It was only a soft tickle at first. But it was a clue. One Rey preferred to ignore, at that.
But it helped nothing, and as the gentle whisper of the sleeping breath of another rustled the baby hairs at her ear, she realized her mental defenses had been for nothing.
It was an endurance race, keeping their minds - souls - apart. There was something the Force wanted…needed from them. Rey had thought she had known what it was; to restore Ben Solo to the light, and strike down the First Order at his side. To unmake the horror he helped unleash upon the galaxy. To heal.
But Snoke was dead, Kylo had choked Ben back into submission, Luke was gone, the Resistance was picked down to a handful of souls, and hopelessness bled into Rey's every thought. Especially at night, alone, in a bunk on a ship that felt familiar but not quite like home.
Had she ever truly experienced home in the way most others described it? Had a place or a person ever truly made her feel safe deep down in those darkest most fearful recesses of her being? Had anyone ever put her at peace?
She had thought, once, that Finn would be her home. But she could never begrudge him for finding that in someone else. She knew every risk when she left.
Once more she had considered that Luke might become her home. But once faced with the bitter, defeated man, that hope crumbled to ash before her eyes.
But the last time…no. It was still so fresh, so raw, like a blaster to the gut every time it flickered through her mind-
A soft whimper and a subtle shift behind her stilled Rey's thoughts.
'Just like when you shot him?' A dark corner of her mind blurted, but it didn't feel entirely her own.
'You could have tried harder,' it pressed. Something hot and wet that Rey refused to acknowledge dripped onto the pillow beneath her sleepless eyes.
'He could have been your home.'
Rey squeezed her eyes shut tight, fists white-knuckled around bundles of threadbare sheets, tears freely flowing.
'He made his choice,' she pushed back feebly. It was true. But it didn't make the twisting in her gut cease, or the silent sobs rocking her body settle.
Too late she realized that soft tickle, the steady breathing, was gone.
"Rey."
No. No. No no no no no-
Fingers. Soft. Combing through her hair…
So desperately she wished she could slam the door shut again, cut him off, keep him away-
"Shhh…"
She wasn't strong enough to keep up. Didn't have it in her to run. Soft fingers turned into a warm hand gliding down her neck, over her shoulder, down her waist…
'Stop,' the word was silently pushed across their bond. She couldn't trust her voice.
The hand stilled only for a moment before slipping back up to lace their fingers. She let it happen, realizing all at once how hard her heart was beating, how flushed her cheeks, how ragged her breathing, how dully her head ached…
"Shh." Just as soft. Gentleness felt foreign. But not from him.
Warmth surrounded her, a pressure against her back she wasn't accustomed to. Soft, tickling breaths resumed, this time dangerously close to her neck.
"Shh," the voice repeated.
She shuddered. The room shrank away.
Maybe this could be home for now. Destiny could come later.