Disclaimer: these characters clearly don't belong to me, nor do the songs that inspire the pieces, I'm just playing with them.

AN: Ianto's POV, before the events of Cyberwoman.

There are days when I'll look at you, and I'll see everything I want. The way you look at me is…new to me. Like you need me, like I'm something you want, very much. It makes a nice change.

I can forget about what's lurking underneath us, hidden beneath the surface – what I'm amazed no one has found out about yet, to be honest. Perhaps I credited you all with more than you deserve, but I'd like to believe that I wasn't. Not to make me seem smarter, but to make you seem…more like what I want. Wanted. Want? I'm not sure.

But then there'll be days when I look at you and how you look at me, and what I read in your eyes…what I read says 'Monster'. And I know it can't be me imagining it because I'm doing something good, I know I am, keeping her safe and alive until she can be saved, because I owe it to her to try, I owe her that much. And I know that even if it wasn't true now, it would be the minute you found out. I asked around, Jack. You've no love for these…things, and keeping her…alive, that would be a betrayal to you. And letting her live when she might escape and hurt people, that would be even worse. You'd think it was wrong to keep her this way when it may end up being at the expense of others. You'd never forgive me if you knew. It's why I never told you. It's why I stay far, far away.

Because when you find out, and I've no doubt you will, you'll hate me. And I won't start something, knowing that it would hurt you, because I already know that what I'm doing must seem wrong. Even if I didn't owe her I wouldn't try with you, because…well, because one day you'd be over the lies. And you'd fall in love. And it wouldn't be with me.

And there's a part o me that hates how possessive I am of you, because you shouldn't mean anything to me. But, see, I already love you, a little. And I would rather believe that you moved on from an idea of me than that you left me behind. I'd rather not start than loose you.

So everything you say, every move you make towards me, I take the way I always did – as a joke. And it feels almost like I'm free of this, this, this shadow over me, but then the reality of it, of her, crashes back down. You won't be mine. You won't ever be mine.

Because everything I do, every breath I take, every choice of every day is centred around her. And that makes every piece of me a betrayal of you. She's like a disease, if one could love their affliction, because she's so much a part of me that I won't ever be free of her. I won't ever be free to love you.

So I'll keep ignoring the advances while I still have that option. Because the minute you discover that I'm…not a friend, that I'm…the enemy, you'll be gone. And you'll get over the lies and move onto someone new. Someone who isn't me.

Someday you'll be someone's. But you won't be mine.