This fanfiction was based off of Silhouette The SANVAE's story 50 Things Any FMA Fan Is NOT Allowed To Do. The plot includes numbers 1, 8, 15, 18, 23, 27, 43, 44, and 48. So review and check out Silhouette The SANVAE's profile at .net/u/1815641/.
Chaos in Central
The well-kept streets of Central were fairly active for the time of day. A hot sun glared down upon the citizens. The warm summer air had most people in shorts and skirts. Flowers bloomed from boxes outside apartment windows, dotting the dull brick with vibrant color.
Two figures stood out among the locals. One in a tall suit of armor, the other, considerately smaller, donned a long red overcoat. The blond glanced at his silver pocket watch, cursing.
"9:56. Come in, Al! We're gonna be late, then I'll never here the end of this!"
the pair picked up the pace, running down the street. As they turned a corner, their destination loomed before them.
Central Headquarters.
Ed checked his watch.
9:58.
The raced up the white marble steps and to the big white doors. From there, they slowed to a normal walk, greeted the secretary, and soon found themselves on the second floor in front of a wooden door.
10:00
Ed raised a gloved hand and knocked reluctantly.
"Come in," called a voice from behind the door.
The door swung open and the duo entered the large office. A dark-haired man in a blue army uniform sat at his desk. He grinned when he saw the two alchemists.
"Enjoy your run, Fullmetal?" smirked the Flame Alchemist, Roy Mustang.
"Well, we wouldn't have been so rushed if our train hadn't been late," countered the blond. "Besides, it's not like you're the first person I wanted to see when we arrived in Central."
"Nonetheless, it was quite amusing watching you run as fast as your little legs could carry you."
"WHO ARE YOU CALLONG A HALF-PINT MIDGET SO SHORT HE CAN ONLY BE SEEN WITH A MAGNIFYING GLASS?!?!"
"You."
Al had to restrain his older brother from jumping across the desk and pummeling the colonel. Just then, a knock sounded at the door.
"Come in."
Jean Havoc entered and saluted first to the colonel, then Ed, before turning back to Roy.
"You called for me?" he asked.
"Oh, that's right," Mustang recalled, "someone dropped this off for you."
He dug out a package from within his desk and handed it to his second lieutenant. Havoc took the parcel and began unwrapping it. It was heavy, but about the size of a large book.
"Did they say who it was from?" Havoc asked.
"Nope, I just found it on my desk this morning with a note saying to give it to you."
The second lieutenant pulled off the paper and his face went slack.
"What is it?"
Havoc held up the item for all three alchemists to see. It was a thick paperback book. The title was printed in big, bright block letters at the top of the cover:
Dating For Dummies.
All three tried to suppress laughs, but they couldn't help it. Even after Havoc had run out of the room clutching the book to his chest. Edward and Roy especially, were laughing so hard tears were brimming in their eyes.
"So Fullmetal," Mustang said when the laughing fit had finally subsided, "how long do you plan on detaining me from my duties?"
"Me? You're the one who invited us here in the first place. And besides," Ed glanced at his watch, "we haven't even been here for-WHAT THE HECK IS THIS?!?!"
Concerned, Al rushed over to his brother, who was staring at the inside of his watch. On one side was the clock face, with its roman numeral numbers, and on the other side-
Al blinked, well kind of. He'd never seen the inside of Ed's watch, but he was pretty sure he hadn't written that in it:
"Remember-wash dishes."
Despite his best efforts, Al managed a chuckle. It was pretty funny, only Ed didn't share that opinion. His watch was sacred to him, and it had been violated.
There was going to be hell to pay.
"Aw, come on, Ed," Roy crooned, "don't make such a big deal out of it. You are a state alchemist, you should be able to change it back again without difficulty. Maybe that's the reason you're so upset, you can't..."
At this, Edward's face started to flush. You could almost see the vein pulsing angrily on his forehead. He could do it, easily, but Colonel Ego's comments were really ticking him off.
"You know Fullmetal, when you scrunch up your face like that, you're just like Van when he was your age."
Flames erupted, but they weren't the colonel's. Fire was practically spewing from Ed's ears, he was so livid. Al really had to restrain his older brother as he fought tooth and nail to get at the Flame Alchemist.
"Come on brother, let's go," Al soothed, dragging Ed to the door.
"You really ought to keep that temper of yours in check, Fullmetal. It'll get you in trouble."
"This is so not over!" Ed hissed as Al basically shoved him out the door.
Turning, Al warned, "It would be wise not to provoke brother like that, sir."
"See you around Alphonse," the colonel smirked.
"Good bye, sir," said Al and closed the door.
~I couldn't think of anything decorative to put here~
Riza Hawkeye closed the door to her apartment and locked it. She had almost turned the corner when she heard a short yip.
Dang it, did I forget to feed Black Hayate again?
Sighing, the lieutenant swiveled and marched back to the door, digging in her pocket for the key as she went. When it had been recovered, she unlocked the door and was immediately met with darkness.
Oh man, did I forget to open the blinds too?
Looking up from the doorknob, Riza was met with a very strange sight. Glowing oval-like shapes surrounded her. In the center of each was a smaller, black circle-
Eyes.
They encircled her in a thick blanket. Some were huge, larger than dinner platters, others were the size of her fist and also in between. Riza's instinct was to reach for her handgun that was strapped to her hip and-
It wasn't there.
Hawkeye looked down, but she still didn't see it. Upon a quick inspection, she found that all of her hidden guns that were always, always kept on her person were gone. A slight shock came over her, but then things went from bad to worse as Riza remembered a warning she had received from a certain homunculus not that long ago.
"I'll be watching you...from the shadows."
Panic coursed through the lieutenant's body. Here she was, cornered by the enemy, with no weapons, in her own apartment no less. But something was wrong. These didn't move. Voices didn't whisper in her ear. It was quiet. Hesitantly, Riza fumbled for the light switch and flipped it on.
Ohhh...
~FMA~
Mustang strode down the hall towards his office, hands in his pockets. He was bored. Riza was unusually late, so she wasn't on his tail about the endless paperwork that never failed to find its way to his desk. To ease his boredom, Mustang had continued to harass Fullmetal. He had found a way to steal Ed's hair tie while the boy was using the military showers. Thank goodness that Al had convinced his brother that a shower would help him cool his head.
Smirking at the thought of Fullmetal walking around with his hair down like a girl, the colonel twisted the doorknob to his office. Opening it, he was surprised to see a certain blond state alchemist sitting on his desk. Ed's golden hair pooled around his face and a little past his shoulders. He looked ridiculous, but he was still sitting on Roy's desk!
Before he could make a remark about the boy's hair or about how he was so short his feet could barely touch the floor, a wave of cold water cascaded over his head. The colonel was soaked, even his socks were wet. A metal bucket crashed to the floor next to him. Fullmetal just sat there, on his desk, laughing. Furiated, Mustang whipped up his gloved right hand and snapped his finger, prepared to singe that girly hair right off Ed's head.
Nothing.
He snapped his fingers again. Two, three times. Nothing. Not even a spark.
"Fire can't burn when it's wet," Ed remarked cockily.
Edward picked up Roy's nameplate sitting next to him. There was a clap, sizzle, and glowing light before the bar was placed back on the desk. From the door, Roy could easily make out the engraving. Instead of saying Roy Mustang, Flame Alchemist, the nameplate now read Roy Mustang, the Useless Alchemist.
Mustang's rage overpowered his reason. All he wanted to do was wipe the smile right off that cocky brat's face. He started toward Fullmetal with th intentions of doing just that. However, the Flame/Useless Alchemist only made it two steps before a gunshot halted him. He skidded, nearly tripping over own feet when the bullet hit the floor one inch in front of his left foot.
"Sir, I don't believe that is how you should address a fellow state alchemist," his lieutenant smoldered. She made a frightening sight: glaring eyes, mussed up hair, and an expression that said I'm-going-to-kill-you-say-anything-other-than-yes-ma'am. Oh, and the gun, too. Mustang hung his head like a scolded puppy, and that seemed to placate his subordinate.
"Now, who is going to explain to me why the colonel is soaking wet, Ed's hair is down, why my were taken and hidden in my locker, and who nearly gave me a heart attack by putting up huge eyes all over my apartment and cutting the electricity?" demanded Hawkeye.
Alphonse, who had finally managed to find his brother, was the volunteer Riza was looking for. He was only able to account for the events at Central Headquarters, leaving the four even more baffled at Riza's day. And it wasn't even lunchtime.
As they were contemplating who could have pulled off that prank, Maes Hughes burst in, cradling a small book.
"good morning everyone!" he greeted and held up the object in his hands. "Look what Gracia bought me! A portable scrap booking kit! Now I can show all of my pictures of my beautiful wife and darling daughter to anyone, anytime! Oh Riza, did you see the Halloween decorations I put up in your apartment? Sorry about your electricity, by the way. I tripped and accidentally pulled the plug when you surprised me by returning so quickly. I had to practically throw them at the wall! I see you got your guns back, too. I took the liberty of having them all cleaned for you. Now who wants to see the latest picture of my adorable Elysia?"
Edward and Alphonse were the first out the door. They were followed by Roy pulling his lieutenant to prevent her from firing at Hughes on the spot. Hughes ran after them, scrapbook at the ready. Various heads popped out of open doorways to watch the progression rampage about Central Headquarters.
Yes, I know that Hughes was dead by the time Pride threatened Riza, but oh well. Review! Please?