Author's Note: I deeply apologize to any fans of A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Funeral. I've been a little uninspired lately, and then this idea came to me. I promise I'll have another chapter up soon! Also, I do not speak French, so it's entirely possible the cashier is saying something wildly inappropriate.

After being ditched by her would-be boyfriend, Blair Waldorf wanted nothing more than to get the thoughts of said boyfriend out of her head. While abandoned in Tuscany, she was able to keep up the hope that he'd at least call to explain his absence. After a week of hoping, she gave up and left for her father's home in France.

Her father could sense that she was upset, so he tried his best to keep her occupied. On Blair's third day in France, she and her father flew to Paris to see the sights. He took her to amazing museums and restaurants every day, and always gave her his platinum card for whatever designer dud she desired.

Even though she loved all of the shopping and dining, she was relieved when she received a call from Serena.

"Hey B," her best friend giggled. "How's France treating you?"

"It's beautiful, and I think I've bought 21 pairs of Louboutin's," she laughed and then paused. "Chuck never showed up in Tuscany."

"What?"

"He never showed up; never even called. I thought," she sighed, "I just thought he would be different. Have you talked to him?"

"No, I've pretty much been secluded in the Hampton's house. Listen, B, don't worry about it now. He's Chuck. Just enjoy the rest of your summer, and you'll be back with me in four weeks."

"Did you say four weeks?"

"Yeah. It's August now, Blair. You know, that month after July? Time really does fly when you're having fun."

"Yeah," she said, looking at the calendar on her cell phone. When was the last time I had my period?

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Thinking back to the night of the Bass-van der Woodsen wedding, Blair tore herself away from her father and made her way to a small drug store. There's no way this can be happening again.

She walked to the small aisle which contained anything that could be considered embarrassing, from condoms to Vagisil, and looked at all of the pregnancy tests. She picked up the EPT, remembering that it was the one she used before, and proceeded to the clerk.

She small middle-aged woman gave Blair an odd glance as she rung up the test. Blair squirmed in her Marc Jacobs flats.

"8 Euros s'il vous plait," the woman said. Blair willingly handed over the money, grabbed her test, and headed home.

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Back in the safety of her bathroom, she opened the box, discarding the directions. She remembered how to pee on the stick. After using the test, she placed in on the counter and counted away the minutes. Please, God. If this is negative, I'll stop snarking on the less fortunate. I'll even try being civil to Jenny, and you know how hard that is for me.

She looked at her watch and realized the three minutes were over. Blair slowly picked up the test, looked at the display, and cursed God's name in her head.

She was pregnant.