Disclaimer: I don't own twilight or America's next top model. And no, I am not Tyra Banks. Which is a GOOD thing.

I sat in the chair, hands digging into the sides. I had no Idea what I was doing here, truth be told. But it had been Renee's idea to put me in this, and I was doing it for her. She believed in me.
Ididn't.

The envelope felt strangely heavy in my palm. Procrastinating, I flipped it over several times before I felt a hand on my shoulder.
"Just open it, honey." Renee muttered. "I won't mind if you fail or not."
I peeled it open gently, the world turning silent. There was a ringing in my ears I knew was made up of fear and self doubt as I glanced at the paper.
A strangled gasp exploded from my lips in disbelief.
"I made it."

People walked around me, bustling past to get to their client. I stared at my reflection in the mirror in front of me- a pallid girl, her face sallow, her hair long and stringy, stared blandly back at me. Soon, however, it would be different. I didn't know how, yet, but I knew that it would. Someone would come along and rearrange it, and I'd look back at a totally different person. Slowly, I looked across at the girl beside me. She was shaking slightly, though probably not intentionally, as people worked around her head, transforming her. Already, she looked drastically different.
I would have pitied her, but I knew that any moment someone would do the same to me.

"Bella, just do it."
I stared at the painfully bright lights that were focused on me and the cameras that encircled me, and began to feel severely dizzy. The edges of the white background I was standing on began to blur...
"I... I can't..." I whispered, tugging lightly at the irritatingly skimpy bikini they'd shoved on me.
The judge stared at me critically, and I knew that his ridiculously short span of patience had reached its limit.
"Look, do you want to make it or not?"
How desperately I wanted to be able to say no, but for some reason I couldn't will my mouth to form the words- couldn't force them off my tongue.
Renee's face flickered through my mind, and the image of the kind, gentle eyes and her sweet encouraging nature strengthened my resolve. A brief flash of confidence washed through me, and I straightened up.
"Okay." I announced, striking a pose for the waiting cameras. The flashes sent unnatural light flying, and while I wanted to turn away I stayed strong.

"Okay! Bella!" An unfamiliar stylist appeared behind me, and began laying out utensils on the counter. I saw several pairs of scissors, and felt a lump rise into my throat. But I stayed still while the stylist began preparing and didn't flinch or display any negative emotion. I needed the change- needed that final step to free myself from don't-notice-me Bella into something better. I kept a poker face while every inch of my hair was doused with water spray and a camera focused on me. A comb began yanking through my mussed up hair, tugging at the abundant knots and tangles.
And I kept calm.

"Bella?"
It wasn't very often that the hostess entered our loft. So when she did, we were all immediately shocked and worried.
"I'm afraid we have some bad news."
What? Was I being eliminated? My heart began pounding, and I tried desperately to calm myself.
"I'm sorry to say that your father has been involved in a car accident and... has been hospitalised."

With a wet slicing sound, a chunk of long hair flopped to the floor. I shuddered, but refused to act upset. Still... it was longer than I'd expected.
NO. I refused to let myself show weakness- if I showed any weakness, they'd play it up until I'd failed.

"I'll be there as soon as possible, Mum." I promised through my tears. I was planning to quit the show as soon as I could, and get the next plane to Forks, where Renee was already waiting with Charlie in the hospital.
"What?" Renee sniffed slightly- while she'd supposedly cut off most of her ties with Charlie, his accident had made old feelings stir, and she was devastated- she HAD loved him once, despite her new love for Phil.
"I said I'll be there. I'll quit the show, and-"
"No!" Renee cried, and even though I was on the phone, I knew her face would be showing outrage. "You can't quit, Bella! You've gotten so far now..."
I didn't understand. Why would she think I cared about a stupid show? "But Dad..."
I could hear the support and courage in her tone. "Bella, he knows you care and support him. But he also knows that you have other needs."
The tears began to choke me again then, wet and painful. "Mum..." I sniffed. " I can't be that selfish-"
"Please, Bella." Renee whispered, and I could hear the raw desperation in her voice. "You need to prove this. I can't handle another hardship."
I had to agree, though it broke my heart to do so, to ignore Charlie when he was in such a fragile state. But who was i to disappoint a grieving woman?

Locks of severed hair flurried to the ground. So many different types of scissors were being applied to my hair, and I was unallowed to look in the mirror, to see how they were mutilating it. I just had to wait, to let them do what they needed, to trust. They were skilled- I'd heard enough about their talents to understand how well they worked. People waited for months to get an appointment with them, and paid thousands- I was lucky to get this opportunity, especially for free. I knew that one day, this moment would be broadcast on camera and Renee would watch me.
I hoped that when she watched me, she'd be happy. I hoped she'd be proud.
Because frankly, I wasn't.

"How are you, Dad?" I asked, putting on a brave voice so he couldn't hear my sadness- the last thing he needed was to feel even worse than he was.
"Fine, Bells." he croaked, and I tried to force the mental image of him lying there, weak and injured, out my mind. "How's the show going? Just imagine- my daughter could be America's next top model."
His faith in me made tears spring to my eyes, and I tried to blink them away. "Maybe." I said, then regretted it; I didn't want him to feel doubtful. I wanted him to have something to look forward to and hold on for, even though my chances of winning didn't seem too high.
"I can't wait to watch the show." He seemed to ignore my doubt. "My beautiful girl..."
Beautiful. The word, untrue when applied to me, stirred a mixture of nerves and curiosity inside me that tightened my stomach.
"Oh yeah. Soon, we're probably ging to be getting the dreaded model makeovers." I tried to make my voice seem light, but deep down I felt dread. Not because I was petrified of changing my appearnce, like so many others, but because I still looked strongly like Renee, with a dash of Charlie, and I didn't want that taken away. If that was taken away from me, if I stopped looking like my parents, then I would feel unfaithful. I would feel like I was throwing away my ties to them, which was something I never planned to do.

I was at a sink, now, resting my head in the uncomfortably hard basin. A heavy spray was being directed over my much shorter hair, and I saw the stylists moxing up some concoction of dye. As they poured it over my hair and began thoroughly mixing it in, I saw a flash of dark red from the corner of my eye, and knew that my dull look was about to change.

"What's wrong?"
Despite myself, I couldn't find it in me to tell Renee my doubts. "I'm just... nervous."
Renee laughed, but her laugh had a little less spirit than it once did. "Honey, I know you. You're not like all those other girls, who all whinge and moan if their hair is slightly different. So what really is the problem?"
I sighed, switching my cell phone over to my other hand, another procrastination tactic. Even over the phone, Renee knew when I was lying. "I'm afraid that I won't look like you, any more." I confessed quietly. 'I want to keep true to my natural self and family-"
Renee laughed again. "Honey, you don't need to worry. Besides, you shouldn't spend your whole life worrying over looking like someone else. You should look like YOU, and no one else."

Gently, my chair was swung around to face the mirror.
I stared at myself, shocked at what I saw. I looked edgy, my hair vivid red in a fashionable style around my shoulders. I looked modern and, like i said edgy but at the same time I still looked slightly like ME.
I looked like a model.
I looked like I could finally do this.
As I shook my new hairstyle slightly, I realised something i had known, deep down, from the start.
I wasn't JUST doing this for Renee or Charlie. I wasn't JUST doing it to please someone else.
I was doing this for myself.
"It's time to work this." I muttered, then rolled my eyes slightly at my strange choice of words. But somehow, I knew that I could make it.
"For me." I told myself, and it was the first time I'd ever truly thought those words.

AN: Well that was weird. I don't know whyyyyy I wrote that, or what significance it has to twilight, or what the POINT of that was. But, just to note: The italics are flashbacks.
BTW, please don't ask me why I wrote a fic for ANTM. I have absolutely no idea.