Disclaimer: I'm not worthy! I'm not worthy! All bow to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy, rightful owners of BTVS. 'Previously on Buffy' quoted directly from show.

Spoiler: Anything and Everything. Takes place after season 7.

Summary: Buffy skips town without telling anyone.

Feedback always more than welcome! Good or bad, tell it to me straight.

Rated M for mature ;-)

Always Slipping: Further Away

Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Buffy sits down at the dinning room table, grateful not to be alone. She was beginning to really enjoy these moments shared with Willow. What with Dawn at school all day one would think they talked all the time, yet Buffy had work and Wil had classes of her own. They were drifting apart, and while these chats helped reconnect they mostly just made Buffy feel more alone. "I thought you were going to see Tara."

Willow looked up from her laptop. "Saw her. Saw her completely." Willow keeps her answer short but her mind rambles on. 'Don't know what I saw but I didn't like it. Nope, not one bit.'

"Ouch." Buffy begins to grin but quickly stops. "Just got a scratch from all that brittle."

Willow closes the laptop, giving all attention to Buffy. "Its when I was seeing her, she was seeing someone else." Willow pauses, "A girl."

Buffy can't help but be surprised that Tara is moving on already. For some unknown reason this pleases the slayer. "You mean..?

Willow backtracks slightly. "I mean not "seeing" seeing. Well, maybe. I don't know. It was inconclusive. And I didn't stick around to find out." Willow idly plays with her fingers. "I might have magicked my fist through a wall or something."

Buffy feels bad for her friend. She isn't sure why she's happy things with Tara could really be over, but she doesn't know why she feels the way she does about anything anymore. I mean, hello... sleeping with a vampire she hates. "Wil, I'm sorry."

Willow tries to make the best of it but isn't very convincing. "They're probably just friends. I press my lips against my friends all the time.

'I wish...'

'I wish...'

Both girls quickly banish that thought from their minds, looking away from each other. "I'm sure they're just friends." Again Buffy finds herself trying to hide a grin as she looks up. Willow lip pressing... nice mental image. She reaches out for Willow's hand. "Once you fall for Willow, you stay fallen."

The girls smile at each other. Willow looks at her friend and briefly wonders if her mind is playing tricks on her. Buffy's acting a little interested. "Thanks Buffy." Before she can dwell on what she thinks she's seeing Xander comes back and spoils the moment.

Buffy sits alone in the living room, feet curled up underneath her. Staring at the picture of her parents with a happy, childlike Buffy wasn't helping. It's just making her more depressed. Could she really be in that clinic still? If she is, that means her mom is alive. Her parents are still together. She could live a normal life. Maybe all this is just in her head...

Willow comes into the room, pleased and excited. "Look Buffy, I found the demon. It fits your description and symptoms perfectly." Willow joins Buffy on the couch and holds out the picture. "Look, is this it?" Buffy nods numbly, Willow came through. "See, it's gonna be okay. It's pokey stinger carries an antidote to it's own poison."

Buffy isn't even listening. Staring at the picture, she realizes that if she's at the clinic then Willow isn't real. She's just some figment of Buffy's imagination, so why was she imagining... Hell, why would she imagine any of this? "I feel so lost."

"I know." Willow watches Buffy, "You're confused. Its that crazy juice inside you."

Buffy has to make her understand... "It's more than that. Even before the demon. I've been so detached."

Willow acknowledges this, but she's been pretty distant herself this year. For the past couple years even. "We've all been kind of slumming."

Buffy doesn't want to hear how everyone else is feeling it too. She wants to be selfish, to put an end to this one way or another. "Everyday I try to snap out of it... figure out why I'm like that."

Willow starts getting worried now. "Buffy look at me. You are not in an institution. You have never been in an institution." She doesn't want her friend to be so scared. It doesn't matter what it takes, Willow knows she'll do anything to make sure Buffy beat this.

"Yes I have."

Buffy catches Willow off guard. "What?"

"Back when I saw my first vampires." Buffy looks back and forth between her family picture and Willow. She doesn't know how she's gonna choose one or the other. "I got so scared. I told my parents and they completely freaked out. They thought there was something seriously wrong with me. So they sent me to a clinic."

Willow's shock was glaringly obvious. She can't wrap her mind around what Buffy must have went through. "Y...you never said anything." Willow isn't mad, just confused. Why hadn't Buffy told her about this before?

Buffy continues. "I was only there a couple of weeks. I stopped talking about it... and they let me go. Eventually... my parents just forgot."

At first Willow can't believe they'd just forget. Then she remembers Joyce and her own mom trying to burn them at the stake one day and acting like everything was normal the next. "God. That's horrible."

Buffy just cannot hold back any longer. She is so afraid of the truth and knows she can trust Willow for support. Trying hard not to cry and failing, she asks Wil the hard questions. "What if I'm still there? What if I never left that clinic?"

"Buffy..." Willow immediately goes into protective mode. "Buffy, you're not. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. But its the past. You've gotta trust me. We're gonna get you that antidote. Xander's hunting the demon right now."

Buffy almost feels better. "Alone? Willow, he can't. It's too strong."

"It's okay. We got help." Willow reaches out and takes Buffy's hand. The contact warms Buffy and she sits up, wrapping her arms around Willow and crying on her shoulder. The redhead holds her best friend in her arms, rocking slowly until she calms down. Rubbing her back and playing with her hair, Willow eventually gets Buffy to agree to rest. She leads the slayer upstairs and helps her into bed, leaving her to get some sleep.

Hours later, Willow goes up to Buffy's room. "Buffy, wake up. Got yummy antidote goodness for you."

Buffy notices Wil coming in. "What happened?"

Willow feels bad Buffy had to wait for the antidote. "It took a little longer than I had hoped. No magic and all. It went boom twice, but then I got it." She moves to Buffy's bed and hands her the cup. "Just, when it's cooled, drink it all down... and everything should go back to normal."

Buffy looks up at her friend. She doesn't know what to believe anymore, but she knows she can always count on Willow. "You never stop coming through. Thank you, Willow."

Wil smiles, feeling closer to Buffy than she has in a long time and despite the circumstances she's enjoying it. Unfortunately, Spike chooses that moment to check on the slayer. Willow isn't sure what's going on with him and Buffy but figures they'll work it out themselves. She stops in front of Spike. "Make sure she drinks all that."

Now if Willow had known the extent of Buffy and Spike's relationship she might not have trusted Spike with that task. But she did, and he failed. Instead he spends the time with Buffy working her up and convincing her she's crazy. She ultimately pours out the antidote and systematically takes down each of her friends as well as her sister. She can't possibly kill them herself so she sets the demon loose. Bunkering down in the corner, she tries hard not to watch. She's able to block out Xander, even Dawn. Tara coming in throws her but she trips the witch and watches as her friends try to battle the demon. One by one they all go down but when the demon goes for Willow, Buffy can't handle it.

No matter what's going on in her head, what feelings she has or doesn't have, whether she wants her mommy and daddy or her friends, she remembers a lesson learned a long time ago... she cannot let Willow be hurt. So instead, she says goodbye to her mother and chooses the Hellmouth. When it's all said and done, all she can do is turn to Willow, tears in her eyes. "I'm so sorry."

Willow just looks wildly at her, not understanding but understanding. "Buffy?"

"We're okay. It's all okay." Xander looks around but no one's really listening to him.

Willow takes a few steps towards Buffy. "Buffy, sit down. You'll fall over."

"No." Buffy shakes her head. "I can't. Not until I have the antidote."

"Okay. We'll make more." Willow reassures Buffy. "Every thing's gonna be okay, Buffy."

Buffy has her doubts, but with Willow there she knows it will be eventually.

b Further Away /b

Three Years Later

Buffy makes a final walk through, checking all the cupboards and drawers for things she might have forgotten. Luckily, her slayer strength and endurance increased so much after Willow's spell years ago so she was able to pack so quickly. Grateful for small blessings Buffy turns off all the lights and goes into the living room. A horn honks outside and she picks up her bags, stepping out onto the porch and locking the door.

Willow pulls up just in time to see Buffy make her way down the walk towards the street. Willow looks at the bags Buffy is carrying and wonders what's up. Jumping out of the Jeep, she crosses the lawn, taking a bag from Buffy before they even say hi. "What's the hurry? Something bad going down? I can rally the troops and deploy when needed."

"Just got some personal things I need to take care of." Buffy tosses her suitcase and backpack into the trunk. Willow follows just a step behind with the other bag. As Willow sets the bag in the car and closes the trunk she catches Buffy staring oddly at her. "I love you Wil."

Willow isn't sure what's with Buffy's tone but smiles nonetheless. Those were her favorite three words that Buffy's ever said. She doesn't hear it often though which just makes it more special. "Of course. I love you too Buffy. Gonna be gone long?"

Buffy shrugs slightly, "I'm not sure how long... could be a while."

Willow frowns, causing a slight crease at the bridge of her nose which Buffy loves. Before she even realizes she's doing, Buffy steps up to Willow and presses her lips against the redheads. At first Willow wasn't surprised. Buffy had taken to pecking her on the cheek, although this was the first time her own lips were involved. Then there was Buffy pulling back slightly, a look of embarrassment on her face, before kissing her again. Willow face shows her confusion, "You okay Buff?"

"Yeah," Buffy forces a smile. "I'm just gonna miss you most of all."

"I'll miss you too. Call when you get wherever you're going." Willow steps back as Buffy makes her way to the passenger door of the cab, giving Willow a half hearted nod in response. "Where are you going anyway?"

Buffy climbs into the cab and rolls the window down, sticking her head out for just a moment. "Be careful Wil..."

Willow stares at the fleeing car in confusion, wondering what had gotten into her friend. "Bye Buffy."

Two Years Later

Willow slams her laptop closed in frustration. It has been almost a two years since she said goodbye to Buffy, not realizing her slayer wasn't returning. No one has a clue where she's gone, not even Dawn. No amount of looking seems to be helping either. Willow has files upon files on her computer of possible sightings and rumors of someone fighting demons. Each lead she receives she follows up on, but she has never had any results.

Dawn took it the hardest of course, but she seems to be the one who has adjusted the easiest. It's a sad fact that the girl has had to deal with losing almost everyone she loves in one way or another. In her mind Buffy has been attacked and lost, because that's the only reason Dawn could come up with for Buffy just vanishing. Willow hadn't the heart to tell her if someone had managed to kill Buffy, it'd be all over the demon world. They definitely would hear about someone taking down the legendary slayer. Xander just got pissed when he heard how she said goodbye to Willow without letting on. Willow thinks he never forgave her for sleeping with Spike when she wouldn't even date him. Wil however, still doesn't believe it. She keeps looking, convinced that Buffy wouldn't just up and leave, despite all the proof. The phone ringing interrupts Willow's daydream on what she'd do if she found Buffy. When, when she finds Buffy. She has to remind herself that she will, a lot more often than she used to. Walking across the room, Willow picks up the phone. "Rosenberg."

"Hey Wil," Kennedy says over the wire. "How ya been?"

"Same as always." Willow takes the phone over to the table and sits down, opening her lap top up again to peruse the morning paper, looking for anything that might lead to Buffy. "How's the family?"

"Um, I'm doing alright but Vicki's got the flu so I'm stuck changing all the diapers while she watches TV in bed all day." Kennedy whined like a child.

"Aren't you a whipped lil bitch." Willow still isn't sure how Kennedy became the first of them all to settle down with a family.

"Ouch! What side of whose bed did you wake up on?" Willow's use of profanity catches Kennedy off guard. Willow only uses those words when something was going on with her.

"The wrong side of mine." Willow gives up skimming articles while on the phone, leaning back and lighting a cigarette.

"I can hear that! I thought you quit!" Kennedy has been trying to get Willow to quit since she saw her pick up her first pack.

"I lied." Willow secretly loved shocking Kennedy. "So, I know you can't go a week without hearing my loverly voice but why'd you call?"

"Right, back to business." Willow hears Kennedy shuffle some pages around. "Remember Mexico?"

"That country under us? Vaguely." Willow could hear Kennedy groaning. "Of course. We vacationed there after destroying my hometown."

"Remember that little village fifty miles from no where? The one that was seriously in trouble due to undesirables roaming the streets at night."

"Yeah, high death rate, low body count. It's a breeding ground, just like Sunnydale but in ruins." Willow knew Kennedy had a point but she wasn't getting there fast enough. "Oddly my favorite stop on our vacation. What of it?"

"Well, now it's prospering. Businesses are popping up and the death rate is 75 less than last year at this time." Kennedy reads off an article.

"And you think it's Buffy?" Willow is definitely surprised Kennedy is calling with a Buffy lead.

"Could be." Kennedy pauses, flipping a few pages. "There are rumors of a small girl who fights back."

"Description?" Willow asks, growing more interested.

"Pretty, petite but brunette, not blond." Kennedy puts the papers down. "I know Buffy's blond and all but it matches otherwise. She could have dyed her hair."

"Stopped dying you mean." Willow assumes Kennedy knows but her silence says otherwise. "She's not a natural blond."

"Ooh? And how do you know?" Kennedy was grinning into the phone knowing Willow was flushing a nice shade of pink.

"Not that way..." Willow thinks back to showers after gym. "Well, actually that way too but I knew before."

"WHAT? When? You never told me you finally got Buffy!" Kennedy is the shocked one now. "You bitch, keeping this to yourself."

"Calm down... I didn't get with Buffy," Willow laughs. "I took gym with her, we showered together... things get seen."

"You scoped her out in the shower? Weren't you like in love with Xander then?" Kennedy asks.

"Well, yeah. But I wasn't blind. She was..." Willow begins thinking about her past with Buffy. "...the first girl I ever thought of that way."

Willow spies Buffy sitting against a tree outside of school. Walking slowly, almost shyly, she approaches her. "Deep thoughts?"

"Deep and meaningful." Buffy replies. She has been thinking about how she gave up their best chance at defeating the mayor without a second thought, all for Willow. She has to admit Wes has a point, thousands of lives could be in danger because she couldn't let Willow be harmed.

Willow is intrigued. She has been thinking similar thoughts and is curious to know if Buffy's choice was based solely on friendship. Willow has been entertaining thoughts of something special brewing between the two. "As in?"

Buffy thinks about it a moment, "As in I'm never getting out of here." Buffy isn't lying. Along with thinking about Willow came her future. The mayor said her and Angel had no future. And even though Buffy's thoughts about Willow went a little on the wild side sometimes, she couldn't act on them. Willow had a bright future ahead of her. "I kept thinking if I stopped the mayor or... but I was kidding myself. There's always gonna be something. I'm Sunnydale girl. No other choice."

Willow feels bad for her best friend. Buffy deserves a chance at happiness just as much, if not more than anyone. "It must be tough. I mean, here I am... and I can do anything I want. I can go to any college in the country... four or five in Europe if I want."

Buffy internally groans. Does Wil really have to remind her that she's going to be Willowless next year? "Please tell me you're going somewhere with this."

Willow slyly looks Buffy in the eye, "No. I'm not going anywhere." Willow reaches into her pocket and hands Buffy an envelope.

"U.C. Sunnydale?" Buffy is dumbfounded. She doesn't know why Willow bothered applying to a local school.

Willow coyly shrugs. "I will be matriculating with the class of 2003." She knows her parents won't be thrilled. She actually just decided the night Faith captured her. When Buffy risked the world to save her, Willow knew for sure she could never leave her.

Buffy still can't believe it. "Are you serious?"

"Say," Willow acts like she just thought of something. "...isn't that where you're going?"

"Oh!" Buffy can't help herself. She tackles Willow to the ground with a big hug and the girls squeal with delight. "I can't believe it. Are you serious?" Buffy realizes that as much as she wants this, she can't be selfish. Willow deserves much more out of life. "Wait, what am I saying? You can't."

Willow sits up, looking at Buffy. "What do you mean I can't?"

"I won't let you." Buffy replies, looking her friend in the eyes.

Willow scoffs. "Of the two people here... which is the boss of me?"

Buffy won't be dissuaded. "There are better schools."

"Sunnydale's not bad... and, and I can design my own curriculum." Willow has thought this out. She knows Buffy better than Buffy does most days. Willow is prepared to answer every argument her slayer has to offer. Nothing Buffy can say will stop Willow from staying with her.

"Ok, well..." Buffy runs off lists in her head. "...there are safer schools. There are safer prisons." Buffy just feels too guilty for wanting Willow to stay. "I can't let you stay because of me."

"Actually, this isn't about you." Buffy is taken aback and thinks it's obvious the way Willow continues. "Although I'm fond... don't get me wrong... of you." Willow isn't really lying, she does have other reasons. "But the other night... you know, being captured and all... facing off with Faith... things just... kinda got clear." 'And some things got more confusing,' Willow adds in her head. "I mean, you've been fighting evil here for three years... and I've helped some... and now we're supposed to decide what we want to do with our lives. And I just realized that's what I want to do." Willow shrugs off the revelation. "Fight evil, help people. I mean... I .. I think it's worth doing. And I don't think you do it because you have to. It's a good fight, Buffy... and I want in."

Buffy stares at Willow during her speech with awe. She can't believe Willow thought all that about what her and the others do. She's so caught off guard that she speaks without really knowing what she's saying. "I kind of love you."

Willow gets a lil shy and looks down briefly. She wasn't expecting her slayer to tell her she loved her. Willow still doesn't understand the thoughts her slayer provokes, but she likes them. Rather than dwell on the fluttery butterflies in her tummy she changes the topic. "And besides, I have a shot at being a badass Wicca. And what better place to learn."

Buffy agrees with the topic change, neither girls really ready to think about what they were feeling. "I feel the need for more sugar than the human body can handle."

Willow is intrigued. "Mochas?"

"Yes please," Buffy says with a silly grin. Both girls get up and start walking. Buffy just had to cap the moment off with some sort of reassurance. "Its weird. You look at something and you think you know exactly what you're seeing and..." Buffy looks over at Willow. "...then you find out it's something else entirely."

Willow understands exactly what Buffy means. Things were changing... "Neat, huh?"

Buffy moves a little closer to her friend. "Sometimes it is..."

"Wil! Earth to Willow..." Kennedy has been trying to get Willow's attention for a couple minutes.

"Huh? Oh, sorry... was just thinking." Willow says, embarrassed to have been caught daydreaming again.

"About Buffy showers?" Kennedy eggs her on.

"No, about the day I realized I might not be as straight as I thought..." Willow admits. That conversation had sent her mind reeling.

"And that wasn't a Buffy shower?" Kennedy teases.

"Nope, it was us, beneath a tree, just talking." Willow says, summing it up nicely. "Anyway, thanks for the tip. I'll go check it out this weekend."

"Anytime. If you find anything out, or need help, just give me a ring." Kennedy offers, glad her and Willow were still friends.

"Thanks... say hi to Vicki and give the baby a kiss for me." Willow replies, already searching for flights to Mexico on her computer. There hasn't been a decent lead in a long time, but even if this is bogus its still Mexico. It'll be nice to get away.

"Will do Wil," Kennedy says and Willow can hear the grin. "Be safe."

"Always," Willow answers before hanging up the phone and booking her flight.

A week later, Willow's still searching the streets but contemplating giving up and flying home the next day. She's checked out the normal haunts... shady bars and the cemeteries. Needless to say she has uncovered only what Kennedy had already told her. And while that still sounds promising, Willow hasn't caught sight of anyone fighting demons. Or any demons for that matter. The village has turned itself into a small town. In a year or two this could be the new hot spot.

Unfortunately, while she was resting against a tree, her first vampire got the best of her. Pulling her behind the tree, he had his fangs in her neck before she could utter a word. The pain is delicious and Willow melts into it. Luckily her experience is short lived. Before she realizes what has happened, the vampire is dust she has to brush off her shoulder. Turning, her eyes go wide. "Buffy."

Buffy flinches slightly, " Whatcha doing here Wil?"

"Came to ask you that very same question." With Buffy face to face Willow realizes just how angry she feels.

Buffy steps closer, tearing off a piece of her shirt and holds it against the wounds on Willow's neck to stop the bleeding. She's been bitten by an experienced vampire so it was painless, but still a little messy. "Just living my life."

"Since when can't we be in your life. Your sister? Xander?" Willow has tears in her eyes but refuses to cry. "Me? What'd we do, huh?"

"Nothing... I just needed a change. I was miserable in that place." Buffy let go of Wil's neck, letting her hold the cloth herself. Turning her back to Willow, she began to pace slowly.

"Then move.. I get that. But to totally cut everyone out? That was selfish." Willow tosses the piece of cloth onto the ground, pulling out her cigarettes and lighting up. When Buffy turns around Willow realizes she had done the same thing. "Thousands of miles between us and we still pick the same habits."

Buffy shrugs and takes a drag. "Look, I did what I had to do."

"Why did you have to do it? Why did you have to leave me with all those unanswered questions!" Willow leans against a headstone, finding it fitting they hash this out in a graveyard.

"What questions did I leave unanswered?" Buffy begins to get confused. She understands Willow being mad that she hadn't contacted anyone, but not the rest.

Willow throws up her hands and sighs. "You tell me you love me and kiss me as you leave for good. That leaves a girl with a few questions. What exactly were you saying to me that day?"

"Goodbye." Buffy says simply.

"So that's it?" Willow sounds hurt. "A soft kiss, sweet parting words... that's all my friendship was worth?"

Tears were welling up in Willow's eyes but Buffy looks almost bored, causing her words to seem untrue. "No... you're worth so much more. But after everything she couldn't handle it and I did what I had to."

"What are you talking about? Who couldn't handle what?" Willow is beyond lost.

"Buffy! She's in love with you, are you that daft?" Buffy wipes her eyes and laughs softly. "How could you not know?"

TBC