AN: I've had too much time on my hands during the fiasco of Hurricane Matthew, so this happened. Just two little chapters of angst and fluff with a terribly sweet ending. It bears some semblance to my fic Broken, but with much less angst. I've updated and edited this chapter before uploading the next because I felt it was missing some details. Let me know what you think!
They always went to lunch together on Tuesdays and Thursdays, meeting up at a pub in York or Leeds, or somewhere near the Ministry if he wasn't on assignment before going to his flat and shagging like the teenagers they certainly were not. Although they worked together at the Ministry, they interacted very little now that Hermione was Minister for Magic and Severus head of the Auror department, to keep things aboveboard of course. It had all started with flirtations, he was keen to know her better, his most competent student all those years before, working at the Ministry in Magical Law Enforcement and using her brain for something more than regurgitation. The first time he'd seen her since the night she'd saved him in the Shrieking Shack, he was so surprised by the difference in her appearance, how much she'd matured in the years since she'd graduated from Hogwarts, he felt himself blush, as though Severus Snape could ever have such a pretty young thing, but she'd noticed how he'd changed, too. Her hair still wasn't tamed, it was a garish, riotous mess but instead of thinking her disheveled and unkempt, he found it endearing. Sometimes when she was close enough and the tender curls brushed against his skin, sending waves of sensation throughout his entire body, he remembered her leaning over him, saving his life, hands working miracles as life left him. But it wasn't her hair which first caught his attention; it was her eyes, the fear and worry that had once pervaded them was gone, she was strong, confident, and altogether the Gryffindor goddess he hadn't thought she would have been when she a teenager and annoyingly raising her hand in his potions laboratory. It was her mouth he noticed next, the dramatic change in her smile, no longer bucktoothed, her nose littered with freckles, and infectiously, the first time she saw him she smiled, as though he was her best mate coming to visit after a long absence. It was then he realized she'd always treated with great kindness and sincerity; surely saving him before knowing he was redeemable should've made him realize this, but no, it was her smile, the gentle way his name crossed her lips as their hands met, and he knew, if nothing else, he wanted to be her friend.
As for himself, Snape was no longer the emaciated professor she had wanted to impress for years as a student, sure he wasn't classically handsome, but she liked the severe brow, the delectable lips, the timber of his deep voice as he brought her missives from his department, noting that he could've sent them through interoffice memo but chose to see her, to woo her quietly as it were. Most of all, she enjoyed the way his hands, so nimble, touched her, how he always seemed to sense that she needed that physical connection with him, even if it wasn't sexual in nature, his hands made her calm and clearheaded. What started as flirtation had turned to obvious attraction after Hermione had officially ended things with her school sweetheart, Ron Weasley, when it was entirely clear that they were ill suited; although she loved Ron and he loved her, it wasn't enough for either of them. It had been the most amicable break up most of their friends and family had ever witnessed, one day they'd been lovers and the next they were friends again, no visible awkwardness. The Weasleys still invited Hermione to family functions and the trio, Harry, Hermione, and Ron still met for dinner on Fridays, adding Ginny once she and Harry were married, then Ron's wife, Lavender Brown-Weasley, after a year or so. As soon as Severus had learned that Hermione was a "free agent" as Harry had put it over tea the day after Hermione and Ron had split, Severus immediately devised a plan to make her part of his life, a far more intimate and permanent part.
Severus had known immediately that he'd misjudged the amount of time she'd need to get over the Weasley boy when Hermione received flowers from an unknown source a month following the break-up. He might not have known if he hadn't been spying on her, but honestly what was the use of all those years of spying if not to make it count when it wouldn't hurt anyone except himself. Their weekly lunches hadn't yet started at that point, but he did make it a point to invite her to lunch to discuss the changes in protocol regarding foreign agents. Their meal had been far too enjoyable for both of them, no bumbling sentences or nervous energy; it was as though they had always meant to be friends and simply hadn't made the transition. Although it took Hermione longer to admit her feelings for her former professor, aside from the initial attraction she'd felt towards him, which was more than those of a friend, once she'd made up her mind to have him, she wasted no time telling him over what eventually became their shared lunch dates, Tuesdays and Thursdays. It had all evolved into something she quite enjoyed more than any other relationship she'd been in, not that she had much experience, but neither had Severus. They never spent time discussing what they were to each other; no insipid, 'what is this' or 'where is this going', they both knew they wanted each other and it was enough to have lunches, to occasionally go on holiday together which became more frequent as the years passed, to attend Ministry functions together and even when questioned by the press or even their friends, they always answered that they enjoyed each other's company, neither of them feeling that more needed to be said, until Severus suddenly had an involuntary change of heart.
It had started once she became Minister for Magic. Something had made him possessive of her, worried about the attention she received, both positive and negative, as though something in him had snapped, he wanted more of her, to have full possession of her, but didn't want to rock the boat, to admit to her that the years of their shared attraction and affection were no longer enough for him. Instead, he obsessed about her whenever she wasn't around, even when he should've been working on paperwork for her, training new agents or visiting agents dispersed around the magical world, his brain became so entirely occupied with her that he could barely function. It all reminded him of his other great love, Lily Evans Potter; the one who he pushed away. But, these feelings were entirely different; he didn't just want Hermione in his life, to have her with him at tea or in her sitting room where they both enjoyed lounging together on Sundays catching up on the week's paperwork or an odd letter to a friend or colleague; no, Severus Snape wanted to discipline Hermione, to force her to his will, and ultimately lock her away in his home without hope of recourse. He fought a daily battle within himself to fight those feelings, to make himself see reason and to delight in the time they had together, as lovely and thrilling as it had always been.
Lost in his feelings, the odd sensation of jealousy he hadn't felt in years, he missed their Tuesday lunch for the first time in five years once the tradition had started, forcing Hermione to eat alone at the pub and go back to the Ministry alone, refusing to search for him, letting her rational thought take champion of her feelings as she retreated her to office and tried not to obsess over his absence. He was terrified of how much he wanted to possess her, to control her. For weeks he'd had an intense and alarming fear of what he might do to her, to enrapture her, charm and harm her in a way he could barely fathom.
Once during one of their Thursday shag sessions, he felt an unforeseen and abrupt shift in his emotions, a virile need to smack her, to push her hard against the bed, to gag her and force sounds from her he'd never even heard before. Pulling away abruptly from her, he went immediately to the loo and splashed his face; he'd almost hurt her, his impulsivity had almost completely conquered his propriety when she'd looked to him with her large, hazel eyes, brimming with lust. Before meeting her back in his bed, he took a calming draught and hoped it would be enough to restrain whatever it was causing his brain to make him even consider hurting this beautiful creature.
"Sorry, love." He whispered against her skin, finding her mouth again as she climbed him, unwilling to let him go. In those moments, when he could control the impulse to sadistically control her, he felt himself the most content he'd ever been in his life, fulfilled by her obvious love.
((()))
Hermione had thought that perhaps he'd gotten caught up in work, there had been more raids recently and she knew he'd been incredibly busy and overworked, he'd sniped at her a few times and showed more of the Professor Snape she remembered from her school days, reminding her for a moment just how cruel he could be when he was unchecked. When he didn't show up on Thursday, she sent him a missive about avoiding her in a joking tone and then went about her work running the magical world of the United Kingdom, meeting with foreign dignitaries and her friends for dinner on Friday night.
"Where's Snape?" Harry Potter asked as they dug into curry and cheese fries from a massive platter a the table, noting immediately the drop in Hermione's face.
"I have no earthly idea." It seemed unnatural that he not be there, they'd all been having dinner on Friday for more years than she could count, but found that if she drank enough guinness, she didn't think about it for more than Harry's inquisition, stumbling into her flat later that evening and finding nothing in her post from him. It suddenly made her sad and a touch angry that she had let him get so far under her skin, that perhaps not talking about their relationship and it's parameters had been foolish now that she felt her heart breaking. It was Monday before she came out of her stupor, an ice cream and vodka soaked weekend wherein she only sobered up long enough to attend James Potter's birthday Monday evening, taking a personal day for the first time in ten years. She hoped it had all been a misunderstanding, but when she returned to work that Tuesday, when she should've had lunch with Severus in Leeds, she found herself eating alone in the canteen, completely unsure of her next course of action. She'd sent a message, would it look desperate if she walked to his office and inquired further about his absences? Would it look desperate if she forced him to her office, because she knew she could as his boss. And then it dawned on her for the first time, that she was his boss, that she'd let an interoffice relationship cloud her judgment and she instantaneously chastised herself for her poor judgement. She should've known better; she shouldn't have given her heart to someone so obviously incapable of returning the sentiment.
Throwing her half-eaten food away in the bin, she made herself climb the flights of stairs to her office instead of taking the lift, contemplating how stupid she'd been letting herself get attached to Severus Snape as she rounded the corner to her office, using her hand wandlessly and wordlessly to open the door and finding him sitting in one of the leather chairs in front of her desk, looking impossibly handsome and smelling far more like sandalwood and bergamot than she could handle at the moment. Without a word, she unclasped her robes and straightened her blouse, fixing the waist of her pencil skirt before taking a seat in her chair, the air of the hydraulics softly exhaling as she did, folding her hands together and contemplating the man before her, whom she hadn't seen since the Friday before last. Arching an eyebrow, she noted the stubble of what appeared to be days without shaving, and then the taping of his fingers on the armrests of the chair they'd had sex in more than once, defiling the office of the Minister more times than she could remember. She waited for him to speak, he was the one who owed her explanation, but he didn't; he simply sat across from her, trying not to admit that he'd had quite dark feelings about her, feelings that had plagued him and made him violently ill. In all his years in service of Voldemort, he'd never once defiled a woman and he certainly didn't want to start with the only one who'd loved him since his mother.
For a moment she contemplated asking him to sign another non-disclosure act, making sure that their whatever it was would not be tabloid fodder once he ended things, as he appeared to be working himself up to, but she decided she didn't care if the press finally found out she wasn't the unshaggable prude they made her out to be often enough, and she certainly had never been embarrassed to be seen with her former professor.
"How may I help you, Head Auror Snape?" She refused to let her eyes leave his, to give him even an inkling of the hurt he'd caused her; so, in typical Hermione fashion, she cleared her mind and stared imperceptibly at him, neither fuming nor delicate, she kept her face stern but emotionless.
"Are you going to say anything or should I just assume we've met an impasse?" The silence had finally gotten to her and she felt her carefully constructed walls of emotion crumble. She wouldn't cry, she wouldn't admit just how much she had come to value him, they'd practically been married, sharing everything but their names, for over five years and though it hadn't been spoken, she loved him more than she cared to admit; she simply wanted an explanation if he was ending things.
"You've never been unable to tell me off before or make it clear what you want, I'm afraid I'm in uncharted Snape territory here. If you are here to discuss your position, I can ask my deputy to join us." Hermione finally broke eye contact with the disheveled man before her who looked like he might vomit at any moment. Severus knew he needed to tell her that he was worried for his sanity, as though some ancient curse had made him want to do terrible things to her, but instead he watched the subtle way her eyes fell onto the parchment before her, his letter requesting leave, he needed to sort out his emotions, the creeping feelings of torture, of that possession he had never wanted so desperately. She'd missed the note on top entirely as Severus wasn't known for subtly or love notes.
"You are requesting leave?" He nodded, he couldn't say the words without wanting to spout vile things to her, how he wanted to take her against the desk, to bend her to his will, to control every aspect of her. He tried to motion to the note on top, the words he couldn't verbalize without spewing the vitriol he felt rising in him. For a moment, he controlled it simply by seeing the subtle cracks in her demeanor; it was so clear he was hurting her, but if he'd opened his mouth, he knew he would've said something he could never take back.
"Have you been hit with a silencio? Or is talking to me that difficult?"When he didn't respond, Hermione felt herself release breath she hadn't realized she was holding in, and then she looked back at him, her eyes shifted over his form once more. He looked thinner.
"I will place Dobson in charge for the duration of your leave, but know this, based upon your contract with the Ministry, if you are gone more than six months and one day, I will be obliged to hire someone as your replacement without notice." Hermione's voice almost broke, but she channeled her anger for a moment, stamping his document and handing it back to him before making a magical copy, sending it to the filing cabinet next to her and then folding her arms, mocking his typical stance as she considered him again; she'd never seen him so frightened, his behavior so odd. Rationally, she knew this man, she knew he wouldn't end things like this but emotion overrode rationalism and she simply stared at him, the note on request falling onto her desk.
"Thank you, Minister." And that was it, the nail in the coffin. He never called her by her title and never shook her hand, which he attempted to do as they both stood but Hermione refused to touch him, to feel the terrible grace of his nimble fingers in hers again. Instead, she waved him off, unable to meet his eyes as he waited, and then slamming her door when he exited. She was curious about his behavior, desperate to know what was wrong with him and why he'd suddenly had such a change of heart, but she didn't want to pry. Finally, she looked down at the papers on her desk, craving the infernal scratching of his quill on parchment as she worked, and when she suddenly saw the tiny note, words as devastating as his desolate eyes, "I'm terrified I will hurt you." She should've followed him from the office to his, she should've made herself chase him down and ask him exactly what he meant, but instead she took his words for what they appeared. Her heart burst.
After all their years together, she'd learned not to push him emotionally, but she hadn't had to in so long because he'd been forthcoming and honest with her. For years he'd opened up to her, every niggling thought, every annoyance with his team or even her former classmates who he now regarded as friends. There were nights when she could barely get in a world edgewise because he finally felt free to let everything out, every story from his youth, every experience during his time with Voldemort, the guilt he still carried having killed his mentor, even if he felt that he was freeing Dumbledore from a terribly painful life it still plagued him. Ultimately, they had become more to each other than co-workers, former teacher and pupil, they were bonded, she thought, on a level she'd never experience with anyone else and now, she never wanted to again.
Now, she felt it was all a ruse, a terrible machination of a man who obviously wanted nothing to do with her; again, irrational thoughts destroyed her typical calm. Once she was absolutely sure he was gone, she warded the door and had a long cry, a good ugly cry, giving herself an hour before finishing her schedule for the day. When Thursday arrived, she felt a twinge of regret when it was time for lunch, but the following week things were easier, and by the time he returned six months later, she felt almost over the feeling of regret, when she saw him she didn't immediately swoon or reach for him, wanting the explanation she never got. Instead, she immersed herself in work, went on her own retreat to Bulgaria to meet with Viktor Krum and his wife, she invited her cousins from France for a visit, she met with her friends for Friday dinner and stayed at Grimmauld Place and played with her nephews and niece, all-in-all she was proud of herself for not obsessing about Severus and what had happened to them, though she did get annoyed having to answer about him whenever prompted; she was definitely thankful when people stopped asking. Minister for Magic Hermione Granger ran the government and made herself busy, forgetting the pain deep within herself at having lost him; she persevered without him as she knew she could, she simply hadn't wanted to.