I do not own Inuyasha
You could call it love. I was in love with him, Sesshomaru.
He was my employer. He had been since I was seventeen.
What was my job you wondered? I was his private singer. He paid me well, too.
No, it was not that kind of dirty job. It was exactly as it sounded, his private singer.
To me, my voice was not anything special. Sure I could sing somewhat, and my voice was warm and lively, I was often told, but it was nothing in comparison to professional singers' vocal. However, he had been insisted for me to sing for him.
No, he was forcing me to sing for him.
I still remembered the first time I got summon to his mansion. More like kidnaped, really. My eyes were almost burst open; and it was for two reasons.
First, it was the biggest mansion I had ever seen and without out saying it was breathtakingly beautiful.
Second reason? I was scared shitless!
The mansion was gorgeous, but it located so deep into the forest and was isolate from all civilization. I did not want to do the job, but before I knew it, I was there. I was on my way home from school when an expensive looking car came to stop by the sidewalk and a big scary-looking middle-aged man came out. He was in front of me in no time.
"My master has a job for you," he told me. I was so terrified at his appearance which was over six feet tall with a buff body, towering over me. He wore all black and his hair was long. He took no for an answer no matter how many times I told him I was not interest. Within seconds, I found myself forced into the backseat; door slammed shut into my face, and the car was speeding away. I cried, I begged, I screamed, but he did not listen.
The worst part was, he parked the car by the edge of the forest. He told me go get out then.
Anyone would be freak the hell out, including me. I thought he was going to kill me for sure.
I was forcefully thrown over his shoulder before he took off into the forest at an inhumane speed. Literary inhuman speed because everything passed by in a blur.
"Sing" Sesshomaru told me coldly when I was present to him. He sat elegantly against a wall on the patriot, looking up into the sky. His eyes focus on the full moon and the night stars. The wind was cold, but his voice was even colder. It made me shuddered as if I was standing on a snowy mountain without only my bare skin.
I gulped. I was told that I would be killed if I displeased him. If I was not so petrified, I would have been gawking over his beauty. He was the most beautiful being I had ever seen in my entire life.
Trembling hard, I started to sing. My voice was shaking and my entire body did the same. Without saying, I was covered in cold sweats. It was a miracle I did not piss in my pants, or in my case, my skirt.
He was not oblivious to my nervousness, but he ignored it and told me to keep on singing, which I did. I dared not disobey him.
After ten minutes or so he turned to glare at me. Breathtaking as he was, his glared was so scary I thought my soul was slowly ripped out of my body. I could not stop the unconscious tears from flowing, but I swallowed in the sob; too scared to make a sound. I knew for sure I would not be able to sing for him, and if he told me to keep on singing, I would end up as fertilizer for his garden as the driver had threatened me.
There was no doubt he could kill me as easily as strangle a chicken because he was not human. I never believed in the existence of demons until I entered his mansion. Demons were only myth, I always thought, but the sight of the little green imp creature that I later learned his name was Jaken, who was only a foot tall was the evidence. His appearance was that of an imp, had claws and his skin was the color of green. He was a demon with a sharp snappy tongue. He always found things to complain about as if he would die if he stopped complaining.
It was so dreadful. I thought of the worst. The annoyance was evidence on Sesshomaru's eyes even though his face was unreadable.
Same as Jaken, his hands appeared more clawed-like, but also more human's hands than the imp's. His long hair, way passed his waist, was the color of silver; his skin was pale, smooth, and perfect. There were twin purple strips marks on his cheek and eyelids. I later learn they were demon marks. With those descriptions, he should appear feminine, but no, he was very manly. And even though it was modern age, he dressed in traditional Japanese clothes.
"Go home. I will send for you when I need you." He told me in his deep, smooth, monotone yet extremely cold and scary voice.
My voice choked in my throat and before I knew I broke into a sob, my knees gave in. My hands flew to cover my mouth to suffocate the noise. I was so terrified that I could not move more than that.
I still have to come back here- I thought. I could not breathe. He was too terrifying for me to handle. But another part of me was relief that I was not dead. Not yet. But with such scary demon like him, it was only a matter of time before he killed me.
What had I gotten myself into?
Why me?
What had I done to deserve this?
My entire vision was consumed with darkness. I fainted.
I startled awake in my bed, at home, covered in cold sweats and was shaking as if I was having a fever.
Such a terrifying nightmare, I thought. But before I could breathe out a sigh of relief, I spot a white envelope sitting beside my bed. There was a pile of money inside.
I cried. I wailed without restriction, sobbing for my own soon-to-be funeral. I was doom and I would die by the demon's hands. But worst, I could not tell anyone about their existence, I was forbid. Not that anyone would believe me, but if I ever tell anyone, the demon would clean the people up.
I cried even harder feeling more alone and hopeless than I had ever felt in entire life.
One month passed by, and I started to hope that the demons had forgotten about me, but such luck was not mine. I got summoned. It was the same as before, a car came to pick me up in the afternoon and drove me to the edge of the forest before carried me on his back and deep into the forest.
Why me? I kept wondering over and over. I hoped against hoped that they would not kill me.
It continued in that fashion for the next five months before I could finish singing a whole song for Sesshomaru without having a breakdown.
Finally I realized he would not kill me. If he wanted to kill me, I would have been dead on my first two performances. Instead, he paid me with handsome money. I no longer thought he would kill me, not yet anyway, and the thought gave me some comfort.
Times slowly past and it became a normally routine for me to sing to the demon lord. He always sat quietly observing the nature while I sang to him. Often I wondered what was running through his head with the expressionless on his god-like face. He always appeared so cold and emotionless. The only words I got from him were, "Sing" and "Leave."
Slowly I could not help but wanted to know more about him. He was so handsome, so mysterious; any movements he made make him appeared legal. I knew I would never meet another man like him again.
For the next three years I learned nothing about him other than that he was a very wealthy and powerful demon lord. He was deadly too, which I had no doubt that he was. Jaken refused to tell me anything no matter how many times I tried to make him talked.
Jaken and I, I dared said, we somewhat became friends. I was no longer scared of him.
My feelings toward Sesshomaru slowly changed. From before when I prayed he would not summon me, I started counting the days and wished for him to call for me. And once he did, I was so happy my heart pounded as if it was broken. It did not take a genius to know that I had falling in love with him. Even so, he almost never looked at me. But at least, he loved my voice.
I learned from Jaken that Sesshomaru heard me humming by the edge of the forest one day and ordered his follower to fetch me. I did not know why he liked my voice, but I was happy all the same.
There were times when I saw beautiful women, no, very beautiful demoness, came and go from his mention. Of course it hurt to see that. But I was told by Jaken that his Lord had no desire for those women. None of them. I smiled brightly knowing so.
There was time I was wondering if he ever liked anyone. But I doubted it.
It saddened me to know that he would never like me as a woman. I tried to talk to him more, but he was always so cold toward me. Even so, I was comforted by the truth that he would never love or belonged to anyone either.
I became braver the more I worked for him. It had been five years then and I was twenty-three. I chatted away with my mundane life after I finish singing. He did not seem to pay me attention, but he did not stop me either, so I took that as a sign and kept on with my one-sided conversation. I enjoyed those times with him.
Jaken, rude as he was, he had become more opened with me. After all, we had known each other for five years.
One day I caught Sesshomaru staring at a portrait in his study room. I never got the chance to enter his study room before, but because Jaken could not go fetch him, he gave me the direction. I guessed they had come to trust me to walk around the mansion after knowing me for so many years.
Sesshomaru noticed me right away and turned his face toward me. Without a word, he led me to our usual spot, the patriot. But the question lingered in my mind. Who was the person in the portrait?
Even with only a glim, I saw a woman; a very beautiful woman. She wore a rich silk kimono. Her raven black hair flow freely down her back. Her gentle smile was like the sun itself. But the paint looked old even though it was still in a good condition. It could be past for twenty years at the very least.
"Who is she?" I asked him.
"She's none of your concern," was his cold reply, a hint to stop asking. But I could not help myself from being curios.
In the next two months I kept pestered Jaken until he told me who the woman was. I never saw Sesshomaru interested in anything and to see him staring at the painting made me wondered. She must be someone important to him.
"She's lady Rin." Jaken grunted grudgingly knowing the only way to shut me up and stop bothering him was to tell me what I wanted to know.
"And who's this lady Rin?" I pressed.
"Lord Sesshomaru's late wife," he told me in an annoyed tone.
I froze.
My heart seemed to stop and dropped to my stomach.
"What happen to her?" I asked after I recovered from the shock. I never thought that he could be married. I could not help but wondered what was he like with her? How did he treat her?
Jaken seemed to be saddened at the question. I could tell that Rin was dear to the green imp as well.
"Die." Jaken said in a nearly whispered voice as if he was lost into his own memories.
"How?" I could not help but pressed.
"It's none of your concern! Stop asking questions!" he once again shrieked in a high annoying pitch of voice.
"Please," I begged him with the poppy eyes that I had mastered and worked on him on occasion.
The green imp had made me promised to keep it to myself and never bothered Sesshomaru with it before he would tell me. He did not say anything in details. Rin was an orphan human girl who was saved by Sesshomaru five hundred years go. They later fell in love with each other. She was a human and could not live long. She died at old age and Sesshomaru had been by himself since.
From the tone Jaken had told me, it might be somewhat exaggerated because Jaken loved to make things bigger than it really was. Sesshomaru who had always been cold toward any beings loved Rin so much that if she ever asked for it, he would happily give his life to her. The fact that Sesshomaru was capable of love at all was still shocking to me. Never had I thought he could love someone so deeply.
I went home that day with dreadful feelings inside my chest.
I was jealous of her. So jealous that I cried. I know I was pathetic to cry over a dead woman, but Rin had reached into his heart, the place I was so desperately wished to be.
How did she capture his heart? I wanted to be able to love and be loved by him too. But that seemed to be impossible. He did not even look at me.
I tried my best to reach out to Sesshomaru afterward, but he was the same cold frozen heart demon I met years ago. He never budged or showed any emotions. But he still summoned me to sing for him regularly and that was enough to make me happy. At least my present was still wanted.
Slowly I realized that Sesshomaru was lonely. Very lonely even though he never shown it.
I started to wonder if he still loved her. I had no doubt that he was. He must be very lonely to loss the women he loved and lived all those years by himself.
He had a son, Jaken told me, and even grandchildren. They came to visit Sesshomaru on occasions, but I never saw them because he never summoned me when they were around. I was shock because Sesshomaru looks no older than twenty.
At first I thought it was beautiful for the coldhearted incapable of love demon lord to fall in love with a human girl and took her as his wife. Even though he had always viewed her specie as inferiors, he accepted her. All of her. He loved and cherished her until the end of her time.
But I started to wonder if he should marry to a demoness instead. That way he would not be left behind like he was now.
He was lonely.
So Longley that I cried for him.
What was he thinking when he sat alone by himself, watching the silent night?
What was going through his mind when he looked at her portrait?
Did he ever search for her missing warmth during the cold night?
I started to pray for his happiness.
I wanted him to be happy so badly.
I wanted him to fall in love again and be happy.
No matter who it was, just let him be happy.
Anytime I saw his lone figure siting elegantly by the patriot, I had the urge to run to him and hold him tight. His lonely sight made my heart ached.
Even so, all I could do for him was sing.
I continued to sing for him with my whole heart. I reached out to him with my voice, trying my best to comfort him the only way I knew how.
Times slowly passed.
I aged.
It hurt me to look at him who had the same appearance as we first met.
That must had been the feelings Rin felt when she married to him. If it was so hard for me seeing the aging distance between us, I wonder how would she, his beloved wife, felt.
What was Rin like? I was told she was kind and intelligent, but I wished I could see her with my own eyes for once, the woman who could made the cold demon fall in love.
Then finally I got the chance to meet her. After fifteen years of working for Sesshomaru, I got to see the woman who looked so much like the girl in the painting.
She was Rin's reincarnation, Jaken told me. Her name was Mana.
I wanted to be jealous, but I couldn't even feel such emotion toward her. The way Sesshomaru kept his eyes on her, cold and stoic as he appeared, it was not hard to tell that he was happy. And the sparkle in her eyes when she looked at him said more than any word could portray.
They were made for each other.
I did not know if it was a curse or not to have her die and have him wait for her returns
It was romantic and I loved, respected, and admired Sesshomaru for waiting all those years for her and her alone. I was just glad that she had come back to him. Five hundred years late, but come back all the same.
I was finally told I would be release from my singing job. I was sad at the income that I would lose, I joked with Jaken. But I was truly happy for Sesshomaru.
"May I ask you a question?" I asked Sesshomaru.
"Hn."
"Why did you pick me? I mean, there are so many other better singers out here" I asked the question that I had asked him before, but never got the answer. He always ignored the question as if he never heard it. There was nothing I could do because I could not make the arrogant beautiful bastard said anything when he did not want to.
He stared at me; regard me for some time before he looked out the window, "You have her voice." He answered coldly as if speaking to the winds instead of to me.
"I see."
And I finally understood. But I was not sad about it. Instead, I was happy. Happy to have her voice and creased his loneliness a little while he waited for her.
Sesshomaru and Mana soon got married.
I was still friends with the demon family and visited them on occasions.
I did not know how long the magic would last and how long Sesshomaru would have to wait for Rin again, but for the moment, they seemed like the happiest couple on earth.
I could not help not but feel happy for them.
In my eyes, it was true love.
The End
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Friday, December 13, 2013