Disclaimer: Naruto and all its characters and settings and items and anything else related do not belong to me nor do I lay any claim towards them.
To the best of my knowledge and understanding they are the property of Masashi Kishimoto as well as numerous other people or companies unknown to me. This sorry excuse for a plot is mine though as is the mysterious Man/Being.
I do not earn any money through this piece and it is created solely for the purpose of entertainment and/or perhaps education(unlikely as it may be) of those who read it and it is of course free.
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"Morning sir!" waved a random shinobi at the interim Hokage.
Sasuke gave a nod and a smile before returning to his examining of the fruit stand's offerings.
It had been almost a year since the end of the war. While the alliance had almost been stretched to its breaking point, through trial and effort the worst now lay behind them. That being said everyone wanted a piece of the hero who made it all possible.
And so after Tsunade stepped down with a smile, Naruto was elected Hokage. To Sasuke's great delight his best friend's enthusiasm only lasted for about a week or so until the grace period passed.
After that the poor Jinchuuriki was bogged down by the sheer amount of work, and the marriage proposals. Oh Kami the marriage proposals. And lets not forget the trips to the allied villages every other week.
Snickering at the memories and Naruto's woes the raven haired man payed for his fruits and left in search of his friends, leaving a confused owner behind.
"Ahh its good to be back," said a smiling Naruto "no crazy Mizukage's here"
'Graahh! Don't say that outloud you idiot, you never know when she is around!' said a shuddering Kurama.
True to his words the wind seemed to whisper our blonde hero's name, in a suspiciously similar tone to that of a certain red headed female. It also sounded pissed.
"Gaah, I will be good mistress Mei! I will be good..." shouted our hero while whipping his head left and right.
'I will be in the cage.' Said the frantic Nine tails.
'Slam' that was the sound of said cage's doors slamming shut.
'Err Kurama?' silence was his only answer as he tried, and failed to enter their till now shared mind scape. For some reason he got the sense that his furry friend was not coming out until the Mizukage had been sated.
During all this Shikamaru was gazing as his friend said weird stuff and made stupid faces, admittedly that was not something new for the sixth Hokage but...
"Are you ok Naruto?"
The blonde snapped out of it and gazed at the leaf's premier strategist, "Yeah, yeah. Its just that Kurama is blocking me."
'Sigh, why did we make him Hokage again.' thought Shikamaru with a facepalm.
He turned and gazed at Kakashi, "He was your student, you deal with him. I am off to sleep, you would think having Temari as my girlfriend was effort enough, but now I have to babysit him as well. My poor bed..." and with that he vanished sobbing, anyone who had endured the blonde menace for more than a week would understand.
"Ahh Naruto," started the scarecrow with his trademarked eye smile, "you shouldn't trouble your friends with your marital woes. That is between you and lady Mei. I believe Lord Jiraiya is calling me, by your leave Lord Hokageeee." and with that he too vanished leaving behind a spluttering and scared Naruto.
"She is not my wife dang it, and Kurama resides in me, he is just as invested in this as I am!"
'Naruuutoooo' the hiss in the wind seemed to intensify.
"Ahhh! Yet, she is not my wife yet!" screamed the pale Jinchuuriki.
Somehow this seemed to do it and the aura of doom encircling the young man vanished.
"Is it safe to come out yet?" asked one of the gate guards poking his head out of the hastily erected bunker.
Naruto sighed.
With mutterings about stupid teachers and perverted old men he setted upon his path trying to locate his own slice of heaven, Ramen!
"Ahh this is going to be wonderful! I will start with 2...no 3-" Naruto's sunny disposition vanished with a silent scream and a screeching halt at the sight which greeted his poor eyes.
Where once stood the temple known to the mortals as 'Ichiraku's' now stood an anathema, it still beared the same suffix. But now the label read 'Ichiraku's Pocky', and next to it was a note 'Itachi appreciation year.'
Needless to say it took a while for Naruto's silent scream to end and for him to exit the blue screen of death.
"NOOooooooo!" his screams echoed across the elemental nations.
Sasuke meanwhile was enjoying some sake, as the screams reached him a small smile split his face.
Anko's eyes narrowed as things finally clicked in place, "So this was the reason for all this."
With each word from the woman's mouth his smile grew, "Yup!" he said beaming.
She sighed and pinched her nose, "I hope you are ready for the consequences..."
Our frantic hero raced through the streets of Konoha, he was oblivious to the happy greetings from his citizens as he visited ex Ramen stand after ex Ramen stand. It was all for naught, just before Naruto's mind broke from the horror of the eternal pocky an interruption as if from the very heavens themselves broke his trance.
"Raaaamen, wait what?" said our friendly Ramen zombie as he came to a screeching halt.
"You see Tsunade, he can get drunk bwahahahaha" said Jiraiya while pointing to his old time friend Orochimaru.
"Aghh you idiots..." murmured Tsunade while rubbing her face at her teammates antics.
Meanwhile the oblivious mad scientist was trying to flirt with the bartender, the poor girl didn't know whether to laugh or to cry, "how about I take you to a touuur, hic, through my labs and then my, hic, apartmeent" he finished with a slur.
"More for my friend, put it on my tab!" said a somewhat strange cheering Man next to Orochimaru watching the proceedings with great amusement.
"Thanks..." said the scientist before his head met the counter top, snores were heard a few seconds later.
Laughing his ass off the super being paid for the drinks, "and these for a few more, for when he wakes up bwahahaha" said the godling before walking off laughing.
Naruto having regained enough cognitive function to seek aid approached the table, but not before teasing his godfather a bit.
"Ero sennin, you are even worse now then you were before dying" he said in a loud voice.
Said glorious writer of deep and insightful pieces of por... err art turned his head and graced his unappreciating student with his wisdom, "Hmf, so this is how you treat your poor teacher eh? The first thing you do upon returning to the village is to torment me even more boowhowoo" he said while crying big fake tears.
'I had enough of their stupidity for today' thought Tsunade before punching both idiots in the head.
"Hehe, boobies." said a dazed and smiling Jiraiya before visiting dreamland.
Being a Jinchuuriki had many perks and curses, Naruto's rapid recovery abilities was both at the moment.
"What do you want you annoying brat, I have my hands full with these two idiots alone" she said while prepping her fist for a second landing in the Naruto airstrip.
"Woah woah easy, hehehe." he said trying to placate the irate woman while the rest of the patrons were hiding under their tables, with the braver ones amongst them peeking to get a better look at what was about to ensue.
"Its just that all the Ramen shops have closed down, whats up with that granny?" he asked.
The fearsome blonde relaxed and sighed, "I am not dealing with this, your 'best friend' is to blame for that go find him."
"Sasuke is behind this, no Ramen year thing?!" screamed the blonde horrified, "Nooo..." and with that he was off racing to find his old friend and beat him up for this sacrilege.
The bar patrons sighed in disappointment before returning to their customary spots.
"SASuke..." the screams echoed throughout the town.
"He found out, excelleeent." said the raven haired man while assuming, unbeknownst to him, the famous 'Gendo Ikari pose' or for short 'Just as planned'.
"You are an idiot you know that right? There were better ways to get him to fight you again." said Anko while shaking her head.
"Yes but I also did say I would destroy Konoha, I keep my word. I just didn't specify how much of Konoha or even what I would destroy." he finished with the look of a stupid man thinking he had done something great.
Anko facepalmed.
"Graaaahh"
"Oh great he is getting closer." said the poor woman.
As Sasuke opened his mouth to reply the bar's doors exploded, in their place stood a feral Naruto.
"RAAAMeeen!" and with those words of wisdom he lunged at the instigator of his torment.
A short exchange of blows later and they had crafted a new exit for the bar, Anko seeing the owner approach with an interesting look had one thing to say, "He is the boyfriend, he is paying not me." before returning to her danko.
"Huf, huf. That was a good warm up, now you will pay for your sacrilege against the food of the gods!" said a panting Naruto amidst the new clearing they had created during their 'spar'.
"So you say Naruto but you are still not doing anything about it." said the youth with a taunting smirk.
Just as they were about to start again Orochimaru, their fighting having woken him up, interrupted them.
"My lords wait," he said before running up to them, "having anticipated that you would...how to put it, 'spar' again I developed a few 'improvements' genetically tailored to you." he finished with a proud and disturbing smile.
Both youths turned green while gazing at the proffered needles.
"Err and what exactly is that?" asked a pale and green, a wondrous combination for him, Naruto.
"Ahh I am glad you asked, you see this serum will allow you to breathe..well not exactly, but you will perceive it as such, in SPAAACE!" said the mad scientist hamming the last word just a bit.
"Thanks no thanks, I still remember the curse seal you know." said the raven haired youth in a conversational manner.
"Naru~toooo!" sing songed a melodic voice.
The feeling of dread our hero had had in his gut all day intensified, with a whimper he turned his head.
Staring back at him with a loving smile, and approaching fast! Was none other than Mei terumi.
In a snap the newest Hokage had injected himself with the substance and was rising rapidly in the air, "Come Sasuke you want a fight? Follow meee!"
With a snarl the Uchiha man injected himself as well, "You are not escaping Naruto, I want my fight dang it!" and with that he was off after his rival and friend. After all even though the Uchiha/Senju-Uzumaki feud had been resolved they still loved to 'spar', deadly fights for everyone else, with each other.
Booms and shockwaves appeared in the dozen as the two powerhouses duked it out in the heaven above.
"Wow look at them go, I am so proud of them!" said Jiraiya while shedding fake tears and trying to inconspicuously gaze at the two buxomed women. Judging by his nosebleed and Tsunade's glaring he was failing.
Mei was not interested in all that though, she was simply following the trail her intended left in the sky, "You will tire and land..." she purred.
Up in the stratosphere Naruto shuddered.
The end?
(Author's notes) This piece came to me after I watched the Kabuto/Itachi-Sasuke fight and I heard Sasuke more or less say how he wouldn't go back on his word and destroy Konoha, that he later proceeds to have a change of heart is irrelevant here.
Adding to the above another source of inspiration was the Bills/Goku fight and how he 'kept' his word later as well.
Now regarding this story and to address some questions you are bound to have, in this fic the zetsu that was stuck on Obito was sacrificed to bring back Jiraiya with some dna that the horder also known as 'mad scientist Orochimaru' was bound to have. Later he was returned permanently to life through rinnegan hacks.
Orochimaru is a good guy in this, Kabuto..is Kabuto and does stuff somewhere.
Tsunade is young again somehow and may or may not be Jiraiya's girlfriend.
Also Naruto is getting married to Mei at some point no matter how much he tries to avoid it, regarding other pairings if you want to imagine it then he bangs said chick as well but in a threesome with Mei.
Also for some reason this fic was a bitch to write, it didn't flow at all. I am sure it is riddled with grammar errors and stuff but it was fighting me every word of the way. Good think I didn't plan for it to be a long one from the start.
The Man is being a troll/mysterious as usual as he tries to get Orochimaru laid. Judging by the moans coming from the bartender's house later that night he most likely succeeded, you can thank me for the disturbing mental images hehehe.
As for how they fly? I don't know some bullshit hax and powerup, perhaps the same way Madara and Obito could.
P.s. All I can say is "Holly! ME! Shinji and Warhammer40k updated!"
P.s.2 Once again go watch the new Cosmos: a space time odyssey .AWESOME!
P.S.3 If i could go super saiyan i would, thanks to a national celebration all shops are closed today here in Greece, No diablo reaper of souls for me until tomorrow...NOOOoooo...