Just Add Water
By: Jae (Dirtyangel, The Original Dirtyangel)
Original Archive Date: July 7, 2008
Disclaimer: Naruto and all its characters are the properties of Masashi Kishimoto. No profit is made off of this fan-fiction story. Any additional original characters located in this story are designated at such and belong to the author, Jae (Dirtyangel).
Overall Ratings: T-M (PG-13 - R)
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Preface
Though I've barely written much lately because of my hectic life away from the net, I was able to find this little gem nestled away on my harddrive. This was the beginnings of a gift fic I started writing back in December and then lost track. While going over it I thought it was amusing enough to share with others and see whether it was worth continuing or not. Either way hope you all enjoy this little brain spurt.
A/N: This was to be a ItaNaru and is an AU.
Apollo, Greek god of the Sun, Lord of the day, Bringer of Life, Symbol of…
"Sweet Poseidon's beard, it's freakin' hot!" came the eventual outburst of one Naruto Uzumaki.
A huff of morbid resolution followed as he flopped sideways, boneless, and onto the floor. In the haze of the mid-July heat he was rendered incapacitated by the unbearable humidity of his cluttered studio apartment.
It had been a total of six days since his air-conditioner had churned a horrid cry (gurgle) of foreboding and whirred into silence. After that it had refused to come back to life. Naruto knew that he should have taken the appliance to be repaired the moment it had died, but after paying the month's rent the week before he was just as broke as the unit itself.
Naruto continued to stare blankly into space. His shirtless and sweaty back stuck unpleasantly against the wall, and his laptop burned away at his thighs. He couldn't do it anymore. On that perfectly sunny and cloudless July afternoon, he was going to die from spontaneous combustion.
"Come on, Naruto," he tried to encourage himself, "you've got to get up. This article won't write itself."
At that moment the laptop slipped from his lap—a result of his awkward angle—and toppled shut with a clap, bottom-side up. Indeed, the article wouldn't write itself, but according to his laptop, neither would he. Tired blue eyes watched the machine with a deadpan expression. Greek gods and pop culture be damned. He was miserable, sweaty, and convinced that he was now permanently glued to his apartment wall. His boss and deadline would have to wait.
"I need water," Naruto croaked out.
His face was plastered to the glossy veneer of the wooden floor, but from that position he could feel the tickle of warm air coming from his pathetic excuse of a fan. If I stay here long enough I might cool down, he thought. No, he was too thirsty to be lazy.
"Must get up," he plopped a hand, heavily, near his face and pushed himself up.
Naruto cringed at the peeling sensation that ran along his back as he moved. He got to his feet. When he stretched a satisfying pop went through his back, neck, and knees, making his stiff body feel slightly better. Naruto walked over to his kitchenette.
As he passed by the counter that served as a divider between his studio and kitchen, something caught his eye. It was his cellphone.
He had thought he had lost it two days ago—when he'd taken up residence by the window. Grabbing a half-empty gallon container of water in the fridge, Naruto headed toward the counter. Six missed calls and eight new voice messages. Naruto took a chug of his water and scrolled through the calls.
Sakura.
Sakura.
Mom. (Also known as his Cousin Iruka.)
Unknown Number.
Mom.
Sasuke.
He swallowed another mouthful of water and raised a brow. Sasuke had called? On Wednesday, at 1:30 pm. The only time his best friend called him on a weekday during work hours was when Naruto either: A) owed Sasuke money; or B) hadn't filed his tax papers. Naruto thought back for a moment. He didn't owe Sasuke any money last time he checked and he had done his taxes three months ago.
"Hmm… So what could have caused Grandma Sasuke to call?" asked Naruto.
He scratched his chin and contemplated a little more. The blond still kept drawing blanks. He shrugged. Who knew why Sasuke had called; at least now Naruto had an excuse to pester the man into letting him crash at his nice, climate-controlled apartment. Naruto grinned around the mouth of the container. Yes, that was definitely a plan.
Naruto pushed the send button and waited.
"I called two days ago," was the voice he heard two rings later.
"Well, hello to you too, Sasuke sweetheart," Naruto drawled sarcastically.
"What hole had you fallen into this time?" Sasuke sounded amused. In the background wind blew and chattering could be heard.
Naruto made a face at the phone. Here he was, air-conditioner-less and suffering, and all Sasuke could do was tease him. That was his pal Sasuke for you. Bastard.
"If you must know," Naruto said, a little indignant, "my air-conditioner broke six days ago."
"And…" there was an expectant pause.
"And I was slowly melting away in the sweltering heat," the blond man finished. Come on, wasn't the answer obvious?
Sasuke snorted on the other end of the line. "And this resulted in you not answering your phone?"
"Correct."
"Whatever, idiot. I'm not home," Sasuke said, as if already knowing Naruto's intentions. After fifteen years of friendship, he did.
"What! Why?" Naruto demanded. His hopes of having a cool, comfortable facility to collapse in were shriveling rapidly in a corner of his mind.
"Because I'm on a business trip," Sasuke informed.
Business trip? Naruto didn't remember Sasuke telling him about any busin—
"Oh yeah, you mean that cruise you had planned a while back?" the memory of their conversation six weeks ago finally drifted back to Naruto.
"As I said, a business trip."
Naruto rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, Sasuke."
He finished the rest of his water and casually leaned on the counter. By some bizarre occurrence the countertop was actually cool. This suited Naruto just fine.
"So, bastard, can I crash at your apartment a while?"
"Did you completely miss the part where I said I'm not home?" Sasuke said, slightly irritated. Someone seemed to have approached him and asked if he needed anything. The man said no.
Naruto pushed on.
"Come on, Sasuke. Pleeeaaase?" he did his best pouting voice.
"No."
"Pretty please?"
"No."
"Saaaasuuukee, why not?" Naruto whined in a shrill voice he knew irritated Sauke the most.
"Stop that!" Sasuke barked out.
"Then say yes, bastard!"
Sasuke sighed heavily and mumbled something about the mentally inept friends he kept company with.
"Fine," he said. "Ask the guy at the front desk for the key. He knows you so he'll give you spare key."
Naruto pumped a fist in the air triumphantly. Climate-controlled apartment here he came. If he remembered correctly, Sasuke's apartment complex also had a pool.
Sweet!
"Dude, you're the best," Naruto laughed.
"Whatever. Be out by the time I get home, which is five days from now. That means get your damn air-conditioner fixed."
"Yes, ma'am!"
Sasuke hung up.
Within half an hour, Naruto was in his car and at Sasuke's apartment building. It was one of those tall, ritzy places located downtown near the water. Naruto had always teased Sasuke that it was also one those places where suicidal businessmen liked to hang themselves in. This of course, never amused Sasuke.
It was another five minutes by the time Naruto made it up to his friend's apartment and one before he collapsed, face-first, on the living room carpet. Two hours after his gracious carpet nap in an amazingly comfortable (and cool) living room, the blond decided that it was time to visit the complex's interior pool. That would be the perfect ending to his rehabilitation after hell.
Not having brought a pair of swim trunks, Naruto saw it fit to borrow one of Sasuke's. They were best friends after all. It was normal for them to share things.
That is, until Sasuke finds out and rips my balls off, Naruto thought to himself as he entered the elevator.
As it would seem, on that perfectly sunny, cloudless July afternoon, Naruto Uzumaki did not die from spontaneous combustion. However, he did nearly have a heart-attack when his elevator ride back down to Sasuke's floor led him to confront Itachi Uchiha—Sasuke's deeply hated (hot) older brother and the man Naruto had told himself he could no longer lust over.
Itachi gave him a small smile (smirk) and stepped aside to allow Naruto passage to exit the elevator car.