Disclaimer: I do not own Dragonball Z or anything relating to it. I also do not own Azdio. She owns herself. I do, however, own Aseku and her psychotic dog Mickey. Don't use them without permission, please.
Author's Note: This story is solely the result of Percocet and insomnia during college exam week. Anything that seems wrong or strange about it… well, there you go. I dedicate this story to my dear best friend, without whom I would currently be in a mental institution.
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"Dad, hey-WATCH OUT!"
"Huh-OW!" Goku looked up from the hole he'd been digging in just in time to see his youngest son, Goten, come flying for his face. They collided hard, knocking both of them to the ground with an almighty crash. Gohan, the one who had knocked his brother into Goku, came running over to see them both climbing from the hole. Goten seemed fine, but his father seemed to be in discomfort.
"Dad… you ok?" Gohan ventured, going over to him. Goku frowned, reaching around behind him.
"No, my butt hurts. Hey! Lookit this!" He pulled, from behind him, a spiky golden crown. It had swirls of purple seemingly mixed in with the metal, and it seemed to be emitting a strange glow of some sort. "COOL!" Goku immediately jammed it onto his head, beaming. "Look guys, I'm a king!" He struck a ridiculous pose, apparently attempting to look kingly. Gohan, however, was leery.
"Dad, I don't know if you should be putting that thing on your head. It's glowing, and we have no idea what it is…"
"It's a crown, silly! Let's go show Chi-Chi! RACE YA TO THE HOUSE!" And he took off like a shot. Goten jumped up immediately, calling that Goku had a head start, but he beat him anyway. He was smaller and quicker than his bulky father, and slipped around him at the last second. Goku didn't care, though. He just wanted to show Chi-Chi the cool thing he'd dug up in the yard.
She didn't actually like him digging in the yard. Goku didn't understand why; he wasn't hurting anything. Those flower beds would grow back! Regardless, she always yelled at him when he went to dig a hole, and her yelling usually started with the question 'why?' Goku thought that was a silly question. He was digging to find buried treasure, what else would he be doing? Silly Chi-Chi, she never thought things through before she asked questions!
A delicious smell wafted towards him as he opened the door from the backyard. Chi-Chi was cooking. The crown forgotten, Goku bolted for the kitchen and peered over Chi-Chi's shoulder to see what she was cooking. Beef stew... mmmmmm. Chi-Chi looked up at him over her shoulder.
"Are you hun- GOKU! What is that on your head!" Goku's eyes snapped open as he tried desperately to remember what was on his head. Face… hair… no, those were normal things for a head. CROWN! He had forgotten. His stomach did that to him a lot when he smelled food.
"It's a crown, Chi-Chi, isn't it cool?" He moved his head around to give her the full advantage of its unearthly glow. That stew smelled awfully good…
"Honey, where did you get that?" Chi-Chi's voice had become slow and pointed like it did before she got mad. Goku sensed the danger.
"I… found it." He replied, vaguely.
"Found it WHERE, Goku?" Goku was starting to sweat.
"In the… backyard."
"WHERE in the backyard?" Goku cringed. He had been hoping she wouldn't ask that.
"In a… hole. But it's not as big as the last one and I didn't dig up any trees, just like you told me to!" Goku quailed under the disapproving glare Chi-Chi was giving him. He could stand up to anyone and anything… except for his wife. She stomped over to the window without another word and looked out into their backyard. Her gaze settled on the area her flowerbeds used to occupy, which was now the site of the crater-sized hole her husband had dug. There was a shocked silence for a minute; the calm before the storm. Then,
"GOKU! How could you, you DESTROYED my flower beds!" A little voice in Goku's head was taunting him, gloating. It was the voice that had told him not to dig up the flower beds. Actually, that little voice told him not to do a lot of things that ended up getting him into trouble, but it was annoying, so he usually didn't listen. Maybe he should start paying attention to it…
"Sorry, Chi-Chi-"
"SORRY! SORRY! No, Goku, sorry isn't good enough for this one! Out! GET OUT!" Goku's face drained of color; his knees felt weak.
"Wh-what? You want me to l-leave?" He felt tears welling in his eyes, threatening to spill over. Chi-Chi was livid as she turned to face him.
"Yes, out, that's what I said! It'll take landscapers two weeks to fix this mess and I don't want you screwing it up while they're working! Two weeks, Goku!"
"B-but where am I supposed to go?" His tears were still flowing, his child-like face streaked with them.
"Go to Vegeta's, go to a motel, go SOMEWHERE that isn't here!"
"B-but Veggie won't let me sleep over anymore. He said he'd kill me next time I asked to sleep over at his house!" Chi-Chi rolled her eyes.
"I'm sure he wasn't serious."
"Yeah, but then he started throwing kitchen knives at me and screaming 'OUT! OUT! OUT!' real loud…"
"Oh. What about your friends? You know, those girls… What were their names? They started with A's… Um…" Goku's face lit up.
"Aseku and Azdio?" Chi-Chi nodded. "Yeah! I can stay with them!" He ran upstairs to pack, his tears forgotten as soon as they were dry. Chi-Chi sighed, staring back out the window at the ruins of her beloved flower beds. They had been doing so well… and then the oaf she called her husband had gotten a hold of them. He HAD to stop digging these holes! Although she regretted sending him away, perhaps it was just the lesson he needed to drive the point home.
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Azdio looked up from her drawing as the doorbell rang. The first time, she tried ignoring it; she hated interruptions when she was drawing. When it rang another six times, however, she could no longer block it out. Irritated, she got up from her workstation and went to answer the door. Standing on the other side of it was Goku, bouncing happily up and down on his toes.
"Goku, what a… what do you want? And what are you wearing on your head!" Goku frowned, running through the list of things on his head again. Ears… hair… CROWN!
"It's a crown! Cool, huh? I found it in the backyard when I was digging a hole today." He grinned down at her. Azdio looked nonplused.
"Um… why were you… You know what? Nevermind. What are you doing here?"
"Oh yeah! Chi-Chi kicked me out for two weeks. Can I stay with you?" Azdio stared at him blankly for a moment.
"Ok, wait… WHAT!" Goku explained as quickly as he could as Azdio stared at him with a look of increasing astonishment. "So… you just packed up some stuff and came to live with me?"
"Yeah!" said Goku, brightly. Azdio understood everything! She hadn't even asked why he had been digging in the flowerbeds! Not that she needed to, of course. Any sensible person could see that he'd been searching for buried treasure.
"Ok, Goku, I hate to say it, but you can't stay with me. I have relatives coming over in a few hours. Trust me, you wouldn't blend in with my family." Goku's face dropped into a sad puppy expression.
"B-but-"
"However," Azdio spoke over him, drowning out his whimpering, "they will only be here for a day. You can go stay with Aseku until they leave and move in here tomorrow. How's that?" Goku's expression brightened immediately.
"Yeah, ok!"
"Ok. Come on, I'll take you over there. I have a little time before my family gets here."
Aseku looked up from her book as her doorbell rang, then forced herself from the comfortable position she had been curled in to go answer the door. An annoyed-looking Azdio and an absolutely chipper Goku greeted her from the other side. She blinked, and then began working on getting the stubborn lock on their storm door to open.
"Hi guys… what's up?" Goku opened his mouth to reply, but Azdio cut him off.
"Full story later. Abbreviated version: Goku got kicked out for digging up Chi-Chi's flowerbeds. He needs a place to stay tonight. After that, I can take him." Aseku stared, first at Azdio, then up at Goku.
"Why the HELL would you dig up Chi-Chi's flower beds?" Goku sighed. How many times would he have to explain this?
"I was looking for buried treasure, duh!" He pointed towards the crown on his head, proud that Aseku hadn't asked him what it was yet. "Look, I found a really cool crown!" Aseku glanced up at it.
"Cool… It's, um, glowing…" Goku nodded proudly.
"Yup! Pretty neat, huh?" Aseku rubbed her eyes tiredly, addressing Azdio.
"Yeah, he can stay here tonight, but I have a Psych final tomorrow. He'll be on his own from about 8am to about noon. Cool?" Azdio nodded, checking her cell for the time. With a muttered curse, she started back for her car; she was late.
"Ok, see you tomorrow, guys! I'm late for a family thing." She added, by way of explanation to the confused Aseku. The other girl nodded, gave a wave, then turned back to her new houseguest.
"Ok, Goku, I have studying to do. I'll get you settled in downstairs, but then I need quiet so I can read and concentrate, ok?" Goku's face fell. Aseku was normally lots of fun to hang out with. Why did she have to go and study? She was getting to be like Gohan… a bookworm.
"Don't you want to go do something?" he asked, hopefully. "We could dig a hole, spar, eat…"
"Eat? What, are you hungry?" Goku nodded excitedly as his stomach rumbled. Aseku led him up to the kitchen and opened her pantry for him. The Saiyan had cleaned it out in a matter of 15 minutes and turned for the refrigerator. Aseku sighed, stepping aside to allow him access to that as well. "Between you and Vegeta, my food bill's gonna be through the roof!" Goku turned to her, his cheeks bulging with deli-sliced ham.
"Vegeta's been here?" he exclaimed, spraying her with bits of ham as he spoke. Aseku wrinkled her nose, not really in the mood for Goku's antics.
"Yes, he drops by here fairly regularly. He seems to enjoy the open pantry policy. You'll probably see him tomorrow at some point. Ok, Goku, I hope that'll be able to hold you off for a while. Sorry, but I've got to go and study some more." Goku's face fell immediately, his bottom lip jutting out in a childish pout.
"B-but… what'm I supposed to do?" Aseku looked around, catching sight of her dog, Mickey, who was just getting up from a nap.
"You can play with Mickey! He loves to play!" The cocker spaniel's head jerked up, alarmed, as Goku swooped down and snatched him away from his water bowl. He gave a quick snarl, lashing at Goku's beefy arms with his teeth, but the big man's didn't seem to notice the bloody gashes the little dog left. Aseku watched the exchange with a slight frown. "Goku, be careful with my dog. He's little, and he's fragile. And if you hurt him, I will personally kill you with my bare hands." Goku ignored her, fawning over the tiny dog in his hands.
"He's so CUTE! Lookit how little he is! Who's a baby puppy? Who's a sweet little baby puppy?" He didn't acknowledge Mickey's vicious snaps at his hands and fingers. The dog did NOT like being held. Aseku grabbed him from her guest's arms, setting him safely on his own four feet again, and the dog gave her hand a lick of gratitude.
"Goku, don't pick Mickey up anymore. He doesn't like to be held. He DOES, however, like to play with squeaky things and run around in the backyard barking like an idiot." Goku's face lit up.
"Ohmygod! ME TOO!" Without further ado, he ran out into Aseku's backyard and began playing with the dog. Relieved, Aseku returned to her studies.
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A few hours after their play had begun, Mickey was beginning to get tired. The poor dog was nearly 10 years old, after all, and this was far more exercise than he had gotten in a long time. Goku, however, was far from tired. When the dog laid down beneath a tree to sleep, Goku was forced to find something else to do. What else was there to do in a large backyard but dig a hole? Glancing over at the sleeping dog, Goku decided that he didn't want to help, and set about digging the hole all by himself. Maybe he'd find MORE buried treasure in Aseku's backyard!
About four feet into his hole, Goku heard a familiar voice from above him.
"What the HELL are you doing?"
"VEGGIE!" Goku's head shot up to see Vegeta standing at the edge of the hole in all his 5'5" glory with his permanent scowl plastered across his features.
"I TOLD YOU NEVER TO CALL ME THAT!" Vegeta floated down into the hole, his arms crossed across his chest. "WHY are you destroying Aseku's backyard?" Goku sighed in exasperation.
"I'm looking for buried treasure! What else would I be doing?" But Vegeta wasn't listening. He was staring at Goku's head…
"Where did you…? Why…? GIVE ME BACK MY CROWN, KAKAROT!" He snatched the crown from Goku's head and stared at it as though he had never seen anything like it before. "Where did you find this!"
"In a hole," said Goku, staring at Vegeta resentfully. "I found it, give it back!" Vegeta looked up at him as though he were crazy.
"No, it's MINE, fool! This crown is my birthright! When I am crowned with it, I will inherit the title of KING of Vegeta-sai. I thought it was gone forever when the fool Nappa forgot to secure it properly in my ship."
"But… I thought your planet was blown up…" Vegeta's scowl deepened.
"Our planet, Kakarot. And yes, it was blown up, but I don't see what that has to do with anything." Goku looked confused, failing to notice Vegeta's drawn expression.
"Um… Why would you want to be the king of a blown up planet?"
"It's not just the planet, fool! It's our entire race!" Goku scratched his head, still confused.
"But… isn't our race…?"
"SHUT UP!" Vegeta snarled, his hair flashing gold briefly. Goku understood that he had touched a nerve. Without another word, the little Prince rose from the hole and stalked back towards the house. Even Mickey, who had been passed out beneath his tree, looked up as Vegeta passed by. Goku watched him attempt to slam the sliding door (actually, he DID slam the sliding door… Hard.) and disappear up the stairs. Shrugging, Goku went back to his digging. Now he had to find something as cool as the crown had been to replace it! Maybe that shiny bottle cap would do…
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Aseku tried to keep her mind on the brain's cerebral cortex as Vegeta stomped into her room in a blaze of fury.
"Do you know what the FOOL is doing out there?" Aseku attempted to ignore him, covering her ears with her hands, but Vegeta was not shut out that easily. "ONNA! LISTEN TO ME!" Aseku snapped.
"ONNA? LISTEN HERE, BITCH! I HAVE AN EXTREMELY IMPORTANT FINAL IN MY EDUCATIONAL PSYCHOLOGY CLASS TOMORROW, AND IF I DON'T PASS IT I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO GET MY TEACHING LISCENSE! I DO NOT CARE WHAT GOKU IS DOING IN THE BACKYARD! LEAVE ME ALONE AND SOLVE YOUR OWN DAMN PROBLEMS!" Vegeta stared for a moment, shocked. People didn't shout at him like that… they just didn't. He wasn't entirely sure how to respond.
"I… Um… C-carry on…" Not sure what else to do, he turned and left the room, leaving the psychotic student behind. Foaming slightly at the mouth, Aseku returned to her obsessive study of her psychology book.
Meanwhile, Vegeta stalked to the kitchen, the crown clutched possessively in his arms. He searched through the wreckage of Goku's last meal and found a miraculously untouched package of Ramen Noodles. He set about making them, staring possessively at the crown whenever he couldn't hold it. He had lost it once, he would NOT lose it again.
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Vegeta woke suddenly in the middle of the night to find Aseku standing at the foot of his bed, quietly reciting a list of medical-sounding words under her breath. He stared at her, perplexed. She was dressed in her pajamas, her eyes half-closed, and her voice a solid monotone.
"… and the hippocampus controls the-" She cut off suddenly, falling silent. Vegeta moved a little closer, wondering what was going on. Without warning, she grabbed a fistful of his hair and began shaking his head around madly. "VEGETA, YOU JERK! LEAVE ME ALONE, I HAVE TO STUDY OR I'LL NEVER SUCCEED IN LIFE!" Vegeta yelled in surprise, wrenching his hair free and shoving her away from him none-too-gently. Aseku fell silent again, standing still. Wondering what had prompted her to abuse him so randomly, Vegeta moved forward again, his face set, determined to get an answer.
"Aseku, what the hell d'you think you're-HEY!" With an almighty scream, Aseku grabbed Vegeta by the shirt and threw him into the nearest wall.
"-THE SYNAPSES FIRE INTO THE NEURONS AND STIMULATE- Vegeta?" Vegeta looked up from the corner he'd been thrown into, scowling. Aseku was looking at him, frowning. "What… are you doing in the corner?"
"How the hell should I know? YOU threw me here!" Vegeta got up, brushing himself off angrily. "Why did you suddenly come in here and start YELLING at me?"
"Um… were you being loud?"
"I was SLEEPING!" yelled Vegeta.
"Oh… well you must have been snoring. I have very sensitive hearing…" said Aseku, unconcerned.
"I WASN'T EVEN IN YOUR HOUSE! You must have walked all the way over here to bitch-slap me in the middle of the night! WHAT THE HELL?" Aseku shrugged, giving Vegeta a pat on the shoulder.
"Sorry, dude, I guess I'm just stressed about the exam I have tommo- wait! Oh jeez, what time is it?" Despite himself, Vegeta glanced over at the digital clock on his nightstand.
"3 am. Jeez, Aseku, you came and woke me up at 3 in the effing morning!" But he was drowned out by a loud shriek from Aseku. Thank God Bulma was at a conference for the week. Otherwise, Aseku would have been DEAD. Bulma didn't take crap when she was sleeping.
"STOP KEEPING ME AWAKE, I HAVE AN EXAM IN 6 HOURS!" And she bolted out the door without another word. Vegeta stared after her, then shut and locked his door. Upon further reflection, he moved his desk in front of the door as well. And his dresser. And for good measure, he added Bulma's hideous lamp that she kept on her nightstand. Maybe it would keep Aseku out by sheer ugliness. Paranoid, Vegeta went back to bed.
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Goku was woken at about 9 am the next morning by a loud crash and an ear-splitting scream. He jerked upright, eyes wide, staring around him nervously. Presently, the scream sounded again. This time, Goku could make out words.
"ASEKU! YOU DEPRAVED KLEPTO! GIVE ME BACK MY CROWN!" Goku blinked, then sprang out of bed and rushed upstairs to meet Vegeta, who was stomping down the hallway towards Aseku's room.
"Hey Veggie! Are you looking for Aseku?" Vegeta spun, his eyes aflame with rage.
"Kakarot! Where is she? SHE STOLE MY GODDAMN CROWN!" He looked quite possessed; Goku was a bit frightened of him. "SHE STOLE IT WHEN SHE WOKE ME UP AND SCREAMED AT ME LAST NIGHT! I'M GONNA KILL HER!"
"Whoa, easy Vegeta. She left about an hour ago for her Psychology exam. She'll probably be back in a little bit." That didn't seem to calm Vegeta like Goku had hoped it would. In fact, it only seemed to anger him further. His face took on a positively demonic look.
"Exam? Exam? EXAM? Oh hell no, she's not stealing my crown, then going to some exam! I'm gonna-" But he was cut off by Goku, who crossed his arms and stepped forward.
"No way, sorry, Vegeta. This exam is REALLY important, she told me so. I'm not gonna let you go down there and kill her or something when she's in the middle of it. You wait until she gets home!" His tone was firm, not realizing what he had just said. Vegeta stared at him blankly for a moment, wondering if the fool actually thought before he spoke. Apparently not…
"Forget this," he said, attempting to shove past the larger Saiyan, "I have my crown to retrieve."
"NO, Vegeta!" Goku lunged, catching him in a bear-hug from behind. Vegeta struggled against him with all his might, but the big man definitely had a size advantage. Eventually, somehow, Vegeta found himself downstairs on the couch, watching Dora the Explorer with his child-like captor. Goku, who seemed to know the words to every single song in the show, was watching happily, Vegeta clutched tightly in his lap. Vegeta was contemplating suicide.
"D-D-D-D-Dora the Explorer!" chirped Goku, singing along with the ending theme of the show. Vegeta groaned, wondering if there was a way to snap his own neck. Death HAD to be better than this! At least the damn show was ending, and for the last time, he hoped. After 30 minutes of torture last time, it had ended only to start again immediately after! Goku had been delighted! Vegeta had begun trying to beat his head on the coffee table. Luckily, the show DID end for the last time. Something else came onto the screen, obviously the intro to another show. Behind him, Vegeta felt Goku gasp happily.
"Kakarot? What are you-"
"BLUE'S CLUES!" shouted Goku, "YES! YES! YES! Vegeta, have you ever seen this show? It's so amazing! Blue hides these clues for Steve to find, and when he finds them he finds out the answer to the puzzle! It's, like, AWESOME!" Vegeta sighed, rolling his eyes.
"Let me guess, Blue is a little blue man, right? What an ORIGINAL name…"
"No, no! Blue is a dog! And she's not a he, she's a she! And Steve is the nice guy in the green striped shirt, and there's a notebook in Side –Table Drawer, and the soap's name is-"
"Kakarot… KAKAROT!" Goku stopped and looked down at him.
"Yeah?"
"I don't care."
"Oh…" He paused for a moment, then continued his chatter. "The soap's named Slippery, and there's Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper, and their daughter Paprika…" Vegeta groaned, attempting to tune the annoying voice out.
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When Aseku got home, free at last from the burden of her Psychology exam and ready to have some fun, the first thing she heard was Goku's voice coming from the downstairs. Curious, she crept down the stairs to see who (or what) he was talking to. It turned out to be Vegeta, who was grinding his teeth so loudly that Aseku could hear it from across the room.
"… is Blue's best friend. She's pink, and she looks just like Blue, except that she's pink. I wonder why her name's Magenta, though. Shouldn't her name be Pink? I mean, it makes more sense-"
"Magenta is a shade of pink, you blithering idiot!" snapped Vegeta. Aseku wondered why he was sitting on Goku's lap…
"Hi guys," she said, cautiously. "Whatcha doin'?" Both men looked up and gave a cry. From Goku came a cry of delight. Releasing Vegeta from the bear-hug he had on him, he rushed at Aseku to give her a hug instead. From Vegeta came a cry of anger. With a yell of "Where's my crown!" he dove at her as well, murder in his eyes. Aseku dodged both men, watching as neither could stop before hitting the wall she'd been standing in front of. Soon, there wasn't a wall anymore… just a pile of debris covering Goku and Vegeta's downed bodies. Vegeta sprang up angrily and turned to face her. Somehow, he was just as intimidating under a layer of plaster powder as he was without it.
"Where the hell is my crown? You stole it, now I want it back!" Aseku grinned at him, suddenly playful.
"I'm not telling! Why do you want it so badly?" Vegeta glared at her in disbelief.
"That crown is my birthright and the key to becoming the King of Vegeta-sai! Hasn't ANYONE ever wondered why I call myself the Prince of all Sayians?" Aseku nodded.
"Actually, we had a betting pool on it. So are you saying the reason you're still a Prince is because you've simply never been crowned? Or are you saying that the reason is because you didn't have a proper crown? I want the right person to win…"
"It's because I didn't have MY crown! The one my father left me when he DIED! And when I DID have it, I wasn't old enough to be crowned yet. And when I was OLD enough, I didn't have it anymore!"
"And now…?" prompted Aseku.
"Well NOW it's been stolen by a deranged little HEATHEN with no right to it!" snarled Vegeta, glaring at her. "GIVE IT BACK!" Aseku thought about that for a moment, then smiled.
"Um… no. Nothing's worth having if you don't have to work for it! Tell you what, I'm gonna go find Azdio. She and I are going to hide the crown. If you find it, you can have it back. If not… well… keep looking. We'll hide it in a new place every day. That's the game! Take it or leave it." Vegeta glowered at her.
"And if I choose to 'leave it'?" Aseku grinned.
"We get your crown to put in our Collection of Awesome Stuff that we've been, um, acquiring." She gave a shifty glance left and right. "But anywho… I'm gonna go find Azdio and we're gonna plan out our little game. Come over to her house in an hour if you want to play." And, with a wave, she disappeared out the door. Vegeta started to say something, but she was already gone. How DARE they play games with his crown like that! Those little fools didn't know what they were getting themselves into. He turned to go upstairs only to find himself face-to-chest with Goku. The larger man was staring down at him with something akin to absolute fascination. Irritated, Vegeta took a step back and looked up at him.
"What?" Goku continued to stare down at him, a broad grin on his face and his eyes starry. "WHAT?"
"Ohmygod, Vegeta, do you know what this means?"
"That a pair of teenage girls stole my crown and I have a pair of teenage asses to kick?"
"No! It means that we get to search for treasure… WE GET TO BE PIRATES!" Vegeta stared at him for a moment, a look of slow horror dawning on his face. He took a step back, looking for an escape, as Goku took a step forward. He was standing in a alcove, there was no way out except through the big man who was moving toward him.
"Kakarot, no! I said NO!" But it was no use. There was nowhere for Vegeta to go as Goku grabbed him in another bear hug (from the front this time) and marched off happily to find their "pirate outfits". With a string of oaths shouted into Kakarot's broad chest (which was currently muffling the shouts AND Vegeta's breathing) and a couple of futile punches and kicks, Vegeta resigned himself to a terrible day.
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By the time Goku and Vegeta reached Azdio's house (clad in full pirate apparel, of course), it was several hours later. Aseku and Azdio were in the living room, playing DDR. Azdio was winning… easily. Aseku sucked, but she was trying. Vegeta started to say something when he walked in, but both girls held up a hand to silence him. When the song ended, they stepped down from their dance pads, both breathing somewhat heavily, and turned to face the new arrivals. They stared at them, perplexed by the clothes they were wearing.
"Why are you wearing… Halloween costumes?" asked Azdio, cocking a brow curiously.
"And… why is Vegeta practically swimming in his?" asked Aseku, chuckling at the ridiculously oversized clothes Vegeta was wearing.
"We're PIRATES!" shouted Goku, brandishing his plastic sword. "But they didn't have Veggie's size…" He turned to Vegeta, who was glowering silently, his arms folded tightly across his chest. "I TOLD you we should have gotten the cowboy outfit for you! It was the perfect size!"
"IT WAS NOT MY SIZE, KAKAROT, IT WAS A CHILD'S COSTUME!"
"I dunno, Vegeta, you might've looked good as a cowboy," said Azdio, snickering. Vegeta glared at her.
"I am here against my will. Do NOT mock me! WHERE IS MY CROWN!"
"Well we're not about to just TELL you where it is!" said Aseku, rolling her eyes. "That's part of the game, you have to FIND it!" She and Azdio exchanged glances, grinning.
"Don't worry," said Azdio, with mock reassurance, "if you don't find it today, we'll hide it somewhere else tomorrow! And the next day, and the next day…"
"Or I could kill you both now," growled Vegeta, his hair flashing suddenly to gold. To his dismay, both girls began laughing.
"You won't kill us!" laughed Aseku.
"You can't!" agreed Azdio, "You'd never find your crown again!"
"Besides," joined in Goku, "you can't kill them, they're defenseless teenage girls!"
"No!" spat Vegeta, "They're little devils, that's what they are! Just look at them, they're little MONSTERS!" Aseku and Azdio smiled at him innocently.
"Aw, Veggie, you hate us?" asked Aseku, pouting. "But I thought we were bestest friends!"
"See Vegeta? See how nice they are?" asked Goku, frowning at him.
"THEY ARE NOT NICE! They stole my crown! But you're right, we can't kill them, Kakarot. They probably don't die! They probably don't even BLEED!" The last part was directed at Aseku and Azdio, who merely grinned at him. With that, he stormed off into another room of the house. They heard him overturning table and pulling books off of shelves, muttering to himself as he worked. Nothing intelligent, just various words, all having something to do with insulting someone.
"Veggie! Don't start without me!" Goku ran off to help him, and Azdio turned to Aseku.
"So it's in your room, right?"
"Yep, sitting on my bed, if he cared to look." Azdio grinned.
"You're evil, you know that?" Aseku grinned as well.
"I know… but I'm cute, so it evens out."
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"… woke me up in the middle of the night, nearly pulled all of my hair out, STOLE my crown, and now THIS!" Vegeta turned and glared at the living room, where the unmistakable sounds of DDR could be heard. "And THEY think it's funny!"
"But Veggie, it IS funny!" said Goku, popping up from behind a sofa on the other side of the room. They were in the den, a likely hiding place for Vegeta's crown because of all the nooks and crannies it contained. Vegeta threw a book at him with a nasty glare.
"Shut up, Kakarot, and keep looking! I NEED that crown!" Goku ignored his order and stood up.
"C'mon Vegeta, laugh a little. It's pretty funny if you think about it. Besides, it's not a huge deal if you don't have it. Ok, so you get to be Prince of a blown up planet instead of King. Is that really a big deal?" Vegeta spun, his eyes smoldering.
"Kakarot, have you written off our planet and our history so quickly! Vegeta-sai was YOUR planet too! Do they not matter to you anymore?" Goku shrugged, turning to look at a bookshelf.
"I dunno, I guess it matters. It's just… I never actually knew that planet. Honestly, I don't really care that it's gone. But I guess if the crown's important to you…" He turned back around to find Vegeta staring at him, his face unreadable.
"I suppose it wouldn't matter to you… You never saw our planet's beautiful red soil, our great cities. You weren't raised to love and defend it… but I was. It IS important to me, and whether the planet is still there or not, I WILL take my place as its rightful King! It is my birthright! I deserve it!" Vegeta's features were strained after his little speech. Goku wasn't sure, but he thought the other man was about to cry.
"Vegeta… I'm sorry, I shouldn't have made a joke out of this." He moved forward, his arms outstretched. Vegeta scrambled backwards; he was not about to get wrapped up in another of this idiot's damned bear-hugs!
"Kakarot, I swear to whatever God you believe in, if you touch me I will send you to the next dimension!" Goku stopped, his arms falling to his sides and a hurt expression on his face.
"I was only trying to help, Vegeta…"
"If you want to help, find the crown. Otherwise, leave me alone." And he left the room to search elsewhere. Undeterred, Goku left to find his own room to search in.
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After hours of fruitless searching, Goku was led to the kitchen by a delicious smell wafting from it. Aseku and Azdio were inside, busily preparing a meal. It looked good… chicken, corn, dressing, bread… and for dessert there was a tempting plate of cooling double fudge cookies. Azdio must have made those… she was a genius when it came to baking.
"Mmm… smells good." Both girls turned to look up at Goku, smiling.
"Finished looking for the day?" asked Aseku. Goku's stomach growled his answer before he had a chance to open his mouth. The girls both chuckled.
"Alright, where's Vegeta?" asked Azdio, looking around. Goku shrugged.
"I dunno, he went off to look by himself. I haven't seen him in a while." Frowning, Azdio went to look for him. She found him in the basement, stuck in the dryer. Perplexed and amused at the same time, she bent down level with the machine's open door and called into him.
"Um… there's a better way to dry your hair, y'know." Vegeta's response was short and snappy.
"Does it LOOK like I am DRYING MY BLOODY HAIR! GET ME OUT OF HERE, I'M STUCK!" Azdio snickered
"I don't know how you got stuck in there, but this is SO going on YouTube." She began filming the trapped man, a wide grin on her face. "How did you get stuck in there anyway?"
"Is it really that important?"
"Dude, you're stuck in a dryer. Even if it's not important, I have to know." Vegeta muttered something inaudible, then raised his voice to speak to Azdio.
"I was looking for my crown in the back of the dryer and my hair got caught on something. Now HELP ME OUT!" Still laughing, Azdio put the camera away and began attempting to pull Vegeta out of the dryer. It proved more difficult than she had imagined, and she and Vegeta spent quite a bit of time exchanging profanities in a number of different languages. When Aseku came down to investigate, she walked in on an explosive curse in Spanish from Azdio, followed by an answering cure from Vegeta in some alien language she wasn't familiar with. Just for fun, she screamed a random cuss word in German. Azdio looked back at her, and from the yelp inside the dryer, it sounded like Vegeta had tried to look back at her too. Aseku smiled.
"Are we screaming random, multi-lingual cuss words again? Why didn't you tell me? I would've brushed up on my other languages!" Azdio shook her head.
"Vegeta got his head stuck in the dryer somehow. He cusses at me when I try to pull him out, and I cuss at him when he cusses at me."
"Oh, I see," said Aseku, nodding thoughtfully. "But… how did he get his head stuck in a dryer?"
"That's what I'd like to know!" replied Azdio, "but he won't tell me specifics, just that he was looking for his crown in the dryer and his head got stuck somehow."
"Hmm… THAT'S interesting," said Aseku, frowning as she considered the situation. "But, on the other hand, dinner's getting cold upstairs. Let's gte him out after we eat, I'm starving." Azdio considered that. The food DID look awfully good, and it's not like Vegeta was in any real danger per se…
"HEY!" screamed Vegeta, suddenly, "IF YOU TWO LITTLE BRATS LEAVE ME TRAPPED IN THIS BLOODY DRYER, I WILL TEAR YOU APART LIMB FROM LIMB!"
"But I thought you were stuck in the dryer," said Aseku. "How can you tear us apart limb from limb if you can't even get your head out of the dryer?"
"I JUST WILL! GET ME OUT OF HERE!"
"Well jeez," said Azdio, frowning at the trapped Saiyan, "if you're gonna be like THAT, I don't think I want to let you out."
"For the last time, you stupid little-"
"Vegeta," interrupted Aseku, "do you really want to finish that sentence?" Vegeta paused, considering his predicament, then decided that it couldn't get much worse.
"Yes I do! GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE OR FACE MY WRATH!" Aseku and Azdio glared down at him, their arms folded.
"I think we'll just leave you here to cool down a little," said Azdio.
"When you've decided to be CIVIL again, we'll consider helping you," added Aseku, and both girls left to eat dinner. With an almighty roar, Vegeta yanked his head backwards, ignoring the pain that shot through his head. His scalp was tingling, but he kept pulling and pulling until, with a painful ripping sensation, he managed to free his head from the dryer.
As it turned out, his hair had gotten stuck in some sort of sticky substance that had been stuck in the little holes in the back of the dryer. The heat of the dryer (Azdio had just finished a load of clothes in it) had somehow bonded his hair to the substance, thus attaching him to the dryer. When he had so unceremoniously yanked his head out of the dryer, he had left more than a little bit of his hair behind.
Newly liberated, and much balder than before, Vegeta stomped up the stairs to the dining room, fuming. Aseku was the first to see him. She burst out laughing, spraying poor Goku with chunks of chicken and stuffing. Wiping off his face, he turned to see what Aseku was laughing about and ended up spraying Vegeta with a mouthful of food as he let out a roar of laughter. When Azdio looked up, she began laughing so hard that she nearly choked, and had to be slapped on the back by Aseku to regain her breath. Vegeta was less than amused.
"You little ingrates have caused me nothing but PAIN!" he shouted, glaring around the table. "You stole my crown, you harassed me in the middle of the night, and now you stuck me to the inside of a dryer! IT IS NOT FUNNY, STOP LAUGHING!" But everyone around the table couldn't help it. They were laughing so hard, there were tears streaming from their eyes. The concept of a mostly bald man screaming about being stuck to the inside of a dryer was just so… comical.
"Sorry, Vegeta," gasped Azdio, trying to control herself, "but you without hair is just so wrong, it's hilarious!"
"You look like a little old man!" laughed Goku, pounding on the table. Frustrated, Vegeta sent a large ki blast into the center of the table, which exploded. Laughter ceased as everyone stared at the remains of their dinner.
"I WANT MY GODDAMNED CROWN BACK, AND I WANT IT NOW! I've looked in every corner of this bloody house, and the crown in NOT here! What the hell are you two trying to pull?" Aseku frowned at him.
"We never said the crown would be at Azdio's house. We said WE would be at Azdio's house. We hid the crown somewhere else." Vegeta's face was blank for a moment, then the anger began growing upon it.
"WHERE THE HELL IS MY CROWN?" Goku raised his hand, waving it around.
"I know! I know!" Vegeta ignored him, glaring between the two girls.
"Tell me now! NOW!" Aseku shrugged and Azdio leaned back in her chair comfortably.
"We're not telling." Meanwhile, Goku was bouncing in his chair, stretching his arm as high as it could go.
"Vegeta! Vegeta! Pick me, I know! Ooo! Pick me!"
"SHUT UP, KAKAROT!" Vegeta lapsed into silent thought, tuning out Goku's antics and pleas for attention. "You two are far too lazy to actually go out and bury the thing, so it must be above ground. You don't really have a means to go very far from here, so it must be close…" He paused, a look of enlightenment coming over his face. "It must be at Aseku's house! You lousy little tricksters!" And, grabbing Goku, he ran from Azdio's house to go and search Aseku's house. Aseku turned to Azdio.
"Think he'll find it?"
"He'd have to be blind not to."
"True… Did you film him in the dryer?" Azdio nodded, grinning and pulling out her video camera. "Great, let's go become YouTube stars."
"Actually, he'll be the star. We just get to watch it over, and over, and over…" Laughing, they ran off to go upload the clip.
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When Vegeta arrived at Aseku's house, he immediately ran for her bedroom. Opening the door, he saw his crown sitting on her bed, glowing faintly as it always did. Goku sidled up behind him and nodded to himself.
"Yep, just where I knew it was!" Vegeta whipped around to glare at him.
"What do you mean you KNEW where it was?" Goku grinned at him.
"They told me where it was at dinner! Wasn't that a fun game?"
"Kakarot! If you knew where it was, why didn't you TELL me?" Goku shrugged.
"I TRIED to tell you, but you wouldn't listen! You just kept telling me to shut up!" He didn't seem too upset about that, so Vegeta didn't feel too bad about it. He kind of felt like kicking himself, though. Hard.
"You know what, Kakarot? Whatever…" He pointed to the crown on the bed. "King me!" Laughing wildly for some reason, Goku grabbed the crown and set it gently on Vegeta's bald head. And so it was that Vegeta became the King of all Saiyans.
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End Note: Vegeta's hair eventually grew back and it regained its unusual shape once it was long enough. He lost the crown a week and a half later and resumed his former title of Prince of all Saiyans once again. It was lucky he lost the crown again; it wouldn't have fit over his hair. Goku won his way back into Chi-Chi's good graces and was allowed to move back in as soon as the renovations were complete to the garden. He promptly dug another hole. Aseku and Azdio posted their video on YouTube and Vegeta became an instant star. He does not know this.