This is my first non-glee fanfic that I wrote a while ago but I didn't know how to finish it then literally two seconds ago I thought "Hey! Why not make it a two-shot & leave the very end off until I can think of something?!" I'm a genius, aren't I? Anyway, here's It Was You (Originally titled Was It Me?) Any OOCness comes from maturity. People aren't two dimensional & neither are my characters.
NJPNJPNJP
I reread the letter again. Forgive me- notecard! Yeah! He left me a friggin notecard in my locker. It didn't even have a great message on it! Just "We should see other people. Are we good?" written in all caps.
I scoffed. Yeah, I'm hurt but I'm Buttercup Utonium. I do not cry over boys! Especially in public. I crumbled up the index card & threw it in a nearby trash can. I grabbed my supplies necessary for my third period English class & closed my locker.
"Sup, BC?" Mitch walked up to me. One of my best buds in the entire world; exactly what I needed. He raised his hand for a high-five.
I slapped his palm. "Nothing much. Just getting my stuff for class. You?"
He shrugged. "Skipping."
I rolled my eyes. "You should go to class."
"You sound like Blossom." He leaned against my locker.
"Don't ever say that again!" I grinned. I pretended being compared to my overachieving sister was a curse but in reality, both Bubbles & I liked the fact that she was not the only academic responsible Utonium.
"Skip with me." He pleaded.
"No way!" I shifted the books in my arms. "You get another detention while I'll see you at lunch."
"Alright." He lifted his hand for another slap before taking off.
I obliged & watched him continue down the hall. I found myself wishing I'd fallen for him. He was attractive.
He had blue eyes & messy brown hair that fell into those oceanic orbs. He was lean from soccer & running from adults as his pranks got him in trouble. He was six foot even & had what idiots called "swagger". He was smart but very lazy about his education. We were great friends & had many things in common. It could have been great.
I sighed as I realized how untrue that thought was. Mitch & I could only ever be best friends because we didn't have chemistry. Not like Butch & I.
I sighed again as I thought about that black haired devil.
He was attractive as well. I'd never tell him that but to be perfectly honest; Butch Jojo was hot enough to melt panties. His hair was inky black & he'd recently shaved it into a Mohawk, which only elevated his badass status.
His eyes were green. Normally I'd find that a good thing since my eyes were the same but his eyes changed hues with every emotion. They were a nice jade color when he was being his normal annoying self but whenever he became too devilish, they turned a sparkling peridot. Whenever he felt any desire, they darkened to a smoky emerald. Whenever he felt actual joy, they turned a light sage. It affected me more than I cared to admit to.
He was very muscular. It was a tad bulky but he ate like a horse with its same energy. He played as many sports as I did & couldn't sit still if his life depended on it. Blame it on his ADD. He was about 6'4. I really hated that. At 5'3, it was easy for him to tease me about our height differences. He called me a dark pixie.
Anyway, with his broad shoulders, sculpted abs & well defined chest; he could very well take up a career as a GQ model. He was built like a Greek god with early 1990s Brad Pitts' face. & the bum knew it. To his credit, he was an equal opportunity shameless flirt & left almost no one out. He flirted with kindergarten girls, old women, gay kids. He was… a good guy like that.
Sticking up for the little guy, I meant. He'd really surprised me about ten years ago when he adopted his current "I don't care" attitude about not being a jerk. He & his brothers were still evil of course but picking on the defenseless wasn't something that got him going.
Picking on me on the other hand… We used to fight all the time but a girl can only take so much. I saw him too much & we were too similar for it to continue. So like a mature ten year old, I came up with a contract. We couldn't physically fight or do anything that would undermine the others' self worth. No using families to get to each other either.
Since then, things had been pretty good. Some would even call us friends… just not to our faces. We shared plenty of friends though. We had a lot in common. Like Mitch & I; we weren't as dumb as people assumed, we had hidden talents that had nothing to do with brunt strength & we protected those we cared about.
If I was being totally honest; if Butch wasn't Butch, I'd totally be a fangirl like the rest of this school. But I knew him too well & we were scarily alike.
The bell rung & I started. Might as well head to class. Broken hearts are no excuse for bad grades.
•X•X•
I packed my things to leave English. Class had been emotionally draining on more than one level & I was more than ready to hightail it to lunch.
"Miss Utonium?"
I sighed heavily & walked to my teacher's desk. "Yes?"
"I was wondering if you would like to enter this poetry contest. There are many different categories & I think you have a real shot at winning."
I blinked in surprise. I've entered contests before & I've even managed to win a few but the last thing I wanted to do was write poetry when I was going through a breakup.
"Here's the form to fill out. I know I'm springing this on you last minute but I just found out. The application is due in two days but you have three weeks before the poems are due." He handed me the bright green sheet.
"Uh… thanks."
He smiled. "No problem!"
I walked out in a fog. How could I keep myself from writing depressing poetry? My teacher was counting on me. I didn't want to let him down.
I was so deep in thought, I didn't hear Bubbles until she pounced on me. "BC!"
"What?!"
"You weren't answering." Her baby blue eyes stared at me intensely.
I almost smirked at the thought. Every since we were young, Bubbles had this deep, insightful gaze that made you want to confess to things you hadn't even done. It hadn't dimmed one bit over the years.
Twelve to be exact. Twelve years in which my sisters & I grew into women who were set to take on the world.
Bubbles, with her curly ash blonde hair that swung between her shoulder blades in that stupid ponytail all the cheerleaders wore & her big sky blue eyes, was the one who was going to make the world hope again. I couldn't wait for her to do something that would knock the world on its knees. I believed in her because she could do it. She radiated goodness.
Not that false goodness that's from naivety & ignorance but actual goodness that's just in someone's soul & touches every person they met. That was Bubbles & I was too proud to call her my sister.
She hung onto my arm. "What's that?"
"Contest entry form." I showed her.
"Ooooh!" Her eyes sparkled. "You're going to win another contest?"
I laughed. "I like your faith in me."
"You're good, Buttercup. Really good. In fact, you're gonna be an author one day." She bounced on her heels. It was a nervous habit.
We were all the same height & very subconscious about it. We actually pretty much looked like the same person period. With our personal styles, eye & hair colors, voices & facial expressions; it was easy to tell us apart but if those things were changed or removed, you'd think we were the same person thrice.
Bubbles' hair was the shortest by three inches. Blossom's straight red hair was the longest by five. Mine was a wild, curly, onyx mane that fell to mid back but I only kept it swept from my face. I didn't like things in my face. We even all had bangs. Bubbles' in a side sweep, mine cut straight across & Blossom's long enough to part on either side of her head.
Our eyes differed slightly as well. Bubbles' blue eyes were rounder than Blossom's or mine. My sage eyes were more catlike. Not so much narrow as almond shaped. Blossom's pink cinnamon eyes were oval in their shape. We each had a thick set of inky black eyelashes that curled worse than my & Bubbles' hair.
We weren't as thin as the other girls but I chalked it up to being superhuman & chance. We were curvy. We couldn't help that. We had big busts, big bums, big hips & toned mid sections. Blossom ran track while Bubbles was a cheerleader. I was very much like my twitchy counterpart in that I played more than one sport. But we were fine with the way we looked. Most times.
I looked at Bubbles' hands. Like mine, the fingers were short yet thin with short nails. Blossom was a freak about hygiene & she was convinced long nails would kill you so she made us cut them every week. To mask her crazy, we painted them. Usually we stuck to our traditional colors (though changing up hues & patterns) but we weren't five years old anymore & afraid to experiment.
Bubbles' light blue sparkly nails looked quite nice against the green paper that matched my own nails.
"I don't know about that. Traveling the world & writing about my adventures sounds like a fun idea but…"
"But nothing! You're going to do it." That was Bubbles. Ever optimistic. Usually I was just as fearless but my emotions were all over the place & the very thought of the future made me want to curl up into a ball.
"Okay, Bubbs." I smiled. I refused to bring my sister down. "So why aren't you in the cafeteria with your friends?"
"I was just talking to Robin around the corner when I saw you. Just wanted to say hey."
"I need to get my lunch before the period is over." I gently reminded her.
Not only have we changed physically but emotional as well. I was nicer to people but only barely. The only people to see a massive change was my family. It took a few years but I realized I didn't want to hurt my sisters so why was I being so mean to them? When I couldn't come up with an answer, I changed. I loved them & I never wanted them to go a day thinking I didn't.
Blossom had given up her bossy "holier than thou" attitude as well. She realized in middle school that it only gave her enemies & kept her isolated. She realized she didn't want to grow up to be a bitter old woman so she lightened up. She was still Leader Girl but now she was also Blossom.
Bubbles had surprised all of us when she gave up her crybaby days. When we were eight, Ms. Bellum was diagnosed with breast cancer & it was scary. For the first time in her life, tears didn't make her feel better. So she had stopped crying. The things that used to scare her barely registered to her now. Once Ms. Bellum was in remission, Bubbles never looked back. She realized how brave she was & was determined to live every day like it was her last.
"I'll see you at band practice." She waved as she set off down the hall.
She was referring to the all-girl band we were in. Bubbles, Blossom & I along with our friends, Robin & Princess. Robin had stayed our friend after kindergarten but it took a while for us to get to liking Princess.
At age five, Princess Morbucks was a spoiled brat to her heart but once she reached higher education, she realized not everyone can be bought. She went to therapy & found out she had abandonment issues from both of her parents & neglect from her father. By the time eighth grade rolled around, she was a new person. Sure, she was still cocky but she had a calm to her that was unexpected yet totally her.
With her curly red hair & brown eyes, she could be a model. She had the right shape & the best connections but Princess didn't just say she changed. She changed. She was on the path to becoming a vet. She loved helping & making people & animals feel better. It's the right career for her but for now, she was our lead singer.
Robin, on the other hand looked remarkably like Mitch, with her cornflower blue eyes & long sable hair. She'd overcome her shyness years ago but was still a quiet girl. She was our keyboardist & was hilarious. We always told her she should be a comedian. But she wanted to be a mom. That was her lifelong dream & that was perfectly fine. We all knew she would achieve it with her longtime boyfriend, Mike Believe.
Speaking of him, he walked towards me as I headed towards my locker. Besides Princess, he was the one to change the most. He was around 6'2 with a lean build but his impressive size didn't detract from his kind nature. He still had his wild imagination but like Robin, he'd come out of his shell & was a monster on the football field. I swear that boy was on his way to being drafted.
"Mikey!" I high-fived him.
"BC!" He leaned into my locker. He was also very nosy. "Whatcha doin?"
"Getting my lunch." I smirked as I did just that. I put away my books & made sure my fourth period supplies were ready for right after lunch.
"I got gym." He wrinkled his nose.
He didn't tell me that to inform me. It was a long running joke from the beginning of the semester when we'd all reviewed our schedules & he'd been the only one of us to have a different lunch period. Whenever he saw one of us on the way to lunch, he'd remind us that he had gym instead.
I laughed. "Hope you don't pass out before you get to eat!"
He stuck his tongue out. "You're so cruel!"
"Get to class, lazy!" I swatted his backside.
He groaned playfully. "I'm telling!"
"I'm not afraid!" I yelled as we walked in opposite directions.
I continued on my way to the cafeteria & walked through the open double doors. As I did everyday, I scanned the large airy room for my sisters. They sat at their usual tables with their "cliques". Yes, our school had cliques but unlike movies; we weren't hostile about them. It just happened.
I found Bubbles easily. A lot of the jocks orbited the cheerleaders' table like the buzzards they were. I looked around & spotted Blossom with her intellectual friends. They were smart people, who knew they were smart but weren't tools about it.
I walked to my table. It was filled with our school's toughest kids, which made no sense. None of us were actually bad. Not really. Sure, we've broken a couple laws besides loitering but no one but Butch had been to prison.
"Butters!" Butch waved me over like I was going to sit somewhere else. As I came closer, he turned to Ethan, a fellow badass/jock. "Tell this bonehead that if you take the hill by Mr. Hoppers', you will end up in the hospital."
"Take it with what?" I sat down with my lunch & opened the box. Every night my sisters & I made a balanced lunch for the next day. We believed in delicious nutritious eating.
"The '67." Ethan replied.
I stared at him. "Are you stupid or suicidal?"
"Told you!" Butch threw his hands up.
Ethan scowled. "How would you know?"
"It's called math, dumbass!" I rolled my eyes. "Physics. Common sense. & the fact that I've done something similar three years prior."
Ethan grinned. "Did it hurt?"
I smirked devilishly. "Like you wouldn't believe!"
The guys high-fived each other at my answer. This is what I needed. Being around my boys & acting normal. Who cared about stupid ex-boyfriends? I had what I needed.
•X•X•
I sniffed as I smashed the side of a dumpster with a rock. I didn't mean to cause damage but I'd taken the scenic route from band practice & had come across the alleyway where the jackass that shan't be named & I had shared our first kiss.
It was romantic at the time but now it was a dirty memory I wished to be rid of. My guitar case, backpack & soccer bag sat at the mouth of the alley as I kicked the crap out of the dumpster. I didn't want to get any dirt on them if it burst open.
I glanced at my watch. It was nearly five-thirty. My family would be worried about me soon but I had enough time for a few more kicks. I wasn't even actually crying but sniffling. I was overjoyed at that fact. I refused to cry over him but I knew I couldn't hold the pain in forever.
I was the toughest PowerPuff Girl but I was still a girl. I still had feelings & mine were hurt. I didn't know why he'd broken up with me & it made every doubt I'd ever had about myself arise.
Was I too short? Was I too thick? Was I too laid back? Was I too much like the guys? Was I not smart enough? Pretty enough? Simply enough?
The questions drove me crazy but I put down the rock. I couldn't afford to get in trouble & to be honest, he wasn't worth it.
I picked up my stuff & flew home. I just wanted to crawl into bed & forget the entire situation.
•X•X•
The next day was hard for me. My eyes hurt sorely from not crying & I was edgy like a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. The only good thing was that it was Wednesday. I had a light load responsibility wise. I only had school & my job at the music store.
I slowly rose & grabbed the first thing I found; jeans & a t-shirt. The jeans had holes in them & the t-shirt was kind of like the ones baseball players wore with the colored sleeves. The sleeves were green & the shirt was a light grey. It was disturbing that I was unsure if it was supposed to be.
I hurried & took a quick shower before pulling on my clothes. I threw on a green hoodie & grabbed my backpack, wallet & cell phone. Once I was sure I had my keys, I went downstairs.
The smell of pancakes made my mouth water so I dropped my green (buttoned-to-hell) bag by the front door (where Blossom's dark pink messenger bag was already waiting) & walked to the kitchen. I found my sister & dad talking. "Hey."
"Good morning, Buttercup." Blossom smiled at me. She'd started wearing her long waist length hair in a side braid with a red bow attached to the tip in junior high. She flicked it over her shoulder now as she picked up her red Elmo coffee cup.
"Morning."
"Good morning, sweetie." Dad kissed the side of my head. "Someone has bed head."
I'd forgotten to brush my hair. I shrugged. "That's why hats were invented." I went to the cupboard & pulled down my green mug that had the Incredible Hulk on it.
"Want me to pour you a cup?" Blossom asked, getting up.
I shook my head. "I'm already up. Want a refill?" She nodded & sat back down. I made my way to the coffee pot & poured myself a cup before refilling hers.
She inhaled like a crackhead before their next fix & smiled. She took her coffee black (like an adult) but I required half&half. I grabbed the creamer from the fridge & poured a generous dollop.
"Breakfast will be finished soon, girls." Dad said. "Is anyone going to wake Bubbles?"
Blossom & I eyed each other warily before thrusting our hands out in a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors. Bubbles was not a morning person & it took a brave soul to wake her up.
"One, two, three!"
I opened my eyes to see Blossom had chosen scissors to my rock. "Ha!"
"Shoot!" Blossom dragged herself to her feet. I noticed her attire as she left the room & I took my place at the table. She was dressed to impress. Brick.
I smirked behind my mug. Those two thought no one could see through their little game but we all knew. He flirted with every girl in sight to get her attention & she ignored him. She wore his favorite color & he glared at her all day. It was cute.
Today, she had on a red plaid skirt that respectfully reached her knees. Her red converses sparkled with the shining she gave them every week. My sisters & I shared a converse fetish & it showed. She wore a red off the shoulder shirt that read Never gonna get it! in white. It was sure to drive Brick wild.
"Ready!" Dad presented with a flourish. He sat the pancakes on the table & sat back, waiting for the compliments.
I smirked again. "Are you fishing for compliments, Dad?"
His face fell. "I would never-" I cocked an eyebrow. "Yes. Yes, I am."
I laughed. "I'm sure they're as fantastic as always."
"Hello, Buttercup."
I turned to see my mom (our old kindergarten teacher, Ms. Keane) in the doorway. She was still a kindergarten teacher & was dressed appropriately. "Morning, Mom."
"Hello, dear." She kissed Dad on the cheek.
"Good morning." He inclined his head.
She reached for a mug & poured herself some coffee. She took three lumps of sugar. "Where's Bubbles & Blossom?"
"Upstairs." I answered.
A flurry of feet pounded the stairs & soon five people stood in the doorway. "Morning!"
Blossom retook her seat. "She's in the shower now."
"Good." Dad set out the plates. "All of you sit & eat."
The rest of our siblings took their spots at the oblong table. I glanced at each of them. I was so lucky to have my family. I reminded myself of that fact over & over last night as I willed myself not to cry.
Brandy was the first to be born after Mom & Dad married. She was almost twelve & showed signs of being exactly like me. Her hair was like mine, her attitude was like mine. We shared similar interests & we had the same basic build. Her eyes were a light grey though & shared the same creepy intensity as Bubbles'.
At ten, Blaine was the most like Bubbles though he looked nothing like her. He had the same colored eyes as Blossom but light brown hair like our deceased sister, Bunny. He was the comedian in the family & only wanted the world to smile.
Seven year old Brian was the most like old Blossom in his seriousness. Like Brandy, he was quiet until he was required to speak but he had a quick wit & was very athletic for his age. He was blonde with light green eyes & wore glasses.
Brooke was only four & shared Bubbles' & Blaine's sense of fun. She was completely silly with her red hair & violet eyes. She matched Butch in his inability to sit still. I loved her just the same. Maybe because she had a mischievous side that snuck out at random.
We all spoke to each other as we dug in. Bubbles finally decided to grace us with her presence & sat down. "Good morning, loved ones!"
I rolled my eyes. She must have spoken to Boomer in the time since she'd been awakened. He was the only person who could wake her up without it being WWIII. "Someone's on cloud nine."
"Someone didn't brush their hair!" She shot back.
"It's called a hat!"
"Girls!" Dad cleared his throat. "No fighting at the table. It's hard to digest your food."
I bit my tongue. He was so corny! "Okay, Dad."
Bubbles retrieved her smile & went to get her blue Eeyore mug. She took lots of cream & sugar in her coffee. "We're okay. Just sister stuff."
"So you don't have a date with Boomer Friday night?" Brandy asked.
That's why I loved that kid. She was sarcastic with a very dry wit. No one could ever tell if she was joking or not because she was always so serious so it made teasing people easier for her than others. This was just a classic example.
Bubbles' face fell. "How did you know?"
"You always have a date with Boomer on Friday night." Brandy blinked those large grey eyes of hers. "Just like Blossom has a date with Brick after church every Sunday."
You could see Blossom's molars the way her mouth hung open so wide. "Brandy!"
"What?" Brandy blinked again.
"You date Brick?!" Brian eyed Blossom. "It makes sense."
"It does not! I do not!" Blossom blushed hardcore.
"I bet you & Brick kiss like the people in all those movies Bubbles watches do!" Brooke bounced in her chair.
Blossom's face matched her shirt. "We do not! Mom!"
Dad narrowed his gaze. "Why haven't you told us about you & Brick dating?"
"We're not dating!"
"Boomer asked me if he could take Bubbles out." He murmured as if to himself. "Buttercup told us about her boyfriend. Why are you hiding Brick?"
I winced when he mentioned my "boyfriend". But I did want to hear Blossom's answer.
"I'm not." She swore. "We're not dating, I promise."
"That's because he won't ask her." Blaine said matter-of-factly.
Everyone turned to face him. Mom asked, "How do you know that?"
"She told Robin on the phone last night about how she wished he'd ask her to the dance."
"Blaine!" Blossom screeched. She took off after him. All you could see was a tan streak with a pink one close behind.
Yes, our siblings are superhuman as well. When Mom was pregnant with Brandy, she became very ill. Western medicine couldn't help her without hurting both of them so she was given Chemical X. It healed her & stayed in her body long after she was well. Each of our siblings have superpowers.
I know what our dad went through with us because those kids grew into their powers early & used them to their advantage. It was a wild bumpy ride that I wouldn't trade for anything. Once again, I was happy to have my family.
But… I couldn't tell them my secret yet. It was too new. Too fresh. I was still coming to terms with it myself & didn't want them to pity me. I didn't want anyone to know that I hadn't been good enough to keep my boyfriend.
I sighed lightly as I continued with my breakfast. Mom had made Blaine apologize for listening in & everyone settled down. Soon it was time for school & we left Dad to work all alone in his lab in the basement. He had more free time since Brooke started preschool that year.
We waved goodbye to each other outside as Brandy's grey streak flew towards the middle school, Blaine's tan & Brian's yellow streaks towards the elementary school & Brooke's purple & Mom's black streaks towards Pokey Oaks. Brooke stayed with Mom until the preschool opened.
I floated to meet my triplets. "Ready?"
They both nodded & we took off; our blue, green & pink streaks a familiar sight to the citizens of Townsville.
•X•X•
I was at work that afternoon filing out the contest form when Butch came in. "Sup?"
"Hey." I didn't even bother looking up.
"Did my vinyl come in?" I felt him lean against the counter.
I shrugged. "Let me check." I went into the back room & found that it had. It was an AC/DC album from the 80s. It was a pretty good record & was in great condition.
I brought it back to the front. "It's here." I walked to the counter & narrowed my eyes. "What are you doing?!"
His eyebrows lifted. "Reading."
I snatched the form from him. "That's none of your business!"
He raised his hands. "Alright. I just wanted to see what was making you so sad."
I frowned before ringing up his purchase. "$18.63 & a tip. Just because you can see it, doesn't mean it's for your eyes!"
"Do you need me to mail it for you?"
It was like talking to a brick wall! "No!"
"Don't you work all night tonight?"
"No. I get off at six." I said before remembering I didn't owe him any answers. "Would you mind your own business?!"
He grabbed the paper again after I handed him his change. "I can drop it off on my way to work."
I didn't want to take him up on his offer but the post office was by the skate park (where he worked). It was in the opposite direction of my house & would be closed by the time I got off. "Fine."
"What are you going to enter?" He asked. "You checked multiple boxes so you must have a bunch of stuff laying around."
I had checked multiple boxes. "I don't know. I'll see when the deadline's up."
He nodded in understanding. "Gotta go. See you tomorrow, Butters!" He walked out, the bell jiggling after the door slammed.
I rolled my eyes. I told him a million times not to slam the door. I also told him not to call me Butters but it was better than Butterbutt so I let it slide.
In a way, Butch reminded me of the jerkwad that was my ex. He was cocky, reckless, dangerous & pushed me to my limits. Unlike the butt, Butch only pushed me to my limits; never passed them. He respected my boundaries. Even as my enemy.
He didn't need to know but I respected him.
•X•X•
Days passed slowly for me. I kept up with my schooling & my friends. My family & my chores. My extra-curriculars & my job. But I felt hollow. I still hadn't cried yet but I no longer cared.
I couldn't actually feel too much of anything. I listened to sad songs all the time & never wore my funkier outfits. I was a tomboy still but I was also a rocker & a bad chick. It reflected in my style. A style that I threw to the side in favor of jeans & a hoodie everyday.
It'd been a week & a half since I'd gotten that notecard & I couldn't shake the feeling that it was my fault. I wasn't enough for him so he found someone better.
No one knew because we went to different schools so I at least had a reprieve from my entire grade laughing at me.
I would get angry in random bursts. I would feel betrayed & disappointed. I was seventeen. I was a senior in high school. My whole life was in front of me & I should have been happy. I should have had it all.
But I didn't. My all walked out on me with a two liner & no explanation. It wasn't fair & I had to suppress the urge to cry at every moment it seemed. There were times I caught Bubbles & Brandy eyeing me suspiciously but I dodged them every time. I didn't want to talk. I didn't want to cry. I didn't want to feel.
But what I wanted was the exact opposite of what I got.
I was at work again, doing homework at the counter. Not many people showed up so it was just easy enough for me to have plenty of time to think. I still hadn't written a single line for the contest & there wasn't anything I could do about it. Inspiration had left me.
I didn't look up as the bell dinged. It rattled like it was going to fall off so I knew who it was. Sure enough, his shadow loomed over me. "Sup?"
"Hey." His tanned hand planted itself in my chemistry book. "What are you doing?"
He closed the textbook & set it aside. "What's up with you, Butters?"
"What are you talking about?" I frowned. The nerve of this guy!
"The old you would have thrown me through the front window for putting my hand in your book but you're just staring at me like you don't see me. So I repeat; what's up?"
He was right; damn him! I shrugged carelessly though I was tightly wound. "Nothing."
"Bull!"
"Why do you care?!" I snapped. I couldn't stay behind the counter any longer with him staring into my soul like that so I picked up a duster & went to dust random shelves.
"Why can't you just tell me?" He leaned against the counter as his jade eyes watched my every move.
"Would you leave?! You're bothering my customers!"
He eyed the two patrons. One was wearing headphones set up at a mix table & the other had his own earbuds in as he sat in a beanbag chair in the sitting area. Neither paid us any attention.
"Fine! You're bothering me!"
"I know I get you hot & bothered but that's not what I asked."
I couldn't even grimace. I was too wracked with pain & was trembling from the effort to not unburden my soul. I wanted to tell him so badly, I could taste it. I wanted to cry on his rock hard shoulders & let him tell me it would be alright but I couldn't. So I bottled them up. "Get out."
He raised his eyebrows in surprise. "No."
"Get out!" I pointed toward the door.
He shook his dark head. "No."
"Get out of here!" The tears were going to come soon. I could feel them but I'd be a monkey's uncle if I let him see me cry.
"No."
"Get out! Get out! Get out!" I will go to my grave saying I tried to hold it together. Well, because I did. But it didn't work. The tears were at the proverbial door & they didn't believe in knocking.
He straightened from the counter & took a step towards me. I jumped away from him though he wasn't even touching me. "No! Stop!"
"Buttercup."
"Don't call me that!" I know I wasn't making much sense but I was beyond reason. If he touched me, I'd never stop crying. I was falling apart & my worst enemy was there to witness it.
"BC."
"Don't call me that either! You call me Butters! You insult me & you go!"
He took another step forward & I took another one back. "Is it about Conner?"
Hearing his name for the first time since broke me. "How dare you?! You think you can just come in here & tell me what's wrong with me?! You don't know me! You don't know anything! You can't be nice to me & expect for me to be nice to you! You can't treat me like crap! You can't leave me some stupid dumbass index card telling me it's over & think I can forgive you! I was good! I was a good girlfriend! What did I do?!"
I was five towns passed sobbing. It was like every bad feeling I had ever had bubbled out of me & I was screaming it at Butch. I had honestly forgotten he was there for a moment.
He grabbed me by my shoulders & made me accept his hug. I was still shouting into his chest as some part of me tried to look him in the eyes. Eyes that were the wrong color.
"Am I not girly enough? Was it because I said no? Is it my hair? Am I too fat? Too short? Too mean? What is it?! Is it me? I can change! I swear I can! I'm sorry. I can change everything. Please don't leave me! I can change."
He pulled back & frowned. "What?!" He shook me by my upper arms, bruising me accidentally. "Are you out of your mind?!"
"I'm sorry I'm not as nice as Blossom or as sweet as Bubbles." I begged. My tears blinded me. My pain blinded me. All I knew was that it hurt to breath & I was doing a lot of it.
He shook me again. "Stop it! Do you even hear yourself?! Buttercup, stop it!"
"I'm sorry, Conner! Whatever I did."
"I'm not **ing Conner!" He yelled at me. "Listen to me for once in your damn life! I am not Conner!"
I heard him. I did but I was passed listening. I just sobbed. He pulled me into his chest & rubbed my back. After I had calmed (i.e. stopped screaming), he led me to the front of the store. He left me by the counter & disappeared.
I heard him growling but I was too far gone to use super hearing or basic hearing. I noticed both customers running from the store but I could only blink.
Butch touched my elbow gently. I didn't know he could do gentle. "Where's the key to lock up?"
I walked around the counter & grabbed the keys. The jiggled as I shook badly. I set them on the counter carefully.
"Get your stuff." His deep voice was soothing to my ears so I did as commanded.
I went into the back room & grabbed my backpack & hoodie. I pulled the hoodie on over my shirt & working ID. I dragged my bag to the front.
He reached for it & stuffed my textbook & other supplies inside before zipping it up. "C'mon."
I walked around the counter to stand in front of him. He grabbed the keys & my bag in one large hand & my small hand in the other. I followed him as he walked us outside & found the correct key to lock the door with.
"Flip the sign." He ordered softly.
I nodded & flipped the open sign to closed. It was exactly how I felt. He shut the door & locked it. Then he dropped the keys into my bag & handed it to me.
I stared at him blankly. He stuffed my arms into it before forcing them around his neck. He picked me up & I instinctively wrapped my legs around his waist.
He took to the sky as I buried my face in his strong neck & cried. All too soon we reached my house. I knew everyone was home because it was nearly six. Instead of landing in the drive, he set us down on the roof.
He tightened his arms around me when I made a halfhearted attempt to get down. "Which window is yours?"
I pointed to the backyard. Only two bedroom windows faced the backyard. Mine & Brandy's. He floated until we hovered between them & I pointed to the one on the right. He opened the window & we floated inside.
He shut the window behind him & helped me take off my backpack. He set it in my desk chair. I tried to take off my hoodie but I clenched his neck so tightly, I couldn't move. He unwrapped one arm to pull it through the sleeve then replaced it around his neck before doing the same to the other arm. He tossed my hoodie on top of my bag.
I yanked off my ID & toed off my shoes awkwardly. Part of me knew I was being clingy but I couldn't try to care. I was never more grateful to have my own room until that day. I wanted to be alone. Alone with Butch.
I held him close & breathed in his scent. He smelled of fire & grass. & clean male. He smelled really good. He tried to sit me on my bed but I was not letting him go.
He sighed. "You have to lie down, Butters." I shook my head fiercely & tightened my hold on him. "You're exhausted. You need rest."
I brought myself higher into his neck & murmured brokenly, "Need you."
"I can't lie with you. You're confused."
"No! Need you." I was being stubborn. Every part of me knew that. I needed him & I was going to get him. He might not have been aware of the fact but he was going to get in that bed with me.
He sighed again before giving in. "Okay but only for a little while. You need to go to sleep."
I nodded though it wasn't going to happen.
He pulled back the covers & laid down. Since I covered him like a sweater, he only pulled the sheet over me. He left the rest of the covers pushed back. "You good?"
I nodded as I relaxed. He settled in & rested his big hands on my back. It felt good to be wrapped around him. Really good.
We both must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew, Brooke was screaming for Dad. I jolted awake as he charged into the room. "Buttercup? Butch?!"
Butch sat up, his spiky hair sticking every which way. It was a good thing about that haircut or he'd look a mess! "Huh?"
"What's going on in here?!" Though my father didn't have any superpowers, he was still scary sometimes.
"Sir, I can explain." Butch tried to scoot away from me but I was still raw & not having it. I tightened my hold on him. "We were just sleeping."
"Why is my daughter wrapped around you?" I stared at my dad as he tapped his foot. He only did that when he was very angry.
"She- well I- but- & he-" Butch stopped trying to explain. He didn't know how much I told my family & didn't want to blow my secret. It was sweet.
I looked Dad in his dark blue eyes & said quite clearly, "Need Butch."
His jaw dropped. My vulnerable tone coupled with my binding grip on the teenaged boy in my bed must have convinced him of my seriousness. He looked at Butch before bringing his gaze back to me. "Get ready for dinner. I'll talk to you both after."
I nodded slowly. Dad picked up a confused Brooke & left. I closed my eyes.
"Are you okay?"
I leaned away so I could look Butch in the face. Every rugged feature stood out to me, called out to me. His eyes shone brightly in concern. I nodded.
"I could leave & come back after dinner. If you don't want me to stay-"
"Need you."
His eyes darkened slightly. "Okay. But you'll have to walk for yourself."
I uncoiled myself from him & stood. I waited for him to stand before taking his hand & leading him into the bathroom. I helped him fix his hair & we washed our hands & my face.
Taking his hand again, I pulled him downstairs where I could hear my family milling around. I led him to the kitchen. The scene would have been funny if I'd been in a laughing mood.
Bubbles & Blossom had priceless looks on their faces. Mom was shocked, too. Brooke was plain confused while Dad was pretending he wasn't mad. The boys eyed Butch suspiciously as Brandy eyed me. I just knew she knew.
I pulled Butch to my usual seat & sat him down. I went to the dining room for a spare. When I returned, he took it from me & gave me my seat back. Once we were seated, I grabbed his hand again. I held it tight in front of my family. "Butch is staying for dinner."
•X•X•
I watched as Dad paced in his office. Mom sat behind his desk & watched him, too. Butch looked between me & him. No one has said a word since coming in when dinner ended fifteen minutes ago.
To keep Bubbles from eavesdropping, she was on kitchen duty while nosy Blossom was on kid duty.
Dad stopped pacing & stared hard at Butch, who's hand I refused to drop. "Why were you in bed with my daughter?"
Mom's eyes widened. "What?!"
"It's my fault-" Butch started.
I shook my head. "I asked him to."
Mom gasped. "Buttercup?"
Dad stared at me like he thought I was lying to protect Butch. "You can tell us the truth, honey."
I sniffled. "I am. Conner & I broke up- no. He dumped me. By index card stuffed in my locker."
Mom gasped again but this time in outrage. "That little-!"
"Honey." Dad held out a hand. "Go on."
"Butch was the only one who noticed."
"Honey, I was busy today-"
"It was two weeks ago, Dad."
His eyes widened. "Two weeks?"
"Why didn't you tell us?" Mom spoke softly as if she thought loud noises would break me.
"I was ashamed." I hung my head. I hated this. I felt a pressure on my fingers & looked up. His face remained the same but I knew Butch was giving me his strength.
"What on Earth would you have to be ashamed of?!" Dad was seriously confused.
"I couldn't keep him." If it was possible, my voice lowered.
"You don't need him!" Butch growled.
"That's easy for you to say!" I exploded. All of a sudden, I resented him. I resented his handsome face & impressive body. His gentle nature & kind soul. The fact that he was there for me after all we'd been through when I obviously wasn't worth it & I wanted to be worth it so badly.
He blinked at me in surprise. "What?"
"It's easy for you to say!" I spat. "You aren't stupid! You aren't fat! You aren't ugly! Or worthless! Or-"
He frowned as he brought our hands up for me to see. "Stop that! You are none of those things! You're brilliant! You're curvy! You're beautiful. Inside & out! You mean everything! Why can't you see that?!"
I struggled to break our bond but he wouldn't let go so I screamed in frustration. Mom was weeping while Dad seemed shellshocked. I kept screaming until Butch pulled me into his lap & wrapped his arms around me tightly. I wailed into his chest until I lost my voice.
"I went to the record store to talk to her & she finally broke down & told me." Butch said in the quiet. "I made her close the shop & brought her here. She didn't want me to leave so we just laid down. She was really tired & we fell asleep. That's it."
I peered at my parents. Dad had his eyes closed but Mom still stared at me, crying.
Dad took a deep breath & opened his eyes. "Go watch TV while your mother & I talk."
Butch nodded & stood with me in his arms. He walked us into the living room & sat us on the couch, where my siblings were spread out. I knew they'd heard me screaming but I was too tired to care.
I closed my eyes & held Butch closely. I just needed to be around him. He didn't realize how much of this involved him & hopefully never would.
Because I only dated Conner to get Butch's attention…
•X•X•
When I opened my eyes again, my parents sat in the living room with Bubbles, Blossom, Brandy & the two of us.
"You're awake." Dad noticed. "Good. We've come to a decision. We want you to see Dr. Parker."
I frowned slightly. That was why Brandy was there. Dr. Parker was her therapist.
Brandy had been sickly her entire life & had verbal complications on top of some mental/emotional issues. It made her a target when she was younger & she fought back the only way she knew how; with her fists. It had gotten her into trouble so she was made to see the doctor once a week.
"We think it'd be good for your self-esteem." Mom added.
"There's nothing wrong with my self-esteem." My voice was barely there. It was scratchy & raw.
Bubbles blinked back tears; though more than enough slid down her cheeks. "Buttercup. I'm so sorry."
"You didn't do anything." I didn't understand.
"That's the point." Blossom wouldn't look my way. "We didn't do anything."
"You were in pain & we never asked you about it." Brandy went on in her serious way. Her abnormally light eyes pierced me.
"How could you know? I didn't want anyone to know." I looked down.
"That's no excuse." My sisters said at different volumes.
"Dr. Parker is really nice. He doesn't talk to you like you're a kid." Brandy told me. "He doesn't make you talk. He doesn't talk down to you. He actually listens."
My breathing had calmed. I noticed my heartbeat matched Butch's. Maybe I could try the guy. It couldn't make things worse. "Okay."
"We'll set up the appointment tomorrow." Dad said softly.
"We're going to be here for you!" Bubbles vowed.
"You are not worthless." Brandy promised.
"We love you." Blossom finally looked at me, her pink eyes swimming in unshed tears.
"You are not alone, honey." Mom swore. "We will be with you every step of the way."
I nodded. "Need Butch."
Butch shook his head. "You need your family."
It was my turn to shake my head. "Need you."
He sighed. "I should go."
I panicked. I seriously had a panic attack. My heart began racing, my eyes lost focus & sound became an echo in a tunnel. I tried to breathe through my mouth but I couldn't pull in enough air. My face flamed as my eyes prickled. I began crying again but I literally felt like I was going to die.
Something was pushed to my mouth & I was told to blow out & suck in. I felt Butch's arms around me & calmed considerably. I was able to breathe without the paper bag after a few moments.
He rubbed my back in soothing circles. "Are you okay?"
I clung to him & nodded.
Dad blinked slowly as Mom, Bubbles & even Blossom cried hard. "Butch, would you mind staying the night?"
Butch looked at me then my dad. He nodded slowly. "I just need to call my brothers."
For the first time since coming into the record store, Butch was leaving me & I didn't like it. "Need you!"
He smoothed my bangs from my wet eyes. "I'm just going outside. I'm not leaving."
I blinked as the words soaked in. He wasn't leaving. I nodded slowly & relaxed. He set me on the sofa in our spot & went outside.
I didn't like the distance one bit.
Mom couldn't stand the distance between us & rose to give me a hug. She swayed side to side. "My baby!"
I couldn't summon enough strength nor emotion to push her away or pull her close. Bubbles & Blossom joined us quickly. The three of them cried harder as my tears dried. Butch returned soon.
"I'm tired." I spoke softly.
Dad nodded. "Keep the door open."
I grabbed Butch's hand & dragged him upstairs. I went & got pajamas & made him stand outside the bathroom door as I showered quickly. I brushed my teeth & gave him one of the many spares we kept around. With seven kids, we had plenty of reasons to keep an extra toothbrush or ten.
When we finished, I clung to him on our way to my room. I pushed back the covers & climbed in.
He stopped. "I'd rather sleep on the floor."
I nodded. As long as I could hold his hand, I didn't care. I pulled a blanket off me & pushed it over the side of the bed. Then I gave him a pillow. He arranged them so that we faced each other in the dark.
All I could see was his glittering eyes. "Need you."
He reached for my hand & squeezed it. "Got me."
•X•X•
The next day I felt refreshed. I wasn't healed or even remotely prepared to tackle the day but it wasn't as hopeless as yesterday. I looked over the edge of my bed to see Butch asleep. He looked so adorable. Even moreso because Brooke had climbed on top of him some time during the night.
Like Bubbles; whenever Brooke had a bad dream, she'd sleep with me. I'm sure Brooke's nightmare might have had something to do with me & she knew Butch was protecting me so she assumed he'd protect her, too. I smiled softly to myself.
I woke both of them up & took my shower. After brushing my teeth & hair, I made sure to put on skinny jeans & a baseball jersey. It was my depressed version of dressing up. But I felt better with it on. Butch smiled when I let him in.
I slipped my wallet & phone into my pockets & looked around for my backpack.
"I gave it to your mom." Butch guessed what I was searching for. "She wanted your lunch box to pack your lunch."
"Oh." I went to him & took his hand.
"I have to go home." At my panicked look, he clarified. "I have to shower & stuff."
It made sense but I was sad to see him go. "Bye."
He cupped my chin. "I'll see you at school in an hour. Just one hour."
I buried my face in his chest. "Hour."
He held me tightly before releasing me & going to the window. "One hour."
I watched as he flew off. The feeling of abandonment returned but I staved it off by chanting "hour" under my breath. I slowly made my way downstairs & into the kitchen.
Everyone was there & it was disturbingly silent. This was exactly why I didn't want anyone to know! I sat at my usual seat with my head down.
Dad set waffles on the table & told us to eat up. The only sounds were silverware clinking & whispered suggestions for various foodstuffs.
I was all set to cry again when I felt something cool & hard slip into my hand. I unfurled my fingers to see a silver dollar sized coin in my palm. My eyes widened slightly when I realized what it was.
I looked at Brandy but she was eating. I glanced back at the green metal in peace. The small object gave me the strength to wait for Butch.
It was the piece Brandy was given when she first went to see her therapist more than eight years ago. Dr. Parker had given it to her on the first day & many others since but she always kept this one on her as a reminder of her bravery.
Around the edges, it read The first step is the biggest. Not many people in Townsville admitted to therapy & it was considered a joke for a long while. Brandy took a lot of crap for it, especially being so young. I always thought she was fearless for doing it. Now I knew she was just as scared as I was now.
I clenched the metal before slipping it into my pocket. I deeply appreciated it & the thought. With a sense of renewed vigor, I ate. I was taking the biggest step.
•X•X•
I rested my hand on Brandy's thick braid before tugging on it slightly. It was our way of hugging.
Brandy hated being touched & I was still not big on showing emotion so we came up with it years ago. She'd had Blossom's hair length since she was a year old but it was as dark & curly as mine. She didn't like the curls but felt straightening it would be too girly so she braided it down her back with a scrunchie at the tip. It always shone in the sun.
At first, she was teased for having a "horse tail" but when she used it to beat the kid who said it, the teasing stopped. That's when the tugging was born. I'd give her a tug whenever I couldn't say how I felt. She always seemed to know anyway.
She returned the gesture by poking my side. I used to be extremely ticklish but it had calmed slightly throughout the years.
Before I learned to love my loved ones, I never smiled or laughed much. Brandy had found out I was ticklish when she was learning how to walk & was using me to hoist herself up. When I fell out laughing, she became fascinated with making me laugh. As we got older, she'd poke me whenever she felt I needed to smile. Like today.
She waved as she flew away, her silver streak fading as she did. The boys eyed me warily before leaving. They probably didn't understand what was going on or how to treat me. I made a mental note to talk to them. I didn't want them to think it was their fault or that I didn't love them.
Brooke hugged my legs. By the time she was born, I'd completely changed my outlook on touching so she was used to doing it whenever she felt like it. "Are you okay, BC?"
I knelt to her level. "I will be." My voice was still small & raw but as I gazed into her dark purple eyes, I vowed I'd stick with this therapy thing because I never wanted her to feel how I was feeling.
She clung to my neck before letting go. "I love you."
"Love you, too Brooke." I stood up.
Mom gave me a watery smile before hugging me. "Dad's calling Dr. Parker today so we'll know your appointment date when you come home. I want you home right after school. We're having family day."
I almost nodded before I realized who wasn't family. "Butch."
"Butch can come. Tell him to bring his brothers."
Blossom's eyes widened but she said nothing. Mom held Brooke's hand as they flew to Pokey Oakes.
Bubbles held a tissue to her eyes & wiped away tears. "Do you want to walk?"
I nodded slowly. The high school wasn't that far away & I wasn't ready to face anyone just yet. My sisters each grabbed a hand & we walked slowly to our school.
•X•X•
As we walked onto the campus, we were greeted by many people but we were searching for the RowdyRuff Boys. I clenched my sisters' hands tightly as I couldn't find three freakishly tall super humans anywhere.
"They'll be here soon." Bubbles promised as she craned her neck.
"There they are!" Blossom pointed to the sky. We looked up & there they were.
Butch was the first to land & I let go of my sisters to wrap my arms around his waist. It felt like coming home & I was exhausted already. He held me tightly before turning me to face my sisters & his brothers.
Bubbles & Boomer were holding hands but the shocker was Blossom & Brick. They weren't bickering or deliberately ignoring each other. They stood very close to one another & looked at Butch & I.
Boomer & Brick looked very much like Butch in the way my sisters & I looked alike. They had the same measurements & handsome features but each had their own differences.
Boomer would always be the boy next door. His dark blonde hair was cut short but had strands that continuously fell into his deep blue eyes. He always had dark blonde scruff on his face because he always forgot to shave & we teased him about his absentmindedness daily.
He was objectively evil but he didn't do it to prove a point. He devoted his time to other endeavors & discovered his gentle side before his brothers. He had a way with kids that most boys his age wouldn't develop until after their third child.
His deep voice was soft & he sung like an angel. He could cook & sew & wasn't ashamed of either talent. He had an amazing grasp of literature & was probably in the contest, too.
He'd found his backbone in sixth grade & didn't let anyone push him around anymore. He tried out for football then & showed a great talent for it. He wasn't just brute strength but immense skill. He was the quarterback & earned the right. Many people would argue that he played to hurt other people; they'd be wrong. He did it so that he wouldn't have to worry about hurting people. Boomer might have been objectively evil but he was subjectively good. Like Bubbles, he would change the world.
& so would Brick. He was the one most likely to take over Steve Jobs' place in the world. He was amazingly sharp with a drive to succeed etched into his core. He was like a super computer & a science whiz. His competitive nature made him seek new boundaries to surpass & he found innovative ways to do so. All three had a knack for building things but his talent led more to gadgets to make life easier.
He played guitar like he invented it & had an eye for detail that most people couldn't see. He was clean & very respectful of his elders. A far cry from his youth.
He played rugby to let out his aggression. It was more brutal than football but it was the only way he could let out his anger without destroying half the town. He prided himself on his self control & rose through the ranks quickly. He became captain his second year, which was unheard of in our school.
His red hair reached his shoulders & he kept his cap from youth. It was still turned backwards & the girls swooned when his dark red eyes swept over them. Even I had to admit; his eyes were intriguing. They were such a pale dark red that they resembled the cinnamon in my oatmeal that morning. They barely stayed on anyone long as if whoever he was looking at wasn't worth his time.
Which could very well be true. Most girls at school didn't interest him. The only girl he stared at was Blossom. Which drove other girls mad. With his slightly scratchy deep voice & good looks, he was considered a prize. & that was not counting his intellect & bad-boy past.
I looked at hockey head Butch. He was staring at the school as if he wasn't sure he wanted to go in. I knew I wasn't.
"We could skip."
We all looked at Blossom then. She never skipped class! Not even when she caught the flu last month. She was the reason the volleyball team had to forfeit their game.
"Are you alright?" Brick's crimson eyebrows rose.
She nodded. "Yes. Buttercup shouldn't have to go inside if she's not ready."
I took a deep breath. "I can go. I just don't think I can take people talking to me."
"We can huddle around you." Boomer suggested.
I nodded. "I want to get this over with."
"Let's go." Bubbles murmured.
•X•X•
Butch was in most of my classes so I was never without him for long. I was glad for it. Our special group stuck close to me but I was slightly sad for lunch. I assumed we'd split up again.
Mike waved us away without the usual joke. I just knew I was going to have a meltdown.
But I was surprised as Butch led us outside to the courtyard. Many people milled around but he walked to the trees & sat under one.
I sat beside him confused. "Why?"
"You don't want to sit with the guys, do you?" He looked at me.
I shook my head. I really didn't. The guys stood to go get their lunches. As they walked away, I looked at my girls.
Robin & Bubbles were talking about the dance as they ate & Blossom was doing work. Princess had arrived earlier so she had her salad & was eating it as she flipped through a magazine.
This felt normal to me. No hoops to jump through. No guys to impress. Just hanging with my true friends at lunch.
I unpacked my lunch & began to eat. "When is the dance?" I actually didn't know.
Bubbles looked over at me. "In a few weeks."
I nodded. "Should I go?"
"Of course!" Princess flipped a page. "Conner was a jerk, who didn't deserve you. No reason why you shouldn't have fun."
"Princess!" Blossom snapped. "Have you no tact?"
"What's that?" Princess raised an eyebrow.
The two began arguing about the correct way to uplift someone but I took Princess' words to heart. It was Connor's loss. My problems had little to do with him (though he was a terrible boyfriend). Maybe I'd be fixed by the dance? I could stand to party.
The guys came back. "What are they fighting about?"
"About the right way to make someone feel better." Robin sighed.
Mitch smirked. "They suck at it."
I leaned against Butch's arm. "They're trying so I appreciate it."
Princess stopped arguing to smile at me before telling Blossom to just date Brick already so she'd get the stick out.
Blossom's face was a sight to behold. Her skin matched her hair & she refused to look at anyone. She stood on shaky legs & stormed away.
"I'll go talk to her." Brick climbed to his feet. He chased after the appalled Puff.
"That was mean, Princess." Bubbles tried not to laugh but her eyes sparkled too brightly for us to miss the mirth.
"They need to get together already!" Princess insisted.
"They do." I agreed. I was happy I'd told my friends the truth. We supported each other no matter what & I needed that.
"When are we going to get together?" Mitch waggled his eyebrows.
Princess scoffed. "Dream on!"
"I do." He was dead serious.
I moved jaggedly as Butch laughed. "I can't believe you just told her you have wet dreams about her!"
Boomer fell out. "Something's wrong with you!"
"Whatever!" Mitch shrugged.
"You're so gross!" Princess rolled her eyes.
Bubbles pretended she didn't hear it while Robin was trying her best.
Brick & Blossom returned while they still laughed. They sat & asked why the guys were laughing.
"Mitch has wet dreams about me." Princess replied dryly.
Blossom's jaw dropped. "That's so gross!"
Brick high-fived Mitch. "Bro!"
"Brick!" Blossom hit his shoulder.
"Come on, Blossy!" He cajoled. "He was being honest."
She shook her head. "Creeps!"
"So are you dating yet?" I asked.
Brick laughed. "How'd you know?"
"She seems happy." I said simply.
Blossom blushed slightly. "I can't wait for you to be again."
Butch wrapped his arm around me. I sighed. "I will be."
•X•X•
We arrived home right after school & saw things set up for movies. I smiled to myself. I loved movies.
Mom came from the kitchen with a dishtowel & a smile. "Hey. Do you have any homework?"
"We finished it at school." Blossom shook her head as she walked further into the house.
"Go put away your things then & join the kids in the kitchen for your snack."
"Okay." Bubbles, Blossom & I took our respective counterparts into our respective rooms to put away our stuff.
Butch held me when I would have exited my room. "Hey."
"Yeah?" I turned around in his arms.
"Can I ask you a question?" His intense eyes were focused on mine.
"Sure." I didn't know what he wanted to know but I'd tell him.
"Why?" He stopped & frowned. When he seemed to understand what he wanted to say, he began again. "How long have you felt like this?"
I didn't want to answer but I promised I would. "Far longer than I'm comfortable with. It started when I was about five. I realized I was different from my sisters & it seemed like everyone liked to throw it up in my face."
"Everyone's different."
"Not different like we're three separate people but different as if it were those two & me. They didn't treat me like that. I never felt like my sisters pushed me away so I don't have any problems with them. But the world liked to point out how girly Bubbles was & how normal Blossom was. I liked dirt & had fun playing with boys. You know how I was."
"Nothing was wrong with you."
"It felt like it. Then we grew up. People started talking about us in ways that had nothing to do with saving the city. It became about what we did & what we ate. We developed early & the press had a field day with that. I felt isolated & ugly."
Butch's eyes narrowed at that.
"I- I wanted something. Something I couldn't have." I hung my head. "When I was five, I had a crush on Ace & he took advantage of that. I felt like I couldn't trust a boy. Like I didn't deserve love. So I let Conner pursue me. He convinced me that he really wanted me."
"How could he not?"
I shrugged. "He didn't. He tried to control me. He didn't want me hanging out with you guys. He didn't like my family. He hated my powers. He called me names."
Butch growled.
"I felt like I needed his approval." I shook my head. I felt the pain of his criticism in my heart.
"You don't need him or his approval." He insisted. "You're amazing."
I snuggled into his chest & shook my head. "I'm not."
"Why can't you see that?" He wrapped his arms around me & rested his chin on the crown of my head. "What is it gonna take?"
I wished I could believe him but I knew it wasn't true. Ace didn't want me. Butch didn't want me. Conner didn't want me. I didn't deserve love.
"Are you-" Bubbles stopped speaking as Butch & I broke apart.
"We're ready." He said quickly.
Bubbles didn't say anything for a minute as her laser gaze swept over us. "Well, we're heading down."
"Okay." I took his hand & led him out.
•X•X•
"Your appointment is Saturday." Dad said. "Brandy can show you."
I nodded. "Okay. I won't be alone though. Right?" I looked around.
Butch shook his head. "I can sit outside."
"Good." Mom held herself. "I don't want you to be alone."
•X•X•
I looked up at the building nervously. It was a huge brownstone. It sat imposing among the busy city block.
I looked on either side of me. Brandy watched me & so did Butch. I didn't know if I had the strength to go forward. I said I would & I told Butch a lot of what I was feeling but how could I tell a stranger my whole life story?
"You don't have to talk." Brandy reminded me. It unnerved me how she always could read my mind.
"What will I do then?" I asked. "Will he sit up & watch me? Take notes while I pick my nails?"
"Buttercup." She gave me a peculiar look. "He has things for you to do. He will watch you but it won't be creepy. He's not judging you."
"Promise?" I grinned sheepishly.
"Promise."
"Let's do this."
•X•X•
I looked around the office quickly as Dr. Parker grabbed a bottle of apple juice from the fridge. I took the extra time to study him. I had never seen him before but I took a good look now.
Dr. Parker was a large black man, who resembled actor Morris Chestnut greatly. He was incredibly handsome yet very unassuming. When I first stepped in the room, he spoke but didn't make me shake his hand. He'd asked me if I was thirsty & what I wanted. I liked him immediately.
He came back with the bottle & sat in his chair. "I've talked to your father & he says that you're having self-esteem problems. Would you like to tell me?"
I shook my head. "I don't know how to say it. I don't want to say it."
"That's fine. Would you like to play a game? I have art supplies. Some video games."
"You're really not going to make me talk?" I questioned.
He frowned slightly. "No. I wouldn't make someone talk if they didn't want to."
"Brandy said you wouldn't."
"Do you want to know her favorite thing to do when she comes in?" He leaned forward.
I nodded. He put me at ease.
"She likes to color."
I smiled. She was an artist. "I'd like that."
"Do you want a coloring book?"
"Do you have one with the Avengers?" I was getting excited.
"Sure do!" He stood & found the book along with a 64 count box of crayons. "Here you go." I took them from him. "You can color at this table. Do you like music?"
I nodded. "Who doesn't?!"
"Do you like Imagine Dragons?"
I gasped. "You know Imagine Dragons?!"
"Yes, I do!" He grinned.
I knew right then that therapy was for me.
•X•X•
Butch & I took a walk around the park. "You seem to be in a better mood."
"Dr. Parker is really cool. I ended up telling him a lot more than I expected. I can see this working."
"I'm glad." He tugged me to a pretzel cart & bought us pretzels.
"You didn't have to do that."
"I wanted to." He led us to the fountain & we sat on the edge. "I also wanted to ask you something."
"Why does that sound bad?" I took a bite out of my pretzel.
"It's not. Not really. I would have asked Thursday but Bubbles came in & we haven't spent any alone time since-"
"Butch?" I tugged on his hand. "Just ask me."
He blew out a breath. "Why did you date Conner?"
My breath caught. "I already told you."
"No, you said you wanted something. What was it?"
I looked away. "Why are you doing this, Butch?"
"Why would you stay with that jerk?"
"I already told you!"
"I think you're not telling me all of it. He was not your last chance at love. You deserve a good guy but you settled f-"
"What was I supposed to do?!" I cried. "You never looked at me! You didn't want me! I tried to get your attention but you're blind as hell!"
"What?!" He was startled.
"I dated him because I thought you'd notice but you didn't so I took him seriously. He was good in the beginning but it turned out he wasn't for me. Dr. Parker told me that. But I couldn't wait for you so I didn't. Don't talk to me about what I deserve!"
He swallowed hard. "Buttercup."
"No!" I threw away his hand & stood. "I don't need your pity!"
"Will you shut up?!" He yelled. I sat. "I'm trying to tell you something. When you started dating Conner, I lost my mind. I knew he wasn't right for you. I wanted to tell you but I knew you wouldn't listen."
"I don't need you to-"
"I'm not done! He wasn't right for you because he wasn't me!"
"Huh?"
"Butters, I've dug you since we were kids. You were so badass & I always admired you. When I first started noticing girls, you were the first one in my line of view. I've always wanted you but I didn't think you cared. When you brought that douchebag around, I hated him. I hated him! I was waiting for you to wake up & see me but you moved on."
I didn't know. "I didn't know."
"& I didn't know you liked me."
We sat there for a moment, silent. I finally looked at him. "What does this mean?"
"I don't know." He shrugged. "I don't want to be a rebound but when I look at you, I don't care. I don't want you to think I'm moving in just because you're hurt. I know you're going through some heavy stuff."
"What if?" I whispered. "What if we…try?"
"Try what?" He looked at me.
"We should- I don't know. Go out or whatever. Maybe not." I looked down.
"Wait!" He put my face up by my chin. "I want to take you out. Tonight! Go home & do whatever it is that you girls do & I'll take you out."
"Is this real? I don't want your pity, Butch."
"You have my respect. You have my admiration. You have my heart. But you do not have my pity."
I wrapped my arms around him. The lightness I felt after my session was nothing compared to how I felt when he said those words. & just like that; inspiration hit me.
•X•X•
Bubbles giggled as she finished with me. "Done! You look amazing!"
All of my sisters & my mom breathed deeply. We were in Bubbles' room as she made me over for my date with Butch tonight. "Do you like it?"
"You look so amazing!" Mom cried.
"You're so pretty!" Brooke shouted.
"You did a great job, Bubbs!" Blossom smiled.
Brandy gave me the thumbs up.
Bubbles turned me around so I could see myself & I gasped. I looked like a total girl! A total pretty girl. I had on a lime green dress that clung to my curves & stopped at my thighs. It was off the shoulder yet tight in the area so it wouldn't fall down. A black belt with a huge silver buckle wrapped around my waist.
I was wearing sheer black stockings & simple kitten heels. My hair was brushed out & teased slightly so it looked like a black cloud around my head. I looked sort of wild. I wore black bangles around one wrist & a thin silver watch on the other. I had on a black choker necklace & large silver hoops.
My makeup was flawless. Bubbles really knew what she was doing. She gave me a smoky eye with dark red lips. I was barefaced otherwise.
Bubbles handed me my black clutch. "I have to take pics!"
"Oh no!"
"Yes!" She grabbed her phone & took multiple pictures. "I have to show Princess & Robin! You look fantastic!"
I let her take a few more before the doorbell rang. I took a deep breath. "Here goes nothing!"
We all walked downstairs & saw Butch talking to Dad & the boys. I eyed him. He looked so good! He had on nice black jeans with a suit jacket that had dark green lining. I couldn't see his shirt but I knew it was green. His Mohawk was standing high.
Butch saw me & stood quickly. "Whoa!"
"Hey." I waved.
"Is that you, BC?" Blaine was in shock.
"You look…" Brian couldn't find the words. "Like a girl!"
Dad gazed at me sadly. "You look beautiful, honey."
Butch stuck his arm out. "Are you ready?"
I took it & nodded. "I am."
•X•X•
I laughed as Butch ran towards me. "You're so bad!"
He grinned as he stopped & presented me with the flower he just plucked from a neighbor's yard. "You like it."
I took the sunflower from him. I really did. "Maybe." I hid my grin behind the bloom. He knew my favorite flower.
"Did you have a good time?" He stuffed his hands in his pockets & looked at me hopefully.
"I had a great time tonight. Thank you."
"Good."
We gazed at each other in the moonlight. I felt free in a way I haven't in years. I never wanted this to end.
He moved in slowly & tucked a curl behind my ear. I sighed happily. Until he kissed me. & I thought I was happy before!
His lips were softer than I ever expected but had a slight rough quality that made me want to press further. So I did. I wrapped my arms around his neck & he wrapped his around my waist.
His tongue slid across my bottom lip & my lips parted. He swept inside my mouth smoothly. I couldn't get enough of him. He wasn't too rough like Conner & he wasn't too wet. We went at the right pace. I eagerly kissed him back.
"BC's kissing Butch! BC's kissing Butch!" A chant was heard.
We broke apart & looked up. My brothers were hanging out of a window, spying on us. "Guys!"
•X•X•
As I got ready for bed, I took out a notebook & began writing. Words just poured from my heart & soul. I thought about Butch & all he meant to me. I smiled to myself.
•X•X•
"I sent in all of my poems for the contest." I told Dr. Parker as we played blackjack for cookies.
"You've got your inspiration back?"
"I think so. Hit me!"
He gave me a three. "Where do you think it came from?"
"Twenty-one." I shrugged. "I think Butch. & you. & my family & friends."
"& you?" He passed out new cards.
I shook my head. "I don't think so. I'm not strong. Yet."
"I believe in you."
This story isn't so much about a breakup but about mental illnesses, depression & self esteem. It can happen to anyone & you should never be afraid to speak up or get help.