Dedicated to o-dragon.
30 Things not to do around Gaara If You Value your Life
1. Reenact scenes of "The Adventures of Timmy and Lassie.
2. Play DDR when you are not on a DDR machiene.
3. Put a bowl on your head and giggle madly.
4. Hug him.
5. Tightly.
6. Smack Baki over the head with a Monopoly board.
7. Look over Gaara's shoulder when he's trying to do paperwork.
8. Nibble on his toes, as though they are pimento olives.
9. Say Shukaku is "so cute!"
10. Write a letter to Kabuto in the Sound saying that Gaara loves him, and sign it with Gaara's name.
11. Proclaim loudly everywhere you go of Gaara's obsession with fake fruit.
12. Pretend to have a spirited discussion with your hamburger on the rising cost of underwear briefs.
13. Buy Gaara a shower cap, place it on his head, and run for your life.
14. Exist.
15. Sell his virginity on Ebay
16. Tie strings around a bunch of June bug's legs, and then tie them to Gaara's hair.
17. Yell "CAT-MAAAAAAAN!" whenever Kankuro walks by.
18. Team up with Temari and try to force-feed Gaara vegetables.
19. Find baby pictures. Naked butt baby pictures of him.
20. Take up an entire page in the paper to advertise "Gaara's Home for Wayward Monkeys.
21. Dig up the front yard, and claim you are mining for diamonds.
22. Carry a tuba with you at all times. Don't blow it, just carry it around.
23. When he tries to kill someone, hit him on the head and say, "Bad Gaara!"
24. Book a mariachi band to follow Gaara to official meetings. He can't Subaku Kyuu them at a meeting.
25. Check out dozens of feminine health books at the library and leave them on Gaara' desk.
26. Drape yourself in ramen and stand in the corner of his office with wide eyes for a few hours.
27. Put Crisco on the toilet seat.
28. Put starch in his underwear.
29. Declare, smiling, that he looks like a platypus on drugs.
30. Replace his deodorant with butter.
NEW FEATURE! Gaara's reaction:
Temari had been cooking dinner, not listening to Kankuro's whines about the extensive amout of broccolli she was steaming.
Suddenly, a huge weight threw itself at her legs, and she barely caught herself beforesheburned her hand on the hot stove.
"What the-" she looked down at her leg.
Gaara, the Godaime Kazekage, the Great Shukaka Gaara... waswhimpering and holding onto her leg.
"TEMARIIIII... SAVE MEEEEEE..."
"What's wrong, Gaara?" she cried, wrapping her arms around her little brother, purely concerned.
"The, the.. the.. starch in my under-we-..Crisco...the the Mariachi, baby pictures... CAT MAAAANNNN!" Gaara burst into broken hearted sobsinto his sister's shoulder.
"Ssh, it's OK.."she cooed, lifting him up. "Come on, we'll go go put you in your room with Mr. Bear and a nice cup of tea. Ho does that sound?"
"O-O-OK... just no fake fruit.. no DDR..."
A/N: Author is not responsible for any one getting Subaku Kyuu'd if they try any of these suggestions
(Leave a nice review, and I might let you request a "30 Ways" on a character!)