Author's Note:

I forgot to add this when I first posted it, but the cover picture of this story belongs to 'dreamxxdream' on deviantart! Go check out her artwork! It's seriously amazing!

Haru's POV:

I'm floating, drifting downwards. I'm surrounded by calm, by serenity. I'm alone in the silence, closing my eyes as I descend into the depths. I let out a sigh and watch several bubbles fade into the light above me.

Then the light disappears, and I can't breathe. My lungs start to burn, and my legs become a thousand times heavier as I try to swim towards the surface. I hit the bottom, and the sand starts to envelop my lifeless body.

"Nanase?"

"Nanase-kun?"

Startled, I open my eyes to see Miss Ama-chan looking down at me.

"Dreaming about water again?" She smiles as several of my classmates try to hide their giggling.

"...Yes..." I mumble, lowering my head slightly and breathing slowly, to make sure I still can.

She pats me on the shoulder. "Well school will be over soon enough, then you can swim all day long if you want to! The ocean's warm enough. But you'll need plenty of rest before your big competition at the complex next weekend!"

The competition... Rin...

I groan, putting my head in my hands. My head is pounding, and thinking about him isn't helping.

I wish I didn't ever have to see Rin again... I can't stand him. Ever since he lost to me that winter, he's been acting so strange. He's gotten violent too. What did I ever do to him? Why did I deserve to be hated?

'I can think of at least a hundred reasons.' I hear his voice mocking me and try to calm my ragged breathing.

"Psst... Haru-chan." I hear a whisper from in front of me and look up. It's Makoto.

"What?" I whisper back.

"Are you okay? Look, I'm upset we have to see Rin-chan too, but you can't let it get you down! Everything will be fine!"

I meet his emerald eyes, staring into them.

Fine? I doubt it. It'll be a miracle if things will be anything short of terrible!

I shake my head, then turn to gaze out the window at the cherry blossom tree growing outside.

"...Haru?.." Makoto mumbles, and reaches his hand out to touch mine, but stops.

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to upset you. Please, Haru..." He chokes out. I barely hear him, and I see him bite his lip out of the corner of my eye. He reaches out farther, but pulls his hand back. I feel his eyes on me, waiting for me to do something.

I don't know how long passes. A minute or two I think. But I can't think of anything to say. He turns back around, but looks back at me a few times before giving up.

I can tell that he feels guilty... But why? He's done nothing wrong. He's always there for me, always caring. I... I can't seem to ever do the same for him. It infuriates me. I infuriate me.

My eyes tear up as I think of how many times I've done this to him... Ignoring him, shutting him out.

I'm the guilty one. I wish he saw that. I don't deserve a friend like him.

The bell rings and I quickly sling my backpack over my shoulders.

I walk past Makoto before he can question me, and keep walking until I'm out of the classroom and around the corner.

"Haru, Wait up!" I hear Makoto's footsteps getting closer, then try to find somewhere to hide. Anywhere. I just can't explain things to him right now. I need some air.

Right as I turn towards the exits, someone grabs my arm.

"Haru, talk to me, please!" Makoto is on the verge of tears, and I see the concern on his face.

"I can't."

"Why not?!" He's shouting now, and a couple people are staring at me.

"I just-" I don't know why I can't. I want to tell him everything. I want to be there for him, and I want him to know I trust him.

But I choke up.

Saying I can't talk about my feelings is much easier than trying to make someone understand me.

I struggle to free my arm from his grip, but he's taller and stronger than me.

"Makoto, let go." I hiss at him.

I can't stand it when he tries to fix me. I'm broken, I get it. I don't need him reminding me of it by trying to make me talk about my problems to him.

I just have to get away from him. Away from everyone. I struggle again, tears in my eyes.

"Haru, you've been acting weird for months! Ever since Rin came back from Austrailia, you've been isolating yourself. You won't open up to me anymore, you keep missing practice, you don't answer anyone's calls-"

"It's all my fault, okay! Are you happy now?!" I yell at him, ripping away from him and jogging down the hall. I look back and see him start to tear up.

Seeing him so upset crushes me. Tears spill over my eyelids and I pick up the pace, running into the bathroom. I get into a stall and lock it.

I punch the wall, crying out in pain.

I don't know what's been going on with me lately, but the water isn't relaxing me anymore. Only pain makes my feeling go away for a while.

I can't stop it. Every time I think about him, about what he's done to me, to my friends, I lose control. I get angry. Mostly at myself, because I don't want to hurt my friends, especially Makoto...

Shit, what have I done? I curse at myself and lower my aching fist.

I look down at my blood, and wipe away the blood on the wall with my sleeve. I walk out of the stall and turn on the sink, then I hear the door open.

"Oh my god, Haru! What did you do?!" Makoto gasps and runs over to me, seeing my tears and bloody fist.

He starts crying harder. "I'm so, so sorry Haru-chan." He grabs my hand and puts it under the sink, flinching as I curse at the pain.

He turns off the water, grabbing a paper towel to wipe the blood off and wrap my hand.

He stands there, looking at my hand.

I pull him into a hug, not knowing what else to do, and I hold him until we both are calmed down.

When I step back, I stare into his eyes. He looks back, his eyes filled with pain and sadness.

"I-I did this?" Makoto sniffles, looking at my hand.

"...No..." I whisper, "You didn't do anything wrong I promise. I just-"

He pulls me into him, shaking as he grips the back of my shirt.

"Please, please don't do this anymore...I can't stand seeing you like this. And it's all because of... him."