Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, no matter how much
I dream. They belong to the goddess Watase Yuu herself. I also don't own
any of the TV skits or movie parodies being used, which I will list at the
end because there are a lot of them and I don't want to delay anyone from
reading the fic. Some of the dialogue from this fic comes directly from
the movies and music videos being used. I don't claim to own any of the
lines from the stuff I directly parody. I'm also not making any money from
this story. The only thing I've gotten from this fic is a side stitch from
laughing.
Author's Notes: Behold, my first (posted) fic! Please be kind and leave a review so I can improve my writing. Constructive criticism is welcome, but flames will simply be used to burn my Zoology lab book. This fic is rated PG13 due to some implied sex, language (which is beeped out in one scene) and disturbing behavior displayed by the characters. The only spoilers in this are who died during the series and who lived, and the very end of OVA II…I think. Warning: this entire fic is composed of crossovers with multiple American movies, TV shows, and music videos.
I apologize in advance for the sheer insanity of this fic. Most of the scenes were written as I struggled to remain conscious in my high school physics and calculus classes and were typed and edited sometime between one and three AM. I also apologize for the fact that this fic was written almost two years ago and some of the stuff being parodied is no longer as popular as it once was. Sorry. As you read, think of it as a stroll down memory lane. Also, if any show/movie/music video that I parodied is a personal favorite of yours and you find it offensive, I'm sorry. I like a lot of this stuff too and thought it would be funny to parody. If you get offended, remember that it's all in good fun.
1
2 Channel Surfing
"What's going on?" Tamahome asked.
One minute he and Miaka were on a date in the real world, and the next thing they knew, they were outside Taiitskun's palace. The other Suzaku sichiseishi, both dead and alive, were also there. Nuriko, Hotohori, Mitsukake, and Chiriko were all flesh and blood again.
The haggard creator, Taiitskun, suddenly appeared and scared the living daylights out of everybody. "Oh get over it already," she grumbled. "I wanted to reward all of the seishi that were involved in everything that occurred from the moment Miaka entered this world for the first time to the downfall of Tenkou."
Everyone just stared at her blankly. Since when did Taiitskun ever "reward" anyone? After a few moments, Chichiri decided to speak.
"Who are you and what have you done with the real Taiitskun no da?"
Taiitskun pulled a large mallet out of nowhere and promptly whacked the monk on the head. Chichiri crashed to the ground with chibi Suzakus fluttering around his head. Meanwhile, the other seishi were trying to sneak away without being noticed. Of course, no one dead or alive could ever escape from Taiitskun. The creator waved her hand and instantly transported Miaka and the Suzaku sichiseishi inside of her palace.
"What the hell are they doing here?"
The Suzaku shichiseishi looked up and immediately screamed. Standing over them were Yui and the Seiryu sichiseishi, all of whom had real bodies again. Off in one corner were the two Genbu seishi, Hikitsu and Tomite, and the Byakko seishi Tatara, Tokaki, and Subaru. The Suzaku sichiseishi screamed again. Suddenly, Taiitskun and an army of Nyan-Nyans appeared. This time, everybody screamed.
"Anyone who doesn't stop screaming right now is going to spend the rest of eternity in the body of a Nyan-Nyan!" Taiitskun bellowed.
The room immediately became silent.
The creator continued. "That's better. Now then, as I was explaining earlier, I want to reward all of you for your hard work."
Taiitskun waved her hand and one wall of the palace transformed into a giant black screen. "This is and item from the Mikos' world called a television. Miaka and Yui can explain it to you later. I've cast a spell on this television so that every channel will show a different movie or American TV show."
"Why American?" asked Yui.
Taiitskun paused, trying to think of a good excuse. "It's because I said so. This should keep all of you amused for a couple of days so that I can get some work done in peace. Oh yeah, I almost forgot. There's about seventy-five gallons of beverages, thirty-eight pounds of snack food, and about two hundred pounds of popcorn in the next room. Go and
Seeing as how he didn't have much of a choice, Nuriko grumbled and walked into the next room. Meanwhile, Miaka made a dive for the remote and began to channel surf. She stopped on a mushy chick flick and watched with starry eyes.
"Boooring!" Tasuki groaned and grabbed for the remote.
"No way, Tasuki!" Tokaki pounced on the bandit. "You'll just watch something with mindless violence. Let's watch some porn!"
"I want to see something educational!" Chiriko cried.
"I want to watch a musical!" called Amiboshi.
"You would, Aniki," Suboshi yelled as visions of him and Yui holding hands while watching a romantic movie danced in his head.
In no time, everyone was trying to get the remote. Let's avoid the graphic details and just say that it was really ugly. As the ultimate seishi death match continued, Suzaku, Seiryu, Byakko, and Genbu walked into the room. Seiryu was furious as he yelled at Suzaku.
"You're seishi always get all the good luck! Mine are all dead! And why the hell did you let that gluttonous miko of yours seal me away?"
Suzaku shrugged indifferently. "It's not my fault that you did a lousy job of protecting your seishi, lizard-boy. Besides, Genbu's seishi are all dead and you don't see him crying about it."
"Could you guys please leave me out of this?" Genbu muttered as he hid behind Byakko.
"Yeah, but his are all being reborn now! I have to wait another two hundred years before I'm summoned again, chicken butt!" Seiryu roared.
Suzaku's eyes narrowed. "I have to wait too, but at least I don't have a bug up my ass about it you overgrown, hairy, nightcrawler!"
"That's it!"
Suzaku and Seiryu started to chase each other all over the room, firing ki blasts. In the background, Genbu shrank behind Byakko a little more.
"Save me, Byakko," Genbu whimpered.
"Shut up you wimpy little snake bonker!"
"Hey! The snake and I are just friends!"
Byakko and Genbu soon joined Suzaku and Seiryu in ki blasting each other. As the battle went on, one of Seiryu's blasts went wide and hit the remote that everyone was fighting over. The room filled with a blue light that surrounded all of the fighting seishi. When the blue light abruptly disappeared, so did the seishi. The four gods stood there in complete shock.
"Oh shit," muttered Suzaku.
"Taiitskun's not gonna like this," Seiryu grumbled.
"We are soooooo dead," Byakko groaned.
"Huh?" Genbu replied with a blank look on his face.
"What the Hell happened here!?" Taiitskun bellowed.
Suzaku, Seiryu, and Byakko immediately pointed at a very bewildered Genbu.
"Genbu did it!" the three gods answered in unison.
Taiitskun grabbed Genbu by the ear and dragged him away while calling for Nyan-Nyan reinforcements. The three remaining gods exchanged worried looks before bolting in the opposite direction. If Taiitskun found out what really happened, they didn't want to find out what having a Nyan-Nyan's body would be like.
When everyone was gone, Nuriko came into the room. His arms were loaded with high cholesterol snacks and drinks. He dropped everything on the floor and looked around. Where did everyone go?
"Oh well," he shrugged with a smile. "I guess that means more snacks for me."
Nuriko sat down, picked up the remote, and began to channel surf. As he flipped through the unlimited channels, Regis Philbin appeared on the screen in one of many designer ties. "Let's play 'Who Wants to Be A Millionaire'!"
"Hey," Nuriko smiled and set down the remote. "This looks promising."
Author's Notes: Behold, my first (posted) fic! Please be kind and leave a review so I can improve my writing. Constructive criticism is welcome, but flames will simply be used to burn my Zoology lab book. This fic is rated PG13 due to some implied sex, language (which is beeped out in one scene) and disturbing behavior displayed by the characters. The only spoilers in this are who died during the series and who lived, and the very end of OVA II…I think. Warning: this entire fic is composed of crossovers with multiple American movies, TV shows, and music videos.
I apologize in advance for the sheer insanity of this fic. Most of the scenes were written as I struggled to remain conscious in my high school physics and calculus classes and were typed and edited sometime between one and three AM. I also apologize for the fact that this fic was written almost two years ago and some of the stuff being parodied is no longer as popular as it once was. Sorry. As you read, think of it as a stroll down memory lane. Also, if any show/movie/music video that I parodied is a personal favorite of yours and you find it offensive, I'm sorry. I like a lot of this stuff too and thought it would be funny to parody. If you get offended, remember that it's all in good fun.
1
2 Channel Surfing
"What's going on?" Tamahome asked.
One minute he and Miaka were on a date in the real world, and the next thing they knew, they were outside Taiitskun's palace. The other Suzaku sichiseishi, both dead and alive, were also there. Nuriko, Hotohori, Mitsukake, and Chiriko were all flesh and blood again.
The haggard creator, Taiitskun, suddenly appeared and scared the living daylights out of everybody. "Oh get over it already," she grumbled. "I wanted to reward all of the seishi that were involved in everything that occurred from the moment Miaka entered this world for the first time to the downfall of Tenkou."
Everyone just stared at her blankly. Since when did Taiitskun ever "reward" anyone? After a few moments, Chichiri decided to speak.
"Who are you and what have you done with the real Taiitskun no da?"
Taiitskun pulled a large mallet out of nowhere and promptly whacked the monk on the head. Chichiri crashed to the ground with chibi Suzakus fluttering around his head. Meanwhile, the other seishi were trying to sneak away without being noticed. Of course, no one dead or alive could ever escape from Taiitskun. The creator waved her hand and instantly transported Miaka and the Suzaku sichiseishi inside of her palace.
"What the hell are they doing here?"
The Suzaku shichiseishi looked up and immediately screamed. Standing over them were Yui and the Seiryu sichiseishi, all of whom had real bodies again. Off in one corner were the two Genbu seishi, Hikitsu and Tomite, and the Byakko seishi Tatara, Tokaki, and Subaru. The Suzaku sichiseishi screamed again. Suddenly, Taiitskun and an army of Nyan-Nyans appeared. This time, everybody screamed.
"Anyone who doesn't stop screaming right now is going to spend the rest of eternity in the body of a Nyan-Nyan!" Taiitskun bellowed.
The room immediately became silent.
The creator continued. "That's better. Now then, as I was explaining earlier, I want to reward all of you for your hard work."
Taiitskun waved her hand and one wall of the palace transformed into a giant black screen. "This is and item from the Mikos' world called a television. Miaka and Yui can explain it to you later. I've cast a spell on this television so that every channel will show a different movie or American TV show."
"Why American?" asked Yui.
Taiitskun paused, trying to think of a good excuse. "It's because I said so. This should keep all of you amused for a couple of days so that I can get some work done in peace. Oh yeah, I almost forgot. There's about seventy-five gallons of beverages, thirty-eight pounds of snack food, and about two hundred pounds of popcorn in the next room. Go and
Seeing as how he didn't have much of a choice, Nuriko grumbled and walked into the next room. Meanwhile, Miaka made a dive for the remote and began to channel surf. She stopped on a mushy chick flick and watched with starry eyes.
"Boooring!" Tasuki groaned and grabbed for the remote.
"No way, Tasuki!" Tokaki pounced on the bandit. "You'll just watch something with mindless violence. Let's watch some porn!"
"I want to see something educational!" Chiriko cried.
"I want to watch a musical!" called Amiboshi.
"You would, Aniki," Suboshi yelled as visions of him and Yui holding hands while watching a romantic movie danced in his head.
In no time, everyone was trying to get the remote. Let's avoid the graphic details and just say that it was really ugly. As the ultimate seishi death match continued, Suzaku, Seiryu, Byakko, and Genbu walked into the room. Seiryu was furious as he yelled at Suzaku.
"You're seishi always get all the good luck! Mine are all dead! And why the hell did you let that gluttonous miko of yours seal me away?"
Suzaku shrugged indifferently. "It's not my fault that you did a lousy job of protecting your seishi, lizard-boy. Besides, Genbu's seishi are all dead and you don't see him crying about it."
"Could you guys please leave me out of this?" Genbu muttered as he hid behind Byakko.
"Yeah, but his are all being reborn now! I have to wait another two hundred years before I'm summoned again, chicken butt!" Seiryu roared.
Suzaku's eyes narrowed. "I have to wait too, but at least I don't have a bug up my ass about it you overgrown, hairy, nightcrawler!"
"That's it!"
Suzaku and Seiryu started to chase each other all over the room, firing ki blasts. In the background, Genbu shrank behind Byakko a little more.
"Save me, Byakko," Genbu whimpered.
"Shut up you wimpy little snake bonker!"
"Hey! The snake and I are just friends!"
Byakko and Genbu soon joined Suzaku and Seiryu in ki blasting each other. As the battle went on, one of Seiryu's blasts went wide and hit the remote that everyone was fighting over. The room filled with a blue light that surrounded all of the fighting seishi. When the blue light abruptly disappeared, so did the seishi. The four gods stood there in complete shock.
"Oh shit," muttered Suzaku.
"Taiitskun's not gonna like this," Seiryu grumbled.
"We are soooooo dead," Byakko groaned.
"Huh?" Genbu replied with a blank look on his face.
"What the Hell happened here!?" Taiitskun bellowed.
Suzaku, Seiryu, and Byakko immediately pointed at a very bewildered Genbu.
"Genbu did it!" the three gods answered in unison.
Taiitskun grabbed Genbu by the ear and dragged him away while calling for Nyan-Nyan reinforcements. The three remaining gods exchanged worried looks before bolting in the opposite direction. If Taiitskun found out what really happened, they didn't want to find out what having a Nyan-Nyan's body would be like.
When everyone was gone, Nuriko came into the room. His arms were loaded with high cholesterol snacks and drinks. He dropped everything on the floor and looked around. Where did everyone go?
"Oh well," he shrugged with a smile. "I guess that means more snacks for me."
Nuriko sat down, picked up the remote, and began to channel surf. As he flipped through the unlimited channels, Regis Philbin appeared on the screen in one of many designer ties. "Let's play 'Who Wants to Be A Millionaire'!"
"Hey," Nuriko smiled and set down the remote. "This looks promising."