"In the end we were all humans, drunk on the idea that love only love could heal our brokness. But now I understand the words to the song, Love Hurts. Love hurts, Love scars, Love rules in Mars. I really learned a lot, really learned a lot- Love is like a flame- It burns you when it's hot. Love hurts, Love hurts."
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"Honoka! Send me those recipes fast! I'm almost done here" said Misaki talking on the phone.
"Sure! I just sent you a mail, are you going to be alright? Want me to help you prepare the meals?" replied Honoka on the other side of line.
"Of-course I'm going to be fine! It's my special day after all. I have to do this by my own"
"Ehhh... how nice! I want to get a boyfriend too!" said Honoka pouting.
"Hehe .. yeah! It's really great." chuckled Misaki cheerfully.
"Well lover girl I have to hang up now, costumers are being pushy, arggh!" and quickly she hung up.
A wide grin couldn't leave Misaki face as she was cooking "ahh! I must be the luckiest girl ever!" said Misaki thinking loudly. Misaki took a fast glance outside the window it was already late afternoon the sun was about to go down any second from now.
"I have to hurry and dress up! Usui must be heading home now" said Misaki panicking doing the final check up "Miso Glazed cod check! Chicken Chashu is here too, Yakisoba over there and Daifuku." stared Misaki at the table after placing the plates neatly along with roses and candles.
"All is ready! And the cake too" grinned Misaki happily rushing into the bedroom to change her clothes.
Shortly Misaki was ready! She wore a short crimson dress let her silky hair down with cute bangs sliding down her face, everything was perfect to celebrate their anniversary.
"It's been three years already since we started to live together" thought Misaki glossing her lips. Misaki stared long at her self in the mirror trying to perfect everything about the way she looks for tonight daydreaming about how she will make Usui happy after a long day of work.
However, the night had already coverd the sky, the moon was a full one shining brightly in the bleak sky. The clock was ticking and ticking and Usui isn't home yet.
"Where did you go?" wandered Misaki looking at the clock it's 10 pm Usui should have been home hours ago. "I'll try and call him" said Misaki in worried tune.
"The number you're calling is unavailable please try again later .. beep beep beep .. the number you're calling is unavailable please try again later .. beep bee .." Misaki hung up in annoyance of that repeated massage.
"Ahh! I can't reach him on his phone! Did something happen? Usui are you ok?" sighed Misaki having a hell of negative thoughts running wildly in her head "no no! He's just busy, I'm sure he will be here soon" said Misaki desperately shaking the bad thoughts away.
However, the clock had rung alerting midnight arrival already, Misaki sat down in depression leaning her head on the table.
"Usui ... I even made all your favourite meals" said Misaki touching the cold plates starting to feel a bit sorry for her self "maybe he just forgot about our anniversary" and a tear rolled down Misaki cheek silently staring at the ticking clock. The dark quite room seemed much colder than forever making Misaki shiver in loneliness.
"No he's busy! He's just busy, he's busy , I .. I know that he's busy" repeated Misaki over and over again trying hard to convince her self that Usui is probably busy enough to not show up on their anniversary day. Misaki clenched tight to the small decorated box in her hand tight, the gift she bought for Usui.
"He's just busy" thought Misaki rubbing her teary eyes and finally falling asleep waiting for Usui to come and fill the emptiness to light the darkness.
*creak*
Usui slowly opened the door , getting inside startling Misaki.
"Ah! Did I wake you?" asked Usui gently pating Misaki hair.
"Usui!" gasped Misaki in joy "why are you late na? I was so worried and today is .." Usui interrupted Misaki pulling her closer to him.
"I'm so sorry my baby! I had to stay late in the office to finish my work" said Usui kissing Misaki cheek warping his arm around her waist.
"It's ok! I'll heat the dinner again" smiled Misaki getting out of Usui warm hug.
"Ehh? dinner? no need Misa chan! I had dinner in the office"
"Ehh? but today .. today .." said Misaki feeling sudden sharp pain twisting inside her.
"Hmm .. today is?" wandered Usui adding "oh! by the way , why are you all dressed up? did you go out earlier?"
Misaki eyes widened in bitter shock the moment she heard that simple line.
"He forgot! Usui forgot!" whispering voice kept on shouting in Misaki head "he forgot! he forgot!" again and again repeated that harsh voice, making Misaki freeze in her place.
Misaki clinched tight to her throbbing heart feeling the whole world shaking around her sinking in total darkness, Misaki closed her eyes took a deep breath trying her best to hold her tears from falling down.
"Y .. yeah I went out. Hehe I forgot to change my clothes back" she forced a smile covering up her shaking voice.
"I see! ahhhhh! I'm dead tiered! are you coming to bed?" asked Usui already walking half the way to the bedroom.
"Ju .. just a second!" said Misaki listening to Usui footsteps getting farther and farther, as the sound of Usui's steps vanished without any warning tears rushed out of Misaki eyes.
In just a matter of seconds all the plans the sweet fantasies everything was crushing down leaving Misaki throb in agony. Misaki slowly started to clean the table lifting up the fancy yet cold plates the meals that Usui likes the most. Misaki couldn't control her tears nor the pain she felt everytime she breath.
Every plate was perfectly made and filled with Misaki love but in the end everything was thrown in the trash by Misaki along with the gift she had bought. Slowly Misaki walked toward the bathroom her body was shaking her legs were wobbling she could barely make it through the short dark hall.
Misaki stared at her self for a second, pale face, red eyes, running down mascara and a broken heart. Misaki trembling fingers wiped away the fallen tears again and again and again but no matter how hard she tried the painful tears wouldn't stop.
"I .. I'm .. I'm so stupid!" said Misaki in shaken voice not believing how she got all excited by her self and her tears fell even more she was weeping painfully alone unable to speak her mind to Usui at all. Misaki clenched tight to the sink her wobbling legs had just betrayed her, she couldn't stand any longer. Misaki fell down on the floor shaking in tears.
"So what? it happen all the time! So what if he forgot? he still loves me! so wh... aghh!" Misaki tried hard to cheer her self and ignore the pain but it wasn't that easy after all.
"So what? so what? so what?!" repeated Misaki in hysterical way holding her wrist scratching it roughly peeling her skin off unconsciously.
"Haaa! haaa .. ha" panted Misaki heavily staring at her peeled off skin "ouch!" said Misaki crying scratching her skin more finally allowing the blood to drop out slowly.
Quickly she stood up wobbling searching on the shelve for any sharp tool, still scratching her own skin repeatedly. Misaki eyes fell on a small razor was neatly put down next to the mirror, Misaki shaking hand reached the razor snatching it away.
Misaki silently sat down in the corner wipeing her tears and slowly she pressed the sharp razor against her wrist and started to cut without thinking Misaki kept on making wounds on her wrist over and over again. In seconds the blood started to flow in a rush covering Misaki wrist dripping down making a tiny crimson lake on the white floor.
Misaki panted heavier in pain staring at her blood dripping down, gently she twisted her finger drawing a small heart with Usui name in it with her own blood over her bleeding wrist. Slowly Misaki shaking body started to calm down with every drop of blood that fell down as if the scars and blood knew how to cruelly calm Misaki. Misaki released a sigh of satisfaction crying in silent staring at her bleeding wrist.
"Misa chan .. Mis .. Misa . wake up .. Misa .." a gentle voice echoed in Misaki ears, making her to open her eyes slowly rubbing it "Usui?" said Misaki sitting up.
"Yes Usui, good morning sunshine" said Usui tenderly kissing Misaki lips.
"Go .. good morning" she said blushing deeply.
"How cute! you still blush everytime I kiss you" chuckled Usui softly caressing Misaki messy hair.
"Sh .. shut up baka!" said Misaki in shyness hiding her face behind a pillow.
"Hai hai! now get out the bed sleepy-head chan! I made breakfast" and he walked out the room waiting for Misaki.
Misaki washed her face, and stared at the mirror for a second "thank god Usui didn't notice my red eyes!" sighed Misaki using eye drops trying to ease the redness "ah! no use!" said Misaki annoyed touching her wrist and it was totally in a bad shape, scars were everywhere along with the clotted blood it just looked horrible. Misaki hands shivered in terror at the sight of her injured wrist.
"W .. what have I done?" shoke Misaki roughly, putting her wrist quickly under the running water panicking scrubbing her skin trying to clean the frozen blood away, and slowly pale blood started to go down the sink giving Misaki the cold feet.
"What the hell did I do?" and suddenly the urge to vomit rushed her making her to puke feeling terrified and grossed out at the same time of her self.
"Misaki baby are you ok?" asked Usui standing outside the door.
"Y.. yeah! I'll be out in a minute" replied Misaki quickly, and she started to clean the sink washing the blood away and then putting on a wrist band hoping that Usui wont notice the cuts.
In seconds Misaki walked into the living room and her eyes widened in surprise. A typical Japanese meal was set on the table.
"Wow! did you make all those by your self Usui?" gasped Misaki completely taken by the well-organized table.
"Yup! just for my princess Misa" smiled Usui cheerfully, Misaki heart skipped a few beats all the pain the tears the suffer vanished away! Usui sweet smile was enough to put Misaki back in heaven.
"Awww! thank you sweetheart!" dashed Misaki into Usui's arms.
"Anything for my Misa! as long as you're happy" said Usui pinching Misaki rosy cheeks "now hurry and eat Misaki , I have to go!"
"Ehh? you're not having breakfast with me?" asked Misaki in doubt.
"Ah! gomen baby! I'm really late, I got to go now" quickly he grabbed his laptop , kissed Misaki forehead and left. The wide smile upon Misaki face faded once again she's alone in that big house.
"Itadakimasu" said Misaki holding the rice bowl staring outside the window "hmm.. the weather seems nice today .. I give up! I forgive Usui for forgetting our anniversary! I can't help it, Usui is just so sweet!" grinned Misaki ignoring the merciless thoughts that kept on poping into her head, ignoring her throbbing heart.
Broke the awful silence the sound of Misaki's phone ringing.
"Hello.." answered Misaki the phone.
"Hi Misa chan! it's me Sakura! where are you now Misa?"
"Oh hi Sakura! umm .. I'm at home right now"
"At home?! are you kidding?! what about us meeting in the cafe?" shouted Sakura loudly into Misaki ears.
"Ehh?! I'm sorry I totally forgot!" panicked Misaki.
"Just don't be late! everyone is here" and she hung up.
A depressed sigh escaped Misaki lips "I don't really want to go, ahh! what should I do?" and she stared at her wrist band in total slump.
Later Misaki found her self at the cafe after all.
"Misa chan over here! over here" waved Sakura cheerfully.
Misaki soon noticed and sat down smiling.
"Hey! what took you so long? don't tell me that boyfriend of yours again was the reason" said Honoka.
"Ah .. ehh .. no no! I just had to clean up" replied Misaki.
"Ehhh.. yes! by the way how did your romantic dinner go yesterday? did Usui kun like the food?" asked Honoka wanting to know eagerly.
Misaki heart quivered in painful way pushing her to the limit almost wanting to cry "uh .. it was .. great! Usui was .. really h.. h.. happy" said Misaki forcing a smile refusing to look weak in front of her friends.
"Ahhh! that's so heart warming! god! get me a boyfriend too! ne ne Sakura did you know? Misaki used all her saving to buy him an expensive watch as a gift!" said Honoka.
"Aww! really? Usui kun is so lucky!"
And the girls around Misaki kept on talking and talking about how lucky Misaki is, while Misaki just faked a smile nodding her head agreeing to everything but her throbbing heart and wounded wrist had another kind of story to tell, a story about how painful and cruel last night was, a story about how sad and lonely she really is.
"Ah! that reminds me I saw Usui kun last night at a restaurant with some pretty girl" said Sakura.
"Ehh? really?" asked Honoka excited as ever, making Misaki to finally realize what Sakura is saying.
"W .. what .. what do you mean?! when?!" asked Misaki in sharp tune surprising everyone.
"Umm .. around 10 pm maybe? I'm sorry Misa chan! I didn't mean anything with that, she's probably just his co-worker" said Sakura smiling nervously.
An awkward silence covered the table for a minute while Honoka and Sakura stared at Misaki in worry.
"Y.. yeah! I know! I just remembered Usui already told me about it" said Misaki with uneasy smile upon her pale face "umm listen .. I got to go now Usui will be home soon" and she started to walk away. As soon as Misaki walked outside her friends sight she leant against the wall panting roughly.
"H .. how come? why? how?! Usui said .. he said .. he said he was at the office the whole time! how come Sakura saw him?" said Misaki in a shaken voice confused trying to understand what's going on. Misaki legs started to shake roughly along with her whole body, it was so hard to even breath.
"Ehhh .. maybe he's .. Usui is .. cheating on me?" gasped Misaki covering her mouth with her trembling hand, walking slowly in the crowded street bumping into people.
"He's cheating on me? Usui is .. he doesn't love me? he's .. " painful thoughts run wildly inside Misaki mind, refusing to go away, refusing to show Misaki any taste of mercy. "No! no! I trust Usui! I love Usui so much ... I .. I .. please! so please! please god make him love me too!" said Misaki desperately wipeing away the tears.
"I want to hear Usui voice .. now! now!" shouted Misaki in her thoughts running fast toward home with one thought hanged harshly in her head "please let him love me too!"
Shortly, Misaki pushed the door and run into the living room, she forgot her cell on the table, Misaki quickly held the cell and started to dial up Usui number.
"The number you're calling is not available please try again later .. the number you're calling is not available please try again later .. the number .. beep beep beep"
Misaki heart kept on beating fast and faster everytime she heard the annoying massage "pick up Usui! please!" said Misaki desperately falling on the floor waiting for Usui voice to suddenly get through and tell her that everything is ok! but that didn't happen.
Misaki laid down on the floor as cold as ice having all kind of horrible thoughts crushing into her mind "he's cheating on you! he doesn't love you anymore, he's cheating on you! Usui never loved you" and it kept on spinning into her head over and over and over again without an end causing Misaki a terrible sharp pain.
"Shut up! shut up! shut up!" shouted Misaki clinging to her head trying to cover her ears not wanting to listen anymore! but the voice got even louder than before echoing harshly into Misaki mind.
"Shut up! shut up! please!" said Misaki screaming and then throwing her cell away crushing the vase next to her. "He loves me, Usui loves me, he loves me , Usui only loves me, me just me!" repeated Misaki over and over and over again painfully trying to convince her self that Usui isn't cheating on her.
"Only me that he needs! he can't live without me" giggled Misaki creepily scratching her wounded wrist brutally causing it to start bleeding again. "Usui is only mine!" smiled Misaki staring at her blood slowly dripping making more woundes by scratching her skin. The sudden sound of the door getting open pulled Misaki back to her sanity.
"Ehh Misaki? what are you doing in the dark?" said Usui turning on the living room lights and he got shock by Misaki messy creepy view. "Misaki are you ok?! why are you crying?" dashed Usui hugging Misaki tight.
"L .. l .. last night .. w .. where .. have you been?" asked Misaki in shaken broken voice.
"Eh? what's with that weird attitude?"
"Just .. where have you been? answer me!" shouted Misaki crying hiding her left bleeding wrist behind her back.
"Geez! what's gotten into you? I told you I had to finish some work at the office" answered Usui calmly.
"Lying .. you're lying .. " said Misaki shaking clenching tight to her heart trying to ease away the pain.
"I'm lying?"
"Ye .. yes! Sakura saw you with .. a girl somewhere" said Misaki desperately looking at Usui hoping with all her heart that he's not cheating on her.
"Oh! and you believed her?!" snapped Usui flipping his hair.
"No! I .. I .. I .." but Misaki couldn't answer to that , it's already confusing and painful enough.
"Oh my god! you actually believed her! oh my god! I can't believe it!" said Usui angrily walking away.
"W.. wait Usui!" yelled Misaki running after him, but Usui already put his jacket on saying "I can't stay with you! I can't sleep next someone who doesn't even trust me"
"No wait please! wait! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" wept Misaki clinging to Usui arm.
"You've hurt my feelings Misaki" said Usui with hurt look leaving the house.
Misaki sat down in the dark corner crying harshly holding her cell , calling Usui over and over again but everytime he wont pick up making Misaki sink down in loneliness and depression quietly at the corner.
"I'm sorry .. I'm sorry" cried Misaki holding her wrist scratching it more enjoying the touch of her warm blood, unable to forgive her self for hurting Usui.
"I love you more than anything else" whispered Misaki sending a text message to Usui.
"I'm going back to my mom place for a while, please come back home. Don't skip your meals and don't overdo your self.
I'm deeply sorry .. I love you"
However, it's been a week since Misaki left the house and went back to her mom place in Hokkaido. One week of loneliness and tears a week without talking to Usui, a terrible week filled with sorrow and scars. Finally Misaki decided to go back home, to Usui and apologize again.
Misaki stared long at her self in the mirror before going out. A couple of sad eyes pale skin and a desperate smile "I'm sorry .. I shouldn't have doubted you Usui! I'm sorry baby I really trust you with my heart" practiced Misaki her lines over and over again to make her apology perfect. Misaki glossed her pale lips put on her black shades to hide her swollen eyes and went out, Misaki hands were shaking , her heart was throbbing in fear but down deep she knew that Usui will forgive her, because he simply love her.
Shortly, Misaki was already in Tokyo , heading home but before that she had to make a quick stop at the supermarket to get some vanilla pudding.
"Hehehe .. Usui is surly going to be happy" grinned Misaki buying Usui favourite pudding.
In seconds Misaki was getting inside the house.
"I'm home!" said Misaki walking in searching for Usui but something strange caught Misaki eyes.
"Ehh? this isn't mine" said Misaki staring at a stylish leather boots, set down next to Usui shoes, a sudden sharp pain twisted Misaki heart as she stared at the boots freezing in her place.
"Cheating .. cheating .. doesn't't love you anymore .." these harsh thoughts echoed into Misaki mind roughly as she slowly walked through the short hall, and out of all days today the hall seemed so long to Misaki causing her sharp endless pain.
Finally, Misaki was standing outside the bedroom door which wasn't completely closed , Misaki was ready to go in when she glanced Usui at the edge of the bed.
"Usu ..." gasped Misaki not completing her words as her eyes fell on something terrible!
At the other side of bed next to Usui there was a beautiful girl smiling cheerfully! and then the view got even worse followed by Usui kissing that girl gently.
Misaki didn't quite understand, as if her brain short-circuited and needed to be
rebooted. Around her, everything was in fast-forward while she was motionless in
the middle of it all. How could this
happen?! how?! why?!
Misaki head were spinning , nothing made sense , nothing seemed to matter anymore! the lines Misaki practiced over and over again sounded so pitiful echoing in Misaki's head, the vanilla pudding .. the tears the joy .. the sweet words, the love, everything run merciless into Misaki eyes in a quick painful flash back.
"I ... I .. Just died!" said Misaki softly shaking.
*Doki .. Doki .. Doki* her heart thumbed quickly.
.. To be continued ..
What will happen to Misaki now? How far is she willing to go to be with the one she love the most?
Lets find out in the next chapter :)
A/N
Thanks so much for reading my story ^^ I hope you all liked it :)
And sorry Usui kun x3 I made you a bad guy hehe :3
Anyway, reviews and follows are most appreciated :)
Take care guys ^~^ love you all x3 .