"I'm heading out first thing in the morning."
Qrow hears the voice behind him, and turns to face its source, seeing a strong man, a bit taller than himself leaned against the doorframe. His eyes travel over the other man for a moment, taking in his features. Eyes like sapphires, a black t-shirt that bulged with the muscles bunching underneath, crossed arms covered dark hair, large hands. A cocky smile creasing his a strong face with black hair falling in his face.
"So the first thing you thought to do was see me, Jimmy?" Qrow retorts, turning to face the other man, smirking at him. The other man laughs lowly, the sound seeming to dance through the air as he approached Qrow, who sat at the single table in his apartment with his weapon laid out across it and tools everywhere.
James leans against a counter, watching Qrow as his friend began working on his weapon again, still grinning a bit. "I felt like having some company before we had to head out." When Qrow opened his mouth to say something, James cuts him off. "Company that isn't Glynda. I'll be seeing enough of her in the field."
Qrow rolls his eyes and reaches to a rag that was on the table, wiping his hands off on it to get some of the grease off of him. "Where are they even sending you?" Qrow asks James, looking up at the taller man, only earning a shrug.
"There's a population of Grimm that have been terrorizing Atlas' borders. Goliaths." James begins to explain, looking down at his feet for a moment. Qrow is able to see some of the tension flow into James as the man's left hand tenses against his right arm. A nervous tic. "they figured that Team JNGR was well equipped to deal with it, so we'll be heading out in the morning. I just hope things aren't as bad as they're saying."
Qrow hesitates a moment, standing up and striding across the room to get close to James, looking the taller man in the eyes. He draws close, and stands up on the tips of his toes, pressing a kiss to James' lips. The other man smiles into it, pressing back against him. "You better come back alright."
James frowns, realizing that Qrow was nervous about him going out on a dangerous mission to Atlas, especially in the dead of winter. "I'll be back before you know it, unharmed as always. Glynda will look out for me." James laughs a bit, knowing full well what could happen. The risk always hung at the back of his mind. "I'm going to go in there, save as many people as I can, then come home to my Qrow."
Qrow's eyes soften a bit, and he stands up on the tips of his toes, pressing another kiss to James' lips before pulling away to look at the clock. It was nearly two am. "Don't you have a mission in the morning?"
James grins. "Couldn't sleep." He laughs the words out, and looks down at Qrow before his eyes flick to a familiar door they both recognize full well. Nothing more needs to be said between them before Qrow grins, red eyes glinting as he reaches out to James' hand and pulls the taller man along behind him to the bedroom.
Qrow doesn't sleep much that night, drifting off to sleep for about an hour before being awakened by the feeling of the tiny bed that he and James had shared shifting under James' weight as the other man got up, stretching a bit as he crossed the room to the dresser to fish out a spare set of clothes that he liked to keep at Qrow's place.
Qrow watches James from the bed, propping himself up a bit as he watches his lover go through a morning ritual, dressing himself, checking his revolver over and over again, (Qrow counts three times this morning,) trying to push that unruly black hair out of his face for a bit. He watches as James gets ready, pulling on a pair of pauldrons on his shoulders over a black sweater, and strapping them in place. Watches James put on his holsters and makes sure they're set.
As James pulls on his boots in his final moment of preparation, Qrow wraps his arms around James, pressing kisses to the side of James' neck.
"Qrow." He hears James' voice, most of the mirth from the night be before gone from it. Of course, Qrow reminds himself. James knows when it's time for play and time for seriousness. James gets his first boot in place and turns to face Qrow, frowning a bit. "Qrow, I'll be back before you know it."
This earns a bit of a whine from Qrow who stretches and flops back on the bed. "I know." Qrow says, watching James from where he is as James turns again, pulling on the second boot. "It's just… you and I both know what can happen." Qrow admits this, averting his eyes away from James for a moment. The room goes silent for a minute.
"Yeah." James answers, the tips of his ears turning pink a bit as he looks away from Qrow. "But we have a job, and we signed up for it. We can't turn our backs on them." Qrow doesn't need to ask for further explanation of what James means. This was his James. His Jimmy. Always the hero, and always aware of the risks that brought.
"Just make it back in one piece."
"I'll do my best." James says as he slips his second boot on properly and turns on the bed, facing Qrow to press a kiss to the smaller man's lips. "You know I love you, right?"
Qrow smirks, sitting up a bit where he was. "Yeah, I do."
James smiles again, presses another sweet kiss to Qrow's nose and stands up, stretching a bit as he checked his scroll, making sure he knew how far ahead or behind schedule he was. "I have to go." James says, sadly, looking back at Qrow. "I'll be back before you know it, promise."
Qrow scoffs, knowing full well that wasn't a promise that any huntsman could make in good faith. Nobody ever knew what they would run into until they were actually there. "Right. Go win a war against the monsters, Soldier."
James' eyes roll a bit, and the taller man snaps a quick salute at Qrow. Qrow knows its nothing like the true salutes that James gave to his superiors when he was in Atlas, but he doesn't mind. It's still his Jimmy. "Yes Sir." James laughs as he leaves the bedroom, knowing that he had to catch a ship to Atlas in the next half hour.
Qrow watches him leave, a bit sad, but pushes the feeling back. He had things to do that day. Taiyang needed someone to help out with Yang while Summer was at an appointment. Babysitting could be a good enough distraction.
James reaches the dock soon enough to find Glynda already there and waiting for him, already looking irritated with him for the morning. James feels himself flush a bit as he boards the airship with an apology, seating himself across from the other two members of Team JNGR and bringing up the file that they'd been given for this mission on his scroll.
A man with red hair across the table chuckles and leans in to look at what James was bringing up for them to look at, and peers up at James from behind a pair of glasses. "So we're heading up to your neck of the woods, big guy?" The man, Raleigh Roan, asks with a bit of a laugh. "I think we'll be able to handle that."
At Raleigh's side, a young woman with long violet hair rolls her eyes. "Raleigh, be serious." The woman warns before looking over at James with a nod.
"Thank you, Nettle." James answers the woman before beginning to brief his teammates on their mission as Glynda settles down beside Nettle across from James. "I know you've all gotten the short version of this, but we're being asked to head up to Atlas to take care of an infestation of Grimm near a mining town in northern Atlas."
Glynda crosses one leg over the other, listening to everything that James said carefully, making sure that she didn't miss anything important. "We're being asked to keep this town… Coleston safe for a bit by getting rid of the threat." She hears James speak, confident as ever in his briefing. Always the tactician.
The sound of Raleigh's voice breaks James off as the man inquires about the specifics of some things, why the spike in Grimm activity, what kinds of Grimm they're expecting to run into, and what their tactics are.
James' voice sounds stronger than ever as he reiterates what they'll be doing. "We're going to go in, dispose of the Grimm threat, and leave Coleston with some sort of defense plan once we've surveyed the area a bit and know the best way to defend it."
"Got it." Raleigh says as he pushes his glasses up his face. "Get in, pop pop pop, here's a map, get out."
Nettle rolls her eyes at Raleigh's vast simplification of what James had instructed. "Yes, more or less."
James nods, closing his scroll and settling into his seat as he feels the Bullhead lurch, and even reaches to the wall and grips it as best he can to make sure that he doesn't slide too much in his seat while the ship flies.
From there, Team JNGR flies to Atlas in relative silence.
The Atlesian air is harsh when James steps off of the airship, but he does his best to ignore it. He grew up in this, he reminds himself as he pulls his coat tighter around him and tugs down on the sleeves under his coat to cover his arms a bit better. He already had the feeling that this mission was going to be a rough one.
The team is installed quickly enough, with all four members of Team JNGR promised warm beds any time they're in the town, but instead opting to go out on patrol immediately upon landing. There was a lot that needed taking care of, and so sitting idle wasn't getting them anywhere.
The four wander into the woods outside of the town, with Nettle moving through the treeline with her semblance to act as a scout, like a cloud of uncatchable smoke. On the ground, James takes the Vanguard, with Raleigh and Glynda walking in formation just behind him.
The first night, they set up camp, having run into and dispatched of a pack of Beowulves and a small flock of Nevermores that had been more trouble than they should have been. Once they were sure the area was secure, the four set up camp, and James found himself staying up to keep watch, just as he did most nights that they were on longer missions.
The second day on the mission is relatively uneventful, them again only finding large packs of weaker Grimm. The second day, James wonders how Qrow is doing back in Vale. That night, Nettle keeps watch while James sleeps, but he's already laid claim to the next night as sentry.
The third day is disaster.
It was barely past eight that morning, when the reported Goliaths that they'd been asked to take care of finally made an appearance. It doesn't take long for the four of them to become overwhelmed. Not only were the pachyderm grimm much larger than the ones they'd dealt with the day before, they were also doubly powerful.
It doesn't take the team long to get separated as they try to take down the Grimm.
What's worse is that they're not only separated, but James is sprinting at full tilt toward the town to try and stop the Grimm that are drawing dangerously close to the town. To civilians that he'd sworn to protect.
James feels the world blurring around him. He tries to register things as they happen around him, but overwhelmingly, his ability to think is almost completely taken over by the fact that he had to outrun these grimm or people would get seriously hurt.
He's able to register three sounds. The rush of blood in his ears. Snow crunching as he and the Grimm moved over it. The sound of gunshots as he would fire on the grimm when they got too close. Seeing the stone walls of Coleston up ahead, James steels himself and charges forward, gaining as much momentum as he can before whirling himself around to fire two clean shots at the charging Goliath.
It registers immediately in James' mind that it's not enough. He looks back, seeing the open pit of an abandoned mine, and decides he knows what he has to do. James fires another two shots at the oncoming Grimm and braces himself, feeling vastly overwhelmed by everything going on around him.
A new sound breaks through the battlefield symphony that James is at the center of. Amongst his own heartbeat, and gunshots, and now orders being screamed, and crunching snow, he hears a shout, and James' head snaps up to try and find the source. Then another, screaming his name. He feels his heart pounding against his ribcage, and he feels like he can't breathe for a moment.
Glynda was in trouble.
James looks, trying to find a target and sprints. He had to save her. He had to get there before she got killed. He had to save the people of Coleston. He had to kill that Goliath. He had to do it all, and he was sure he could. He had to make it back to Qrow alive.
His head seems to whirl around as he searches for Glynda, and for a moment he sees her, about to be crushed by a Goliath. James sprints at it, firing gunshots at it with a shout of his own. For a moment Glynda flashes. Her figure is replaced with Qrow for a second, and then everything flashes black and white.
For a moment, James isn't sure if he's saved anyone.
He fires the last shots in his gun upward at the Goliath, braces himself, and then feels the impact of something knocking him down to the ground.
James' mind flashes for a moment. He'd saved them all.
Everything goes red, then turns to black.
He hears someone screaming his name.
Glynda hears a shout of James, then something horrific that sounds like a crunch, and immediately uses her wand to fling the Goliath she was about done with off into the trees for someone else to deal with before sprinting to find James.
She runs, following where she remembered the sound coming from, and sees the figures of two Goliaths, and a crater in the snow of red and white. Glynda uses her semblance, using it to pick up rocks and trees and bombard the Grimm to do away with them, and when they're gone she rushes forward to find James.
What she finds makes her feel sick. She can hardly look at him, the way he'd been crushed. She runs towards him, pressing a hand to his neck, which seemed to be mostly undamaged, looking for a pulse. He was alive, there was that at least.
Glynda looks around, unsure of what she can do and picks up some snow, pressing it to James' wounds in hopes that she could slow his bleeding and keep him alive that way. In her mind, she knows he's going to die.
"Raleigh, Nettle!" Glynda screams for her teammates, and it isn't long before they're there, Nettle calling in an emergency airlift to get James out of there. Raleigh doing his best to treat what there was of James' wounds that could be cared for.
His organs are crushed, he tells Glynda. If he makes it, he probably won't walk again. His bones seem to be gone.
If he makes it out, it'll be a miracle.
The ship doesn't take long to get there, and when it arrives, Glynda uses her semblance to lift James as gently as possible into the medical ship, which carries James away to a hospital somewhere in Atlas. The rest of the team is left behind to finish cleaning up the Grimm.
They don't waste any time with it. Once they're done, they get their pay and are off to Atlas themselves, hoping to get to the hospital in time. If they were losing James, they wanted to be with him.
Glynda feels sick at the realization that this was probably the last time she'd see James.
James feels himself dip in and out of consciousness.
He thinks he's levitating for a moment, he blacks back out.
Another moment, he opens his eyes. White covered in red. Everything goes black.
His eyes open again. Glynda's concerned face. Back to black.
Qrow is there, moaning his name. Qrow becomes Glynda. Glynda becomes Raleigh. Raleigh becomes Nettle. He hears Ozpin's voice. He dips back out.
His eyes shoot open again as something registers to him. He can't breathe. Everything hurts. He's being loaded into a transport ship, everything there is around him is pain. He saved them all. It was worth it.
A needle slides into his arm, and he falls back out of consciousness.
James doesn't wake up again. Not for a while, anyways. He doesn't know where he is.
Maybe he's dead. Maybe he's somewhere between life and death. All that exists is pain, and when that finally slips away, all there is left is nothing.
By some miracle, James is carted into the hospital, still alive, although barely. What's left of his right side will surely begin failing shortly. The doctors set to work on getting him the bare minimum to keep him alive before they dealt with the issues of his skeletal damage.
It's no secret that they'll probably have to amputate more than a little. Whether James' torso was able to be saved was a different question. They operate on him for hours, hooking him to every machine they could to try and keep him alive. Iron lung, nutrients being put directly into his body via IV, not to mention the transfusions and the organs that would surely need either replacement or some other method of repair.
They aren't able to save his arm and leg. A Doctor Polendina is called in to jury-rig a solution to help them save James' torso. He's been working on synthetic organs, he might have an idea for a way to save James' torso so that he can at least survive on some degree.
James survives for three days on machines alone. The fourth day, synthetic organs are installed in his body. He's watched for a week after that to make sure his body doesn't reject them. He's given a barrel that was cut in two to act as a makeshift ribcage for the time being while a more permanent solution is worked on.
His teammates aren't allowed to see him until the eighth day that he's there. Even then, they're given the clear warning that he was comatose. They don't know if he'll ever wake up. They don't know what sort of life James will live after this, assuming he lives.
Glynda dials a number on her scroll and waits, listening for someone on the other end.
A large part of her prays nobody picks up.
The sound of a scroll ringing wakes Qrow from his sleep, and he groans loudly as he reaches over to the phone, picking it up without checking who the caller was at all.
"Hello?" Qrow frowns as he hears the crack in his voice as he speaks into the phone and looks around the room, trying to remember what had happened the night before. An empty bottle that once held Atlesian Crown Whiskey answers his question.
"Qrow?" A woman's voice on the other end asks, sounding worried above all else. "Qrow, it's Glynda."
Glynda? Why was she calling him?
"Uh, hey, Glynda, what's going on?" Qrow asks, wondering why Glynda would call him before James would. It'd been nearly two weeks since James had left on his mission, and now Glynda was calling first? "You've been taking care of Jimmy right?"
Qrow hears a sigh on the other end of the phone. Glynda sounds exhausted, he notes as he waits for her to speak again. He hears the crack in her voice as she begins to speak. "Qrow, he's… something happened in the field. We've been at the hospital, and he's…" Glynda's voice cracks again, and to Qrow it sounds distinctly like she's trying to hold back a sob.
"Glynda?" The feeling of his heart beating hard against his chest makes Qrow sit upright, and any hangover that he had disappeared completely as worry took over his mind. Something was wrong. Gravely wrong. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out.
The voice on the other end of the phone is silent for a while, and Qrow can hear the voice of another woman speaking to Glynda, seemingly trying to comfort her. James had mentioned his other teammates before. Nettle or something, if Qrow remembered correctly. Finally, Glynda speaks again.
"They're doing all they can but Qrow, if you love him, you need to come to Atlas. We don't…"
The sentence doesn't need finishing. Qrow knows exactly what it is that Glynda's trying to tell him, and he sighs, staring at the empty bottle on the floor from his place on his bed. Mentally, Qrow finds himself wondering whether he had anything else left to drink. He needed a drink. "…Right." Qrow manages to say into the phone, though the word comes out barely above a whisper. "I'll… try to get there as soon as I can."
"I'm so sorry, Qrow."
"Yeah." Qrow murmurs into the phone, still staring at the empty bottle. "Me too…. Glynda, take good care of him. Please."
"We're doing what we can. Qrow, take care of yourself. I'll try to keep you up to date but… you should get here. Sooner than later."
"Right." Qrow says, feeling his hands begin to shake at the realization that his James, his Jimmy was probably going to die. "I'll… I'll be there."
The two speak for maybe another minute, but it's hard. Neither can think of much to say to comfort the other, and when the phone finally hangs up, Qrow crumples in on himself. All he can think of is how badly he needed a drink, or to scream, or cry, or fix things because goddamnit his Jimmy was dying and he was stuck halfway across Remnant unable to save him.
Two days later, Qrow leaves Vale behind, his apartment all but completely destroyed in a drunken rage. He could fly to Atlas himself, but he's bought a ticket to fly there by airship instead. Having wings was only good as long as he didn't get tired, and Atlas was a long way from Vale.
He makes it about three quarters of the way through the flight before disappearing out the window of a bathroom to fly the rest of the way to Atlas. Upon reaching the city, he searches out the largest buildings he can find, and eventually Qrow manages to follow an ambulance all the way to the hospital.
Qrow flits from window to window, peering in with piercing red eyes. He had to find James. As he wrapped around the back of the building, Qrow saw a glint of shining silver from inside of one of the rooms, and flits over to it, landing on a barren tree just outside to peer in.
Jimmy.
A man steps into the room, carrying what looks like a sophisticated metal shell, and Qrow can't bear to watch as the makeshift body that James wore was replaced by something more permanent. He'd found James, but this wasn't anything like the James he'd seen two weeks ago. No, this was something else.
Qrow flits back down to the ground, transforming back into a man and landing in the soft snow with a quiet crunching sound. He looks up at the hospital and sighs, realizing he didn't know where the entrance to the hospital was, or whether James would even be allowed visitors.
With a groan, Qrow begins walking the perimeter of the building until he found a door that seemed like it was the right one inside.
He goes to the front desk, and is given directions to the intensive care ward, and sets out, hoping that he'd be able to find James, and at least see that he was alive. Qrow had a sinking feeling that what he'd find wasn't anything like he'd like to. James, comatose. James, paralyzed. James, dying.
On the way up, Qrow sees Glynda leaving a gift shop with a bouquet of flowers. He wonders how many days she's been here with James, checking in on him carefully. Qrow looks down for a moment and sighs, approaching the woman. "Glynda."
The blonde looks up, turning to see Qrow there, and seems to breathe a sigh of relief as she shifts the bouquet in her arms. "Qrow, you made it."
"How is he?" Qrow asks, hooking his thumbs in his pockets as he got close to her, hunched over a bit as he walks.
Glynda looks away from Qrow, but seems nervous. Deeply nervous. "He's… they think that he's out of the worst of it. From what I understand, they're doing further…" Glynda frowns, as though the next word she needed to say sat on her tongue, bitter and heavy as poison. "It doesn't feel right using a word like reconstruction on a person."
Qrow's eyes widened at the realization that he truly didn't know what he was going to see when he went into that hospital room. "Has he been awake?"
"Dust, no." Glynda answers, walking toward an elevator and pushing a button to bring the car down to the level they were on so that they could reach the intensive care unit. "He was conscious when he was brought in, but they've kept him in a coma so he can…"
Qrow swallows as he feels the elevator box lurch, moving him and Glynda up two floors of the hospital. "That bad, huh? What even happened?"
Glynda goes pale at this question, paler than usual, at least. She shifts a bit where she stands, running a finger over the petal of a daisy. "We… aren't sure. He was screaming something, but we don't… Qrow, we think he might have seen something and acted on it."
Qrow nods. The elevator makes a quiet dinging sound, and the door opens. Qrow and Glynda step out of it, Glynda leading the way to where James was. It's a bit of a walk, and signing in to visit takes a few minutes, but soon they're just outside the door to James' room.
The two see a man leave the room, his hands covered in oil and blood, and Qrow feels a bit sick to his stomach, not sure what lay on the other side of the door. "Glynda…"
"I know." The woman says before steeling herself and pushing the door to the room open to see James, laying in his hospital bed. His arm and leg were gone, and the makeshift half-torso that he'd been in was gone, replaced with something that looked a bit more natural, or at least more suited to a living being. Qrow swallows.
He approaches James' bed, where two chairs sat beside it and sinks into the one nearest James' face. He began to take in James' appearance, albeit slowly. James' entire right side had been gone, and now he had a metallic half-torso installed to keep him from dying. It wasn't his Jimmy, his James. This was something completely different.
Qrow reaches out, wanting to touch James' hand, but hesitates. When he reaches out all the way finally, he wraps his hand around James' remaining flesh hand.
It was a lot to process.
Qrow's eyes widen at the feeling of a twitch in James' hand, and his eyes immediately dart to Glynda. "He moved."
Glynda sets the flowers in a vase on the bedside table, alongside a number of cards as well as a loose medal that looked like a heart with a soldier on it, made of cool steel and blue stone. She gets close to James' face, and tries to look past the respirator and the newly installed bar of metal above one of James' eyebrows. It was attached to his nervous system, they'd said, keeping his organs working properly, they said. If he was able to survive long enough to get limbs, they'd be attached too. "He doesn't seem to be waking up." Glynda looks over at Qrow seriously.
Qrow sighs, reaching into his pocket to find his flask, but only feels how light it was as he removed it. He needed a drink, he thought to himself. James' hand twitched in his again, and Qrow gently squeezes on instinct.
Nothing.
He sighs, curling up in the chair beside James' bed and watching James sleep silently. Occasionally a word will pass between himself and Glynda, but they're mostly silent. They don't want to talk. Nothing would ever be enough.
Eventually, Glynda goes back to her hotel room, while Qrow stays there in the hospital and sleeps, still gently clutching James' hand.
Two days pass, and James' body seems to be adapting well enough to the new cybernetics. The doctors had come in that morning to turn James over, and install additional wiring into James' spinal cord. Qrow sat outside the room while it happened, since James' room was more of an operating room at this point than a regular patient's room.
They'd said it would give James the ability to feel what they'd replace.
Qrow doesn't ask whether that's a bad idea or not.
It's late that evening. Qrow is curled up in the chair again, in the same clothes that he'd arrived in, but now he'd managed to get a full flask of whiskey, which he'd sip from time to time as he waited. James would have to wake sooner or later.
Qrow closes his eyes for a moment, tilting his head back into a more comfortable position so that he could rest. The sound of a quiet sound makes Qrow snap upright though, him leaning forward to see that James seemed to be stirring.
"Jim." Qrow tries to see if James could hear him, which earns another groan from James.
"Glyn…"
Qrow's crimson eyes widened with the realization of what was happening. James was waking up. His James had made it out of the woods. His James was alive. "It's me, Jim." Qrow says, leaning forward to get close to James' ear. "It's Qrow."
"Qrow…"
"Yeah." Qrow sits up, hitting a button to call a doctor as he'd been asked in case James had woken. "I'm right here, James."
He watches James carefully. Watches those blue eyes reopen for the first time since that morning that James left for this mission. He grips James' hand, giving it a gentle squeeze as doctors and nurses streamed in, running tests on James to see whether it was safe to take him off of the respirator or not. To see whether his nerves were working right or not.
Qrow watches, silent, as James was poked and prodded, and eventually that damn oxygen mask was removed, James left to breathe on his own, though it's labored. His new lung needs to adapt, they say. They give James a good shot of painkillers for good measure.
Eventually, Qrow is left alone with a delirious James again.
"Hey, Jimmy."
"Qrow…." James' eyes seem to search the room for him, making Qrow frown. Of course. James probably was on so many painkillers or in so much pain that he didn't know which way was up. "Alive…"
"Yeah, you are." Qrow answers, gently squeezing James' hand in hope that it'd be enough to get the other man to refocus on him. "You're right here."
James turns his head, facing his missing side, as though looking for something, but seems to drift off on a haze of painkillers. Qrow feels a wave of relief pass over him for a moment at the realization that it meant that he wouldn't have to be the one to explain what had happened to James.
Qrow gets up, once he was sure that James had fallen asleep, and leaves for the night, heading to Glynda's hotel room for a shower and sleep in a bed for the first time in a few days.
At around four that morning, James woke back up, and manages to sit himself up a bit. He looks down at himself, feeling a bit more clearheaded than before, and just struggles to put together exactly what had happened. Why was he here? Why was there metal installed on his body? What happened?
He thinks back to the battlefield, but the first thing he can think of is the sounds that had been surrounding him. He doesn't remember a lot of it. He doesn't remember what that crunching sound that seemed to punctuate everything was, but he does remember the screaming.
Was Glynda alive? Was Qrow alive?
He'd seen them both, about to be crushed by a Goliath, but he can't piece together what happened after.
James looks down at his body, torn and ruined. His arm and leg were gone, but it looks like they'd left sockets in his new torso to make additions.
He doesn't want to know exactly how far the damage stretches.
It doesn't feel like him. He can feel things, he realizes, on his new metal side, but the sensations are all wrong. Signals that were once clear as day come out muddled at best now, too dull to make an impact. It's not him.
This isn't him. This isn't his body.
James finds a blanket and pulls it over himself, as high as he can so that he doesn't have to look at the damage. It's a bit of a chore doing that all with one hand, but he manages. The difficulty only makes him feel more painfully aware of what was missing.
He feels sharp pain where he'd imagine his arm and leg still were, once were.
He covers his face with his flesh hand. It felt like it was the only part of him that was still him, he realizes as he feels metal on his brow. James closes his eyes, hiding from the world. There's a big part of him that wishes he'd just died on that battlefield instead of this.
This was shameful. And he didn't know how he was going to make it through everything.
James sits up, awake, looking around his room and trying to ignore the phantom pains shooting through him in favor of distractions and piecing together what happened. He tries to ignore the flowers and the medal on the nightstand, and the fact that he wasn't entirely sure whether Qrow had been there earlier or not.
Come daylight, a doctor comes to his room to see how he is. It's someone named Doctor Polendina, poking and prodding at the new metal additions of James' body. The doctor makes promises to James, saying that he could ensure that James got a new arm and leg so that he could be mobile again, but being able to walk again wasn't a promise, James tells himself. Just optimism.
Before visiting hours, James asks to speak to someone who could make sure that he were left alone, for the most part. He doesn't want to see Qrow, or Glynda anymore. He didn't want them to see his newest shame.
Qrow actually bothers to show up looking like he hadn't slept in his clothes now that he knows James is awake again. He wanted to make a good impression, after all. But he's left with the sinking realization that things will never be the same after this.
James was still the same James, Qrow told himself. But his body was different, and Qrow seriously doubted that things would be the same now as they had been three weeks ago. Whatever had happened out in the field, whatever James had seen, it had been something terrible.
On the way out, Qrow fills up his flask with a little of what was in the mini-bar at the hotel, and reminds himself to slip Glynda a little money to pay for it before he left Atlas. The black haired man steps out and finds himself squinting because of the way that the light seemed to reflect off of everything here. The buildings, the snow on the ground, everything.
He's suddenly glad he doesn't have a hangover.
Qrow walks to the hospital. If it was more than just a block away, he would have flown, but apparently Glynda had been wise in choosing a place where she'd be able to run a block in case there was an emergency.
He pushes down the part of his consciousness that tells him why that was. He doesn't want to think about that. James was awake now, he was probably going to live. It's only a few minutes, but Qrow finally reaches the hospital, stepping inside and following the same pathway that he'd walked the day before with Glynda up to James' room, getting past the front desk with ease.
When he reached James' room, Qrow peaks in to see James, lying in bed, staring out the window. Qrow felt a pang of something painful shoot through him, almost not wanting to go inside now that he'd seen James. He steels himself, and steps in, leaning against the frame of the door. After a moment of silence, Qrow speaks.
"Hey, Jimmy."
James' blue eyes open up a bit and his head whorls around in search of the source of Qrow's voice. It doesn't take long for Qrow to realize that James was probably still on more painkillers than most hospitals contained. James' eyes focus on Qrow.
"Qrow." James manages to get the word out, looking away almost immediately, and pulling the spare blanket that he'd covered himself in up a bit, trying to hide the newly-installed prosthetics from Qrow.
Qrow saunters forward towards James, taking a seat in one of the two chairs that was still set next to James, bed, and reaches out to hold James' arm, only for James to immediately pull away from Qrow balling his remaining hand up into a fist in his lap. "Don't." James mutters, still not looking back at Qrow. Qrow frowns, deciding that maybe holding James' hand and trying to comfort him was out of the question.
"I'm sorry." Qrow mutters, trying to sway his body so that he could get a view into James' eyes. What he saw was nothing like the James of three weeks ago. All of the light that had been there was gone, replaced with something else, something unreadable. "Do you want to..."
"No." James answers, gripping the blanket in his lap tightly. Qrow sighs sadly, watching James closely. He wished he could get into James' head in this moment badly. With a strength that he'd never felt before. James' blue eyes dart down to his hand, then his missing arm, back to his hand.
James seems to open his mouth to speak for a moment, then closes it again, lost. His brow furrows, and then he meets Qrow's eyes directly, blue matching red. "Qrow, what are you doing here?"
Qrow's eyes widen at the question, filling with confusion rapidly. "What…. Jim, why do you think I'm here?" Qrow realizes quickly that he shouldn't have asked that question, trying to bring himself back to a clear head and address what James had just asked. "Jim, I'm here because I love you."
"I asked them not to let you see me."
"James-"
"Get out." James snaps at Qrow, his eyes narrowing as his eyes dart around the room. He hears the monitor beside him spike with his heart rate. Qrow is able to hear the anger in James' growl, and the realization that he wasn't supposed to be there made it worse.
Qrow swallows, but decides to stay there in the room. "It doesn't bother me."
"I'm an invalid."
James looks away from Qrow and tries to turn his body away from the other man, but seems to have a great deal of difficulty moving anything. Qrow realizes that James was too weak to move "You…."
"I saw you die." James snaps at Qrow, now looking at him. The sound of the monitor that was tracking James' heartbeat acts as an undercurrent for everything that's said in that hospital room. James' eyes squeeze closed, and he raises his remaining hand to cover his face and hide from Qrow. "I had to save you, and Glynda, and that village, and I just…"
"Jim?"
James swallows hard, looking down at his missing side, and looks up at Qrow, bringing down his remaining hand to punctuate the motion. "I don't know what happened, but I… I had to save them all. They gave me that-" James' eyes travel over to the medal that sat on his the table beside his bed. "as a reward for what I did, but I don't… do you know what that is?"
"I…"
"it's an Atlesian Heart. They give it to every injured soldier. I've lost half of my body, and I'm not entirely sure how far the damage actually goes. And they give me a consolation prize." James looks down at his ruined side, feeling a pain shoot through it as he does so. "I won't be able to fight again. Probably not even walk, I'm nothing."
"Jim-"
"Qrow, I've worked my entire life for this, and now it's gone." James' eyes seem like they're wet, and Qrow realizes that James was probably on the edge of crying. He was surprised that James was even this coherent to begin with, really. "I don't… why are you here?"
"Because I love you, Jim." Qrow raises his voice now, snapping at James and leaning forward so that he was nearly on top of him. "Do you think that a bit of metal will change that?"
James closes his eyes, as though he were trying to keep his composure, but doesn't seem to be able to do very well at it. There's too much going on, far more than James feels like he's able to process at the moment, and there's a large part of him that feels like he'll snap in half at any second. Not physically, but mentally. He doesn't know how to hold it together anymore.
"This… this isn't me, Qrow." James gestures to the metal side. "I… I think you should go. Really. There should be a doctor in soon to check up on me."
Qrow nods, remembering the weight of his flask in his pocket and stands up, reaching out to gently brush James' hand with his own. "Right." He mumbles, shoving his hands into the pockets of his black jeans. "I'll… talk to you later I guess." With that, Qrow turns, walking with a slumped back out of the room, peering back at James over his shoulder as he does. He makes it as far as the doorframe, and stops a moment.
Over his shoulder, he sees James carefully rearranging his body as best as he can. Qrow's eyes squeeze shut for a moment, then he finally goes.
The feeling of James' nerves connecting for the first time makes him want to punch a boarbatusk so hard its tusks snap off. James' hand balls into a fist, and he feels himself pound down on the flesh of his leg as he grits his teeth through the pain.
"I told you it would hurt." A voice to James' side says, and James opens his eye to see the man, with what appeared to be rapidly greying hair as he buzzed around, lifting what appeared to be a metal leg.
His leg, James' mind tells him. The message doesn't quite register.
The man reaches out with a wrench, tapping at the forearm of the newly-attached cybernetic arm. "We'll go over the calibrations soon." The man explains as he looks up at James to see whether there was any pain registering on the man's face at the feeling of the tapping. "Do you feel it?"
"Yes." James manages to answer, sitting upright and staring down at the new arm that had just been attached to his body. Like a doll's arm going into a socket. This was no doll's arm though, it was something else, something highly advanced. "It… it's dull, but I feel it."
The doctor sits upright, seemingly pulling a wire or two into place on the new leg. "You'll get used to it soon enough. Try moving it."
James nods, but isn't sure where to start. How does one check for feeling? Start at the closest part and then work to extremities? The other way around. The man hesitates for a long moment, before making a decision, simply lifting the arm first, then trying to bend at the elbow. It's responsive enough, but when he begins trying to move his fingers, the signals don't seem to be correct.
The doctor scribbles something down, and nods at James, who sets the arm back down, feeling reluctant to even use it. He could feel it, and it was attached to him, but it wasn't him. "You're going to have to build up a bit more strength if you're going to be able to support all of this, but I'm sure that'll be dealt with in physical therapy. Now, the leg."
James looks down at his lap, not really wanting to think about what came next. This was all wrong, he told himself. "Right." James answers, pulling the blanket that was covering most of his body off to the side before looking away. Carefully, he lifts the new arm, trying to twist his body so that he could give Doctor Polendina better access to his leg socket.
Eventually, James manages to settle into place and closes his eyes, mentally bracing himself for a rush of feeling. He can feel a hand on his hip, holding him in place, then his body jerks forward as the leg is inserted, and he feels a pain shoot up his body as the nerves connect.
James can't stop himself from shouting at the sensation this time.
"There." Doctor Polendina says as he steps back from James, giving the man a little bit of room so that he could recover from the new attachment. "Try to move it when you feel comfortable."
James moves it eventually, starting at his thigh, and moving out until he can feel his toes after. He hadn't expected to be given toes. Once everything seemed to be in place, he manages to sit up, but everything feels wrong. The weight of his new limbs against his still-healing body was a bit much. "It all works." James manages to get out.
"It'll all take some getting used to." Doctor Polendina says, looking at James as though he were inspecting him for just a moment before stepping back to his clipboard and scribbling down something else. "I'm sure you'll be up in moving in no time, at least after the therapy, and your wounds have finished healing."
James nods, clenching and unclenching his new hand over and over, though he refuses to look at it. "Thank you." James murmurs to the doctor, who nods and smiles at him.
"You and your team are heroes. Don't think this was all in vain."
"How did you-?"
James turns his head to see that the doctor was leaving the room, leaving him behind. Doctor Polendina turned back, smiling at James. "I've seen your type before."
"My type?"
Doctor Polendina flips his notes as though he were looking something before looking up at James, to see that the other man was still trying to get used to the fact that there was now something where his arm once was. "Soldiers, and huntsmen that feel the need to save everyone, even at the risk of themselves. There's no shame in this, James. With a good enough recovery, I'm sure you'll be in the field again in no time."
James' hand clenches into a fist, and he looks up at the doctor, then back down at the fist in his lap. After a long moment's hesitation, James lets himself relax, realizing that he had a lot to figure out, especially where to go from here.
James manages to convince the doctors to allow him to have no visitors, and within a month and a half, he manages to be discharged to an apartment in the city, where he stays while he goes through physical therapy.
The calls on his scroll are starting to pile up a bit, and James finds himself spending more time deleting messages that he'd received than he ever did listening to them. It was mostly his teammates and Qrow, but he couldn't bear talking to them.
Despite what everyone said to him, he couldn't convince himself that they would want him around anymore after everything that had happened. He didn't want them to see him anymore, either. All James wanted was to stop being in pain, to move forward, and get himself back into good enough shape that he could possibly consider making the move back onto the battlefield.
He always had a place in the Atlesian Military, so should things come together enough, he could always come back to that.
James has been trying to get used to his new body. Nothing fits right though. Most mornings the calibrations are off, and getting them back to the proper settings wasn't always an easy task. Along the seam of the metal, some of the wounds haven't finished healing, and what has healed is scarring terribly.
He can't get past the fact that no matter how it was all attached to his body, it wasn't him. It wasn't the same.
Sometime around noon, one particularly warm Saturday, James actually bothers to get up and fix himself something to eat that was more than a simple sandwich. Most days the energy to do such things is gone, and James is happier curled up in a bed most days reading when he wasn't in physical therapy.
He moves between the fridge and the plate where he's laid out a few slices of bread, ignoring the sound of tapping at his window. Ignoring that someone on the outside might want to talk to him. All James allows himself to be concerned with is the fact that he had roast beef in the fridge waiting for consumption.
The sound of the tapping intensifies. James opens the packet containing the roast beef that he'd picked up the day before at the supermarket and instead goes on in making his sandwich. For a second, he looks up, to see a large black bird sitting on the tree just outside the window.
Qrow.
James feels himself go white, and he turns away from it, heading into another room where he was guaranteed some distance. On the way into the next room over, James finds himself tugging down on the heavy sweater that he'd chosen to cover himself up with, and pulling the glove he'd taken to wearing on his cybernetic arm up more to hide what was there.
He hears the tapping start, then the sound of glass shattering in his kitchen.
James starts, running back another room into the bedroom and pushing the door shut. He didn't want this. He didn't want this at all. From the other side, he can hear Qrow getting closer, but tries to block the sound out.
"Jimmy." The voice gets close, and James is able to gauge that Qrow is halfway through the living room. "Jim, talk to me." This time the voice is closer, only making James take another step back away from the door. "James, you need to talk to me."
James stands on the other side of the door and finds himself wrap his arms around himself, but the action doesn't serve to bring any significant comfort to him. It all still feels too strange, too distinctly alien. "I don't want to, Qrow."
He hears the sound of something making contact with the door, and a moment later, James realizes that Qrow was most likely standing on the other side of the door and resting his head against it. Qrow was probably exhausted, James realized.
"Qrow, why are you here?"
He hears the sound of the doorknob jingling, and James realizes that he hasn't locked the door behind him. "Qrow, don't-"
The door opens, and Qrow steps in, eyes more reddened than usual, probably by a mix of exhaustion, a hangover, and maybe something else. Qrow looks James up and down for a moment, but stands at the doorframe before leaning against it, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "I'm here, Jimmy."
"You broke into-"
"You've been cutting everyone off for a while, Jim." Qrow says, voice serious as he watches James, who seemed to be looking for an escape, not unlike a caged animal. "I know that what happened was…. Well, rough, but why all of this?"
James sighs, looking away from Qrow, intentionally turning his right side as far away from his lover, no, former lover as possible. "Qrow, I need to focus on recovery here."
"So why are you cutting yourself off from us?" Qrow steps forward, stalking towards James and trying to step in front of the taller man so that he could make eye contact for the first time that day. "Everyone is worried about you."
"That doesn't give you the right to break into my home, Qrow."
Qrow rolls his eyes, realizing without any effort that James was doing nothing but trying to dodge his questions. He couldn't exactly pretend that he hadn't expected that, but it was still frustrating. The thinner man steps forward into James' space, backing James against the wall a bit to restrict his way out. "Answer the question, Jimmy."
James takes a step back, but quickly realized that he was making contact with the wall behind him, opening his hand up and feeling the wall behind him, and takes a long breath, resisting pressing himself back even further into it so that he could put some more space between him and Qrow.
He feels painfully aware of the weight of metal straining his body.
"Qrow, I don't-" James sighs heavily and looks away from Qrow, but also avoiding looking at his right side. He hesitates a long moment, brow furrowed before he finally manages to say something about how and what he was feeling, and his motives. "Qrow, I'm not even comfortable with myself anymore. Much less with anyone else."
Recognizing that he was getting somewhere, Qrow takes a half-step back, giving James the space to breathe. "It's still you, Jim. An accident in the field doesn't change that. Neither does some shiny metal bits." Qrow's eyes soften a bit. "Do you… think we don't want you anymore?"
The long hesitation answers Qrow's question before James even has to say a word. Qrow takes another step back and seats himself on the end of James' bed, feeling the way that the mattress had very little give underneath him. Somehow, that answered a lot of questions that Qrow hadn't even known that he'd had.
Qrow only looks up at James, then the spot next to him on the bed, which he gently pats with an open palm. He watches James, trying to get a good read on his former lover. To his surprise, James doesn't take much hesitation in joining him, seating himself so that there was a good amount of space between the two of them.
"I feel like a failure, Qrow." James manages to get the words out, looking down into his lap, where his cybernetic arm rested on top of his metallic knee, clenching and unclenching the hand underneath the glove. "And I don't feel like I'm capable anymore, despite everything. I… I want to be able to get back into the action and save people, but I don't know that I even can."
Qrow reaches out, testing the waters before taking James' hand in his own, holding James there with him. "If you made it through that, you'll be back out there in no time. Probably stronger too." James flinches away and so Qrow releases the hand. "I still love you, Jim. Nothing's changed for me."
Blue meets crimson, and James hesitates, a pang making his chest hurt. "Qrow, I…." For the first time, James lets his hands meet, lacing his fingers together in his lap. James pulls his eyes away from Qrow's nervousness reading clearly on his face. "Qrow, I feel the same, but… I don't feel like I can anymore. I have a lot to get used to, and I… I don't want to add onto that burden."
James' hands separate, and Qrow watches as both ball into fists, all of James' pent up frustration and anger bubbling to the surface. James' blue eyes were alight with something that seemed to be a mix of pain and anger. The taller man stands up, stepping away from Qrow and turning to him, slipping the glove he wore off and holding the metallic hand out for Qrow.
"Qrow, you have to promise me that you want this. That you really want this." James stares down at the exposed hand, not wanting to face what could happen if he looked into Qrow's eyes. If Qrow rejected him. If Qrow wasn't sure.
A pale hand slides into James' sight, then another, both wrapping around his hand, and James feels the pressure there, but nothing else seems to register. No texture, no warmth. "Of course I want this, Jim." Qrow's voice is raspy, and James finds himself curling his fingers around one of Qrow's hand, wanting to ensure that he couldn't let go.
Qrow releases the hand, earning a low whine from James, but steps forward, wrapping his arms around the taller man. "I know you need to recover, Jim. I understand that, but you can't push everyone else away."
James hesitates, but wraps his arms around Qrow, pulling Qrow tight to him and burying his face in the crook of Qrow's neck. Qrow reaches up, gently smoothing James' hair down with his free hand. "I've got you." Qrow mumbles, taking a step back and pulling James with him so that they could sit on the bed again.
James lands on the bed, and feels it creak a bit underneath his weight. Blue eyes close, and for just a moment, James does nothing but listen. A heartbeat. A quiet hum. All small comforts amongst the whirl of troubles that had plagued him for nearly two months now.
"I want this." James manages to get the words out eventually, pulling away from Qrow a bit and sitting upright. He sighs, looking down at his hands, then floor, then hands, and eventually into Qrow's eyes. "But I… I have to focus on getting better, and I've been offered a job here in Atlas while I do that, basically a military promotion."
"Jim?"
"I can do a lot of good here, Qrow. I have ideas. I've talked to Doctor Polendina a lot, about… preventing things like what happened. And I want to work with him to develop ways to reduce the toll on the battlefield. We think robotics are the answer." A moment's hesitation breaks James' words as he looks back away from Qrow's eyes as though he'd seen something there that he didn't want to see. "I'm going to stay here in Atlas, and work with him and maybe, when I'm healthy, I'll go back into the field. But I think I can save a lot of people if I stay here and take this position."
Qrow looks down at James' hand, seeing how it rested on his knee, listening dumbstruck to everything that James had to say. "You really think that?"
"I do."
Qrow nods, and stands up, turning to face James directly. "So you're going to stay here?"
"Yes."
Another nod. "Then you're going to stay here and take that position. Just don't forget that there are a lot of people who care about you." Qrow reaches over, offering James his hand again, and smiling, though a sadness touched his eyes.
A metallic hand meets Qrow's. The gap between the two of them closes, James pressing his lips to Qrow's all in one fluid motion. Qrow closes his eyes, feeling the sensation of James' flesh and blood hand coming up to cup his cheek. Responding, Qrow wraps his arms around James' shoulders, careful to dodge where he knew James was still healing.
It's a long moment, but James does eventually pull away, resting his forehead against Qrow's.
There's a long silence that hangs between the two of them. Neither wants to break the moment, the silence, the tension.
James breaks first.
"I have physical therapy at two." He mumbles the words into the space between then. Qrow only nods. There's silence between the two of them. "I'll be free for dinner though."
Qrow smiles a bit, nodding. "I think I owe you something to eat anyways." Qrow laughs, pulling away from James and stretching, turning away from James for just a moment. "You go to your therapy, I'll stay here and…"
"Clean up my kitchen." It's not a suggestion or a request.
"Yeah." Qrow chuckles. "I'll do that."
James smiles, pressing another kiss to Qrow's lips, gentle as ever. "I'll be back soon. I… I do want this, Qrow, just… remember I need a bit of time."
"I won't forget it, Jim."
"Thank you, my Qrow."