"What do you mean you're leaving?"
"I mean you're a tool, Zed! How long did you honestly expect me to stay in this crack hole with you?!"
Zed stood on the inside of his run-down apartment, watching his girlfriend from the other side of the open doorway. She floated a few inches above him, which had always made him feel mildly insecure, but this time there was no time to think about that.
"Syndra...really. Just give me a few weeks for my single to drop and then-"
"And then what? Everything's just gonna magically get better? You'll probably get less than a thousand plays on Spotify!"
Zed gasped. He couldn't believe she would say something so horrible. "Is...is that what you really think?"
Syndra dropped her shoulders and stared at the ground. The spheres of dark energy that usually floated around her seemed to slow their pace.
"Zed, look...I tried to be supportive of this whole EDM thing you're pursuing, okay? I even left Ionia so you could come to Piltover and reinvent yourself from your whole Shadow Master Regime. But this is ridiculous. It's been eight months, and nothing has gotten better. And if I have to hear one more long-ass order the next time I walk into a coffee shop, these orbs are flying."
Zed sighed. "...I get it. But if you just give me a little longer-"
"No, you don't get it!" She fumed. "You've said that at least five times! And nothing has changed! Besides...I already booked my ticket. I'm going back to Ionia."
"What?!" Zed cried. "You told me you were gonna go for a walk!"
Syndra folded her arms. "You seriously didn't catch on to the fact that I was gonna ditch your ass? I don't walk anywhere!"
Zed's eyes widened. "...Damn, I really walked into that one, huh?"
"Ugh! You're even making stupid puns! I can't deal with you anymore!" Syndra floated out the door.
"Syndra, wai-" Zed called after her, but the door shut behind him with a resounding thud.
Zed fell to his knees and tried not to cry. Shortly afterwards, he made the executive decision to drown his sorrows in the juice of regret; alcohol.
Upon arriving at a local bar, Zed slid into a booth and watched as Gragas arrived.
"Alright there, m8. What can I getcha?"
"Gragas?" Zed asked. "What are you doing here? I thought you were in the Freljord."
"Yeah, well...now that all them conflicts across Runeterra have been settled, I figured I'd go out and share my brews with the world, y'know?" Gragas squinted at Zed.
"You look like you need somethin' hard, m80. Lost your job?"
Zed placed his masked face in his hands. "With how slow it's going, I might as well have. But that's not why I'm here."
"Girlfriend, then? You brought her here once. Right pretty, that one was. What'd you do to her?"
"Nothing that she deserved. I wish I could take it all back."
"So I take it the music biz ain't goin' as well as ye'd hoped."
"Yeah..." Zed replied. "I wish I was a chart topper like Pentakill. That'd be more than enough financial compensation for Syndra to love me..."
Gragas rolled his eyes. "Ah...kids these days and their heavy metal. That screaming nonsense has been toppin' the charts for a long time now. I'm more of a smooth jazz man myself.
"Syndra liked smooth jazz..." Zed replied. "It helped her focus on not wanting to kill things."
"Crikey, m8. You've got it real bad."
Zed laid his head face down on the countertop. "Syndra was bad too...especially in bed."
"Alright there, too much information for my taste." Gragas slid Zed one of his signature cocktails. "You know what you need, m8?"
Zed looked up. His expression was unreadable from behind his mask. "What?"
Gragas smirked. "A good old-fashioned th0t to take your mind off of things. There's a club 'round these parts somewhere, you deserve to live a little after all the bad that's gone down in your life."
"Yeah...maybe you're right. Maybe I do need to take the edge off a bit." Zed abruptly stood. "I'm gonna go find myself a thot! Thanks, Gragas!"
On that note, he shadowed his way out the door, leaving Gragas with wide eyes.
"You didn't pay for that drink! Then again, you didn't drink it either...ah, well...good on you m8, turnin' your life around just like that. Maybe now I can start hittin' up the gym..."
After wandering around on the street for a few minutes and hoping he wouldn't get mugged, Zed pushed open the door to Food for Thots Strip Club. However, upon entering the establishment he was so overwhelmed by a mix of despair, confusion and sexual frustration that he went straight into an existential crisis and curled into the fetal position on the floor. Before long, someone had thrust a bag over his head and started dragging him somewhere.
Zed hardly even fought back. "So this is how I die..."
He felt himself slam into something hard from behind; likely some kind of chair. Soon after, the bag came off of his head, revealing to him his kidnapper; a good old-fashioned th0t. However, something seemed off. Zed wasn't familiar with most thots having tails, and most of them bit their lips in order to entice unsuspecting men. This one was staring at him with a look of uncharacteristic worry. Zed, being the man of many words he was, opened with a classic one-liner.
"Umm...hi?"
"Hey..." The girl said. "Are you okay? I was about to drag you into this room and jump in your lap, but...you look really sad."
Zed folded his arms over his chest. "How do you know how I look? I'm wearing a mask!"
"I can feel people's emotions and stuff." She replied. "Usually it's just whenever people are horny or lonely, and...you look hecka lonely."
"Well, I'm not."
She raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really? Then why'd you come in here?"
Zed opened his mouth to respond, but found that he couldn't. From the girl's perspective, his masked face stared blankly at her. "I rest my case."
"Fine, you win. I just went through a breakup. It was messy. Do you usually have long, heartfelt talks with the people you're supposed to be banging?"
"Well, no...but I can't do this to you!"
"Am I seriously that unattractive?"
"I don't know, you're wearing a mask."
"Oh, screw you."
"But it's supposed to be my job to screw you."
"Wha-" Zed found himself at a loss for words again. "Well, are you gonna do that job or what?"
"Look..." She laid an arm on his leg, which caused him to tense up immediately.
"This isn't the way to get over it. I'm not a relationship guru or anything, but I've had my heart broken before, and it's not fun, okay? You have to get over it without asking some other girl to bang you into submission. You'll just feel worse afterwards. Trust me, I've been there."
"...Fine. Maybe you're right." Zed hugged his knees. "But then what do I do?"
"Wanna go grab a late night coffee?" She asked. "I'm almost on my break anyways."
"...So now I'm gonna go get coffee with a thot that I just met. Cool."
"Would you stop calling me a thot? I know I have ears, but they're not from a Snapchat filter, and it's just plain demeaning."
"Right...sorry."
"Don't worry about it. Come on." Before he could protest, she grabbed him by the wrist and dragged him out of the establishment.
"So be honest." Zed began, sipping a black coffee and savoring the taste of the color of his soul. "Why are you helping me?"
The fox girl sipped some of her pumpkin spice mocha cappuccino espresso latte with extra pumpkin spice. "You looked like you needed help. And maybe I'm not as much of a thot as my stupid job makes me out to be. Ever thought of that?"
"I don't know, I guess I never really gave it much thot."
"...I don't have to help you, you know."
"Right. Sorry."
"Anyways..." She extended her hand. "I'm Ahri. What's your name?"
"Zed." He reluctantly sh00k.
"Wait wait wait..." Ahri squinted. "Zed? As in Electropop DJ Zed?"
"Well, I think it's more EDM, but yeah. You've heard of me?"
"Yeah. Piltover's Finest Magazine gave you half a star out of five."
"Of course they did...you've never listened to my stuff, have you?"
"Nope. But you seem desperate enough."
"Desperate enough for what?"
Ahri smirked and leaned forward. "I think I know how to help you get over your breakup. And it's mutually beneficial for both of us. See..." She jerked a thumb behind her to the strip club out the window.
"The reason I decided to work there is because I'm trying to start up my own music career."
"So you're like Cardi B."
"Who?"
"Nobody."
"Right. Anyways..." Ahri continued. "I like to think I'm a fairly decent singer, but I need some kind of big break." She turned to him and snapped her fingers into finger guns pointed in his direction.
"That's where you come in. And I don't know if I'd call it a 'big' break, but at least it's a break. What's more, focusing on your career might help you get over your girlfriend. Heck, maybe she'll even come back!"
"Yeah...maybe she will!" Zed stood from his chair and downed his coffee. "Starting today, we're officially announcing a collaboration. What say you?"
Ahri capped her latte to take to-go and smiled. "I say...this could be a lot of fun."