade for a hand. It was all a joke."
"Ohhhhh." Pit then started to laugh repeatedly, much to Dark Pit's annoyance.
Later into the night, Dark Pit just sat around completely bored, but then he started to hear spooky noises and felt like there was water dripping on him.
"Isn't this great, Pittoo?" Pit asked as Dark Pit screamed. "There's never time to wash the ceiling during the day."
"On guard 24 hours a day. What a stupid idea! Why would anyone want to send their troops out at three in the morning?" Dark Pit asked himself.
Meanwhile at Viridi's Temple...
"Oh boy! Three a.m.!" The Goddess of Nature exclaimed as an alarm went off. Viridi then quickly got out of bed and rung a bell that echoed all through the temple. "Arlon! Phosphora! Cragalanche! Time to get on the post-midnight shift!"
The three commanders of the Forces of Nature came into Viridi's room, completely unhappy with the fact that they just had their sleep interrupted. "Do we have to? You interrupted my beauty sleep!" Phosphora complained.
"Do you really think that this is really necessary, Mistress Viridi?" Arlon asked.
"Yes, this is really necessary! I made a new routine for you all to follow starting tonight. Now get your lazy bums out there and start watching!" Viridi commanded.
Phosphora and Arlon muttered to themselves as they left the temple along with Cragalanche.
Back at Skyworld...
"Just look at this place. It's like a ghost town up here!" Suddenly, the lights started to flicker on and off. "Very funny, Pit-stain."
"What?"
"And the lights will flicker on and off. Just like in the story. I get it." Dark Pit then realized that no one was flickering the light switch and became shocked.
"Hey Pittoo, how are you doing that without moving the switch?"
"I'm not doing it. Palutena must be messing with us or something." Suddenly, the phone rang and Dark Pit answered it. "What, what, hello? Hello? Hello?"
"Nice try, Pittoo."
"Nice try, what?"
"The phone will ring and there will be no one there." Pit giggled. "Oh, you crack me up."
"Pit-stain, I'm not doing this." Dark Pit hung up the phone and started to panic slightly. "Oh no, calm down, calm down. Alright, what was it? There was the lights, and the phone, and the walls will suddenly start moving! No, wait. They always do that. But what was that third thing?" Dark Pit then heard a strange noise, and he looked through the window to see what it was and his eyes widened.
"I didn't know people come here this late." Pit pointed out.
"They don't!" Someone stepped out onto the platform of Skyworld.
"Well it looks like someone's coming up."
A shady figure stood right on the the other side, and it had glowing red eyes an a sharp blade in place of their hand. Dark Pit screamed in complete terror and his hair stood on end. "THE SASH-RINGING, FLASH-SINGING, THE BASH-PINGING..."
"The Hash-Slinging Slasher!" Pit gasped, and then he started to cry.
"At last you understand! We're doomed!"
"No, that's not it. I am just so touched that you would go through the trouble to dress up as a ghostly servant and stand on the other side of Skyworld just to entertain me! You must really like me!"
"Pit-stain, there are two problems with your theory. One: I hate you. And two: how can that be me when I'm standing right here?!"
The figure went up and started raking at the door with his blade. Pit screamed in terror and his hair stood on end as well.
"THE HASH-SLINGING SLASHER!" Pit and Dark Pit screamed, and then they held onto each other in complete fear as the dark figure approached them.
"Pit-stain, no matter what I've said, I've always sort of liked you!"
"Pittoo, I once used your staff to unclog my toilet!"
"Wait, what?" Dark Pit asked, and then they started yelling in fear again. The figure then stepped into the light, revealing that it was just a centurion holding a part of Pit's bow.
"Is someone missing a bow piece?" The centurion asked as Pit and Dark Pit opened their eyes. "I tried to call earlier but I hung up because I was nervous."
"Do you have any preferences?"
"Wait, if that was you on the phone and outside, then who was flickering the lights?" Dark Pit asked. The three of them looked to see that someone else was in fact flickering the lights.
"Nosferatu!" Pit, Dark Pit, and the centurion chided. Nosferatu smiled and turned the lights off.