It was the fourth wall that they broke. So surprised were they that neither of them spoke. A fanfiction archive all about them? As they read on, their eyes shined like a gem.
L realized that he didn't have any say; these people would write bad fanfiction anyway. Oh, how powerless the great L felt. It was a feeling that made him simply want to melt.
He would not take in a stranger off the street. It wouldn't even matter if she was sweet. A stranger in his secret headquarters simply would not do at all. This could certainly be the cause of his fall.
He doesn't care how sad your story may be. He doesn't care if your eyes are as blue as the sea. L is a detective with no time for that. He wouldn't be the world's greatest detective if he wasted his time to chat.
Next it is Light's turn to be appalled. He sat there and felt like he could have just bawled. Why do all of the writers portray him as such a bad guy? All he wanted to do was make the bad criminals die.
And what was this shit about female characters who were smarter than him? If they were to ever actually go up against him, their prospects would be quite grim. It is doubtful that Light would even give them a second glance, much less ask them to dance.
The fact that people think they could get close to him is quite laughable. No matter how much he may seem it, he's truthfully not all that affable. You may think he's all polite, but inside, polite certainly does not describe Light.
But looking through the archive, L and Light began to realize that they may as well be chopped liver. The amount that they were even in the fics was only a sliver. Can't you see? All of these stories were more about the OC!
It doesn't make sense to take the attention away from the canon cast. If you're going to make a fanfiction about someone, make sure that they aren't mentioned last. The authors' reasons for doing this are somewhat unknown, but each separate Mary Sue is just another clone.
Coincidence?
I think not. That these girls are just like their Mary Sue characters is a logical thought. For once, L and Light found something that they didn't know—were these writers actually serious, or was it all for show?
It was a question more important than the Kira case. After all, this would decide the fate of the human race. That some people believe that they can actually have a relationship with a fictional character is just crazy. It makes L and Light wonder what happened in their life for their mind to get so hazy.
But, luckily, the people who are that delusional are rather rare. The less extreme fangirls are the ones who usually just get in people's hair. And stay there. It's a tad unfair.
When L searches his name, it is to his despair. He has been paired with almost every character there! He has no idea what was going through the writers' mind, but they must certainly have been blind.
L is married to his work; solving cases is not just a little quirk. And Light, likewise, wants to take over the world. No "complicated" girl would cause his plans to be unfurled.
In short, L and Light decided, the world needs to change. Fanfiction needs to stop being so damn strange. So, death to the Sues! Maybe it should be the canon characters that you use.
This isn't meant to offend anybody, but I looked through the Death Note archive recently and found so many ridiculous stories that I just had to write this. Thanks goes to my "son", Chris Garcia, and, as always, the lovely Stormygio, who stayed up late to help me with the rhyming for this, despite a three hour time difference. Anyway, I'd love for you to review and tell me what you think, both about the story and OCs in general. Thank you for reading, and sorry for not being as active in the fandom as I usually am.
~Ratt Kazamata, 4/09/2013