This Time... By RD

Disclaimer - don't own Naruto

I always...thought of myself as a proud ninja...

Another day, another test. Man, these get a bit boring really. They're all the same. But something great happened today! I got to sit behind Sasuke- kun! Ok, even if all I could see was his back, still...! I love his hair. I'd like to run my fingers through it, it looks really soft. And for the first time I saw it was blue. I'd never really got close enough to see that so it always looked black, but really it's very dark blue. Man, he's so perfect...I bet Ino was jealous! I could see her glaring at me sometimes in the exam. I stuck my tongue out at her. Sure we were friends once but...Now she's my rival. My rival for Sasuke-kun. He's so great...I was distracted and almost didn't finish the test, hehe!

I always said I liked Sasuke-kun...

You know how you can always feel someone's eyes on you? Yeah, I had that too. Stupid Naruto. He was sitting near me. I hate that idiot. He's always looking at me! I mean, it's obvious why, with my beautiful looks and wonderful personality...But he's such a loser! He always just scrapes in on the exams, and he's so loud and annoying and he's only good at one technique. Saying that...I kinda feel sorry for him. He's never had any friends in his life, and no parents either. I know why. That fox thing. I don't know much about it. People whisper and gossip and he ignores them but I think he hurts inside. Even though he's bold and stupid, I can't imagine him ever being evil. Still don't like him though!

I would lecture Naruto as if I was better than him...

We had a task to do the other day, an easy one. In the forest, I got hurt. I scraped my arm really badly on a sharp branch. I couldn't do anything about it. It hurt so bad...There was nothing I could do. Sasuke-kun and Naruto found me. They looked after me, like they usually do. I forgot I hated Naruto and I forgot I was so head-over-heals in love with Sasuke-kun and I just let them tend me. Naruto used his head protector and tied it around my arm to stop it bleeding, then Sasuke-kun carried me back to Kakashi-sensei. He put some herbs on my arm and wrapped a bandage round it. It got better soon but... I felt so helpless. I could have done something. I should have. I could have ripped the bottom off my dress and used that as a bandage. I could have made my way back to the village. I didn't need to worry the others. But I did. I feel like I let my team down. That's a bad feeling. I want to do something to help them, to pay them back, so I don't feel bad anymore. So I don't feel helpless anymore.

But all I did...But all I did was watch you guys from behind...

Yet...They always fought to protect me.

People always help out other people if they're in danger. Even if they don't like them. Sasuke-kun says I'm annoying and Naruto gets mad at me for ignoring him, but they still always help me. I need to feel like I could do that for them. That I could go and save them even if I was terrified and hurt and crying. I need to know if I would still help them. I don't think I'd be able to. When I saw that illusion of Sasuke-kun...I thought he was dying...I didn't help him. Of all the things I could have done, I just fainted. I...

I want to become like you guys.

...I don't want to be like that anymore. I want to be able to think of only you guys and not myself. I don't want to watch your backs anymore. I want to be there at your side as you fight.

Everyone...

I want to prove that I can be like you. Yes. I don't want to watch your backs. I don't want you to protect me.

This time...

I can do it. I will do it. I'll show you all.

Get a good look at my back!