A/N: So I began thinking that the only way Dean will confess how he feels is if Castiel is dying. And he has the opportunity to. It seems like Cas just gets taken away from him and he has to deal with the pain and grief.

The beeping of the monitors were no longer noticeable. The sound of the breathing machine purred. Up and down. Up and down. The man on the bed was still. He looked gaunt; broken. His once angelic face now bruised and beaten, his broken nose covered in tape. Bruising by his left temple and a cut on his lip. Fractured ribs, a broken leg and sprained wrist rounded out the rest of the external injuries. Inside was much worse.

The sound of footsteps filled the quiet hallway. The boots pounded on the linoleum as the man ran to the room, skidding to a stop and almost running into the crash cart. Steadying himself, he straightened and crossed the threshold.

He sucked in a breath. The sight before him almost brought him to his knees. Tears sprung to his eyes. He stared at the broken body and uttered one word.

"Cas."

No movement.

He stepped closer, unable to take his eyes off of the man. His heart ached and he could literally feel it tearing as he watched the breathing machine give life to the man he loved.

Love, he thought. Yeah, my love for him got him here. If I hadn't been so damn insistent that he return to heaven to repair the damage, he'd still be here. In the bunker with us.

With me.

He let out a shaky breath and gently, tentatively, reached for his hand. It was cold and limp. Not like the other times he had touched him. Literally touched the Adonis and set his body on fire. He craved those touches. He lived for losing himself in those beautiful blue eyes; blue too believable to be real. But they were. And he loved those eyes.

He loved everything about his angel.

Trying to steady his breathing, he closed his eyes and remembered the phone call.

"Dean!" Sam said. "Castiel fell."

"What?"

"Castiel fell from heaven. They beat him and threw him down. He's...he's not looking good Dean. I'm taking him to the hospital."

Dean left the ammo in the store as he bolted out the door. He didn't even remember starting Baby or revving the engine as he broke every speed limit to get to the hospital. He may have even caused an accident or two but he didn't care. And when he arrived, Sam was there with some woman.

"Dean," Sam breathed. The woman turned around.

"Beth," Dean growled. He stepped towards her when Sam stopped him. He shot his brother a look.

"Beth wasn't responsible for Castiel's fall," Sam said. "She's been trying to get the necessary ingredients to save him."

The blonde smirked at Dean.

"Not that I wouldn't love to go a few rounds with you," she spat at the older Winchester. "You need to listen."

"I'm not listening to anything you say," Dean growled. "You may not have thrown him out but you are the one who orchestrated it."

"Castiel is dying," she said curtly. Dean stopped. He glanced at his brother, heart pounding. "Before you see him, you need to know that."

"Then save him," he growled. "Boy it's like you angels get dumber and dumber."

She narrowed her eyes. Sam looked at his brother, eyes sad. He knew what was coming.

"What?" Dean barked.

"We can't."

"What do you mean you can't?"

The blonde woman actually looked contrite.

"He's at the end of his cycle. He's used up all his chances." Beth's eyes were cold, dead. Her voice was monotone, as though she was reciting lines. "He will die and this time, not come back. The fallen angel is done."

Dean's knees gave out and he collapsed onto the linoleum. Sam kept a hand on his brother's back while he tried to regulate his breathing.

He will die. Beth's words repeated in his head. No more chances. The angel that Dean loved more than anything in the world was leaving him once again; permanently this time.

No, he said silently. Please god, no.

Sam looked at Beth. "Isn't there ANYTHING you can do? A spell, a prop. Hell, call Crowley. I don't care. We need him." He glanced down at his brother, still hunched down. "HE needs him."

If he loses Castiel again, I will lose him. A shudder went down Sam's spine.

"I didn't think Dean needed anything, especially him." Beth's cold eyes narrowed. "Castiel was convinced of that."

Dean narrowed his eyes and stood slowly. The blade in his sleeve slid to his hand. Sam drew in a breath.

Not here, Sam thought.

"We fought, yes." Dean's green eyes bore into her as he slowly approached. "But it was because I was trying to help him fix things. I wanted him to return to heaven; to get his grace back."

"And you killed him in the process," she spat. Dean raised the blade.

"Dean," Sam said quietly. "Ignore her. Go to him. I'll deal with her."

She laughed. Dean growled, feeling the cold handle of the blade. He wanted so much to plunge it into her, to see her life being taken. To see her dead and Castiel alive. And in his arms.

"Dean," Sam said softly, putting his hand on his brother's shoulder. He was hurting himself; Castiel was like a brother to him. He could only imagine Dean's pain.

Dean stared at Beth for another minute before he retracted the blade. Pushing past her, he began walking.

"At least he'll die finally at peace knowing his love was unrequited."

He turned and looked at her. Without a word, he broke into a run to find his angel.

Dean snapped out of his musings when the EKG monitor beeped faster. He saw the pulse pick up; Cas was alive! He squeezed his hand; hoping against hope that he could hear him.

"Cas," he breathed. How many times had he said that name? How many times had he caressed it? How many times did it die on his tongue as he drifted off to sleep? How many times did the name Cas bring him peace?

"Cas I'm here. I dropped everything to come to you. Sam's here too. And Beth," he spat out. "She told me what happened. I'm so sorry, Cas. Had I known they would do this to you, I would have kept you with me." He swallowed. Cas' breathing had slowed again. The fingers that held his weakened their grip.

He shook his head. A tear ran down his cheek.

"I need you, Cas. It's not easy to admit it, but I do. You and Sammy are my family. I love both of you."

Dean swallowed again. He hated talking about this. But he had to.

"But I love you in a different way. You got in, Cas. Past my barriers. I never wanted to get close to anyone because of this life. Everyone I care about dies. And now you..." He choked on his words.

"I love you, Castiel. So much. So much it hurts. You took this broken shell of a man and made it feel. Made it love. You had to make me fall in love with an angel, didn't you?" He smirked at that. Cas' hand squeezed his. He returned the squeeze.

"Please come back to me, buddy. I can't lose you again. It will break me. I PROMISE I will show you exactly how I feel, how I've always felt." He took a step closer to Castiel and gently ran his fingers over his face. He felt Castiel lean into his touch.

He's still here, Dean thought, smiling.

"Beth is a liar. She has always wanted to separate us. She told you that my feelings for you were unrequited. And I don't blame you for believing her; after all I haven't shown you much have I? Because I'm an asshole and pushed you away so many times.

"But know this, Cas. I have died every day waiting for you. That may be a line from that stupid song, but it's true. With you, I feel safe. At home. You and Sammy are my weaknesses. But you're also my strength. When I feel I can't go on, you come through. Even Sammy doesn't do that. I would give my life for him but he doesn't get me out of my funk. YOU do, Cas.

"I had considered suicide the last time I thought you were dead. I was tired of losing everyone that mattered to me. You most of all. I just wanted to stop the pain. And then you came back." His hand moved and he traced a line over Castiel's broken lips.

"Come back to me. I promise I will utilize these lips. I will make you realize that you are loved and always have been. I NEED you, Cas. I LOVE you."

The monitor flatlined. Dean stared at it in horror.

"NO!" he shouted as the medical team ran into the room. Sam, who had approached sometime earlier (and heard most of the conversation), grabbed his brother who was desperately trying to save his angel. He pulled his struggling brother back to the door.

Chaos all around and for Dean, everything went in slow motion. He heard the rush of air along with the beating of his heart. He saw Sammy in front of him but he couldn't make out what he was saying. He looked back into the room, to his beautiful angel as the team worked desperately to save him.

"No," he whispered. "No."

A/N: I plan on a second chapter, but I'm still deciding if Cas lives or not. Would serve Dean right if he had to spend the rest of his life mourning his angel. Then again, he deserves some happiness.